OhHhhHh Ben

Young Ben. Was not cut out for the apocalypse.

Easy to say that because honestly I have no clue how I myself would react, but still man

He made a mistake, yes

But it costed so much

Don't get me wrong, I like his character. Ben is realistic, shows how most teenagers would be in the zombie apocalypse. His actions just had huge consequences.

Carley-- dead

Katjaa-- dead

Duck-- dead

Lilly-- gone

4 people lost because of what he did

...

..

.

The train flies down the rail tracks, Chuck standing at the front with his forearms resting on the rail.

Lee walked back to the boxcar, passing by Ben-- who had his head ducked down and his fingers pulling at his hair.

Lee hears a quiet sniffle as he enters the boxcar, Clement and (Y/N) sitting with their legs hanging off the train. (Y/N) was tightly hugging her doll as she softly cried, Clement's arm wrapped around her shoulders as he remained silent. Lee's face fell as he walked over, slowly sitting down on the other side of her.

"Wanna talk, sweet pea?" he gently asks, (Y/N) shaking her head and burying her face into her doll.

Lee looks to Clement, who was watching (Y/N) with concern and saddness. "You both... Understand what happened?"

He knew they did. They weren't stupid, but he wanted to be sure.

"Yes." Clement quietly replies.

"Okay," Lee nods.

(Y/N) sniffles loudly as she wipes away at her tears, Lee frowning as he reached out and lightly set his hand on her head.

"What are you thinking?"

"It's... What Chuck said," Clement responds for her, scowling-- though it was more sad than angry.

Lee's brow raises in question, "what did Chuck say?"

(Y/N) slowly raises her head, her face stained with tears and her eyes red. "He-- he said... What happened to Duck... Would happen to Clement. To me."

Lee's eyebrows raise in surprise before he scowls, his fist clenching on his lap. "The fuck he did!"

"Swear," Clement chastises, (Y/N) taking a few deep breaths to calm her breathing.

"Sorry," Lee lightly ruffles (Y/N)'s hair as he rises, fury within him. "I'm going to go talk some sense into him."

"Don't be mad..." (Y/N) tries to call after him, Lee already closing the boxcar door behind him.

Lee swiftly marches up to the front of the train, slamming open the door that lead to where Chuck was. "Hey!"

"How ya doin'?" Chuck cheerfully replies.

"Don't talk to my kids. You stay away from them," Lee firmly speaks, crossing his arms and glaring at Chuck.

"Excuse me, son?"

"You told them they were going to die?" Lee scoffs, shaking his head. "That they would end up like Duck? Why'd you go and do that?"

Chuck looks down, sighing softly. "Cause they are."

His hand tightens on the rail as he looks back to Lee, "I don't know much about you folks. But I can tell you, sure as the sun gon' come up tomorrow, that y'all keep going on like this... And those kids ain't gonna make it."

"What do you know?"

Chuck's expression hardens, "I know that you don't have a God damn plan. We get to Savannah, and then what?"

Lee was quiet. Things had changed. So many things had changed, and now he wasn't sure what to do next.

(?) Chuck didn't like that

"Yeah," Chuck scoffs. "That's what I reckoned."

He takes a deep breath, pushing himself off the rail and turning fully to Lee. "Look, sit down with the kids and hash it out. Find a map for Christ's sake! I'd give you one if I had it. And if something were to happen to you..."

"It won't," Lee says with confidence.

Chuck looks to the sky in exasperation, "if it were, you gotta prepare them. Teach them how to use a weapon, and for criminy, cut their hair!"

Lee's mouth curves up in distaste. "They're just little kids..."

"And they'll die as little kids if you treat 'em like they are," Chuck snaps. "You gotta consider them as living people. That's it. You're either living or you're not. You ain't little, you ain't a boy or girl, you ain't strong or smart. You're alive."

Lee was silent, his brows furrowed as he processed Chuck's words.

"And look at their hair," Chuck continues, shaking his head. "You got them running around with mops that're gonna act like velcro to any hands swingin' their way. Find some scissors in my pack, and take care of their hair before a walker does it for you."

If your hair is long:

Lee thought about his words for a moment, recalling how Andy had easily grabbed (Y/N)'s hair at the dairy. And he had noticed Clement blowing his curly hair from his face more often as well, usually tucking it under his cap to get it out of his eyes.

If your hair is on the short-side:

Lee frowns in thought, recalling how even though (Y/N)'s hair wasn't too long, Andy managed to grab a handful at the dairy. And he had noticed Clement blowing his curly hair from his face more often as well, usually tucking it under his cap to get it out of his eyes.

"And then, show them how to use a gun," Chuck lowly speaks. "Because like it or not, that's what saves you're life from here on out." His expression softens, a sigh leaving him. "I don't mean to tell you how to do your job. But... Too many people have died already."

Lee nods in agreement, sighing. "They have."

"And seein' another kid die... might just do me in."

Lee felt there was a story behind his words, but didn't pry as he nods once again. "I hear you. A plan, haircuts, and gun lessons. It's good advice."

"It's somethin'," Chuck shrugs, resuming leaning on the railing.

Lee also leans his forearms on the rail, staring down at the track. "I... Shot the kid, you know."

"Suppose someone had to." Chuck quietly replies, a tinge of sympathy in his voice.

"What a mess..."

"You said it."

Lee looks to Chuck, hesitating to ask, "you have any family?"

Chuck looks to the distance with a wistful expression. "Out there somewhere. Been sorta on my own for the last... Oh, fourteen years now."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"No one to blame," Chuck casually says with a shrug.

"You're homeless, then?"

"Eh, suppose. I've had homes here and there, and they just... Don't work out," he frowns, shaking his head. "I like a drink, you know. Drank the last of what I had I think. Ah, well.

Lee pushes himself from the rail, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm gonna head in. Be safe up here."

"You betcha."

Lee enters the cab with Kenny, Kenny's eyes lifeless and his expression neutral. "Hey, man..."

A small spark returns to Kenny's eyes as he looks up at Lee. "You and me. We... Uh. Fuck it. Let's just get to the ocean."

Lee smiles with a nod, knowing Kenny was grateful he was still around and supporting him. Lee rubs the back of his neck. "You, uh... Still wanna get a boat?"

"It's still the best plan," Kenny replies.

"Ken..."

"It's the best plan." He repeats, a desperate hope in his eyes.

Kenny looks back forward, ending their conversation as Lee leaves the cab. He was about to pass Ben, but pauses, turning to the boy.

"You okay?"

Ben jumps, looking up at Lee with a startled expression. "Uh... Yeah. Fine. I'm... Yeah."

Lee gave him a look that silently said he didn't believe him, but nodded, and entered the boxcar with Clement and (Y/N).

His eyes linger on the bloodstain left from Duck, his chest squeezing in saddness as he joins the two.

"Hey, bud, sweet pea," he softly greets.

"Did you talk to him?" Clement questions, (Y/N) calmer as she watched the trees pass by.

"I did. And he had some, uh... He explained himself, and made some good points." Lee replies, sitting down. "Look, I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to either of you, but there are some precautions we have to take."

"Okay," Clement nods, still looking uneasy.

"That sounds smart," (Y/N) agrees, grabbing Clement's backpack and putting her doll back inside. 

"Don't worry, bud," Lee softly chuckles, reaching around (Y/N) and playfully tipping Clement's hat down.

Clement giggles as he fixes his hat with a nod. "Okay. What should we do?"

"Well... We're gonna figure out a plan for when we get to Savannah. Teach you both how to protect yourselves, and, uh, tidy you both up a little so you can't get grabbed easily," Lee explains, (Y/N) slowly nodding.

"I like that. Clem?"

"Yeah, yeah me too," he agrees, a small smile on his face.

"Good," Lee lets out a heavy sigh, frowning as he watches the trees pass by. "What a crappy day."

"The crappiest."

"The worst."

Clement and (Y/N) say in unison, Lee chuckling before his face falls to a grim expression.

"If three months ago I'd have known what you two would be seeing... I don't know if I would've taken you with me," he honestly says, regret in his tone.

"We probably would have starved," (Y/N) replies, tilting her head to the side.

Lee bitterly chuckles, "you've both damn near starved being with me."

"But... I'm happy we came with you," Clement speaks up, his brows furrowed as he frowns.

"Me too," (Y/N) quickly agrees.

Lee smiles warmly at the two, also glad he had brought them with him. He exhales through his mouth as he rises, beckoning for them to do the same.

"You two need to know how to protect yourselves."

(Y/N) rises to her feet, rubbing her arm nervously as Clement also stands.

"Like... Hiding and running away?" Clement slowly questions. "Got it."

Lee shakes his head, reaching back and taking out his pistol. "I mean with one of these."

(Y/N) eyes the gun with wide, fearful eyes, Lee smiling reassuringly. "First, don't be afraid of it. It's just a thing. Take it, sweet pea. But know where your finger is at all time," he continues, cocking the gun. "And don't put it on the trigger unless you want to hurt somebody."

"O-Oh-- I'm going first?" she stammers, pouting as she tentatively reaches out and takes the gun. "Okay..."

She almost drops it in surprise at the weight, Lee tensing before letting out a sigh of relief as she adjusts her grip.

"See? Not too scary."

Clement was anxiously watching (Y/N) with the gun, his hands fidgeting at his sides.

"It's... Heavy," (Y/N) quietly complains.

Lee lets out a soft chuckle, patting her head. "You'll get stronger. You're up next, Clem, so pay attention."

He squats down to her level, pointing to the gun. "To aim, you look right down the top, through that notch. Line up the site at the end with your target."

"Is there anything else we should know?" Clement asks, his eyes remaining on the weapon.

"I know these are just bottles, but you have to aim for the head," Lee replies, nodding.

"Only the head will... Kill them," (Y/N) shakily sighs, frowning.

"Unless it's not a walker, and it's someone trying to hurt you," Lee continues. "If that's the case, head or body. Anywhere."

"I don't want to think about that," Clement shudders, shaking his head.

Lee winces, nodding. "Yeah, it might be a lot of your first day... You ready, sweet pea?"

"Y-Yeah."

Lee walks over to the crate, setting the bottle on top and walking back over behind (Y/N), gesturing for Clement to get behind her as well, so he was out of the line of fire.

(Y/N) turns to the bottle on the crate ahead as Clement moves over to Lee's side, (Y/N) aiming with uncertainty.

Lee gently corrects her arms, "good, but don't lock your elbows. Now... Let's take your first shot. Cover your ears, bud."

Clement raises his hands over his ears as he watches, Lee setting his hands over (Y/N)'s ears for her and pressing his shoulder to one of his ears.

"Squeeze the trigger smoothly. Nice and easy," he speaks with a patience, not trying to pressure (Y/N) or frighten her.

"Okay..."

She fires the gun, jumping and letting out a short yelp at the recoil. The bullet hit below the bottle, creating a hole in the crate.

"You okay?" Lee questions in concern as he pulls his hands away from her ears.

(Y/N) pouts as she lowers the gun so it was aiming at the floor, "I don't like this. It hurts my hands."

"You can do it," Clement encourages with a small grin.

(Y/N) lets out a small sigh, turning back to the crate as Lee covers her ears back up, lowering himself to her eye level. "Aim a little to the left and higher. Now, shoot."

She squeezes the trigger, the recoil not as surprising as the bottle shatters.

"I did it!" (Y/N) cheers, Clement grinning widely.

"I told you you could!"

Lee ruffles her hair with a proud smile, "excellent. That was a good shot." He turns to Clement, "your turn, bud."

He walks over to the crate, setting up another bottle before walking back over and taking the gun from (Y/N). He carefully hands it to Clement, pleasantly surprised when he aimed correctly without locking his elbows.

Lee covers his ears, lowering himself to his eye level as (Y/N) covers her own ears. Clement fires, missing the bottle as Lee hums.

"Aim left and keep it steady, then fire."

Clement nods, exhaling through his mouth before taking aim and firing. The bottle shatters, Lee lighting up with a smile as (Y/N) applauds Clement.

"There you go! Nicely done!" Lee compliments, setting his hand on Clement's head fondly.

...

They switched a few more times, and Clement and (Y/N) were soon able to hit the bottle with no guidance from Lee.

"Good job, you two!" Lee compliments, full of pride for them as he takes his gun back from (Y/N).

"I was pretending they were walker heads," Clement says, (Y/N) nodding in agreement.

"Me too!"

"Good. Just like you should."

"But... They're not walkers," (Y/N) quietly says, frowning. "I don't know if I could hit a real one."

"They aren't," Lee agrees, squatting down and looking between her and Clement. "But you two know how guns work, now. We'll graduate you to walkers one day."

"Okay," (Y/N) nods with a small grin.

"It's not so scary, huh?"

Clement shakes his head with excitement, feeling a rush from the practice. "Nope!"

(?) Lee taught Clement and (Y/N) how to protect themselves

Lee walks over to Chuck's bag, a small chuckle leaving him with he discovers a fifth bottle of whiskey in his pack. He makes a mental note to give it to Chuck, and grabs the scissors.

(Y/N)'s brows were furrowed as Lee turns to her, "... You're probably not gonna like this. But we have to talk about your hair. Both of your hair isn't safe."

"That's not nice!" Clement exclaims, (Y/N) pouting and Lee's brows raising in surprise.

"What?"

"Are you saying our hair smells?" (Y/N) sheepishly questions, pouting.

"No!" Lee quickly replies, his brows furrowed.

"... Mine does, kind of," she twirls a strand of her hair around her finger, Clement absent mindedly reaching to his neck and touching one of the small braids (Y/N) had done.

Lee chuckles in amusement, soon frowning. "Remember when Andy St. John grabbed your hair, (Y/N)? And I got mad?"

(Y/N) winces at the memory, slowly nodding. "Yeah. It really hurt."

"That could happen again. To you or to Clement. And if it's a walker... Well, we need to trim it."

...

If your hair is long:

(Y/N) pouts as she holds a section of her hair, staring at it sadly. "... Just a little? Maybe only to here?"

She motions to her collarbone, Lee shaking his head.

"More like... Here," Lee gestures to above her shoulders. "Maybe even more--"

"That's fine! I like this length," she quickly says, looking fwarful of her hair.

"Okay, okay."

If your hair is already short:

"But... My hair isn't that long," (Y/N) frowns.

"It could be trimmed just a bit, for safety." Lee suggests, making her pout with a nod.

"Okay..."

...

(Y/N) sits down criss-cross style, Lee chuckling at her pout. "Don't mope. This is a good thing."

He drops onto his knees behind her, staring at her hair with uncertainty as Clement's brow raises.

"Do you know how to do this?" Clement questions.

Lee starts cutting her hair, offering a nervous grin. "How hard can it be?"

(Y/N) groans, "I'm going to look stupid."

"Shush, now."

Lee chastises, turning her head gently as he continues cutting her hair.

"So you did kill someone before everything..." (Y/N) quietly mentions.

Lee pauses, realizing they hadn't really had a chance to talk about it. "Yeah."

"I'm glad you told us."

"Me, too."

"But you've killed lots of things now," Clement speaks up, rubbing the back of his neck. "It doesn't even matter."

Lee brushes some hair from (Y/N)'s shoulders, frowning. "Killing is bad. No matter what."

(?) They will remember that

"But you do it now to protect yourself-- and us."

"It doesn't make it good."

"But we have to," (Y/N) sigh softly, Lee ruffling out her hair before continuing the cut.

"I do it because it's necessary. And walkers aren't people," he replies, cutting the final piece. "Okay, I think I'm about done. I could probably tie the rest back with something..."

"Oh!" (Y/N) reaches over to Clement's bag, taking the (F/C) ribbon from around her doll's neck and handing it to Lee. "Will this work?"

"Yeah, perfect," Lee nods with a smile, gathering up her hair into a tiny ponytail and wrapping the ribbon around it, tying it in a bow. "There we go, all done. Your turn, Clement."

(Y/N) reaches back, pouting at the length. "Do I look dumb?"

"No," Lee laughs, patting her head. "You look cute."

"Yeah!" Clement quickly agrees, making her look over. He flushes at his outburst, looking away. "I-- I meant it looks cool. Safe. Whatever."

"And it'll be a lot harder to grab," Lee beckons Clement over, Clement sitting on his knees and handing (Y/N) his hat as Lee starts cutting at his curly hair.

"Can you leave the braids?"

"... Sure. They shouldn't be easy to grab," Lee slowly agrees, cutting around the braids near the nape of Clement's neck.

(Y/N) was sitting a little ways away wearing his hat over her head, looking over her (F/A) doll with a frown. It had a small tear on the chest, and patches of dirt along its back and face.

Clement looked over at her with a neutral expression, not moving his gaze from her as Lee finished up cutting his hair.

"... Clement?"

"Huh?!"

"I'm, uh, done." Lee replies, amusement in his tone.

(?) Clement and (Y/N)'s hair is a lot safer now

Clement clears his throat, swiftly rising and rushing over to (Y/N) as Lee chuckles quietly to himself.

Lee puts the scissors away, looking around Chuck's things and frowning when he doesn't find a map.

"Maybe up in the Engineer cab," he mumbles, nodding to himself.

He takes the bottle of whiskey since he was headed that way, again watching Ben with a mild suspicion and concern at his odd behavior.

Lee remains silent as he walks around Kenny to the front, approaching Chuck.

"Hey, found this in your pack, if you still wanted it," Lee offers, holding out the bottle.

Chuck's face lights up. "Damn! I thought I finished it off. Thank ya."

He takes it, looking between the bottle in his hand and Lee. 

"Want a nip?"

Lee shrugs, "sure."

(?) Lee shared a drink with Chuck

Chuck hands the bottle to Lee, who brings it to his lips and takes a sip. The bitter liquid burns his throat, but he doesn't react outright.

"Wow," was all Lee said, nodding as he hands the bottle back.

"Not known for its finish."

Lee smacks his lips together, the aftertaste lingering. "No kidding."

Chuck lets out a quiet laugh, taking a swig of the whiskey and sighing. "Anybody in there want to share a drink, you let 'em know."

Lee glances to the door, knowing that out of everyone there, Kenny could use a drink. "Will do."

He turns on his heel, entering the cab quietly and clearing his throat to gain Kenny's attention.

"Yeah?" Kenny questions in a monotone.

Lee gestures his head to the door, "Chuck wanted to know if you needed a drink."

Kenny perks up, turning his gaze to Lee. "He's got some?"

"Yeah."

Kenny rises, Lee noticing his hands were shaking slightly as he leaves to the front. "Yeah, that'd help."

Lee watches Kenny with concern and saddness, sighing heavily before noticing a bin of maps near where Kenny had been sitting. He reaches over, grabbing the map of Savannah and looking over it with a nod.

Kenny returns, still frowning as he takes his seat once more. "Thanks."

Lee doesn't reply as he leaves the cab, mumbling under his breath the pinpoints and landmarks of Savannah as he makes his way to the boxcar.

"... It was me."

A meek voice speaks up, Lee's blood running cold as he slowly looks up from the map to Ben.

"Huh?"

Ben lets out a shuddering breath, tears welling in his eyes. "I was the one giving the bandits supplies."

"... What?" Lee lowly questions, stepping closer to Ben.

"It's all my fault!" Ben cries, pushing himself from the rail and shaking his head wildly.

Lee couldn't-- or he could, but didn't want to believe what he was hearing as his eyes widen.

"Jesus, Ben..."

(?) Ben noticed Lee's reaction

"I know!" Ben wipes away his tears, shaking. "But they said they had my friend. That he was with them."

"Stop-- just stop. Fuck!" Lee runs an aggravated hand over his face. "Can we even trust you?"

"Yes!" Ben frantically says.

Lee shakes his head, the map crumpling in his grip. "Why did you have to tell me this?"

"I just--"

"No," he cuts him off, sighing sharply. "Just-- don't tell anybody. You can't take any of it back. So don't. Okay?"

Ben opens and closes his mouth a few times, looking crushed as he slowly nods. "Okay..."

Lee remains put, making Ben glance up at him anxiously. "You... Still want to talk to me?"

Lee sighs heavily. "Yeah, I do."

"I'm-- I'm really sorry."

"Let's just... Drop it for now, okay?"

Lee softly says, pinching the bridge of his nose before turning and entering the boxcar. He walks over to where Clement and (Y/N) were sitting, Clement next to him and (Y/N) besides Clement.

He sits down with a heavy sigh, smoothing out the map next to him and Clement. "I wanna talk about Savannah."

"Us, too!" Clement excitedly agrees.

"And what we're gonna do when we get there. We don't know what to expect. The city could be bad, or totally under control," Lee continues, (Y/N) peering around Clement to the map. "The thing is, you, me, and (Y/N)-- we're a team, you know? And a team needs a plan. Aside from everyone else, when this train stops, you two and me should know exactly what we're doing."

"That sounds good! I like that idea," (Y/N) smiles, nodding.

"Good," Lee chuckles, looking down at the map to the coast area. "We need to help find a boat. It's our best bet at safety."

(Y/N)'s smile falls as she slowly nods, disappointment evident on her face. "Oh. Yeah, okay."

"But... We'll be in Savannah," Clement firmly says with a frown, his brows furrowed. "Where our parents were!"

Lee swallows thickly, his heart sinking. "I know. But look--"

"No! I don't care about safety, I care about us finding them!"

(Y/N) winces as Clement shouts, a panic to his tone. Lee looks between the two with pain and guilt, exhaling quietly through his mouth before nodding.

"Okay. We'll look for them."

(Y/N) looks up at him with surprise and hope, "we will?"

"Yes, of course," Lee gently replies. "I'm sorry. Let's look at the map. If we can figure out where they were, we can start there."

Clement grins widely, nodding rapidly. "Yeah!"

Lee looks down at the map, trailing where the tracks lead with his finger. "It looks like we'll come right through town if there's nothing on the tracks to hold us up. And we're gonna want to look for a boat here, I'd imagine... And from there we have all of Savannah to the southwest of us. What do you think?"

"They would always stay in the same place when they went there," Clement rubs the back of his neck. "It's... Uh..."

"Don't worry, we'll figure it out," Lee smiles, patting his head. "Have either of you ever been there?"

"Once. We all went there together, and it was a lot of fun."

"Well, think about it. There are a lot of hotels here, but reading this map may jog your memories."

(Y/N) frowns in thought, swinging her legs. "Clement loved the desserts. And the name sounded like one, too... M... M... Marshmallow?"

Lee looks along the map, "oh, is this it? The Marsh House?"

"Yes! That's it!" Clement practically leaps up in excitement, a wide grin on his face.

Lee smiles fondly, "we'll head there."

(Y/N) gave a small smile, Clement's eyes shining with hope as he looked down at the map.

"You think we have a good plan, (Y/N)?"

(Y/N) looks up, Lee watching her uncertain expression carefully as Clement cheerfully replies for her.

"I'm sure she thinks it's good! I think it is!" he starts settling down, his smile slowly falling to a nervous grin. "Could we tell our parents? About... You know."

Lee moves his focus to Clement, shrugging and patting his head. "Sure, bud."

(Y/N) was still quiet, looking to the pine trees with an unreadable expression as Lee frowns in concern.

"How are you two feeling?" he slowly asks.

"Good! Better. I'm glad we have a plan."

(Y/N) slowly nods, "yeah. Good plan..."

"And you're both good little shots!" Lee warmly praises, Clement giggling.

He looks over Clement to (Y/N), "sweet pea, you feeling okay--"

"Oh, shit!" Kenny yells from the front of the train. "Hold on, everybody!"

Lee grabs the side of the train, setting his other hand on Clement's shoulder as Clement loops his arm with (Y/N)'s, the three bracing as the train comes to a screeching halt.

...

..