it is just

"Don't drive so fast" Emyr placed his hand on Kairos' that was on the handle, squeezing it a bit. He looked at the trees passing by and then at the latter, who seemed to be shining among the buzzing background.

"I am. Just sit still like the passenger princess you are." Kairos replied, a sly smile etched on his glowing face. Emyr felt a blush creep up his neck as he jolted up by the nickname of passenger princess. Noticing the movement, Kairos chuckled to himself.

Loud noises, the sound of tires screeching against the road, screams reducing to slight whimpers surrounded Kairos. The sight of blood in his vision made him panic as he fumbled with his seatbelt—that got stuck in the crash—as he looked around for Emyr.

Blood, shattered shards of glasses. That was all he saw, kissing the beautiful skin of Emyr. Time seemed to have stopped as Kairos stared at the unmoving body of his lover, his breathing uneven as his quivering hand tried to reach the blood soaked cheeks of the latter. The distant blaring sound of the police cars lulled his mind as he continued to drown in his pain.

"-ng, Mr. Jang!" Like the first wake of an earthquake, Kairos jolted in his chair as he felt a hand shaking him.
"Yes?" He managed to croak out, his breathing uneven from the assault of his visit to the memory lane.
"Are you alright?" His co-worker asked, looking concerned as she placed the work papers on his desk. Kairos stared at her momentarily, then nodded, albeit solemnly.

Although a bit skeptical, his co-worker decided to let it slide and started talking about the work that she brought. Kairos tried to listen to her, but his mind played the scene from that night on repeat. The blaring sounds of sirens, pedestrians screaming, and shattering glasses so clear that it seems to blur the line of memory and reality.

If this was a movie, the snap of the reality line being taken down would have been visible to the naked eyes, but it wasn't. It was only felt by Kairos. The pull of his reality being torn apart caused the dam, he tried for years to close, to open. The guilt he nursed for ages, eating him alive. The ifs tugging at his heartstrings, and illusions of what ifs were the only things giving him a lifeline for all these years.

Kairos blames himself for the sudden death of Emyr, if he wasn't so adamant on taking Emyr to the perfect date, if he listened to Emyr and slowed down, if he, if he did that then it'd have been different. He'd have been alive and happy. Unlike him.

Hours passed by, time never stopped for Kairos. It never will. As the clock turns to half past five, Kairos, as if left on autopilot, closes off his work for the day. Displeased with the day's work, which was none, and the guilt trip from his past, he walked out the door, walking towards the elevator.

Kairos came to the realization that this guilt of his was bigger than keeping Emyr near him. He would be happy as long as Emyr had that pretty smile of his on his face. He would, he should, he must!

His feet stopped right before boarding the elevator as he remembered the letter from the morning incident. He was skeptical but if that was true, then he would sell his soul to the devil as a peace offering. He stalked back to his cubicle and found the battered letter laying on the floor. With hurried steps, he went and picked it up, then resumed his previous journey.

To say the least, Kairos was nervous. Currently, he was seated in his living area, the letter in his hand. He would have boreholes into it with the intensity of his stares at it. With a sigh, he took the card out, now wondering how it'll work. Should he make a wish like it's upon a shooting star or write a letter to Santa like kids? It is a Christmas card, so will it be to Santa? He was genuinely confused. He blew out a breath and closed his eyes, thinking of the moment he had always wanted to change.

"I would like to do over the 16th of September 1996." He breathed.

This was the fourth time Kairos saw Emyr. The once most precious time of his life, the one he always wanted to change if he had the chance. And now he had it.