"I swear on the graves of my sisters, may The Great God of Everything strike me if I am lying, Zara. I didn't tell anything about Salma and her very stupid affair."

"But who did it then? Nobody else knew, only you and me," I asked mortified while touching the bruises Salma left on my face.

"Likely anybody else that stumbled over her at night as you did. Next time she hits you, you should hit back. That one bruise looks quite nasty. I didn't think little Salma has it in her to do that. Respect..." said Mairi, making fun of me, while at the same time, she wet a cloth and put it over the bruise.

"Auch! What are you doing?" I flinched.

"Hold it there, so it doesn't swell."

"What should I do now? Salma hates me."

"Just wait. She will get over it eventually. As a whole, it's not so bad that the boy is gone. And don't give me that face, I told you it wasn't me."

"Please don't lie to me."

"I wouldn't. I actually trust you."

"Do you finally like me?" I asked cheekily.

"Yes, but don't tell other people." Mairi smiled. She was in a strangely good mood lately.

"Why are you so happy?" I asked intrigued.

"I was just thinking that life isn't that bad. I still need a plan to ditch this place till I come of age but there are still two and a half star circles till then. And you were right, at least here I have food,  a roof, Chioma, and well... you."

"I am glad you saw reason. But back to Salma. I apologized. A lot. She didn't care."

"Try again in a few days when she will be calmer."

So I did, but Salma didn't talk to me again. Whenever we got close to each other she walked away. All the ghazal girls were avoiding me too, throwing mean words at me and maybe spitting in my food when they cooked. They probably would have wanted to be openly mean too but they were afraid of Mairi, as ghazal weren't naturally good fighters.

Almost eight moons passed in which I tried desperately to gain Salma's forgiveness for something I didn't do. Lately, all the ghazal girls were only ignoring me, which I thought was a good sign until that dreadful morning when I found roaches in the eggs I was supposed to eat.

Mairi was right; to my core, I was still a spoiled, palace-born girl so the screams just poured out of me when I saw them.

The sister on duty came and frowned at me.

"Who did this?" she asked authoritatively.

There was only silence.

"Who did this? Tell me or you are all getting punished."

"I don't know. But Itotia was cooking this morning," said Menila, an older ghazal girl, avoiding the sister's gaze.

"No. It wasn't me," protested Itotia.

"Honestly, I don't care. I just don't want any more disturbance. The two of you, Zaretha and Itotia will dust out the books in the library. Sister Lora needs help. You go now. No food for you."

The punishments in the priory were never just but that wasn't many times the point about them either, the point was to teach you humility and that they did pretty well.

There were at least five hundred books that needed to be dusted. That would take half a day and we would miss the lessons and get punished again. Itotia didn't even look at me, but after dusting hundreds of books with no end in sight I heard her voice.

"Just stop it."

"What?" I turned around to look at her.

Itotia was strange, and that is a strong word in these circumstances. Unlike anybody else, she didn't spend time with other people. It was indeed so that most girls in the priory had issues trusting but somehow each of them ended up finding a peer, even Fera that was the only northern and was somehow frowned upon for that.

There were three other southern girls in the convent but they were younger than us. For Itotia I was the closest in age and upbringing, still, she avoided me like the fever sickness.

"So tell me what," I insist.

"Trying to get into everybody's good graces. You follow Salma now for moons around and it's plain as daylight that she hates you."

"So? What do you care?"

"It irritates me to see boot lickers and fake people pleasers. What exactly is your aim? You are of southern noble blood; there isn't possibly anybody more privileged in here."

"I just want to make friends. My life was pretty lonely till I got here and I like having people around. I think this world is already cruel enough so we shouldn't make it crueler."

"You have a strange way of speaking. Who were your parents, Zaretha?"

"You wouldn't know them," I lied because it was quite possible that she had heard of at least one of them.

"I think I just might. My mother was a prostitute. She was really beautiful and the favorite of at least two or three men that were and maybe still are in high positions at court. I saw a lot of men and some women frequenting her chamber in the pleasure house. Was your father so faithful he never went to one?"

"I... Don't know what these words mean, neither prostitute nor pleasure house."

"This just makes me hate you more. A prostitute fucks people for money and sometimes it results in a child if you don't drink your violet tea and sometimes even if you do."

Again that damn word. So it was clear, fucking was not nice and could result in children and it meant basically kissing and touching without clothes.

"Please don't. I know I am a bit ignorant but it's because I was never allowed to interact with many people. I am sorry for your mother."

"Why are you?" she asks mockingly.

"Because I assume she is dead since you are here."

"No. Not really. But since she slept with a lot of noblemen, some magic bearing, and she doesn't know who my father is. I was taken away from her by the Alsayid and brought here."

"The Alsayid?" I asked, mouth agape.

"Yes. Have you ever seen him at court? His name is Karim Wayatashir and everyone has heard of him. I happened to also have seen him. He is handsome and most of all he is oozing magic and power."

A lot of thoughts invaded my mind at the same time. It was likely that my father visited such a woman to maybe have a child. So could Itotia be... My sister? I looked at her trying to find a resemblance to my father in her features or even to myself. I didn't think she looked like either of us but maybe I just didn't want to see it.

"Do you think..." It was hard for me to say the words. "That he was your father?"

"I wish," scoffed Itotia. "Then I wouldn't be rotting here but would be in the Palace of Seaheaven eating cakes."

I was pretty sure she was wrong with that assumption.

"Have you ever seen him?"

It was interesting how she was suddenly in a talkative mood.

"Only a hand full of times," I answered rather truthfully.

"He is handsome, right?"

"I really couldn't be the judge of that and it is strange that you are. He could literally be your father."

"But he isn't. Though I wouldn't mind calling him daddy." The last part was said in a very ambiguous tone which made me think it was some form of sarcasm. "And he is dead," I added a bit spitefully.

"Oh, Gods! Really? How do you know?"

"The whole court knew. He was killed. There was an attack on Seaheaven and he died then."

"Oh! And what happened after? I arrived here two star-circles before you and have no idea what happened outside after that. So he died... What a pity. And who replaced him?"

"I don't know. My parents died too in the attack and I was sent here." I lied. Partially at least.

"It's bad that he died. I am here because of him. I hoped he would send my sister here too but now who knows? She was only a baby when I left. Here is better than in the pleasure house. There we often didn't have food for days and there are things you see that cannot be unseen."

"So you were sent here because your father might have been a magic bearer?

"Yes. Apparently, his Highness the Alsayid didn't want any possible magic to go to waste. It was rumored he founded this place."

"No. That cannot be. The priory is ancient."

"That it might be, but the purpose might just have shifted a bit in the last star circles."

"But if you don't hate it here, why don't you want to make friends?"

"I was told to be cautious," she said and her voice was a bit ominous. "But now I am not. There is something about you, Zaretha. I didn't believe it when the girls told me, but here I am telling you things that I never told anybody. I hope you are not evil and I will not end up with a knife in my back like the one the hybrid girl carried. I have seen all sorts of things in the brothel but that one scared even me."

"No. I won't do that, and even if I tried, you can fight and I can't. I am no danger to you."

"Fair enough. I would eat you alive." She smirked and she frightened me a bit.

"I can be your friend if you want."

"Haven't I just told you how annoying I find that you want to befriend everyone?"

"You did, but I just wanted to make the offer in case you change your mind."

Itotia smiled. It looked a bit strange on her but it was a smile. From that day on we started having little conversations. She started disliking me less, I suppose.

The conclusion to all that was that most people are reluctant to closure because they are afraid, mostly because they have been hurt before, but kindness honesty, and a bit of insistence can go a long way.

Despite all that, moons kept passing without Salma forgiving me, no matter how many times I apologized.

"You have grown boobs," said Mairi once while we were laying down on the grass in the priory garden.

"What?" I asked, taken totally by surprise. I felt blood rushing to my cheeks.

"You heard me. Now you look more like a girl than the first day we met. I can't believe it's so long already."

"Yes, almost three start circles." It felt like mere days sometimes and other times it felt like life in the priory was all I ever knew.

"You will make a fine wife. I hope he will be kind to you, and he won't extinguish the light you have inside" she said. It sounded almost sad.

"Do you still plan on escaping this place? You don't need to lie; I won't tell anybody."

"Yes, when the time comes. I have a deep dislike for chains of any kind, but we still have some time left," she said, tousling my hair. 

"You should take Chioma with you. We were lucky that Sahib Aldam wasn't here the previous two Red Days but I have a feeling he will be when you two come of age."

"I know..."

Sometimes details mingle in one's memory with the passing of time but somehow I can remember those times as if they were yesterday.

Some days after that discussion, I exited the room at night again. That time I didn't go toward any of the gates. The situation with Salma was still weighing on me.

That nightly excursion was very much purpose. I wanted to have a look at the walls and at the mountain slope, because if Mairi and Chioma really wanted to flee and survive they needed all the help they could get.

Rustling leaves caught my attention and Fera came forward a few instants later. Unlike I have ever seen her before, she was crying. Her gaze was just as stern as always but tears were running all over her face.

"Zara. What are you doing here? You know you shouldn't be out at night."

"Neither should you. What happened to you?"

There was just silence.

"I know it's not like you but do you maybe want a hug?"

She nodded almost unperceivable.

When I wrapped my arms around her I could easily feel her rapidly beating heart.

It's natural to get afraid too when feeling the fear of brave people...

_________________________________________

Speculations regarding what's up?

Part 1 will be finished in about 3 to 6 chapters. Brace yourself. Thank you for reading.