*October 4th, 1990*

Since Norway, I have moved to two more countries. Sweden and Denmark. Now I reside in the Netherlands. Just been trying to get over it. I've been here for two weeks now and so far, everything is going well. I haven't had an episode since my time in Norway. A week after it happened, I read online about Erik and his family. His ten-year-old son being the only survivor. Of course, having fled right away, I was a prime suspect. The son was also able to describe what I looked like to the police. My long blonde curly hair, the brightness of my amber eyes, even down to the dress I wore. Luckily, the case seemed to die after they lost my trail in Sweden. I'm sure I would have been caught if it wasn't for it. You know that voice in my head.

I'm not sure why they lost my trail, the boy described the night in such detail. He said I had been talking to myself, like I was fighting myself the whole time. Especially after I found him in the living room curled in a tiny ball, hiding from me. He said he could tell I was troubled and what really killed me inside, he felt bad for me. He felt sorry for me. I don't know how anybody could feel sorry about the person who killed their family, but he did. He noticed that I didn't want to kill him. That after I came too, I looked upset at what I had did. The police concluded that I am mentally unstable, so it makes me even more dangerous. I would think they would want to find me even more, but there has been nothing since they stopped looking for me in Sweden, at least I think so. I feel the need to only stay in one place for so long. I don't want my trail to be picked up again.

I don't think I have ever been so paranoid in my life. I am constantly looking over my shoulder. Afraid that someone will recognize me and turn me in. I have since dyed my hair from blonde to black and have chopped it off. I now rock a lovely pixie cut. I won't lie, I hate it. I miss my long curly hair. As unruly as it was, I still loved it. Now I wear heavy makeup and changed how I dress. I went from a casual sophisticated look to a dark goth look. I don't even recognize myself, but if I don't want to get caught, I need to do this. I can't lose my freedom right after I just gained it. How would it look to my parents? They would probably die of embarrassment if they found out. They would probably bale me out of prison just to put me back in to their prison. I would never see daylight again.

"Pale would look good on you."

"Shut up." I whisper to myself. A teenage girl looks at me funny as I walk past. I give her a disgusted look and she quickly shifts her gaze.

I am just walking around right now. I have the day off from the small job I have on a farm out in the country side. I help with feeding the cows and horses, as well as babysit the parent's small children. I'm sure if they really knew who I was, they would have shot me on site. Not that I don't deserve it, but whatever happened back there, it wasn't me.

"That's because it was me."

I cringe at the sing-song voice that isn't mine. The voice has been silent up until now, now it won't shut up and I feel as though it is a sign. It talked a lot to before...before I had to leave quickly.

"You only killed some people. They were going to send you back home. I saved you."

I want to knock myself out at this moment. I'd rather be unconscious than listen to this demon in my head.

I try and distract myself by looking into a shop window. There are two tv's in each corner of the display, both playing the same news channel. I'm not sure what they are talking about, but before I know it, my face pops up on the screen. I jump at the sight, but quickly try and calm myself down. I look closer at the picture, it's an old one. From when I was in high school. This wasn't about the murder I committed, it's about my parents still trying to find me. It's a good thing I changed my look, they will never find me now.

I begin to walk away, but not before I see my parents come on the screen. My father is holding my mother close, his arm wrapped around her shoulder, other hand holding her arm tight. He's talking to a reporter, but I don't know what he's saying. My mother is crying. Her head is in her hands, sobbing, my father rubbing her arm every now and then. My father doesn't even look upset and I'm sure my mother is over doing it a little. I scowl at the disgusting sight. How can they even fake that shit? I can't help but keep staring at the screen, I could go blind at how close I am. While I'm staring they pop out of the picture and another picture of me pops up. It's a newer picture of me from when I worked in Norway. My long blonde curly hair is back in a pony and I'm serving customers. I'm smiling, teeth showing as I hand a young man a hot dish.

"They are going to find you." It sang. If I could kick that stupid voice I would.

Now I know they are talking about the murder I committed. There are no subtitles and I can't hear through the thick pane glass separating me and the tv. A picture of the family, that I have no recollection of killing, glides into view. Guilt washes over me as I see my parents come back on tv. I wish I knew what they were talking about.

"How much of a disappointment you are." It's probably right.

"I'm always right." I growl at myself.

I take my eyes away from the screens and start to walk away. My pager begins to ring in my pocket, my ringtone getting louder as I bring it up out of my pocket. I read Mrs. Jansen name as it appears on my screen, causing me to rush to the nearest payphone so I could call her. I take a quarter out of my pocket as I close the door of the booth.

"Hey Mrs. J." I say excitedly into the speaker.

I put a little happiness in my step after talking to my lovely boss. Our conversation isn't too long, she asked me if I would be able to watch her kids tonight. Who would I be if I said no? Her kids, ages 5 and 7, remind me of my younger siblings. Watching them lets me get my fill of missing them. The youngest, her name is Sara, is an absolute angel, always trying to help. She wants to learn anything and everything. Sometimes she can get really out of hand, but she's only five and I remember Emily at that age. She always wanted to learn new things too. Jayden is the seven-year-old. He is so sweet but can be the devil in disguise. You got to watch out for him. He likes to bring in the baby farm animals when no one is looking, or he will set up traps around the house. It's a struggle sometimes, but it always works out in the end.

I pick up my pace and get back to the hotel I'm staying at. Luckily, I didn't walk that far from it. Downtown area is only a few minutes away. I swiftly walk through the spinning door and head towards the elevator. I pause as I hear my name said on the tv in the hotel lobby. I stop in my tracks, almost falling forward. My eyes wide as I stare at the screen. My picture is shown up on the screen again but like before it's an old one. It must be the same news cast I watched earlier, only this one has sound. I listen and watch as my parents pop up on the screen. They are talking about how much they miss me and wish I would come home. They hope I'm seeing this somewhere. I'm surprised it's in English. They mention something about a mental illness, but the tv starts to cut out. I shrug and decide to continue on my way.

I hurry to my room and change into something comfortable to watch the kids in and something I don't care about. Jayden has a habit of always covering me in something. I grab my bag after checking to make sure I have what I need in it and I head out the door. I call for a cab as I step out the elevator and make my way back out the hotel door. Just as I'm about to exit the building, I feel a hand rest on my shoulder. I yelp and quickly move away, backing myself against the door.

"Hey, sorry I didn't mean to scare ya." A small chuckle finishes the sentence.

I feel the color drain from my face. I can't believe my eyes. Staring into my amber eyes are a set of deep emerald green ones. A pair I never thought I would ever see again. A pair I can never forget.

"I didn't think I would ever see you again." His smile shows off his pearly whites. His smile soon vanishes, and a confused look washes over.

"Are you okay?" he asks staring at me intently. I'm too scared to move, to say anything. The look of horror is probably written all over my face.

He walks closer to me, his large calloused hand reaching out for me. I see the tattoos climbing up his arm as he lightly caresses my cheek. The same ones I saw over four months ago and now they are in front of me again.

"Did you lose your voice again?" He gave me a sweet smile, clearly trying to get me to smile or do something.

"How do you know who I am?" I whisper. I finally get myself to move, at least my eyes. They wonder looking around me, making sure no one has noticed anything.

"I'd recognize you anywhere." He says confidently, leaning in closer to me.

"What are you doing here?" The shock is slowly leaving my body and I can feel the color gaining back in my face.

"I'm not allowed to travel?" A sly look forms with his smile.

"No, I didn't mean that. Just how are the odds of meeting each other again." Nothing makes sense to me right now. How is this possible? What if he turns me in? There is no doubt he knows what happened.

"I need to go." I practically yell and run out the door behind me, almost hitting the stranger that somehow keeps running into me.

"No! Wait!" He yells after me, following me out the door. I spot the cab that I called. Before the guy can grab me, I'm in and slam the door behind me.

"Drive!"

I try not to seem rude, but I know it comes out harsher than it should be. I had already given him the address over the phone from the hotel room, so there is no need for me to give it to him now. I look out the back window, looking for the tattooed man. He's gone. I don't see him anywhere. I hope I don't run into him later. My heart beat begins to slow back to normal. I am finally able to catch my breath. I hope my evening gets better and I forget the whole thing.

"I'm sure it will be just lovely."

I roll my eyes, not sure what to think of what it just said. I really don't care at this moment, I just want this night to be over already.

The cab slowly drives down the long, rough dirt driveway. Bouncing over the potholes that litter the way. I hold onto my seatbelt, to stop from swaying back and forth. The porch light flickers on as the cab comes to a stop. I pay the gray-haired driver and make my way up the stairs and knock on the front door. Mrs. Jansen answers the door and a smile spread on her face, showing off the wrinkles around her lips.

"Kaylee!!!!" I hear a tiny shrill voice call out my name. I see the big brown eyes of the small little girl who call out for me. I squat down, arms out wide and she runs, colliding into me. I hear Mrs. Jansen burst out laughing.

"Gaan we spelen?" (Are we going to play?) She squeals in Dutch at my face.

"Ja, we zijn!" (Yes, we are!) I yell back to her. I've learned a little Dutch while living here.

"Sara, stap uit Ms. Kaylee." (Sara, get off Ms. Kaylee.) Mrs. Jansen comes over and picks the little one off me.

"That's okay Mrs. J. She's just excited." I assure her as I stand back up.

"She has been talking about you all afternoon. Talking about all the things you and she were going to do together."

"What about Jayden?"

"Jayden bedoel." (Jayden mean) Sara growls as we walk inside.

"Oh no what happened?" I ask turning to Mrs. Jansen.

"Jayden just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today." My mouth forms an 'o' as an answer.

"Hello, Kaylee." Mr. Jansen welcomes as he walks down the stairs of their quaint little home.

"Hello, Mr. Jansen." I give a small wave and lean against the kitchen table.

"How did the town meeting go yesterday?" I ask.

"Well the problem with the cows still hasn't been fixed. We have nowhere to dump the manure safely anymore." He begins.

"So, what are they going to do about it?" I wondered. There has been a major problem with the amount of manure the cows are producing, and farmers are running out of ways to safely dispose of it.

"I'm not sure at this point. I just hope we figure it out soon. It's really starting to smell up the air." I can't help but laugh at his answer. It's true though, the air around here is beginning to smell.

"There is money on the table for pizza if you guys want. We will be gone for a few hours. Here is the number for the restaurant we will be at, Call if you need anything." Mrs. Janson tells me as she kisses Sara on the forehead.

"You be good and be nice to your brother." We wave goodbye as they head out the door.

"So, Sara what do you want to do tonight?" I ask holding out for her hand and we hold hands while walking to the living room. I let go of her hand and sit down on the couch. Sara take the chance to climb up on the couch and starts to jump up and down.

"Hey now, get down." I attempt to settle her down. She does one last jump and lands on her butt right next to me.

"Let's go outside! Let's go play with the glowsticks I got." Her face lights up as she talks. Her smile can brighten any darken room.

"Should we invite your brother?" The look on her face says it all. A big N O.

"Oh, come on. Would you want to be left out?" I stare intently at her, batting my eyelashes a little. She turns her head away and brings a finger up to her chin, thinking intensely about what she is going to say next.

"Oh, alright." She sighs a huge sigh, with a very unhappy look on her face.

"Good. Now go get him." I say with a grin. I'm always proud when I win little arguments like this.

She trudges up the stairs to her brothers' room. I stay in the living room, waiting for them to come back down. The living room has a nice country style to it. There is a fireplace in the corner of the room, opposite the couch. Layered brick climb up the wall behind it. The walls are made of wood, making the room seem darker than it really is. Still it feels calming and reassuring.

"Don't get to comfortable."

I wince back, hitting my head against the back of the couch. At least it was a soft hit. I hear it chuckle in the back of my mind. Luckily, I hear the children come running down the stairs. I get up happily and follow their laughter.

"Made up, I see." I can't help but giggle. Jayden has the bag of glowsticks in his hand, holding them up high, so his sister can't get them.

"Gimmie! Gimmie!" Sara shouts angerly at her brother who hasn't stopped laughing since he came down the steps.

"Alright you two. Let's go outside and play with those. Won't do you any good in here." I say in a monotone voice.

They both cheer in excitement and run out of the house. I turn on the porch light, so I can still see them, even though they have their glowsticks. They immediately open the packaging and start to break apart the glowsticks. Soon enough the yard is being light up by multi-color luminescence. I run around with them, holding onto a glowstick of my own. We begin to play tag and of course, I'm it first.

"It's time."

I stop in my tracks. The children keep running, not realizing I have stopped.

"Their time is over." A shiver runs through my spine.

"Whose time is over?" I whisper, having no idea why it's saying that.

I shake in fear and search around me. I'm not sure what I'm searching for, but maybe a way to stop whatever might be happening. Before I can do anything, my breath begins to shorten, my head begins to feel very heavy and dizzy. My heart beat speeds up, pumping more blood through my lungs to keep them moving, while I continue to try and breath. My vision begins to blur as I try and run towards the house. My throat has run dry and I can't call out to the children. I see a blurry pink glow in front of me as I trip and fall to the ground. The last thing I see before my eyes close are two sets of little feet running towards me and two glowing lights.

By the time I came too, my glowstick was a mere dimming glow. I sit up, rubbing my head, brushing out some small gravel rocks that seemed to have stuck into my hair. I groan as I slowly put my feet underneath me, so I can stand up. My whole body is sore. Like I was trampled by cattle. My ankle stings when I step down on it. I must have twisted it when I tripped and fell. I limp towards the house, I feel further away than before, but then again, I did pass out. Before I can reach the steps, I hear sirens, as they get louder the closer they come. I turn quickly looking towards the sound. I feel as though something happened, but I can't put my finger on it.

"Where are the children?" It laughs, causing me to freak out.

"JAYDEN! SARA!" I scream.

Glow sticks litter the ground, but I don't see them. I scream their names again and again, but they are nowhere. I decide to check the barn, that's when I notice something. The door is wide open. I run ignoring the searing pain in my ankle. Once in I slow to a walk and cautiously walk in. The children know they aren't allowed in the barn without an adult, so why is the door open. I hear nothing but the light tapping of my boots as they hit the concrete floor. My heart is beating fast as I realize something else. As I walk through another door to the opening of one of the pastures, there is no grunts or mooing from the cows. That is because there aren't any. I don't see any cows. They are always close to the barn at night. I turn to go out the gate instead of going back through the barn. I stop dead in my tracks; the gate is wide open and there are fresh tracks leading out of the gate. My mind is running wild now. Sirens are louder now, and I can see the red and blue lights from down the road a little way.

I follow the footprints, using a flashlight I found in the barn. I now see the crushed garden as the cows must have ran through. It leads up the driveway, so I continue to walk, not sure what I will find. The gravel crunches under my feet as I walk nervously. I pause when I notice an abnormal darkened pattern on the ground. I kneel and take a closer look. It's hard with this dim flashlight, but it shows me what I wish it didn't. No doubt about it, its blood. Who's blood I have no idea. My stomach began to churn, vile raising into my throat. I get up and follow the new trail. The spots only get bigger from there. I freeze when I see flesh. I want to scream, shout, run, hide, do something, but my body won't let me. I stood there frozen, staring at a large chunk of flesh. I think I know whose blood it is. I shine the flashlight up, more body parts come into view. I can't tell which or who, but I'm not sure I want to find out.

Cattle starts wondering back in from the road. Going around me as if I'm not even there. I walk forward, once I get my bearings back. They are come back in two's and three's. The lights from the cop car are at the end of the driveway now, helping another farmer guide the cows back. I don't think they have noticed anything yet. Blood is leaking on the ground as I get closer to a body. It's been trampled on to the point of being unrecognizable. Skull crushed in, jaw hanging loose, eye balls squished out of the sockets. The only reason I know who it is, is Jayden has on a bright blue shirt and Sara has a pink shirt with sequins. The fabric is barely recognizable, but I see some sequins glimmer in my light. Her shirt is tattered and torn, imbedded into her skin. Well her blonde hair is now a dark blood red color mixed with muck and dirt. Her beautiful face is un recognizable. I kneel beside her lifeless body. Not caring about my jeans soaking up the red liquid. Tears form in my eyes. I want to reach for her, pick her up and hold her in my arms. She is missing a large portion of her abdomen. I'm sure that every bone in her small body was broken from being trampled by these animals. She must have been so scared.

"Oh!" I hear from up on the road, followed by muttering.

My head shoots up and I stare into the dark. I can see a small light shining on a small mass. I want to get up and check it out, but my legs won't let me. My body frozen in shock. I hear a man's voice talking, but he's too far away from me to hear what he is saying. Then a light shine over me and Sara. I stare down at her, while listening to the man run towards me. I can't focus when he begins to talk to me. I don't understand him, he's speaking in Dutch. My mind won't let me register what words he's using.

"Suck it up, buttercup." This is not the time for it to start talking.

I finally look at the cop and he looks concerned and frightened. I wipe away some tears with the back of my hand. My mouth opens, but no words come out. Realizing that I don't speak Dutch very well or not at all, he switches to English.

"Ma'am, I need to know what happened? I have backup on the way." His voice low, tone is authoritative.

"I...I...I don't know." I finally spit out.

"Oh, but you do." I scrunch my face up in anger.

"Ma'am are you alright?" He looks into my eyes, as if he's trying to read my mind.

"No, I'm not alright!" I shout. Not meaning to be rude, but how could someone ask that. I'm sitting in a puddle of blood of a little girl I'm very fond of.

"Please calm down and tell me what happened here." He attempts to put a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I quickly shuffle back on my knees, giving him a warning look.

I want to scream at him, hit him. There is no way I will be able to calm down. I'm starting to shake in anger and sadness. Emotions are mixing together, and I can't tell which ones are which.

"Ma'am, how about you go take a seat." He suggests but is already helping me up and trying to guide me to go sit on the porch.

"No, I don't want to sit. I don't want to calm down. I want Sara back and I can't find Jayden." I cry out, looking over my shoulder at the unrecognizable body. I have no strength to struggle and get away from him.

"Man, up will ya."

It only makes me want to cry even more. I can't get the waterfall of tears to stop. Why won't they stop?

"So, you know who that is? You can identify it?"

I wipe away the tears, trying to get rid of my blurry eyes. I notice more of the man in front of me.

"You better keep your mouth shut. You no nothing what how it happened."

I'm being threatened by my mind. Can I tell the cop about the monster in my head?

"Ha ha funny."

Even though he stands in front of the porch light, it is still hard to see him with the black uniform. The bright reflective stripe across his chest feel like it is blinding me.

"Ma'am I need you to focus." He taps my shoulder trying to get my attention. I sway back and forth but focus on him as much as possible.

When he realizes I'm finally attentive, he asks again, "Do you know who that is? Can you identify the body?" My face saddens even more, tears slowly streaming now.

"Yes, that's Sara Jansen. I was babysitting her and her brother. We were playing tag and I was chasing after them when I passed out. When I came too, they were gone. I went in the barn then back up the driveway when I found that the gate to the pasture was open and the cows were gone."

I continue to spill everything I found after I woke up. Excluding the fact that my mind wasn't really there. He pulls out a notepad as I spoke, writing everything down. When I finish, I feel even worse. This is all my fault.

"You bet it is."

Just leave me alone! I want to scream at it. The cop gives me a courtesy nod as more cops pull up. I bring my knees up and wrap my arms around them, leaning my chin in the middle of my knee caps. Goosebumps rise on my skin as a cool breeze drift by. I don't let it bother me. I don't know how long I sit there, staring at the ground.

"Kaylee!" A women's voice yells to me.

It takes me a few seconds to realize its Mrs. Jansen. She runs over to me. I slowly stand, waiting for her to start screaming at me or punching me. I'm not sure what to expect, but I didn't expect for her to embrace me. Holding me so tight I can barely breath.

"What is going on? We pull into the driveway and the police are everywhere." She asks looking around. She doesn't know yet. How has she not seen the body?

"They have part of the road taped off and our driveway."

"Mrs. Janson. There is something you need to know." But before I can finish, the cop I was talking to earlier walks up and asks to speak with her.

"I'll be right back, please make sure the children are alright." I choke back more tears. She didn't give me time to answer as the cop pulled her away.

Her wails catch everyone's attention.

Her husband immediately rushes to her side, clutching her fallen form. I don't have to see his face to know he was crying. I look around, bright flood lights have been put up, now you can see everything. The hoof prints, the trampled garden, the blood and last, the bodies. I can now see another trampled mess of a small child. My throat constricts as vomit attempts to rise in my throat. I lean towards the side of the porch, hand resting on my knee as I hunch over, ready to spill my guts.

"Ma'am?" I hear a sharp voice behind me.

I swallow back as much as I can and stand up to look at him. It's a paramedic and his reflective jacket is blinding me just like the cops had.

"Lieutenant Peters told me that you had passed out." His accent was so thick I barely understood him, but I heard passed out, so I gave a small nod.

"I'd like to take your vitals and make sure you're alright." His eyes are large and show concern for me.

He probably would rather deal with something living than something dead. He leads me over to an ambulance and asks me to take a seat in the middle of the open doorway of the rear of the vehicle.

My mind seems to float away while he takes my vitals. I feel as though I'm not even there, my head is light, almost like its floating. I don't feel like I'm here anymore. At least I don't want to be. I don't come back down from my cloud until I receive a very harsh slap to the face. My head is forced sideways, and my eyes connect with the paramedics. He looks just as confused. I reach with my left hand to feel if my cheek is still there. Then I turn and look at a very angry mother. Her face is contorted in ways I didn't know possible. Teeth barred, breath heavy, eyes are red and puffy, but doesn't stop them from shooting daggers at me. I look at her in shock, but inside I know exactly why she did it. Mr. Jansen puts an arm around her front and begins to pull her back, all while she is shouting in Dutch at me. I don't need to know the language to know what she is saying. He's speaking back to her, but I still don't know what he is saying. He looks so much calmer than she does. He looks at me apologetically. I'm sure he blames me too but is trying to stay level headed.

"Of course, they think you did it. That's because you did."

My heart tears in two upon its words.

"I did it for you, just remember that."