~L~

Louis' lips parted in shock.

He couldn't believe he had made Harry remember all that again. He knew someday he would regret being this stubborn, but he never thought he would feel guilty. He hated himself to make the man feel so much pain.

Harry's face was portraying an array of emotions; and Louis was scared to understand them. But the distress was something he never wanted to see. He leaned up on his elbow and pressed his lips to the man's soft ones.

Harry had revealed his past to him, he couldn't imagine what he would have done if he was in Harry's place. He was not that strong. The man didn't realise it but he was stronger than so many people who were unable to stop themselves from destructing their lives.

Harry should be proud to overcome all that. To face that and still find the will to go on.

But his last words came rushing back and Louis' heart broke.

"Never say that again, don't even think about that," his voice wobbled, breaking as he tried not to cry.

He didn't even doubt for a second that Harry would act on his words. The intensity of what he said had pierced something in his chest.

I will kill myself.

He closed his eyes as another tear rolled down.

"Please, I beg you, don't ever say that again," he whispered, clutching the front of the man's shirt and pressing his forehead to his chest.

Harry tilted his chin up, kissing him delicately. He must have seen something on his face, must have heard the desparation in his tone. He felt a thumb brush at his lip, stroking it softly before it traced a path down his neck and came back up to rest at his cheekbone.

"I am sorry... didn't mean to hurt you... won't ever say that again...," Harry promised between his kisses, letting his lips press against Louis' skin.

"I shouldn't have made you recall any of that," he looked in the man's green eyes to see them staring back with warmth and dare he say... oh god...

"I would have told you someday. It's better that you know now, so that you can decide?"

"Decide what?"

Harry looked down, as if the thought alone of what he was going to say would hurt him, "If you want to stay or not."

"Harry... you still think that I would leave?" It shattered his heart to watch the man's insecurities.

"Everyone leaves, one away or the other," Harry murmured under his breath.

"I will never leave you, even if you force me to," he spoke with a finality.

"I want to believe you, I swear," the man sighed and rolled onto his back, bringing his hands to his face, covering it completely with his palms, "But I can't. It will end up badly, if not now, then soon. It always does. I am doomed to never find happiness."

"Don't say that-- why do you keep saying that?"

He sat up when Harry got off the bed, watching him warily.

"Because!" The man groaned and tugged at his hair, "Because you are young, Louis. You will find someone along the way who is your age, who will understand you better. Who will make you realise that you are wasting your time with me! I am hopeless! I am at a dead end. I write to distract myself from reaching out for a bottle of vodka! I hate whatever crap I write. I am attracted to you like some fucking paedophile! How could you even stand looking at me? I hate myself!"

"Stop it!" Louis shouted, standing in front of the man and pushing at his chest, "Just stop berating yourself!" He was crying but this time from anger. He gripped Harry's collar and pulled him close again, smacking their lips together. His back was slammed against a wall as Harry kissed him back. Their kiss was bruising, on the edge of hurting but they needed it. Needed to pour out all their emotions.

Harry hoisted him up the wall and Louis wrapped his limbs around the man. Their mouths didn't pull away even as Harry carried him back to bed, laying him down on the mattress and pinning his body as he devoured his mouth.

"What do you even see in me?" Harry whispered against his lips, he saw the tears glistening at the man's cheeks and reached up to wipe them away.

"I see someone so beautiful. I see someone who is strong, who had the will to choose the right path. I see someone who is honest with me, always. I see someone who understands life. I see someone who understands me," he answered honestly, "And I see someone who deserves so much happiness, who deserves the world."

"Lou..."

"Trust me, Harry. What we have can become something beautiful. Something we both want- need," he pleaded, "Trust me."

"I do trust you, baby. More than I could ever trust anyone, even myself."

"We will take this one day at a time, I promise. If you ever feel overwhelmed, we will slow down. We will make this work, Haz."

He felt Harry's gaze soften, his posture relaxing on top of him.

"Okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, we will make this work," Harry rolled them over and Louis snuggled close to him, kissing at his neck.

"Thank you."

He knew they had a lot to talk about, but as he said, one day at a time. He wouldn't overwhelm Harry, would never make him feel insecure. He wanted Harry to believe in them, and he will do anything to make that happen.

-

Louis woke up due to the lack of a warm body beside him. He turned to see no sign of Harry and frowned at that. Rubbing his eye, he looked around and saw that the door to the balcony was open, making chilly air slip in and glide up his skin.

He removed the thick cover from his legs and walked over to the open door. Standing by the door frame, he saw the man leaning against the railing, smoke leaving his lips as a hand held on to a cigar.

Harry was shirtless and Louis wondered how could he even stand there. Louis was already shivering and he hadn't even stepped out.

"Come back to bed," he spoke into the night, watched as Harry's back stiffened, muscles tensing for a second before going back to a lax state.

"I will be there in a minute," Harry replied, taking another drag of the poison stick.

He walked closer to the man, pulling the cigar out of his fingers and stubbing it out in the ashtray.

"You smoke way too much."

"Helps me with my thoughts."

"Talking has proven to help, too."

"You were asleep."

"Asleep, yes. A state which can be easily broken."

He saw Harry smile from the corner of his eye.

"I was starting to miss this Louis; the witty and sassy one."

He smiled at that, too.

"Come back to bed," he said again and Harry turned to face him. He squeaked when Harry pulled him in his arms and kissed him. Oddly, he didn't mind the taste of tobacco on the man's tongue, though he wouldn't dare to encourage it.

Harry walked them back inside, shutting the door behind them and resuming the position they were in before Louis had fallen asleep.

"What were you thinking?" He asked after a while, knew that Harry was still awake.

"Things."

"Such as?"

"Such as... how glad I am that you didn't let me push you away."

"So, happy thought?"

Harry kissed his forehead and sighed, "Happy thoughts."

~

Here you go :D

(Short chapter, sorry)

How was the chapter? Tell me in comments please.

I found the ending a little bland *pouts* but couldn't find another way to end it. I wanted the ending to be a calm one after everything that went down.

Also!!! Guys, please let me know if you want to read something specific in this book. Suggestions are always welcome! It will give me motivation to update more as I'll have an idea on what you guys want. I do have a storyline and I will stick to it but, as I said, suggestions are always welcome!