Author: trueathenian

Genre: Sci fi

No. of chapter read: 1.5 out of 3

First Impression: Hmm, a first android. What are we genius humans going to do with it? Oh, that's right, fucking war.

Cover: Isn't that the weird droid from ESET antivirus? No? Looks an awful lot like it. Would you like to sell me an antivirus? I'm not buying.

Cover rating: I don't need an antivirus

Blurb: There is no blurb. Just an excerpt from the story. Apparently, today we make history.

Blurb rating: Lazy as fuck

Let's get it on!

Second impression: OMG, look at all the As you know, Bob dialogue!

Actual review (drum roll please):

Language: Is mostly good. I'm saying mostly because words and punctuation marks start going MIA somewhere around the second part. It's a freaking short story. It takes an hour at most to edit it. I am very disappointed, especially since most of it is clean.

Language rating: Why must you not pay attention?

Plot: The plot is very simple as far as I read. There's this military android named Bill and Link and Bill head out to find Zelda. Oh. Wait, wrong plot.

The first part is a string of 'as you know, Bob' dialogue. Some military dude keeps droning on, and I think it's in the last paragraph or so that I realize we actually have a first person narrator. I'm already bored to tears by that point. And I want to know who they're fighting and why. Not being answered right there.

Then we go out in the field with Bill and he's as entertaining as a sack of potatoes. Also, he's so good that he annihilates every threat and all's good by the half of the chapter. I was already sleeping for the lack of conflict, so even if something does happen except for proving how proficient Bill is, it's wrong that I read half of the thing and I'm not invested enough to read a couple more pages.

Maybe Bill goes on a rampage and implodes spectacularly or something, but right now, I couldn't care less.

Plot rating: Something needs to happen sooner

Characters:

General talk-a-lot: Could be replaced by a couch with a sound recorder on it. Or a written report. Honestly, he wouldn't be missed.

Bill: Is as boring as his name. After watching Robocop I am hard to impress. The lack of humor makes him even more sad. I do hope he goes on a rampage and implodes.

Link: Is a bit of a smartass. He should totally be more freaked out about that droid. Plus, I can't get a feel for him - age, appearance, life. He could be a talking couch, too. My God! That's the plot twist, isn't it? Link's a talking couch!

Enemy soldiers: Are dea-ded-ead-dead. Word.

Character rating: I suggest replacing them with couch people. That would be an awesome twist.

Why I stopped reading: Honestly, I got bored. Nothing happens. And that first part put me to sleep. Try to make the whole thing a little more character related.

Grade: Fail. And not because of bad writing (the writing is actually some of the better writing out there), but because there was no couch people twist.