~Natsu~

Everything that I felt before had came pressing down onto me when I crashed back through EarthLand. I heaved, exhausted, and curled into a fetal position while the voices crept in the depth of my mind.

You are weak.

I know. I was beginning to feel it. The Balance that has been struggling against taking ahold of my body and soul was chipping away my sanity. Their power was too overwhelming for me to handle. I'm not sure how long I can keep fighting against their constant whispers. "Natsu! Natsu wake up!" A shrill voice pleaded shaking my shoulder with difficulty. My Exceed was worried. Happy was trying to help me. "Come on Nat-zu! Two more shards to go and it's over." My body felt like it was made of glass, glass that has been shattered. My mind was a fog of exhaustion and weariness that I couldn't really recall certain things. For instance, what was the color of Igneel's irises? I haven't seen my father in so long but I'm not one to easily forget his looks. Not even if I was hit in the head would I ever forget, but this was different. This fog that lingered inside my mind was heavy and incredibly difficult to push away.

Insufferable. Miserable. Weak. That is all you will ever be. Let go of yourself. Release yourself from this fight, Natsu Dragneel.

"No," I growled slowly releasing myself in the fetal position that felt too protective to stay in. "Natsu? What's wrong?" I unwound myself until I was sitting. My breathing was haggard and uneven. "The voices. They're growing worse."

And we will only continue getting worse.

"Are you okay? Maybe you should take a minute to rest and...try to remain in control?" I shook my head huffing until I pulled myself to stand. I staggered for mere a moment until I rested my hands on my knees. "I'm fine! Just...just give me a second to catch my breath." Beads of sweat rolled down the back of my neck and forehead. I wiped them away, annoyed at my current state. Even after gaining the third shard Lucy's heart was still weak. I could hear it in the back of my mind, like a time bomb about to go off. Happy latched his paws around my hand. "I'm really worried Natsu. You look a little pale..." Me, pale? That's absolute nonsense. I don't get sick and I'm certainly not pale. "You're imagining things. Come on, where are we?"

"We're at Luc-I mean- the apartment. It seems you were thinking of home rather than the Guild Hall."

"Good. They didn't need to see me like that." I trudged to the bathroom without turning the lights on, instead focusing on the faucet in need to splash some cold water on my face. It jolted my senses when I felt the water hit my skin, feeling better more than I thought I would. "Dammit! Where's the towel?!" Having no choice I flicked the light switch to search for a hand towel to dry off with. Until my reflection caught my sight was when I became stiff. What the hell has happened to me?

My eyes were sunken in with large purple bags underneath. Somehow my cheeks almost looked as if they were going to cut through my skin because of how tight my facial features were. I was pale. Very pale like a person that's been sick for years. I appeared disarrayed from my looks and hair. My salmon locks somehow grew dull. The worse thing of all was my eyes. They appeared to be...changing. One iris was changing color into bright amber, and the other iris was. . .bleeding? "HAPPY!" I screamed now completely and utterly horrified of what I found. Happy was spewing all kinds of questions when he arrived inside the bathroom. I picked him up putting him on the sink and pointing at my face. "Look at my face! Look at my eyes!" Happy shushed to calm me while he pulled my face closer to see. If he were a human I'm sure it would have looked like he'd seen a ghost. "Natsu, your eyes..."

Your fate is inevitable.

"What's happening to your eyes Natsu? They look like-" I put my hand up to stop him. "Don't! Don't say it." I couldn't hear what he was going to say. I knew what this looked like, but to hear it come from someone else's mouth would mean it's really happening to me. "But Natsu," Happy whispered laced with fear. "Your eyes are like Lucy's in her Balanced Form. It's the one Form she hasn't been able to control! If Lucy, who is a God, can't control that Form, then what's going to happen to you!?" I was speechless to say anything. I didn't know what to say in reality. This entire time I thought I was doing so well in keeping the Balance checked from taking control of me, but I've never been so wrong after seeing myself just now. Unlike Lucy who could instantaneously change from one Form into another, this was a slow process for me. It was gradually turning me into that Form. "I don't know..." I said finally replying to my Exceed who appeared like he was about to lose it. "Why haven't I noticed your voice?! It sounds like three people talking to me in synch!"

"That's because there are TWO OTHER VOICES!!!" The mirror cracked from my angry tone when the walls and floor shook around me. Happy covered his ears fearing for his life.

Your life is within Our grasp. Soon, We will be in control.

"I-I'm sorry," I remembered the breathing techniques I showed to Lucy. It always helped her to calm down, so in a way, it should help me also. At least I hoped it worked for the time being until we figured this out. "I don't know how many days we were in the Celestial Realm. Gods, I can't believe I'm saying this but I need help. If the Guild sees me this way who knows what they'll think or do. I have to see the Giver. Perhaps she could help me sort this mess out and help me." I left the bathroom stalling for time until I had no choice but to go. I leaned over Lucy's writing desk picking up the last sheet of paper she was writing before everything went to chaos.

Mother,

I don't know when I'll be able to write to you because very soon I'll be going with Gwen to train. The Grand Magic Games is only three months away and I still have to control my emotions. I want to say I miss feeling, feelings such as happiness and love, but with optimistic emotions comes the negative.
Natsu is still upset about my choice in going with this stranger, but deep within me I know I can trust Gwen. She seems special like I've almost been waiting for her to help me. Or maybe it's been her that's been waiting for me. Either way, Gwen has my full trust. I can only pray that when I return to my beloved and family I'll be the Lucy Heartfilia they all once knew. I may be emotionless, mama, but I'm not blind. They seem to be upset? Or they could be disheartened of the fact I'm no longer the Celestial Mage I used to be. I know I'm not. . .what I appear to be. Whatever I may be, I only want to be with Fairy Tail.
Mother, I wish you could have met Natsu and my guild members. You would have loved every single one of them. All my nakamas have cared for me in every way possible. Natsu, well, I hope in due time he joins our family and I his as well. Possibly within a few years, I'll hold his last name and can finally show my affection to him without fear of hurting him. I love him, mama. With all my heart and wounded soul, this man has made me want him and only him. He's amazing, mom. I truly wished you and Father could have met him.
I have to get going now. Tomorrow I'll be leaving first thing in the morning to start training. Natsu is in the bathroom and I want to make things up before I go. Wish me luck.

With love,
Lucy

"Stop it." I bawled not realizing I scrunched the letter in my hands. "Stop saying things that you don't mean Lucy! If you meant what you said then why did you leave!? Why did you leave me!" No one would answer me back. Even if I begged the voices of the Light and Darkness they would only answer in silence. They knew this would torture me. Of course, they knew. "Nat-zu, Lucy didn't leave you or us to hurt her family. She only thought it would protect us if she left." I threw the paperback on the desk. "Don't lie to me! No one needs to tell me it's my fault because I already know it is! I should have known Happy! I should have..."

You've failed her.

"STOP SPEAKING!!!" The ground caved under my feet I was sure to fall through the flooring. Thankfully there was only a small crater of where my two feet were. "Come on! We need to get help!" Happy picked me up by my collar and went through the opened window that I've forgotten to close. It was a starry night with a waning moon over my head. The streets were vacant as the wind moved the water in the canal creating a gentle sound. The voices in my head, however, were anything but gentle.

You can never escape. Just like Our host, you will fall into insanity.

"GAHH!!!" Happy nearly lost his grip from me thrashing in mid-air. It was agony. Every second I was conscious was nothing but agonizing. Happy made it to the Guild Hall when I heard the sound of the wooden doors open. There were many voices all around me, but all were incoherent to my ears. They were melding into a blur, an echo of a distant faint voice. All I could hear until I went under was, "What's happened to him" before I became a prisoner of unconsciousness.

~~~

I would have never found myself playing with a doll. Never. I'd rather be caught dead than being caught playing with this blue-eyed button doll. As I continued playing in this very large, luxurious room, a voice echoed in the hallway of the opened door. "Lucy! Come down, sweetheart!"

Ah, another memory dream. I was watching a five-year-old Lucy dropping her doll, what must have been Michelle, on the rugged mat as she ran with all of her power. "Coming~!" Lucy replied, or what sounded like singing, back to the mysterious woman in her memory. Five-year-old Lucy skipped down the grand stairway wearing a frilly pink dress that ended at her knees. A woman in an orange evening gown waited at the end of the stairway with a heartwarming smile. I felt my heart, or Lucy's heart, beat with excitement and love when she jumped into the woman's arms. "Mama!" Lucy giggled clinging around her mother's neck as she was being spun in circles. A memory of Lucy's mom... ironic how I just read one of the letters she would never be able to read.

"My sweet Lucy. Your father is coming home very soon from a business meeting. Tonight, we'll dance and play for however you like in celebration of your daddy's return!" If Lucy's heart could have jumped out of her chest, it would have. Lucy and her mom were excited and started to plan all sorts of meals and preparations for Jude's coming arrival. Not even wanting, but still thanking, the Cooks that wished to cook for them. Lucy and Layla were with each other the entire afternoon baking sweet desserts and cooking Jude's favorite meals. Lucy made a riceball with his face smiling out of dry seaweed. "Papa will love this! Won't he mama, won't he!" Layla placed a kiss on her cheek. "Of course he will. Your daddy loves it when you cook for him." Lucy and Layla danced together while waiting for cookies to bake, Layla hummed a lullaby and Lucy sang off-key alongside her mother.

I watched in awe. My imagination would lead me to pretend this is how Lucy and I would raise a child of our own. Me, coming back after a long mission. Lucy, dancing and singing with our daughter whilst waiting for sweet pastries to bake. The room seemed to brighten itself from how happy Layla and Lucy were. Daughter and Mother singing and dancing, truly happier than anyone I have ever seen. A door opened with a maid greeting the master of the household when Lucy gasped. "Papa!" Lucy jumped from Layla's arms racing to embrace her father after his long business trip.

I've heard of Jude before when Lucy first arrived to join Fairy Tail. The Jude I was seeing was far different from the story Lucy told of him after her mother's passing. This Jude Heartfilia didn't have a scowl but was smiling. Jude wrapped Lucy close to him as he laughed with joy. "My sweet, little princess," He murmured in Lucy's ear. "did you miss your daddy?" Lucy bobbed her head repeatedly. "Don't leave home ever again! As the princess of this castle, I declare the king can never leave!" Jude kept smiling when he glanced at his wife. "Well, my Queen, how do you decree?" Layla came forward laying her head on Jude's shoulder. "I decree, for our king, to stay home forever and ever."

"Then it is decided." Jude and Layla shared a kiss making Lucy pretend to be grossed out. They were all contempt, complete bliss. Through Lucy's eyes, I felt nothing but affection and love for her mother and father that I almost forget these weren't my parents or Lucy's memories. I was happy. I felt loved by these two complete strangers. Then Layla began to cough away from her husband and daughter. "Layla?" Jude asked now concerned. "Mama?"

"I-I'm alright. I suddenly feel unwell to stand." Jude quickly put Lucy back to the ground now escorting Layla to sit down. "Should I call for a physician to come today? You suddenly seem pale my dear." Lucy's heart filled with concern as she watched Jude gently lay his hand over Layla's cheek. "No. I'm okay, really. Let's go have dinner now that you're home." Lucy focused her attention on her mother. 'Why is mama lying?' Lucy thought now following the two adults behind closely. 'Why won't Mama tell Papa that she's sick. Why won't she tell him she's dying?'

I didn't expect to hear Lucy think that. Was Lucy observant when she was a child, or did she see things that she couldn't understand? Maybe she was still able to use her "Godly" powers when she was still growing. I didn't understand how she could even see that. Layla did seem to lose a little color in her face, but she was still able to walk, able to eat without any help. Lucy wouldn't touch her plate at the dinner table, despite Layla and Jude urging her to eat. "I'm not hungry." Without excusing herself Lucy left the dinner table still thinking over and over of her mother's health. All Lucy could keep thinking about was that she was going to lose her mother.

~~~

My eyes snapped open feeling the soft touch of someone's hand on my forehead. "It's alright, boy. The memory is over. It's over now." The Giver extended her arm around my shoulders to pull me up. My vision was hazy while my head had a battering ram bashing against my cranium. Even my stomach felt like it was twisted in knots. "Don't move too fast. Your body is not able to handle the changes that are happening to you. It's best to take things slow right now." Her voice sounds like it was on the other side of the room. "Where am I?"

"You're at the Guild Hall. You've been out for a few minutes. Traveling through Realm to Realm can become exhausting for even an immortal, but it can be too dangerous for someone like you if you don't let your body recuperate itself." I wasn't in the infirmary room, surprisingly, but was in Gramps's Office. The Giver moved away until she sat next to me on the floor. "I don't need eyes to see you're changing, Natsu Dragneel. The power of the Balance is flooding into you which means you must hear the voices of Light and Darkness. Do they...do they tell you things?"

"Almost on a daily basis now. They don't tell me information if that's what you're asking. Those two are just cruel to not only me but to each other. Having them with me is always painful to bear."

"I know it must hurt. There comes to a point where you can't struggle anymore against them. I'm afraid that you don't have much time until your soul is torn in half." I laughed with no hint of humor. "I'm a human so what did you expect? I'm not a God, or a Bringer or whatever you are." I shook my head then placed my face between my knees. "So I'm in as much danger as Lucy at this point? That's what you're basically telling me right?" The Giver didn't move which caused me to scoff. "There's always something..."

"Natsu," The Giver murmured. "You've been away for the last two days in the Celestial Realm. Though I know you've managed to bring three of the Shards back, it still isn't helping Lucy. You only have seven days left... before..." The old woman trailed away from her talking. "She will cease to exist, and your ending of feeling emotions is coming. The Gods made a reason to change Seraphina from a mortal to an immortal. She wasn't a God, but her body was capable to withstand against the Light's immense power and strength. It goes the same way towards the Darkness when Zelroath was created. You weren't meant to hold neither entities within you. If she dies, Natsu, you will become a Half-Soul."

"That's not gonna happen." The woman scowled. "Oh? Tell me then, boy, how will an immortal human fight against the Balance of Magic himself when he's already at the doorstep of becoming a Half-Soul?" My knees felt swollen while I was pulling myself to stand. "Because I'm not ready to give up. I have one more week until I lose Lucy forever. I promised her I will be there, through every obstacle, and I intend on keeping my promise." My back slammed against the wall due to my struggling. "I'm going to bring her back no matter how much damage is done to me. Lucy would do the same...for me!"

Lucy doesn't love you anymore.

"And the voices that keep lying to me is only a nuisance. Nothing but cowards that whisper deceiving thoughts." The Giver rose to my side helping me keep balanced. "You continue to fight regardless of the outcomes I have seen? Do you not believe me that you will fail in a matter of days?" Her state of fact made me laugh. "No, because you only tell your "fortunes" to Gods. I know what you're really doing old lady."

"And what would that be?" I stepped away from the woman. For so long I have forgotten where my strength came from, forgotten where I came from or who I was. I've been fighting for one thing only: Lucy's Soul. Now I remember it's not just Lucy's Soul, but Lucy herself. I'm fighting for Lucy, for Fairy Tail and all of EarthLand. I'm not only going to save Magic but the woman I love. The woman I will someday marry. For the first time, I childishly smiled. "You're lying so I will defy the Gods. Lemme tell ya, Giver, it's working." The humpback woman broke a smile. "That's what I'm hoping for. I assume you know where to go next then?"

Of course, I did. My Sight let me see past over the Abyss to a Realm where I met my previous so-called self. "I'm heading to StarLight to get the fourth shard." Even if my mind was being torn apart it didn't matter. As long as I have a chance I wouldn't waste it. The memory of seeing Lucy happy was what woke me up. I wanted to see her smile like she did when she saw her mother down the stairway. Or her smile when she was singing and dancing and saw her father returning home. I wanted her to come home. I wanted to dance with Lucy and listen to her sing. I wanted to propose correctly this time and live the rest of eternity together. I don't care if I'm immortal; what matters is that Lucy is still here, breathing and happy. "I don't care what it takes," I exclaimed preparing myself for another go into another Realm. "Lucy will live! She will live another day with Fairy Tail! Another day with me!" I opened a portal, not before saluting the old woman who was smiling warmly and went through to retrieve the fourth shard.

I'm almost done. Soon, Lucy will be home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As always...love you all!❤️