Love/Hate Relationship

Dinner Date (Part 8)

I walk into the restaurant, the commotion of emotions in my heart. This riot in my heart happens every time I even think about you, my dear. Do you really know what is happening in front of you? Can you please, I pray endlessly, open up your eyes and see who exactly it is in front of you?

The world falls away when I see you sitting there in the crowd. Nothing else matters to me, because all I see right now is you. Even in the dinner crowd, I am amazed at how you sit so different from everyone else; how the world seems to be operating all around you, but you sit there so unmoving and dominating over everything else. It is like everyone else in the room knows that you are the main character of my story, and they are keeping it that way.

Do they know that my story is a horror story; a tragedy?

You have a black face, flaring at the candles placed on the table between our seats. I think you are so cute, even when you are pouting. Dante can never appear this cute to me, darling, and you must know that. I put on my smile, dredging up courage in my heart, and skip to your side, and ask you what is wrong.

You are still glaring and unhappy when I take your hands, but do you know how much this physical contact between us hurt? At the same time, do you know how happy it makes me? Do you know how satisfied I am to see you with me, standing next to me, letting me hold your hand? How long is this going to last? Not long, I guess. The Demon King naturally has a timeline for everything, and the demon has to follow her master.

I whine and pout into a childish way, knowing that nothing else gets faster through to you than appearing cute. Do you like that because you’ve been hanging too much around Wynter and Damien? They are lovely children, and I know you love them with all your heart. Don’t worry, I’m not jealous. In fact, I love that you like children so much.

It’s too bad that I can’t have children. Not with you, at least.

At my cajoling, you smile so bright that the world has opened up before me. A whole new world of something so amazing that could occur between us… it’s so amazing before my eyes that I can’t help but smile back. You take my words away when you look at me like that, Daniel. Do you really know how much you mean to me? Do you know how much I wished you weren’t here at all?

You tease me and make me embarrassed. I am not used to having compliments showered onto me –I have never had much compliments at all. This side of me… this is the weakness of the demon that she hates. She hates that I am in existence, and I constantly hear insults of the humane weakness. I am considered a liability, a hated being in Hell, Daniel. Do you know that?

Of course you don’t. You love me so fully that I can’t even believe myself. I know the demon made me bump and kiss you at the convention where we met, but never have I expected it to be so easy to fall in love with you. I never meant for this to happen, Daniel, you must believe me. I never meant to love you so painfully.

I love you so hard that I wish you weren’t here at all. I wish you would just open up your eyes and run away from me. Go, please, I beg you, run away from the demon that I harbor.

But you don’t hear me. Like many others, you don’t hear me. You hear the fake me –the one controlled by the demon. Am I destined to stay here and love you stupidly while she plots against you? Must I be confined to her shackles while your puppy eyes glaze over at us, and she turns around to stab you in the back?

The waiter interrupts us and we get a polite break in the conversation. To take you away from your usual teasing, I ask you what has happened between you and your brother. You must trust Damon, Daniel. Your brother is smarter; sharper. He knows things about Hell that you don’t. Right now, I know that he is just letting you do things your way –letting you believe that I am your one true love. But when Damon gets to know me better, he will find something wrong.

Please tell Damon more about me, Daniel. Please let him be suspicious. Please let him find out that I am a demon before it is too late for you.

You frown at my asking, and you tell me that your brother and sister-in-law have been spying on me. I am shocked. Have my silent prayers finally gone through? I fake a sympathetic look and touch you on the hand, but inside, I silently cheer. Yes, let Damon check me. Let him find out that Kalina Ann isn’t real, isn’t a normal person. Let him find out that Kalina Ann disappeared from the other side of the world and turned up in town only recently.

I tell you that it is okay for them to check on me, and you are unsure of where you have met such a woman in your life. I know other women would be annoyed about their boyfriend’s brother checking up on them, but at the moment, I cannot be happier. Damon is going to get something, and you are finally going to find something that I have never been able to tell you.

I comfort you, and you finally relent, grinning at me cheekily. You tell me that you just want to stay angry at Damon for a little while more, and I giggle. You are not angry at Damon at all, at least no longer. You just want him to suffer a little more, don’t you? Please don’t do that for too long, alright? Damon has suffered so much for the past ten years. You must know that he cannot take more pains.

We continue the conversation, and you steer well away from Damon. You don’t want to bring him in for fear of making me upset, but you don’t understand. I want you to find out the things wrong about me, Daniel. I want you to know that I am not who you think I am. I don’t want you to realize things too late. I don’t want you to suffer by the hands of the demon who make you love me. She’s going to break you; I know it. I just have to somehow tell someone…

The demon decides that the time for games and relaxation is over. I feel a trickle of power coming from her being, and in an instant, my phone rings.

I fake getting a call from the hospital, saying that I have to rush back to the ER. The demon always makes this happen when she has to answer to her Master’s call, or if she has to do something demonic that she couldn’t let Daniel or anyone see. Daniel hadn’t found out about it yet, but there is no such person as Kalina Ann working in the hospital at all.

I turn to you to tell you that I have to go, but you already understand. Can you please understand something more than the fact that I have to go ‘save lives’, Daniel? Can you please see me for who I really am? Can you please open up your eyes and run away from me?

You give me such a bright smile in the middle of the night, it feels like you have lit another match in the large bonfire I have in my heart for you. You have thrown another matchstick into that large bonfire, and you’re making me love you even harder. But don’t you understand that the bigger the fire gets, the more heat you will get?

Please, Daniel, see that this fire is going to engulf you and chew you up. Please run away from me.

You make a joke about me being Superwoman, and I try not to cry too hard on the inside. You couldn’t have gotten it more wrong, Daniel. I am not Superwoman. I am the devil. I am the demon that you must fear. I am the demon who is going to plague your life, who is going to harm everyone around you in my effort to harm Damon Kries.

I am going to be your murderer soon, and you still stand here, making me your Superwoman.

You don’t see my tears, because they fill me up inside while the demon makes me flag a cab and wave back at you as the vehicle leaves. You don’t hear me cry, because I scream inside myself while the demon asks the cab driver to stop around the next corner. The demon gets off, and we walk into a dark alley. She transforms, and I am no longer in real life, Daniel.

I go away, I fade away from reality.

But my soul is strong. And I will hurt her heart every single time she looks at you Daniel. I will make her heart hurt so bad that she can’t lift a finger when she thinks about you, or when she sees you. I will try my best, my love.

But when she goes to Hell, I cannot do anything.

So please, Daniel. Don’t ever go down to Hell. No matter what, not even for me. Don’t go down to Hell.

You don’t hear me.

As I close my eyes and the demon flies towards Trish, you throw another matchstick into the bonfire of my heart.

You don’t know it.

But you are creating your own funeral pyre.

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Jilted, Murderous Lover (Part 11)

It is not you. It cannot be you. It must not be you.

Every sentence that I chant in my head is a sin, but it is a sin that I commit nonetheless as I step into Hell’s plain. My head tells me it was you, but my heart screams no. It isn’t you. It cannot be.

But my heart is wrong. Because it is you when you scream. It is you when you come flying down towards my brother. It is you when our swords meet, and your eyes look coldly into me. Do you realize what you have done? You have no only destroyed what we had, but also what we could have. Do you realize that you have not only destroyed me as a person, but you have destroyed the joy of my soul?

It must be your intent from the start. It must be the reason why I never realized I was falling for you until it was too late.

You are cruel, you are a bitch. But, grudgingly, as I push your back with the strength of a son of Sparda, holding tightly to Dante’s Rebellion, I admit that you are a smartass bitch. You knew who to impersonate to make me fall in love. You knew what I wanted –that perfect mix of a woman with the right amount of small flaws that I would fall in love with.

You somehow knew that I loved your flaw of being too nice, too naïve, and sometimes too childish.

But it is clear in your eyes now that everything had been calculated. None of it was true, was it? None of the love I gave you; none of it reached your heart, did it? I was so sure I had been throwing the matchsticks in the right direction, Kalina. Or did I throw them, only to realize that there had been no fire in the first place?

I scream and push you back, but you take into the air with those set of wings.

You fucking bitch, you even make me love your wings. Your demon wings; and you make me love it. Those fucking wings that told me you aren’t what you are; you fucking make me love it. How fucked up can you further get? Is this the idea of Mundus screwing us up? Was it Mundus’s idea to make you my perfect woman?

Vergil wipes out the demons around us, but I know he is weak. He was running when I made through the portal, and I know he doesn’t run unless he has something to fight for another day. I know that, but do you, Kalina? Do you ever know what is ‘fighting for another day’? Do you ever know what it means to fight for your heart? I don’t think you do. I doubt you even have a heart, you lying bitch.

You say sarcastic words to me, but I don’t hear them from your elevated state. What are you saying? I can’t hear your bullshit words when you levitate in your stinking skyline of Hell. You smile at me, but I am selectively blind to your smile. What expression are you showing me, you bitch? I don’t remember seeing a more twisted expression than the one you have on your face right now, dearie.

Vergil says that we have to go, but it isn’t time for me yet. I still haven’t told you what I feel at your fucking betrayal. I know screaming probably makes you feel so much better. I know insulting you probably makes you sleep better at night, but I still want to do them. This is what makes me different from my brother, you see. You got the wrong dude, you bitch. You got the stupid, idiotic Kries brother. Ha, ha. Sucks to you, but you aren’t going to get to Damon, bitch.

Vergil tries to pull me back, but I shake him off. You see, I still have a few choice words for you and I’m not leaving until I’ve said them. Still, you stay there hovering aboveground, grinning at me like you’ve won lottery. If you really won lottery, then you have a fucking jacked up notion of lotteries, because I’m going to send you your gift straight through your heart. Your gift, by the way, is going to be Rebellion.

I can see my declaration that you are –were, now –my girlfriend shocks Vergil to the core, as a million questions flashed in his eyes. But surprise, surprise, he doesn’t even ask a question! The situation must be really dire, but I don’t care as I shake him off once again and run to you, screaming. Do you know that I scream, but I really hurt?

I admit; you have gotten what you set out to do. You’ve really crushed and destroyed me. You’ve succeeded in whatever mission Mundus asked you to do. I really cared for you, Kalina. I really thought you were going to be the one. You played me right, and I admit defeat.

Your reply breaks my heart completely, as you grin evilly at me. How could I have loved you so truly with my heart?

The bonfire in my heart is spluttering to its death, Kalina. Will you never pour a fuel ever again? Will we never burn together again?

Vergil, at the very least, had enough of my screaming at you. He pulls me back, and for once, I agree. Because I want to go home and think about the bad life choice I’d just made: leaving you. Anyway, Vergil has to go home to Marcy. Even though you’ve smothered my fire, Kalina, Vergil’s fire for my sister will still burn. At least I know that.

Vergil clears our way through to the portal, and I make sure the demon around us don’t close in on him. He is injured, but you don’t care about that, do you? What do you want right now other than to kill the both of us? Have you wanted anything else? Have you ever wanted anything else while you were with me, Kalina? Have I ever changed your heart for even the tiniest bit? Have I even touched it while I was throwing matchsticks down the black well, hoping that there was a fire down there?

Vergil beckons for me, and I won’t make him wait longer. But soon, I promise you, Kalina, we are going to find a proper end to our crazy relationship.

Apparently you can’t wait, can you? The idea of 'soon' probably makes you impatient as hell.

Your sword goes through me, and I don’t even realize that it was Vergil’s voice I heard in my ear screaming for me. All I can think is how you are close to me now, Kalina. Do you know that? This stupid, crazy man, impaled on Dante’s sword that you have somehow taken from me, is glad to be impaled if it means being closer to you.

I see you up close, both of us hovering above the air. Is this what it feels like to fly? Is this what feels like to be a demon? You gave up a heart for a pair of wings. Is it worth it, Kalina? Is it worth never loving me? Is it worth all the real feelings that you possibly could have felt, but you didn’t because you never had a heart?

You laugh, and even though it is a laugh of victory, I feel happy again. At least you are laughing. At least, by killing me, you are happier.

This stupid man is going to be happy even if what makes you happy is killing me.

In your eyes, however, I see you cry. Why? You always told me you want to go home and be back to normal. Your greatest wish, from the moment I met you, was that you want to go home. Is Hell your true home? Are you really at home? Are you back to normal in your demon form?

I don’t know the answers. I don’t know if I want to know the answer.

I begin to curse.

But you don’t even let me finish what I do best. Are you really going to end me like that? Just throw me aside like a rag doll that never attempted to reach your heart? After so many matchsticks that I threw into the well of your heart, is it all going to just rot away into nothingness?

You let me fall, but as I fall away from you, away from the sight of you, I see a tear fall from your eyes. Is that the real you hiding inside, Kalina? Can I dare to hope that beneath a demon, I can find the Kalina that I loved? Maybe right at the very bottom of the well, at a depth that I cannot see, maybe there is a small fire struggling to hold true? Will it be smothered away by my death?

You say something, but I don’t hear it. I see Vergil holding on to me, his warm arms around me. I am so cold, Kalina.

I threw all my matchsticks away. Do you know that? I threw all my matchsticks into your well.

You say something, and throw Rebellion to the ground beside me, turning away. You fly off without a look back, Kalina. Is it because you are crying? Is it because you are cold like I am?

But you are going home, are you not?

I look at Vergil, and tell him to go home. Bring me home. I may feel cold, but Damon will make me warm again. My family always makes me warm.

But remember, Kalina, you keep my heart warm.

I throw a burning match down your well.

Please burn up well and long. I can’t throw anymore matchsticks.

I need to keep them for my funeral pyre.

I close my eyes and die.