Sometimes before you splurge, you gotta gather your breath, slow down and feel the calmness of your heart. – jazlykdat

Aubrey

It took her few minutes before she earned the courage to pick up her robe and wore it.

Vander still loves her. Ayaw lang siyang masaktan ulit nito.

Tumimo iyon sa utak niya. Nabigla siguro ito sa ginawa niya. Nababagalan na kasi siya sa nangyayari. She wants everything to be okay between them.

Agad siyang nagbihis at pumunta sa kuwarto ni Vander. They need to talk.

Nag-alangan si Vander nang mapagbuksan siya ng pinto.

"You said you still love me, Vander." She said straight.

"I did," Vander nodded. Nanatili lang itong nakatayo sa may pinto at hindi niluluwagan ang bukas nito.

She inhaled deeply and blinked her eyes. It's now or never.

"Gusto ko lang malinaw ang sitwasyon natin kasi mahal pa rin kita. I realized that when we were in L.A." Hayag niya.

Bigla itong natuliro. Pumasok ito ng kuwarto at hindi nagsalita. She took that opportunity to get inside his room. She saw Dirran sleeping tightly on the bed.

Ibinalik niya ang tingin kay Vander. Nakatitig din ito sa kanya. They stood across staring at each other.

"Do you still want me as your wife, Vander? Because I still want to be yours..." she said courageously. Wala na siyang pakialam kung ano ang iisipin nito.

Vander crossed their distance and hugged her tight. She thought he'd kiss her but he just hugged her close.

Yumakap siya sa asawa. It's been a long time since they shared a hug like this. It feels nostalgic but surreal. How contradicting?

"You will always be my wife, Aubrey. I would never want anyone replace you. But I don't want to repeat the same mistake again." He whispered in her ear. They are so close that she could even feel his heartbeat.

"Ayoko din namang balikan ulit ang mga pagkakamali ko. I perfectly understand na hindi mo kasalanan lahat ang mga nangyari noon. I had a part, too." Tears escape her eyes. Kanina pa niya ito pinipigilan. Vander hugged her tighter and kissed her hair.

"I wasn't a good wife. Hindi kita sinuportahan at inalagaan na dapat ginagawa ng isang asawa. I'm sorry."

Vander held her face and smiled.

"You don't have to say sorry. We are going to start over, alright?" tugon nito. Napangiti siya. She tiptoed to kiss him pero natatawa itong humalik sa magkabilang pisngi niya bago siya niyakap ulit ng mahigpit. Yumakap din siya ng mahigpit sa asawa.

"Let's take it slow." Vander murmured in her ear.

Siguro nga ang mali nila noon ay minadali nila ang lahat-lahat.

Hindi na dapat iyon maulit.

If he wants to take it slow.

So, be it.

___

She was surprised to see Vander at the office during lunch break. Medyo malayo ang opisina nila sa building ng mga Filan. They are renting a space along Magallanes while the VLF building is at Dela Rosa St. in Makati.

"Bakit? I mean what brought you here?" tanong niya sa asawa.

"How about a lunch with my wife?" He smiled and handed her three stems of lilies of the valley.

Napangiti siya.

"Ahm, kunin ko lang 'yong bag ko," namumula niyang saad. His question caught her off guard. She thought he'd still be civil gaya kaninang umaga pag-alis nila ng bahay.

She heard him chuckle a bit. Hindi na lang siya nag-react.

Inalalayan siya nito papunta sa nakaparada nitong kotse.

He drove silently to a nearby restaurant.

"Ang laki ng table natin ah." Natatawa niyang komento nang lumapit sila sa animang mesa.

Is he going to leave a considerable distance between them?

"The kids are coming over. Malapit na raw sila."

"Family affair pala ito." Natatawa niyang saad.

Vander nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, family affair." He repeated before he guided her to one of the chairs. Umupo din ito sa tabi niya.

The waiters started serving. Few minutes later, their three children appeared with a grin on their faces.

"Sinong naghatid sa inyo?" Pukaw niya sa pagkakangiti ng tatlo.

"Desiry knows how to drive." Vander answered.

Her forehead creased. Really?

"I have a license mom," natatawa itong lumapit at humalik sa pisngi niya, ganoon din ang ginawa ng dalawang lalaki.

"Where's Deshima?" tanong ng ama nila.

"Pinaiwan po ng dalawang madramang matanda," Ayder said joking. Napatawa naman si Vander.

"They don't want us to leave the house. They're convincing the kids to stay." Vander explained to her.

"Hindi naman tayo aalis ah?" baling niya rito.

"Well, they figured since we're kindda okay –nevermind." Natatawa nitong saad. Naintindihan niya ang sinabi nito. Akala siguro ng mga ito ay bubukod na sila ngayong parang nagkakaintindihan na silang mag-asawa.

"Let's eat na. Kanina pa ako nagugutom." Desiry interjected. Napatawa silang pareho.

They ate happily. The kids seem so happy with what is going on. Kuwento ng kuwento ang mga ito. Natuwa pa sila lalo dahil sumisingit si Dirran tungkol sa napag-aralan niya. He's really showing a lot of improvements.

Halos isang oras ang itinagal nilang kumain dahil sa pagkukuwentuhan. When it was time to go, Vander held her waist as they walked to the parking area. Nakahawak sa kabilang kamay nito si Dirran. Ang dalawa naman ay masayang naglakad sa unahan nila habang nagkukuwentuhan.

She can't help but smile at their style. They look like one happy family.

"Drive safely." Vander reminded Desiry when he guided Dirran to the backseat.

"Yes, dad. Don't worry." Desiry answered smiling as she put on her seatbelt. Pinanood nilang makalabas sa parking area ang sasakyan ng tatlo.

"Ano boss, alis na rin tayo?" baling ni Vander sa kanya nang makalayo na ang sasakyan ng mga anak.

Nagtaas siya ng kilay sa pagtawag nito sa kanya ng boss pero traydor ang mga labi niya napangiti na lang ito bigla.

"Tinawag ka lang ng boss, kinilig ka na?" Vander uttered chuckling. Kinabig siya nito at niyakap. Napasubsob tuloy siya sa mabango nitong dibdib. His Filan scent is filling her nostrils.

"Bakit naman ako kikiligin? Ako naman talaga ang boss mo dati...High school days." Natatawa niyang tugon. Kumalas siya sa yakap nito. Uminit kasi bigla ang pakiramdam niya. Pati ang pisngi niya ay parang uminit.

"Dati? Ngayon hindi na ba puwede?" natatawang sumunod si Vander sa kanya papunta sa kotse nito. He opened the door for her. Natatawa naman siyang umupo sa passenger's side. Umikot si Vander papuntang driver's seat matapos isara ang pinto.

"You didn't answer my question," he asked as he was putting on his seatbelt.

"Kailangan pa ba kasing sagutin 'yon? Akala ko ba okay na tayo?" She answered smiling.

"I am just making sure. Ayoko nang mag-assume na gusto mo pero hindi naman pala."

Hindi siya nakasagot agad sa sinabi nito. She inhaled deeply and looked at the road. She mentally noted open communication.

"So we're okay now? As in you...me-" Itinuro niya ang asawa at ang sarili. Vander glanced at her.

"Husband and wife...I mean back to being couple?" She added. She wanted to make sure. Akala niya kasi kagabi okay na sila pero kaninang umaga parang civil na naman ulit si Vander sa kanya.

"Ayaw mo ba?" balik-tanong naman nito nang nakangiti.

"Vander naman eh. Para kang bata. Maghuhubad ba ako sa harap mo kung ayaw ko?"

Vander chuckled. Napangiti siya sa pagtawa nito. The laugh is just so genuinely happy.

"Well, you were even moaning before. I thought you liked it. Hindi naman pala." Napapailing nitong hayag. Pinamulahan siya nang mapagtanto ang tinutukoy nito.

It was those times when he'd force himself on her but she'd end up moaning because she was swayed by his skillful thrusts.

"Sumeryoso ka na diyan. Nagbibiro lang ako." Untag nito. Inabot nito ang kamay niya at pinisil ng marahan. The gesture calmed the rumbling of her heart. They are starting anew. The past should remain where it should be buried.

"So, can Deshima and I move in your room tonight?" tanong niya sa asawa. Napatikhim naman ito at dahan-dahang binitawan ang kamay niya.

She waited for him to answer but he did not. She averted her gaze and looked at the road ahead when he glanced.

"Listen to this song. It's pretty good." Nilakasan nito ang music. Hindi na lang siya nagsalita.

It won't be long
We gotta play our love just right
I know you know the time will come
But baby for tonight...

Let's take it slow (so slow)
Anywhere you wanna go
Baby for you, I'll lay it all on the line

"Niloloko mo ba ako? Sabihin mo kung oo o hindi. Dinadaan mo pa sa kanta eh." Saad niya sa asawa. Napatawa naman ito.

"Bakit parang galit ka?" tanong nito habang ipinapark ang sasakyan.

Hindi na lang siya nagsalita at lumabas na nang huminto ang sasakyan.

"Hey, Aubrey wait!" Habol nito nang maglakad na siya papasok ng building. He draped his arms on her shoulder.

"Boss, kaaayos lang natin hindi na ulit tayo nagkakaintindihan." Wika nito.

Tumigil siya sa paglalakad at hinarap ang asawa.

"Then, answer my question."

Vander smiled and cupped her face.

"I told you. Let's take it slow." He said before kissing her forehead.

"Ang OA mo! Ako na nga ang nagsasabi. Diyan ka na nga!" sagot niya rito at nauna nang naglakad.

She was expecting him to follow pero ilang minuto na siyang nakapasok sa opisina ay wala ni anino nitong sumunod. Wala tuloy siya sa mood maghapon.

Fuck that taking it slow thing.