hoping to die but

The clicking sound of fingers harshly hitting the keyboard keys bounces off the cubicle walls. Anyone seemingly concerned about the loud clicking noise, would turn their eyes away the second they look at it. If the aura of a person could be seen by the naked eye, the cubicle of Kairos Jang would be reeking of black smoke.

It was hours after the (possibly) hoax Christmas card made its appearance in front of Kairos. He tried his utmost best to concentrate on his work, but the battered up card was boring holes on the back of his head.

His mind was running like a multitasking computer screen. Twenty-five open tabs: a chanting of "what if it works" on repeat that Kairos doesn't know which opened tab its coming from, and tabs lagging his focus on work. It was overloading.

Attempting to close the hypothetical tabs in his mind, he stumbled upon the tab that's always knocking on his heart. The urge to answer the knock, to be filled with the memories, the presence, becoming too much to bear. And so he let the overbearing pressure engulf him.

Glimpses of brunette hair swaying to the wind, of laughter echoing off walls, the faint sound of water clashing against riverbanks swirled around Kairos. The blurred picture of a man grinning looking at a puffer fish slowly becoming clear. The man was trying to imitate the fish, puffing his cheeks in an adorable manner, blush creeped up his cheeks that were stretched full to its max. Kairos laughed and poked Emyr's cheeks, which made the latter laugh out loud too. The scene blurred out into darkness, laughing could be heard as it slowly focused on a scene of Kairos and Emyr snuggled up in blankets on the floor. Soft tunes of a romance song from the radio resonated throughout the room.

"Stop kicking my feet, Kai!" Emyr chuckled out, playfully kicking Kairos' foot back. Kairos could feel the vibration of Emyr's body shaking with the volume of his chuckles, on his chest. Kisses were littered around the expanse of Emyr's neck as a way of retaliation by Kairos. His eyes full of love as he stared at his lover, swaying both of them slowly with the tune of the song. This is heaven.

Glitches. Like a broken cassette tape, voices and sounds meshed together to make cracking noises. The laughter of Emyr, his loving eyes staring back at Kairos, his soft melodic voice expressing his love for the latter, the kisses left on his cheeks and lips felt all too real.

Then a loud screeching sound resounded around him. The tangled reels of the cassette tape untangled itself as if a backwards effect was placed on it. Glitching voices and soft laughter downing into a soft humming coming from a person. Kairos stood at the doorway of the kitchen, looking at the figure cooking while swaying to the rhythm of his humming. The past Kairos would laugh at himself if he saw the look of pure adoration etched on his face as he stalked towards the swaying figure.

"What are you cooking?" Kairos whispered as he peeked over Emyr's shoulder to see what he was doing. A startled gasp was heard, and the body of Emyr thudded against his chest.

"Kai! Stop doing this!" Emyr gasped out as he clutched his chest, breathing uneven. Then: "I could've burned myself!"

Muttering a series of apologises, Kairos wrapped his arms around Emyr as the latter visibly relaxed in his arms. A soft hum of satisfaction similar to a purring kitten could be heard. He's so cute.

"What plans do you have after this?" Kairos asks Emyr as he takes a bite of the lunch made by the brunette.
"Nothing much." Came the reply.
"Wanna go on a drive?" Then: "it's a date."
Emyr stared at Kairos, who winked at him playfully. The slight nod of the former's head seemed to answer the question as Kairos whopped in excitement.

Kairos could not smile at the memories playing in his head. The way the cold air felt on his scalp, the sound of the radio, the giggles of Emyr, and then his screams are all too clear in his head. It was as if this all happened just yesterday.