March 5 '25

The age old-question "what would you do during the zombie apocalypse" has always bored me. Not because zombies scare me or because I feel like I don't have a role; I've always just been avoidant of them. I've strayed away from shows, video games, and movies that showcased the popular mutants. Never was my forte.

I guess--now that you've got me thinking--I imagine myself as being the leader in the zombie apocalypse. I would be a terrible leader, as I have extreme control issues and my anxiety is deliberating, but just the thought of a shy girl rising to the top of the chain is somewhat satisfying. I would lead the troops into zombie-infested towns to grab supplies for our slowly dying community and successfully guide them to safety with enough sandwiches for everyone to munch on for weeks before becoming hungry. That's including three meals and a snack too.

If we're realistically speaking, and not dazed with fantasy stories, I would most likely be the first to die either from being bitten or from the overwhelming sadness I would have gained from having witnessed all of my friends become decaying versions of themselves. Even if my cat were sacrificed to a zombie as a snack to keep them at bay for a while, I would consider not sticking around to see how everything else plays out. Simply would have no interest.

I was broken from my thoughts when the sound of soft taps were coming from the front door. The butterflies that lived within my stomach flapped their wings as the knocking continued when I peeked my head around my living room wall. It wasn't the 1950s anymore, so door-to-door meetings were highly suspicious. I checked my phone to make sure I had not accidently ordered takeout while daydreaming, but it seemed to be a genuine neighbor checking on me since I did not order anything. Although I should consider grabbing some grub since my stomach is starting to growl.

The living room was bare and was due for a new paint-job. I had recently moved into this home, and I was still in the process of buying furniture. The lament floors creaked as I tiptoed across it gently, cursing every time it made a peep. The room was split between a dining room and a living room, but the dining room had a cardboard box that I had constructed into a table and the living room had a television that my mother had loaned to me along with a red lawn chair, included in the deal of course. I hung a few portraits I had with my friends to keep myself from feeling lonesome.

When I reached the white door, I peeked out of the tiny window that was placed on top of it. I investigated every inch of my wooden porch before shakily reaching for the golden doorknob. I was greeted by a white balloon with the word congratulations stretched across it and a small gift. The ends of my lips formed into a smile as I carefully lifted the present and balloon, bringing it into my household. The bag was a baby blue with white tissue paper overflowing from the top.

I plopped onto the floor, sitting criss-cross applesauce as I lifted the paper out of the bag. Before checking out the tiny gift, I reached for the card. The most polite gesture, of course. When I broke the envelope's seal and yanked the card from its home, I came across a corny cat card from Walmart. The front of the card had a cat with an unrealistic--quite disturbing actually--smile with the word "ME-WOW" above it. Inside the card were a few sweet sayings with two signatures that had belonged to my friends. Below one of them was a time to meet at one of our favorite location within the woods.

I smiled, exchanging the card for the tiny friendship bracelet that they had bought, which had read rad. I slipped it onto my wrist, admiring it from a distance. I had never cared to paint my nails and I had recently done some yard work, so I could see the dirt lingering underneath my fingernails. I cringed as I fidgeted with my fingers to scrap the guck away from my nails. Memories of having dirty nails as a child and getting harassed for it flooded my mind as I finished cleaning my nails out. My nails weren't short, but also they weren't too long; they were almost the perfect length.

I glanced at the clock on my phone, realizing that I had over three hours until I would finally come across my friends in the woods. I tilted my head. I didn't do well with waiting and I didn't do well with boredom, which was two things I found myself encountering fairly often, especially boredom. In order to avoid the constant boredom I feel in my bones, I am constantly on the move to find bigger and better things to do, most of the time I find myself exploring the mighty outdoors. When I was younger, my family had never known when I was going to be home for dinner or bedtime because I was outside, chasing the next feeling that'll give a thrill.

I groaned as my stomach growled once again. Since I did not have the funds to purchase furniture, I imagine you can assume how empty my food pantry and refrigerator was. Depressingly empty. I had piles of ramen--chicken ramen obviously--stocked to the ceiling of my cabinets. The only beverages that I had contained in my household was water from the tap and a half-gallon of chocolate milk, thanks to my mother. Unfortunately, when I made the move, I did not bother finding a job before coming back. Coming back home was mostly an impulsive decision, and while I might enjoy seeing my friends once more, I think it's a decision I will find myself regretting.

I slowly lifted myself up and headed towards the kitchen, rummaging through the bags of chicken ramen before selecting a packet. Before unwrapping the cover that protected the ramen, I ran over to my white, empty cabinets to grab a paper bowl. I flopped the block of ramen into the bowl, filling it with warm water and sliding it into the microwave. I was never good at figuring out microwave times and was too stubborn to take advice from the packaging, so I slapped ninety seconds onto the clock and backed away. The walls were painted red with white cabinets and a tasteful backsplash. Above my sink, there were two smaller windows that looked out onto the driveway.

A larger, calico-tortie mix cat rubbed against my leg. I know, I know, how can I possibly own a cat when I can barely afford food for myself? My cat has been with me through thick and thin, and there's no way I would leave her behind. This whole financial struggle is short-term and we can survive it.

"Hi kitty," I greeted, kneeling down to give her a few pets. There was a tiny circle on her head, which was referred to as the button, and I pressed on it a few times before releasing a smile. A loud beeping noise erupted in the atmosphere.

I gave my cat one final pet before retrieving my ramen from the microwave. I drained the water out of the bowl and poured the chicken flavor in, mixing the artificial flavor with the plain noodles. I sucked in my right side cheek, placing it onto my teeth and biting it softly. This was an anxiety tactic that I've learned over time.

While I was thrilled to be seeing my friends, I was also nervous since we had drifted a bit while we all went on our separate paths. When I went to university, Ava had stayed back to focus on her self-employment. Don't worry, she isn't one of those pyramid scheme ladies, she is attempting to establish a career on a video gaming media platform. It's the new craze. On the other hand, Hayden had gone into the military, specifically the navy, so we did not talk much when I had left because he was working on the beginning processes and all of that fun stuff. Without Ava, I was not too comfortable communicating with Hayden on my own anyway. We worked well as a trio, not separated as a duo and a singular individual.

When I finished nibbling on my noodles, I threw them into the trash, checking the clock. I burned a little bit of time, but not much. I glanced out of the window once again. It was a beautiful day, and I did have some fall leaves to attend to in the backyard. That will be a proper thing to pass by time.

I waddled to the back door, shoving a pair of white shoes onto my feet. I opened the back door, allowing a strong breeze of cool air to find its way into my lungs. Almost as refreshing as drinking a cold bottle of water after swimming on a hot summer day. I walked out of my home, closing my door behind me and assessing the yard. It was long, yet skinny with patches of grass missing in a few scattered locations. The deck probably took up one-fourth of the area while the garage took up another chunk of it. The leaves were hunkered down in one spot, so my goal was to transfer them from that location to the fire pit to be burned at a later date.

I hummed a few tunes as I struggled to push the pile of leaves to their new home. It had been raining for the last couple of days, but the blue skies and sunshine is starting to show. Prior to moving back to Illinois, I was residing in the busy streets of Los Angeles. As you can expect, I struggled to make enough cash for a month's rent, even with roommates. Here in my hometown, I was expected to pay four hundred dollars for a two-bedroom apartment while you would pay over one thousand dollars for a tiny studio apartment in Los Angeles. The experiences I had were enjoyable, sort of. Unfortunately, things did not end well with my roommates and I had to leave, but before the bad times, the good times were some of the best moments I had ever had in my life.

If I had learned anything in life, it was that dwelling on the past was not the thing to do. I did it regardless, but at least I was aware it was not the right thing for me. When I was a bit younger, I was diagnosed with anxiety, so overthinking and dwelling was a constant battle that I needed to overcome everyday.

I sighed heavily, checking back at the leaves that were drifting away from the wind. "C'mon, don't make this any harder for me." I dropped my rake onto the ground and allowed myself to lay in the grass, gazing at the few cirrus clouds. I was always fascinated by the clouds, especially cumulonimbus clouds because then I had the opportunity to watch a storm pass through the area.

I yanked my phone out of my pocket, observing the time. If I started cruising through the neighborhood now, I would probably make it there with a bit of time to spare. It would give me enough time to collect my thoughts, hopefully. I took one last glance at the clouds before rolling over and rising to my feet. I rubbed the dirt off of the jeans, groaning as I saw a few wet spots.

"This is not presentable attire," I murmured, stomping back into the house and heading towards my bedroom. The clothes that weren't in boxes were laying on the floor. I haven't always been messy with my clothes, but since things have been taking a toll on my mental health lately, I've found myself slipping between the cracks in terms of cleanliness.

I rummaged through all of my clothes until I was satisfied with a pair of mom jeans and a gray NASA shirt. I turned around to face the full-length mirror that my mother had given me. The mom jeans were a trend a few years ago, but they accentuated my hips so well, I couldn't give them up. I rapidly grabbed a stick of mascara, applying a bit to my lashes to make my blue eyes really pop out.

It was a while before I finally gave myself the courage to visit my friends in the woods. I rushed into the kitchen and snatched my car keys off of the kitchen counter, slipping on my shoes. I swung open my door and slammed it behind me before taking a second to pause.

I quickly opened the door. "Goodbye kitty, I love you," I shouted, slamming the door behind me. It was almost impossible for me to leave the house without saying goodbye to her. I mean, what if something happened to me and I never got the chance to say goodbye? Devastating.

I monkeyed around with the doorknob a few times to confirm that it was truly locked. Once I had fully confirmed it was safe to leave, I went over to my older vehicle and sat on the driver side. The woods weren't too far away from my house; they were probably three minutes away. I turned on my radio as I backed out onto the street and headed in the direction of the forest.

I spent most of the drive thinking of the best way to make an entrance and greet them while I spent the other half reflecting on childhood memories. I parked next to a brand-spanking-new car and turned off the ignition. Before I stepped out of the car, I took a few deep breaths.

"You know them, I don't know why it's so hard for you," I murmured, unlocking my doors. I gave myself a few more seconds before exiting my car and locking it as I stepped towards the beginning of the woods.

To get to our special spot, you had to hike down a big hill, go across a tiny stream, and hop across the railroad tracks. The perfect amount of obstacles to get myself mentally prepared to talk with them.

Unfortunately, Ava and Hayden had already beaten me to the special spot in the woods. I could hear their laughter erupting through the trees, spooking a few birds. I stepped over the railroad tracks and hobbled over to a log near a body of water. Ava and Hayden were sitting on the same log, facing the water. I wonder how much they've been in contact before I came back home.

Ava turned around, swiping her red-ish brown, curly hair behind her ears. "Kayla! You made it," she spoke, releasing a smile. She stood up to give me a hug, and I shyly wrapped my arms around her petite waist.

"Hey Ava," I murmured, forcing the hug to end prematurely. I glanced over at Hayden. "Hey buddy."

Hayden blinked his almond shaped eyes. "How have you been?"

I shrugged. "Oh, you know, not much." I awkwardly chuckled before clearing my throat. "What's up with you guys?"

Ava sat on the log, patting the spot next to her. I followed in her motions and took a seat, staring at the water as it sparkled in the sunlight. "I'm basically a celeb now. Have you seen how many followers I have? I could, like, go missing for a day and all of the dweebs would come looking for me instantly."

"You're already letting it get to your head." I commented, pulling a water bottle out of my back pack. "Why would you still be here if you're so ridiculously famous?"

She smacked on my right arm playfully. "The paparazzi, of course. Also, you know I can't just leave my family behind, especially for the opportunities in the city."

I nodded. "I'm sure they would support you, though. They always have!" She bobbed her head in silence as she stared off. I'm assuming she was considering leaving the deserted streets of her town to follow her dreams. I broke off my staring contest with the water and glanced at Hayden. "How was basic training and everything?"

"I didn't end up going."

I raised my eyebrows in shock. "What? You were so set on going when I left!"

He met my gaze; his brown eyes were filled with sorrow and regret. "A few things happened at home and I would have felt bad if I left. Things are much better now, so I've started getting in the motions again."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

He shook his head as Ava began to open her mouth. "It's a whole mess. You don't want to listen to it." Hayden smacked Ava, causing her to wince. I guess they have been keeping in contact. I mean, it makes sense since they had planned this whole event.

"We're glad to have you back, though," Hayden said, resting his hands on his knees. "It's been so long." He was dressed in a white shirt with some basketball shorts and his deep brown hair was stylized playfully.

Ava cleared her throat, grabbing my attention. "We have some epic plans tomorrow, would you care to join?"

I messed with the fabric on my pants. "Depends. I'm sort of broke at the moment."

"I don't think she would be comfortable with it," Hayden mumbled as he leaned towards Ava. She looked deeply in his eyes for a second before shrugging his comment off. For some reason, I was offended. I would consider myself to be the life of the party.

"What are the plans?"

Joy spread across Ava's face. Her hazel eyes expressed a level of happiness that I have not witnessed during my lifetime. "Well," Ava started, taking a moment to pause. "We're going to go meet some friends!"

I furrowed my eyebrows and scrunched my nose. "Like friends from work?"

Ava aggressively shook her head. "No, silly, we're meeting some people we've been talking with on the internet. Some people call it internet friends." Ava shifted towards me. "I'm sure you've heard of them. I don't think you made many friends in the city, did you?"

While it was a wild accusation, it was true. I had my roommates and that was it. I wouldn't consider the mutual acquaintances I had with my roommates as friends since I rarely spoke to them unless a cheating scandal occurred in one of our board game nights.

"You don't have to come, if you don't want to," Hayden admitted. "I don't want you to do anything you would not feel comfortable doing."

The wind had begun to pick up as dark clouds flooded the troposphere. If the weather predictions were correct, then a storm should not be rushing into the area for another few more hours. I brought my focus onto my shoes, pointing my toes toward each other. Hayden and Ava continued to inform me about their wild adventures through life while I had stayed mute. It wasn't until the first crack of thunder that had caused Ava to declare that our meeting had ended.

I hiked up the hill, following behind Ava and Hayden as they talked about inside jokes that they had created while I was gone. I admired the trees as they were blooming. Everything was beginning to get that green glow that I had grown to love. I was very saddened when I realized that I moved back too late and would not get the chance to experience snow for the first time in a long time. When I was a child, winter was my favorite season.

When we exited the woods, Hayden and Ava said their goodbyes as they hopped into Ava's new car. Ava reminded me to let her know about the trip tomorrow, and I let her know that I would decide before bedtime. I watched Ava drive off as I plopped into my car, which struggled a few times before fully starting.

I drove back home in silence, watching the droplets of rain race down my windshield and aweing at the lightning every time it made an appearance. As I drove down my cement driveway, the rainfall began to pick up until it was barely visible outside. I took a sharp breath before darting to the back door. I made it into the house without tumbling up the stairs or tripping on invisible objects. That's a huge win for me, to be honest.

After I took off my soaking wet shoes, I made a beeline for my bedroom and flopped onto my air mattress. Now that I was alone, I could fully process my thoughts. Something I tried to avoid often. I wasn't aware that Ava and Hayden had continued their friendship, even in my absence, though it makes sense. Most of their friends had moved onto bigger and better things, including me for a little bit.

I feel like I'm going to become a burden until they decide to move forward with their lives. I'm always going to hold them back from the greatest plans ever, due to being worried about anything and everything. If I get a mosquito bite, it's game over; I've already mentally planned my funeral and who will be there.

What if these people are murderers? I don't know anything about these folks. As my mother used to say, they could be old men that are trying to lure in young women.

I shoved my pillow onto my face. "Ugh," I groaned as I reached for my phone. I removed the pillow from my face as I searched for Ava's contact. Before I had let her know I was coming home, we hadn't spoken since 2022, so it had been a couple of years without contact. I shot her a text to let her know that I would be coming with them and that I'd be meeting them at her abode in the wee hours of the morning.

When Ava had responded to my message with a thumbs up emoji, I set my phone onto the charger. It was only 8 o'clock at night, but I was extremely exhausted and I was ready to call it a night. I straightened myself out and brought my mint green blanket up to my chin. My cat jumped onto the air mattress and found a comfy spot near my legs.

As I closed my eyes, I was met with a deafening silence.