Dedicated to heartstopperxo, Ames_22, JayMari-lyn, Narlieship, Robin_Writes_12, Dabisxhawksgirl, nappol, Heartst0pp3r_l0ver, michelle_1456, sachas_diary, Love4Locke, Kind_Butterfly5032, shykidDebs, and heartstopp3for all of the incredibly kind support you've shown every chapter of this story so far! I could not be more grateful!

And a special shoutout to antoniaeppensteiner for their patience! Sorry this chapter came out a bit later than I said, but I hope you enjoy it, nonetheless :)

How could I have been so stupid?

I knew Ben was going to try and get into my head and I let him do it anyway. He talked about Charlie as if he were just some object to be earned and I, I let him. I sat there and I did nothing.

Okay, being completely honest, nobody could really say that the rugby lad had done nothing to defend his boyfriend solely because he hadn't punched Ben (Still not sure if I made the right choice about that, either), even Nick himself. Especially considering said reaction would've been sure to have resulted in Ben's satisfaction for there was not a single doubt in any of the year twelves' minds that Mr. Farouk would catch any disruption in his classroom during practice exams.

Both because he genuinely cared about his students' educations and because he found, even if only shown on his bushy-bearded face, quite a bit of enjoyment in sending the students who didn't follow the school's rules to detention.

Something which Darcy had made a running gag within the gang's inner circle, though Tao was always quick to remind her that she didn't have to actually deal with him in a classroom setting.

"True, but I can live with you being a messenger for these types of things," She had retorted, her sassy wink undeniably muting any of her friend's opinionated protests.

They're probably the only two people I know who somehow simultaneously find a way to be both annoyed and appreciate one another all at the same time.

But he didn't do enough.

Enough to study for the practice test, to defend Charlie, or, or to just show anyone, even just one person, who he really was.

I know I told Imogen a few days ago and I'm really thankful that she took it so well. Especially since she's been like one of my closest friends since I was little, next to Tara. But if that was so easy, why can't it just be the same with everybody else? In fact, shouldn't it be easier since I care about what she thinks of me more?

I like Charlie, and nothing's going to change that. It never could. So why can't I just shout it to the world like I told him I wanted to?

Yes, Nick Nelson could wholeheartedly see it now;

The comforting sensation of Charlie's body jostling playfully in Nick's teal hoodied-arms, gripping onto his boyfriend's chest for dear life as if they were once again standing back at the pier's beachside, feeling the ocean's waves ripple across his bare feet.

Nick would casually knee Truham's glass screen entrance doors open, movements that would undoubtedly bring an awkward laugh out of both boys.

And he'd carry the most precious cargo he could to their form room, taking extra care to teasingly drop him down into his standardized metal chair as close to his own as it possibly could be pulled.

"Don't you think that was a bit much considering we're at school and all?" Charlie would joke, tilting his head in what he would claim was a form of sensible protesting.

Though secretly, it would be for no reason other than getting a better view at his partner's handsome features.

"I don't think that's possible when it comes to us. At least when it comes to me liking you, that is," Nick would conclude, his shoulders shrugging happily as he spoke such easy words aloud without worry of anyone overhearing them.

Charlie's face would light up with the same adorable smile it did anytime Nick complimented him, both the boys' faces blushing a faded pink of appreciation for each other's company.

And then, they'd locked their hands within one another's palms and kiss, sending tiny sparks of romantic electricity fluttering through the air all around them.

Easy, simple, and pure.

Without the worry of their peers' eyes watching their every move with distaste.

Without their chests carrying the heavy weight of never being good enough for one another.

Without the stress of studying for tests or being grounded by their parents.

Without anything in the world mattering except the feelings in which they shared with each other.

Sure, it sounded like a faraway dream almost too distant to actually be reached by the still mostly closeted sixteen year-old but so did dating Charlie at first.

And seeing him smile, hugging him, holding his hand, kissing him...it was all just a confusingly jumbled dream at first. But now I can do all those things with the Charlie Spring.

When we're alone, at least.

That was certainly an improvement from the last time Nick had been mulling over his feelings so indecisively like this, wasn't it?

"Maybe. But is that really what he deserves?" Nick thought, absentmindedly to himself as he pulled open his family's smooth white-painted front door, letting it distractedly close behind his back with a sharp whom!

It was only as he stepped fully inside his house that his body began to feel the excruciating weight of his backpack's contents pulling at his sturdy shoulders, the tension of his upper muscles matching equally with that of the aching lingering gracefully throughout his mind.

It was the same type of exhaustion that would assume its control over him whenever he'd spent hours and hours training with the rugby team for their next game, the sun blazing its beams down on their sweaty bodies as they raced around their school's grassy field.

Only, he hadn't touched a single quanco throughout the entire day.

"Did exams go alright, Nicky?" Sarah Nelson asked as she casually made her way into their spacious kitchen, her gentle brown eyes carefully examining the expression of distressed thoughtfulness that covered her youngest son's face.

She was dressed in a comfortable pale yellow pullover sweater and navy jeans, an appearance that brought a certain air of easy warmth to Nick's heart.

Reminding him that even if Charlie couldn't be there, he still had someone to talk to.

And if there's one person who understands me almost as well as Charlie does, it's mum.

"Kinda. I knew the answers but I couldn't really focus," Nick answered, honesty echoing genuinely in his voice as he made his way into the kitchen to help his mother set their table for dinner.

There was something strangely soothing about placing a few clean white plates and utensils around their table for it was one of those things that's structure had never changed.

Probably one of the only things in my life at this point, I think.

"Couldn't focus or was distracted?" His mother questioned, understandingly, a soft smile forming on her face at her son's natural consideration for others.

Something that was both the thing she admired the most in her growing young boy and that she knew could hold him back equally as much sometimes, too.

"Both. I guess I'm just having a bit of a hard time deciding how soon I wanna tell everybody about me and Charlie," admitted Nick, his eyes glancing weakly up into his mum's, a weary half-smile following closely behind said movements.

If I could tell anyone how I'm feeling about all this, it would be her.

"Oh, Baby," Sarah sighed, her short arms immediately pulling her son into a tight embrace of sympathy.

"You don't have to figure all of that out right now," she reminded him, her hands giving his strong shoulders a gentle squeeze of needed support.

For she may not be entirely sure yet about how many of these confusing changes within him worked, but that little hamper, nor anything else, was ever going to be able to stop her from supporting and consoling Nick throughout his new journey, either way.

The moment his mother's arms had wrapped around him, Nick felt tears begin to glisten in his eyes, his strong arms allowing himself to fall slightly further into the comfort of his parent's hug.

Even if only for the briefest of moments, he no longer was carrying the weight of a million possible criticisms on his tired back.

"Thanks, mum," Nick half-smiled, quietly as he felt the comfort of his mother's reassurance wash away the littlest bit of his anxiety.

I would do anything in this world to get to be with Charlie. I just never thought coming out would be this...hard...

Though that moment of peace was ripped away from Nick almost the very second it had first been given to him by none other than his older brother, David.

"Awwww, and here I was thinking my little brother might've grown up while I was away. But I guess that'll probably never happen, will it?" Smirked David, sarcastically, his left shoulder leaning contently against the kitchen entry.

His hair matched in color to Nick's, only it hung with a sort of superiority above his plain gray t-shirted chest.

A detail that redirected his observers' attention to the condescending smile of deviousness that never failed to emulate the twenty-one year old's inner feelings with perfect accuracy;

Pompous and proud of it.

"David, please be respectful," Sarah instructed, firmly as she felt Nick slowly pulling away from their embrace, his cheeks flushing a faint red with frustrated embarrassment.

I can't believe I almost forgot he was here.

"I was, mum. Just pointing out how cute my little brother is," cooed David, mockingly ruffling Nick's messy blonde hair in the same way their father always used to when they were little before he meandered his way over to their table's fruit bowl and snatched a granny smith apple out of its center bowl.

Of course, not without "accidentally" brushing the sleeve of his worn old chocolate brown denim jacket across the previously aligned dinner utensils Nick had just prepared a few minutes prior.

Nick felt a tight breath of frustration pass through his lungs as he fought the urge to point out his older brother's impoliteness, his hands begrudgingly resetting the tabletop's dishware.

I have more important things I need to focus on than getting angry at him.

"So, you will be home for dinner I suppose, then?" Sarah commented as she tossed the remainder of the leafy green salad mixings inside a large beige ceramic bowl for their Nelson family biweekly salad and movie watch.

"Yeah, of course I will be. Not like I exactly have many friends here, anyway," shrugged David, the words falling out of his mouth as if admitting he actually cared about other people was merely an unpleasant inconvenience.

At least that was Nick's interpretation of his brother's response, anyway.

That's how he's always acted around me.

"Then again, who really needs them when you have a social outcast like Nicky here to hang with, instead," mocked David, the sweet juices of his apple spilling messily down his upper lip as he spoke.

Needless to say, the dignity of his eating could easily be matched with that of his vocabulary, also.

"I'm still on the rugby team, you know," remarked Nick, his voice kept unusually quiet as he scooped up his heavy book bag once more and hauled it over his right shoulder, bringing almost instant regret to his calves' muscles.

"Really? Huh, I would've imagined they'd have kicked you off by now," David thought aloud, the surprise in his tone carrying just the insurmountable amount of indignation he wanted it to.

I swear, I don't need this today...

"Yeah, I guess," groaned Nick, vaguely as he spun around on the soles of his Vans to face their home's winder staircase.

For at this point, studying for his GCSEs genuinely sounded like the pleasantest activity ever in comparison to continuing any form of conversation with his older brother.

But that bar isn't very high at this point, either.

"Hey, Nick?" David called, innocently looking across the spacious kitchen at his little brother, his eyes twisted in some secretly devious way Nick wasn't too interested in figuring out the meaning of, yet had a feeling he had no choice but to listen to.

"Just make sure not to spend too much time away from your girlfriend, alright?" He promptly suggested before taking yet another bite out of the otherwise bruised green apple.

Words that sent simultaneous sensations of frustration and anxiety rushing up Nick's spine all at once as his feet remained momentarily glued to one of the staircase's carpeted steps.

"David, I will not ask you again," Sarah stated, scoldingly glaring her eldest son down, her gaze having immediately seen the look of tension that shone on Nick's face.

"No, it's fine, mum. I'm just gonna go study for my next GCSE test," Nick reassured, though his words were spoken between tight breaths.

"Okay," nodded Sarah, softly sending one last apologetic smile her son's way before he disappeared into his room.

The moment Nick's bedroom door locked shut with a muted clicking sound, Nick just collapsed onto the ground against its wooden center, his pounding head cupped exhaustedly within the palms of his hands.

He hadn't wanted to make a scene of any of that.

To worry his mum with all the stress he'd been feeling about his sexuality, to be disrespectful or argue with his brother, and most of all, to even slightly notion that being with Charlie, the most incredibly kind person he'd ever met, was a burden of any sort.

He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. So why am I so afraid to just say that? To tell everyone what I already know; That I like a boy.

The cutest boy there ever was.

I like Charlie Spring.

Thoughts which only brought Nick's head further down between his knees as a groan of frustrated confusion slipped past his lips.

God, I wish you were here right now, Charlie...

"Telling myself, "I won't go there."

"Oh, but I know that I won't care."

"Tryna wash away all the blood I've spilled."

"This lust is a burden that we both share."

"Two sinners can't atone from a lone prayer."

"Souls tied, intertwined by our pride and guilt."