(The following chapter will have a ton of swearing and suicidal references. Read at your own risk. Also, the reason I put the video up there is because it has been playing in my head for a while. Sometimes it makes me feel better. Sometimes worse.)

I honestly can't believe I'm doing this. I never liked venting on social media platforms because it either gets ignore or people think it's fake. But I can't keep this in anymore. No one would probably read this anyways.

     For the past several months, my life hasn't been the best. There are like several issues I want to vent about so this will be pretty damn long.

     First off, my parents have been fighting a lot. The problem is my dad has been texting his co-worker a lot -like WAY more then he needs to- and my mom feels like he's cheating on her. I can understand why she would think that because you don't text your friends that much. My mom has read the texts and it seems like this bitch is flirting with my dad.

     The worse thing about this is the fact they aren't even working right now because Air Canada laid them off thanks to COVID-19. So I highly doubt they're talking anything work-related.

     One day, he was invited to his boss's party. His boss is pretty damn rich so he lives in a huge, fancy mansion. And guess who else was invited? The chick my dad texts 24/7. My mom was not very fond by this idea, but she let him go because it's sort of work related. Yeah right, they ain't even working right now.

     My mom made him promise that my dad will come back by ten o'clock. Of fucking course he didn't keep that promise. When my mom called him at nine-thirty, it turned they were only eating then! My dad left at three! What the hell were they doing since then?!

     My mom was really angry about the fact my dad was still there even though it was past ten. She left our apartment for some time and was chilling near the bus stop. My dad came home around eleven thirty. I was so fucking pissed at him. He was vibing at his boss'es house while my mom is sitting at the bus stop where a bunch of creeps are loitering! Naturally, they were fighting a lot the next day and I was defending my mom. My dad got mad at me instead because I was being brainwashed by my mom. Brainwashed? Brainwashed?! Buddy, I ain't a child anymore, I can see what's happening with my own damn eyes!

     However, this doesn't make my mom any Saint either. When she fights with my dad, she ends up turning on me and/or my sister. If I say or do the the wrong thing at the wrong time, not only do I get yelled at, but I also get... beaten.

     That's right, my mom beats the shit out of me, rather if I get bad grades or fight with my sister or do nothing at all.

     I don't know if this can be considered child abuse because my mom says she loves me and buys me expensive gifts, but this has been happening throughout my whole life. If I try to say anything while she's yelling at me, she considers it back talk and her wrath increases.

     I remember one time I was innocently reading when my mom decided that my sister should get off her phone and do some craft because she going to grade one this year. And of fucking course, I was supposed to help her with this unnecessary thing. Naturally, I was annoyed, but went along with it. My mom found a craft online where which required a lot of adult supervision. We didn't even have half of the materials! Now, I couldn't find my mini stapler and went to tell my mom. I don't remember the conversation, but my mom started grabbing my hair and pulling it really hard for showing "attitude". How was I showing attitude?!

     The stuff she says can be pretty hurtful too. Like "you're such a dumbass!" or "I pray to God no one ever has a child like you!" Do you know the true meaning of your words and how hurtful they actually are? No wonder I'm depressed all the time.

     Side note, when me and my mom have these "fights", my dad doesn't keep quiet or try to help one of us out. He... laughs. I don't have any idea why. What's so funny about your daughter being abused? You shouldn't laugh at other people's pain when you have your own problems.

     Also, these fights are pretty one sided too. I don't fight back when she or anyone for that matter hurts me. Instead, I keep my poker face and pretend I'm not bothered before crying about it by myself later.

     Wanna know the real reason why I left Wattpad? My mom caught me on it once and started going through my announcements and was pretty mad about the fact I swear. Lady, if I had a dollar for every cuss you say in this apartment, I would be fucking rich. Then she found this small vent about my family I had and was very hurt by it. Well, if you don't want me to vent, then don't abuse me. My mom also didn't like me writing fanfiction and talking to "strangers". She ended up deleting my account and was guilt tripping me about it for weeks. I felt really bad so I didn't come back for like two months. But then she decided to be a fucking hypocrite. After discovering Wattpad, she decided to write her own stories and talks about them nonstop. Apparently, her first story has like over 900k views, but I find that pretty hard to believe. You told me not to write fanfiction and talk to people online and now look what you're doing.

     She also hates how I'm a weeb. She thinks anime and manga rot your brain and spoil your English. Whats wrong with it? My mom claims to have read many articles that explains why anime is bad, but everything she says is a lie. I can't not be a weeb, it is a part of my identity. She actually got mad when I formed an anime club at school! My dad hates anime too. He's a completely different story though: he says the Japanese are the worse people in the entire world. So... he's basically racist to Japanese people. And he doesn't like Kpop either. He looks at my BTS poster with disgust. But he hates the Chinese the most. Not only because of Corona, he's always hated them. I have no clue why. For my followers who are Asian, I apologize for all of my dad's racist bullshit. Then again, we are South Asian...

     My sister also sucks ass too. She's like ten years younger than me and is spoiled as HELL. She has her own phone and uses it all the time compared to me; for eating, combing her hair and using the BATHROOM. Why the fuck do people take their phones to the bathroom?! Are they THAT addicted? You're supposed to use the bathroom to take a shit, not go on TikTok! Ugh, it's so damn insanity!

     Back to my sister, she always forces me to play with her and if I don't, she snitches and my mom starts calling me "selfish". How is that selfish? There's an age gap of ten years between us! Who wants to play those stupid roleplaying games with her where she gets mad if you do something you're not supposed to do without even knowing what you did wrong?! Also, I want to apologize to everyone who wants to roleplay with me but I never respond because not only am I busy, but it's not really fun anymore. I don't know why, but I'll try to roleplay with you guys.
    
     Okay, enough about my family, in a nutshell I have a love-hate realtionship with my mom, my dad is an asshole and my sister can burn in hell for all I care.

     Quarantine has made me really glad I don't have to go to school because I hate it. Some of my teachers don't understand my medical condition at all. My mom has me give every teacher a package all about my diabetes and what they should did if I have a medical emergency. But I highly doubt they read it and they get mad because I have special privileges. One time my blood sugar went low in the middle of the test and I asked my teacher if I could get my emergency kit and he's all "can it wait until after the test?". I said no and he said "it wasn't a question. No surprise I fainted and woke up in the hospital from hypoglycemia (low blood sugar). My mom was so mad when she found out what happened and gave my mom the exact same treatment to my teacher she gives me, minus the physical abuse of course. The nurse was pretty pissed off too. I don't exactly know what happened to him, but he disappeared after that. Maybe he got fired? But my classmates were pretty happy.

     Speaking of which, my classmates really don't like me. Ever since fourth grade, I've been  bullied a lot and I don't know why! Is it because I'm a weeb? I have Diabetes? I have good grades? What am I doing wrong dammit! At school, I like have very little irl friends. People either don't talk to me or pick on me. I have one good friend though who everyone calls Abbey. We both like Nintendo. But she probably doesn't consider me her best friend. We talk on Discord, but she doesn't always respond because her status is invisible, so I can't always vent to her about this kind of stuff.

     When I told my mom about how I have no friends, she said it's probably because of the way I act (again, more anti weeb stuff). But when I finally made a friend, she started asking a ton of questions about Abbey like "does she smoke?" or "do you go off campus with her" or "is she a Lesbian?". Once again, I'm so sorry if any of you are LGBTQ because along with being racist, my parents are Homophobic. Which bothers me alot because I am bisexual and don't know what my parents will say if I come out to them.

     My old best friend left me two years ago. She never was a good person. The reason we were friends is because my mom was best friends with her mom only to drift apart because she started showing off to my mom too much. LADY 👏 NO ONE 👏 CARES 👏 THAT👏 YOU 👏 FINALLY 👏 LEARNED 👏 ENGLISH. YOU 👏 NEED 👏 TO 👏 CHILL.

     Anyways, my ex-best friend, who we'll call Sally, (bEcAUsE tHAt's wHAt sHE gOEs bY sIncE nO ONe ExCEpT mE cAN prONOuNcE hER nAMe. And writing her real name makes me feel sick ugh) would talk behind me back and lie to face a lot. During the first few weeks of high-school, she stuck with me at lunch and afterschool like glue. Come to think about it, Sally probably only hung out with me because she had no one else. But one day, she texted me saying she was "busy at lunch". I ended up eating alone. So I decided to go the Hoopla (a one week event in the gym where five big clubs host games and ice breakers for the freshmen. You get free candy if you attend. The homeroom with the most students who show up will win a pizza party. My class didn't win). And guess who I see? Ding dong, you got it right, Sally! With a bunch of other girls. I ended up confronting her about lying and shes all "oh I didn't lie, I was hanging out with my friends!" How is that being busy?! I ended up ignoring her for a while.

     One day, our religion class was invited to a party. And everyone apparently wanted me to bring my sister! My sister didn't even go to the fucking class! So I went back home to pick her up, only for my mom to refuse to send her so I had to go all the way back. And I find Sally whispering something to this other chick. When she saw me, she stopped and said "I'll tell you later". I asked her what she was talking about and she said "oh nothing". Then when we were in line to get food, I heard her whispering to her friend. About me! It was obvious by how she panicked when she saw me come back. They were saying how weird and stupid I was. Then Sally's all "You know what, Mist's such a dumb bitch. I have no clue why I'm friends with her." I felt like I was stabbed in the back. I turned around and slapped her across the face before walking out the door. I'm still amazed I managed to do that. When I got home, I cried about it for hours. We don't talk much these days, but when she sees me she smiles and acts all fake and says hi. I just say hi back to be polite. But bitch, I see you. You're right on top of my Death Note. The thing is... I kinda wanna be friends with her again. I don't know why! How does she even see me now that two years have passed? Especially since I slapped her, she'll probably not wanna get back together.

     Now, I don't really wanna go back to school but I have no choice. This year bothers me too. How will classes be like (I actually have to go back to school for two hours before going home and doing online classes)? What will people think of me? And the stress... Ugh, I don't want to think about it.

     Okay, this part has been bugging me a lot. It has to do with people on Wattpad. I'm not going to say their names, but you guys know who you are. This isn't a call-out, I just want them to know how I feel about this "incident".

     It started with some random conversation on Discord. I don't know how, but we ended up talking about deceased celebrities. I said "Black Panther actor" because I didn't know his name (now I know he's Chadwick Boseman). Next thing I know, everyone started bashing me for being "disrespectful". I tried to apologize, but they didn't listen.

     The thing is, I didn't even know who he was. I'm not into Marvel. The only Marvel movie I watched was Fantastic 4. No offense, but I didn't like it. It felt so... rushed. Anyways, my mom showed me the tweet that Chadwick Boseman passed away. I was didn't know who she was talking about until she showed me a photo. Still lost. Then she said he played Black Panther and I had that "oh" moment. I literally started bashing my head against the wall for not realizing who he was. My sister found it funny.

     Not knowing someone's name isn't disrespectful. You want disrespectful? How about you hear about my dad's reaction to Chadwick's passing? He was all "You people need to chill. Normal people die all the time and you don't see them freaking out. But when a bling-bling person (what my dad calls celebrities. Don't ask.) dies, you all start crying. He doesn't even know you exist! You need to calm down! He's some actor from some movie!" Hearing that really pissed me off. I started lecturing him, but my dad didn't want to hear it. Although, I doubt anyone would care if I died.

     Anyways, I was pretty hurt by what they said and thought, "Okay I'll give them some space. Then I'll come back later." I was just playing some FEH when I got pinged. And what happened next has nothing to do with Chadwick Boseman's passing.

     They were all "Hey @MistyAngel, you know how you were asking for ideas for your fic? Feel free to steal more from mine. I'm still pretty mad about that ;)" At first, I was confused. What were they talking about. I told them I didn't steal anything but everyone started attacking me, sending me screenshots of my fic, etc.

     I bet anyone who is reading this (that is IF anyone is reading this) didn't witness the incident is confused. Well, allow me to explain.

     Like maybe a year ago, one of my friends (I don't even know if they consider me as their friend) started writing a Smash X Kpop crackfic. I followed it until my mom found my account and deleted it. While I was gone, I was writing my story Smash Fighters In Quarantine on Quotev and Archive Of Our Own. I was messing around in AO3 and found a ton of fanfics where characters from different fandoms were Kpop idols, such as Danganronpa, Jojo, Pokemon, My Hero Academia, etc. Then I thought, "hey, what if I jumped onto the Kpop bandwagon too?"

     And thats how 10/S was born.

      When I returned here, my old "friends" read my fic. They seemed to like it. It was quite original compared to the other story too, eg; there was actual singing, Robin's sister was a huge troll, BTS was actually there, etc. And Kpop isn't the only thing in it. Then this person said they were getting highkey vibes of their fic from mine. I then remembered "oh wait, they wrote a Smash x Kpop fic too!" I thought they were pretty chill about it.

      In the server, there was this meme going around about Robin trying to get Sheik to quit the acting industry. Another another person took that meme and put it in their fic. So I thought, "this meme is pretty big in hour our server, maybe everyone will have a good laugh reading it?" So I wrote it. Then the person who first wrote a Kpop fic pointed out how this part was specifically from their fic. That's when my crackhead brain cells were all like "oh fuck, that meme wasn't from the server, it's from that story!" I apologized to them and they were pretty chill about it.

     Or at least I thought.

     Two days later, everyone started bashing me. I didn't know what to do, so I vented to Abbey. And she was so pissed off when she read the messages. She wanted to join the server and give everyone a piece of her mind. I didn't want anyone getting hurt, because when Abbey gets mad, she actually gets MAD. So I didn't let her join. She did tell me to leave the server at least because it will just cause me a lot of pain.

     I didn't want to do that. These guys are my friends... right? So I stuck around for a bit longer. Until they bashed me with the fanfic stuff.

     It hurt. A lot. And I couldn't keep it in anymore. I asked other people on other servers for advice and they said the same thing: leave the server.

     So I did. Yes, it was cowardly, but I couldn't take it anymore.

     Should I just take down the chapter? The entire fucking fic? Or leave Wattpad altogether? When will you be satisfied? It was funny I was thinking this because one of my friends asked me to take down the chapter?

     Most people would feel angry if they were treated like this, but I just feel depressed. Like crying.

     I've been pretty down for like a while that's it's been affecting my life quit a bit. I try reading physical books, but I lose interest quickly. I try drawing, but it ends up looking like shit. I cry myself to sleep and wake up every morning and wish I could just lie there and let my blood sugar drop. Maybe I'll die then?

     When I'm really depressed, I hurt my wrist by digging my nails inside my wrist or slapping it with a rubber band. Lately I've been spanking it with this metal ruler, like they used to do to aboriginal kids in reserve schools. None of them leave a mark and if they do, it usually fades.

     I wish I could talk to people about this shit, but no one either listens or will laugh or get mad at me. Dammit, I don't know what to do anymore! What the fuck is wrong with me?! I'm so tired of this!

     If you made it this far, congrats I guess. Sorry for wasting your time with my bullshit. I hope you're having a better day then I am.

     And if anyone from the "incident" wants to talk or fight me, do it in my dms or on Discord, I really don't want any fights in the comments.

     -Misty or Mist or whatever other nickname I've given myself here.