"I am here, baby... I am here."

Answering to the gentle but heart-breaking cries, Gulf rushes to his son who is still in the cradle.

"AH! My beautiful baby is awake!" Gulf kisses both of those chubby cheeks and his adorable son, the little trouble maker coos.

"Mae was about to come and wake you up. Had a nice nap, sweetie?"

"Mmblum..."

"I know you did, you are a growing young man who needs lots of kisses and lots of sleep..." His son gently pats his chest too, making Gulf giggle. "Yeah, yeah... and lots of immies."

Gulf takes a huge breath and genuine happy smile adorns his too sunken face. Gulf does not know when he was this happy, ever; maybe the day...

No, never.

He ties his over grown hair in a small half-topknot, so his son will not end up yanking his hair all day.

"I love you, Thorn." He tells his baby boy who kicks the air and giggles.

Gulf gently punches his own back before tying the baby sling wrap around his chest. Thorn has grown bigger; he will need a new one soon or Gulf's back is going to suffer longer.

With Thorn resting comfortably on his chest, Gulf takes the baskets and bags he had carefully prepared and packed.

"Shall we, son?"

"Uhhwwuu..."

"Mama and the baby... going to market... market we go and bring home goodies... Mama and the baby... going to market..." Gulf shakes his body in rhythm of the song he made up.

Gulf giggles when his son goes crazy on his chest.

But as the door closes and he locks his home from the outside, the whole demeanour changes and the smile drops and his shoulders straighten.

A backpack on his back, two heavy bags in his left hand and the right hand supporting his tiny son's fuzzy head, the former Empress of the Galoddhikeera leaves the comfort of his new home.

Gulf has accustomed himself to the stares.

It had been months but the villagers are always sceptic of a new comer; a new comer with a child but no husband or wife.

Hmmm... a casted away mate or a widow/widower.

Hmmm...

Not a harlot though. Harlots do not hold their head that high.

"Mma..." Thorn coos and Gulf drops a kiss on his head.

"Almost there, baby."

Gulf's eyes do not wander much, afraid what the expressions he will see on the faces of the curious strangers. From lust to disgust; he has seen it all.

Yet, the greenery of the village, the fresh crisp spring air, gentle breezes and soft chirps of birds are making him happy.

If only his face showed what he was feeling, people would not have thought the new comer is a stuck up person.

But Gulf has stopped seeking validation from anyone; and the only person who mattered to Gulf loved him back.

"Thorn... look a lily flower."

Thorn softly hums and cuddles closer to his mae's chest. Mae does not pluck flowers. So Thorn happily waves at the new friend mae has introduced him.

'Bye, pretty flower.'

Gulf keeps a protective hand around his son and waits patiently for the rush to stop before entering the shop.

"Greeting, P'Fona..." Gulf bows gently, mindful of his baby who is curiously looking around the colours of the bottles that surrounds them.

"Oh... N'Gulf!!! You are here! The customers are waiting... Give! Give! Oh thank god! You have Belbion pickles. They are going wild."

Gulf sits at the chair in the corner as the owner of the shop, a lady in late forties Fona runs around to deliver everything to the impatient customers.

Gulf's heart melts at the curiosity that shines in his son's big black eyes.

"Mmaa..." Thorn points to something colourful on the floor.

"That is a sweet wrapper, Thorn. Mae will buy you one when you grow up and have teeth."

"Mmmaa..."

"That is a lamp. We have one at home, remember? In mae's kitchen."

Fona comes with a bright face, sweat on her forehead but a big smile that almost rips her tired face. "Oh Gulf... Come on. Who is this? Who is this? Are you a big business man? You are, aren't you?" Fona fawns over Thorn who only glares at her in irritation.

'I am only seven months, lady! What business man, business man always?! God, save my tiny life!'

Gulf should be thankful that whatever comes out of his baby's mouth are just gibberish or Gulf will lose his way of income.

"I know I have told you this already but Gulf... can we have another batch in the evening too..."

"Miss. Fona... I cannot..." Gulf's eyes drop to his son, who is sucking his fist. "I have increased the size of jars, Miss. That is all I can do."

"I understand, Gulf." Fona sighs. "But the customers... Here."

Gulf frowns when the woman gives him a pouch. "This is..."

"This is the right amount. All the yesterday's stock was finished before noon and today's is finished already."

"Really?"

"Yes... and I had to increase the amount too. People were asking me to hold them a jar for ridiculous amount of money, Gulf. So, why not?"

"It is too much, Miss. We had agreed on half the amount."

"You do not know the profit I am making and I feel bad but I cannot send the people to you..." Fona looks fondly at Thorn who has wetted Gulf's shirt with drool.

Gulf cannot have customers in his home.

First, Thorn needs him all the time. Second, he can't have his peace of mind in cooking and then... not all the customers need pickles and condiments. It may start that way... but what if...

Gulf cannot take that risk.

He does not care what profit that lady is making with his food. He wants safety and peace which Fona gives him all the time.

Gulf accepts the money with a bow.

"We have some breakfast batter in an offer sale. I will give you another 5-coins discount, Gulf."

Gulf has a good day today.

The money he has deposited in the bank, the great deal on food he has... everything is best when Thorn is smiling.

Gulf has tied a toy to his own wrist and Thorn is having fun, patting and kissing the panda toy.

"Thank you, Moon Goddess for all your blessings." Gulf mumbles.

"Oye! Harlot! We do not want you here."

Gulf freezes and his brain goes alert. He has his son with him. What if somebody decides to hurt him now?!

He quickly moves to the side and takes a calming breath when he sees the people are not talking about him.

He accidently found out that harlot is not a name of a person. Harlots are also people who sleeps with men for money.

It does not matter now.

Gulf is no harlot but that does not mean he should hate a harlot for no reason.

If that is a profession you don't like, then you do not follow it. Hating a person will not bring any good.

"Please, sir... my boy is hungry."

"Find his father then! Shoo away!" The angry bald man takes a broom and almost smacks the child that is clinging to the woman's leg.

Gulf has heard rumours. The woman left her husband to be with a woman. Things did not work out well for them and she chose the life of a harlot. Her profession as a harlot was affected when she got pregnant and now she is a street beggar.

Looks like people hates her more for changing her profession.

People are so weird.

Shouldn't they be happy that she is not a harlot anymore? That is what they wanted all these times, right?

"Ma!" The boy shouts when somebody pushes the woman and she almost falls to the ground.

Sigh!

Why people are so cruel to others they do not love?

Gulf tries to walk away but...

He sighs again and takes two packs of bread and a big carton of milk Fona had given him for free.

"Greetings, Miss. Here." Gulf extends the goodies.

"No... tha... thank you."

"Just take it. People are not kind. I can afford this. Here. Give it your child." She takes the package with trembling fingers.

Gulf then takes a small sweet Fona has given Gulf, not knowing Thorn is not big enough to have such sweets. He has accepted it out of compassion.

Gulf is not a big fan of overly sweet confectionaries. So, he gives it to the boy who is hiding behind his mae's skirt. His lips twitches when the boy seeks his mom's permission with eyes before snatching the sweet and hides again.

"I... I can... g... give you." She gently raises her skirt but her eyes will not meet him.

"No... No... I also have a son and I..."

"Pawla will look after your son until you are... I am good... You gave me food. We don't steal babies. Pawla likes kids." She mumbles and the son comes out of hiding to take Thorn from Gulf.

Gulf gulps not knowing what to do.

He is uncomfortable and Thorn is squirming on his chest.

"Thank you, Pawla but... that is not necessary. This is kindness and you just have to pass it on forward."

"But... You lost your food for nothing. I can give you something back."

Gulf learns new things every day.

A person's self-worth and integrity is not limited to one's profession.

"If you are worried about people... I can come at night. I live by the bridge; we can do there if you don't want me in your home."

"I am not interested. Thank you for asking. Here." Gulf drops some loose copper coins in her hands. "Get out of here and start somewhere new. The enemies in an unknown place could be kinder than some friends in our home. Bye Pawla and let us not see each other again, Miss."

Gulf does not wait for a reply. He is uncomfortable and he is afraid of street dwellers. They could be thieves, they could be murderers and Gulf has a precious baby to look after.

What if she decides to come after Gulf and decides to leach him off?

He remembers the story of the man who was stabbed and killed by a harlot. Nobody asked why the people who saw the event did not help the dying man. But, 'harlots are dangerous' is a moral story that a single mother like Gulf cannot overlook.

"Immiiii!!!" Thorn finally has enough of the delay. He has been waiting patiently only by kicking his mae's stomach.

"Oooohhh... we are closer to home, son. See, ma is walking."

Gulf tries to sooth his hungry son but when Thorn notices they are nowhere close, he loses it.

"IMMIIII!!! Waaahh..."

Gulf is in huge trouble. "Oh, mae is so silly, right, Thorn? Oh I am... what was I thinking?"

"Immimmii..."

Gulf kisses and pats are futile against the hangry baby. He is so demanding for everything he wants and Gulf rushes to their small home on the calmer side of the village.

Thorn has already showered tears down his shirt and is squeezing his nipples.

"Thorn, not here. We are near home... See, our Pochiya tree. Look!"

Thorn is mad at mae. He is dying of hunger and his mae wants to look at Pochiya tree. For what?! "WAAAAHHHH!!!"

This is exactly why Gulf cannot take orders for another batch. Thorn is too young to...

"Immi!!!"

"Tada, Thorn we are here!"

See, mae sometimes requires his guidance or they will never reach home in time.

Gulf on the other hand is preparing himself for another round of tears as he slowly melts Jofa cream and baby feeding powder in warm water.

He sighs as Thorn's calm face slowly scrunches again to cry. He picks his babe up and moves to the chair near the window that has an amazing view of the lake.

"Look Thorn, a baby duckling and a duck." There is nothing there. Gulf just wants some more time to undo his buttons.

Gulf chuckles when his son immediately latches on his nipple without a care in the world.

"I love you." He hopes that statement will be enough to calm Thorn down in the next few moments. He has to shift his son's position to the other nipple far too ealier.

There is nothing that has given him intense sense of satisfaction and worth like feeling his son drinking milk from his breasts.

That tiny suction, with frequents humming, soft baby kicks, and his son's satisfied breathing brings the calmness to Gulf that he was searching all his life.

Yet, Gulf is a failure there too.

Soon, Gulf feels Thorn patting his chest again. A message that he is not getting anything anymore. A message begging his mae to switch position to give him more milk.

How can you tell his son that his mae does not produce enough milk like other maes?

Thorn opens his squeezed shut eyes to ask what went wrong and then he sees his worst enemy ever; The Bottle.

Oh, hell no!

The kicks are towards the bottle; the cries are troubled war cries against his mortal enemy. If he kicks higher may be he can yeet it out of mae's hand.

Nope!

Mae is already rubbing the chewy disgusting thing on his lips; it is not soft like mae's nipples and that white thing is no milk! It is not sweet like mae's, it does not even smell of comfort like mae.

'WHERE IS MY MILK?! Take this away from me!'

"Bla bleeblee blu bleebee bla."

Gulf has no idea what his baby is babbling about but he knows his baby's screeches is of pain and hunger.

"Son, it is good for you. Remember what our healer said... it is nice and sweet and good for my baby boy..."

'Then ask that man to drink it! Not me! MAE!'

"BLEE... BLEE... Mmmiiii."

"Now, be my good boy and drink this. When it is night... mae will give you immi. I promise, son. Come on. It is good. Thorn!"

He is gonna kick it. He is gonna kick it. Kick it out of the window. 'Mae, hold it still.'

Thorn's tiny back arches as he kicks higher until he sees his mae's eyes filled with tears.

Oh no!

"I am so sorry, son. I am so sorry. Mae is sorry that he can't give you anymore. He can't give you anything you deserve."

Gulf sniffles.

The boy in his lap is not just an ordinary boy. He is the real Crown Prince but... Gulf has brought bad luck on him.

He casted the shadow on his son's future.

If only the Emperor married someone else, his son would have had everything he ever wanted. Even Gulf had three wet nurses and his dad was only a Governor.

So, Thorn, the Emperor's son... no not Emperor's son.

Gulf's son.

Thorn is his son.

His only son.

Gulf smiles at Thorn with wet eyes who is staring at him. He quickly sniffles and wipes his eyes before trying again.

"Be my lovely baby and drink this now, okay?"

'Anything for you mae.'

"Bla!" Thorn gently licks the chewy thing but decides the fight is not worth mae's tears. It is just that he hates the stuff.

Gulf kisses his son's forehead and finally puts the whole nipple of the bottle inside his son's mouth.

"I promise I will be better for you, Thorn." He will go see the healer this evening. Ask for any new medicines that will help him to produce more milk. He does not care how bitter or sweet the medicine is. Gulf will drink it.

'God, it is disgusting; the sacrifices I make for you, mae!' Thorn just squeezes his eyes shut again, this time in frustration and gulps up the white thing. No, he will not call it milk. Milk is immi. Immi is milk.

This is just hell in liquid form.

Gulf gently rocks his calmed down son.

Maybe next month he will buy a rocking chair. Gulf smiles; he will not.

Gulf really only makes plans when it comes to his own comfort and pleasure. With every new month, all his purchases will end up revolving around his son and his growth.

As it reaches the mid-month and the interest from the main bank will get credited to his Livings Account, he will start making plans again.

Last month his plan to buy himself a pair of comfortable sandals ended up being Thorn's sweater.

This month's plan of buying himself a rocking chair will most likely end up as Thorn's first walker.

Gulf chuckles, seeing his son has finished the last drop of the bottle and is now gently snoring.

"Oh my tiny baby." Gulf coos and stands up with Thorn on his shoulder. He walks a bit on the veranda enjoying gentle breeze and burping his sleeping son.

Gulf cannot believe he is staying here and living the best life he ever had.

He has a home, a son, a rewarding job.

Sigh!

Some days he cannot believe it.

A shiver of fear passes through his spine when the past gives him a glimpse. The decision to end his life; his son's life...

Gulf was desperate. He had not eaten in days and he could feel the life in his belly slowly fading. Unlike him, a life that small cannot sustain only on water.

He...

Well, people found him. When he woke up there were people around his healer's bed.

"Traipipattanapong Kanawut?"

That is the day his life shifted for good. He did not mind the pain; the suffering; the days he could not tell if he was alive or dead.

But his son made it and Gulf had to make it out alive too.

He has only one person in this whole universe to be thankful for.

His dad.

His dad had left him a small account in his name only. A small saving that saved his son's and his life... and the name that had stitched to his empty bag.

The healers had written a letter to the banker's name. The bag was the gift to his dad by the bank for the richest client they ever had.

It saved his life.

Gulf does not care if his mom emptied his dad's account; his dad's savings for him was enough.

The amount had dwindled down to nothing with the healer's expenses and his life struggles with a new born baby.

It does not matter.

Thorn and Gulf are happy now.

Well almost happy. Gulf gently wipes the droplets of milk from his son's shirt. Thorn is never happy with bottle-milk.

Gulf kisses his baby boy's chubby cheeks once more. "mmmiii..."

Gulf shakes his head and places sleeping Thorn to the cloth cradle before getting back to work.

He takes the sun dried Euvaan fruits from the mat and starts chopping them to cubes. The customers love his exotic choices of pickles and condiments.

The zonan-ginger-terquat paste is also sold like warm bread.

Gulf is grateful; grateful for the blessing that came to him in form of motivation.

He pours a jar of sugar, salt and black crystals to the cubes and set them outside to marinate. His work is tedious but the amount of money this brings, is enough to nurture his son healthily.

Gulf gently punches his aching back and sits down to make sauces and marinating pastes.

Around the evening, he and his son go to the healer... again.

The healer is yet to say it is all Gulf's fault but he knows. Why else a first mother does not produce enough milk? He is single because he is unlovable and his son suffers for that.

The old man gently prods his chapped nipples.

"Nong... are you not eating well?" Gulf squirms.

"I have been..." Just not enough.

"Certain things, a healer cannot diminish. You have to eat well. These medicines cannot give you nutrition, son. And the nutrition oils cost more than food itself."

Gulf only plays with his tunic's edge without replying.

He knows but... Thorn's vaccine-drop dates are coming. He has to save from now on, to afford the three gold coins. He cannot touch the bank reserve. It is for Thorn's education, then his life when Gulf's body goes old and cannot support his son anymore.

"I know you do not like to go but..." The old Temple healer takes a scroll. "... the Royal Hiljing Ministry and World Child-Health Keepers are conducting a mandatory checking for all infants and their mothers."

Gulf sighs.

"You have to go."

It is more trouble than what it is worth. He will have to pack three meals, get a horse cab, stay in long queues and then come back with only two packs of baby food. He will lose his whole day of work, then he will be tired to work the next day too. His back pain will come back with full force and stays with him for the whole week dragging him down.

He can suffer all these but the ugly looks and hurtful words when they know that he is a single parent with a youngling, always make him want to turn away.

"They will give you free food supplements, medicines, and you do not have to take food with you. They will be serving them for free, if you carry your son's birth card."

That peaks his curiosity.

"They will take a drop of your son's blood and yours to check for malnutrition and other diseases."

"Really?"

"Yes, for all children below a year old and their mothers. Here is the pamphlet." The old monk also adds some notes on the book before accepting his jars of pickle as the fee.

It is only by luck did he find this good healer or he and his son...

Focus on the present, Gulf.

"Gulf, son, you have to go. You deserve good health and happiness as much as your son. They will provide your food supplement too."

Gulf nods and leaves for his home.

Three meals free and they will look for any malnutrition in his son.

Of course he will go.

In two days, the medical camp will reach his village. That means he does not have to arrange for a horse cab.

He smiles when Thorn smacks the pamphlet off his hand.

"You, naughty boy!" Gulf tickles his son's chubby tummy and they sit outside on the bench in front of their home. "Where is Grandpa, Thorn? Where is he? There, see!!! Grandpa is waving at us."

The night is so beautiful with his dad shining the brightest.

"Thanks dad, for another day full of blessings. Thorn is a good boy..." He laughs when Thorn hides his face behind his tiny palms. "Though naughty..."

That earns him an offhanded 'blah'.

'I am seven months old, mae. Spare me the speech of being naughty.'

"Life is so good and I wish it may never change... Please look after Thorn's health and my life. I love you, dad."

They always have dinner after talking to Grandpa.

Gulf knows he should eat another piece of Elk meat but... the winter is coming and dried meat will stay for long.

How could one piece make a difference? He eats his soup with too much water and too little vegetables and a salted piece of bread.

Yet, it is the best food he ever had.

Gulf has everything now. He has nothing but his son's health to worry about and that is how his life should be.

When Thorn falls asleep still suckling on his nipple, Gulf slowly climbs down the bed after swaddling his son. He tiptoes back to the kitchen and lights the lamp to get back to work.

The pickles need to be put in jars.

The young mother starts working in the middle of the night, so the next day will also bring similar lucks in his and his son's life like today.