Kora

It was a long way down the hall from Grace's room to mine. I'd have loved to sleep over, but I didn't have any spare clothes, and it wasn't like Grace's could fit anyway. What was it with rich people and really skinny figures?

Grace had asked me to move in with her, and be her roommate, since she didn't really have any, neither did I. We had those big rooms all to ourselves, not like I had a choice. I wasn't too good with people, and Mum knew that. That was why she didn't push it, plus, not all rich kids love living on campus anyway. I mean don't get me wrong, NAUN had one of the best accommodations I had ever seen, but home was home. Who would ever want to give up sleeping in their own beds and being attended to by maids for anything?

I rubbed my arms to keep myself warm, letting out an exasperated sigh. Talking about home, made me so sad all of a sudden. Mum and I had left things on a rough patch, the last time I went back. I still couldn't believe she had said all that to me. That she blamed me for everything that had happened to her. I mean she wasn't entirely wrong, she left her first husband, because i told her he always asked me to touch his penis, the second was just as horrible as the one before him. He used to hit me, and then her too.

He abused her physically and verbally, of course she had to leave. What sane woman wouldn't? The third wasn't entirely my fault, he was a drunk, and a drug addict. How was any of that my fault? And the fourth, trust me, you don't want to know about that guy, or his family. Let's just say I hate talking about him. Not like I talked about any of my mother's exs', but that one, that one, neither I or my mum could ever talk about him without bringing tears to both our eyes. She hated him just as much as I did, and we promised to forget, and never talk about him ever again-

"Kora."

I froze for a second, not daring to move when I heard my name. I didn't freeze because I heard my name, I froze because I knew exactly who it was that had called me. I hesitated for a while, placing a hand on my left cheek, where Seven had slapped me. Last I checked, I could still see her prints perfectly carved on my skin, and that was just five minutes ago. I could still feel it. You know when an African tells you that they could slap you, and forget their hands on your face, yeah, that was exactly what Seven had done to me. My cheek was still so sore, and my jaw was numb. I had spent the entire afternoon wondering if she lifted weights or something.

God, I couldn't let him see me like this. It was bad enough he had seen all that had happened earlier, the last thing I needed was giving him something to worry about. Even though he didn't stand up for me, or defend me out there, I knew it wasn't his fault. I knew I couldn't possibly blame him for it. I knew he had found me at that moment, to make up for it. I knew he couldn't possibly pretend to not care about me. Luke loved me. No matter how much he pushed me away, and tried to pretend like he didn't, I knew he still did. I knew he loved me.

I took a deep breath, and then turned to him. Trying not to get too excited, even when my heart raced so fast, just watching him stand a few steps in front of me with his eyes glued on me.

"Luke?" I called his name almost in a whisper. Pretending like I didn't know it was him the first time.

"Can we talk?" He asked me. "Alone?" He nodded sideways towards the door beside him. I turned to the door. It was the door leading to one of the storage rooms. Did he really want to talk now? To talk about what happened the last time, because we really needed to talk about it, and alone as at that? I didn't reject his offer. I mean how could I? I hesitated for just a tinnie winnie bit, and then I found my legs leading me to the door, hoping he was right behind me the moment I opened it. I walked in and I froze.

Of course. That was what he meant by alone. Me, him, and his girlfriend Racheal. I rolled my eyes.

Just how desperate and stupid can you actually be Kora?

I wanted to turn to him. I wanted to get mad, really mad about it, but I just couldn't. I spread my hands beside my hips, and then dropped it.

"What is it this time?" I asked Racheal, just as I heard the door close from behind me. Luke had locked it, and was standing right in front of it, so no one came in. I could see the way Racheal looked at me, like she was so angry and disgusted at the same time. I knew that look. It was the look she made when she was being forced to do something she didn't want to do.

"I'm sorry." She blurted out as fast as she could. "For how I talked to you the last time." She looked away, and then whispered somethings to herself.

Really? Were they serious? Was that some kind of a joke? a set up? What sort of a flimsy fake apology was that? Racheal could never apologize to me for anything at all. Why was she apologizing to me for the least horrible thing she had ever done to
me?

"I-" I turned to Luke "I don't understand." I told him. "What's going on-"

"Just accept the apology please."
I turned back to Racheal "It's hard enough that I had to say it. Don't make it even harder."

"Racheal-" Luke called her, my guess was to stop her from doing the same thing she had just apologized for.

"What?" She asked him. "This is getting really tiring, Luke. If we want her help, let's just go on out and ask her. Why must we have to do all of these unnecessary things?"

Unnecessary things? My help? What on earth did they need my help for?

"Kora," Luke hurried in front of me, just as I shifted my confused gaze towards him. "What Racheal is trying to say is-"

"No one knows who Luke is in this school." Racheal cut him off before he could even say anything else. Just like she always did. Typical Racheal. Interrupting everybody, and saying things when she wasn't asked. "No one knows who he really is, except you and I, and we would like to keep it that way."

"W-What?"

I didn't even bother to look at Racheal, because nothing concerns me and am together. My business was just Luke, and Luke alone. I could see how tensed and uneasy he had become. I knew a part of him hated Racheal for always being the first to say everything.

"What Racheal is trying to say is," he continued. "No one knows my true identity here. No one knows I'm the son of an illiterate maid. To everyone at NAUN," he let out an exhale. "To everyone at NAUN, I'm new young money. You're the only one that knows. You and Racheal. I was kind of hoping you played along-"

"You want me to lie?"

"Not lie exactly." Racheal cut me off. "I mean, you wouldn't have to lie, if you just pretend like you didn't know him, or me. If you just pretend like nothing ever happened between the both of you. That way, no one would want to ask you anything."

Could you imagine?

I still had my eyes glued to Luke, hoping he had something to say. Hoping it wasn't his idea. Hoping he didn't agree to anything Racheal had just said. What was this? How could she just ask me to throw all my memories of Luke and I away, like it didn't mean anything? What Luke and I had, it could never go away even if I wanted it to. What was this?

"I'm just-" I let out a tiny scoff. My voice was starting to tremble. "I'm just trying to wrap my head around all of this-"

"Kora," Luke grabbed my hand. "Kora, If anyone were to ever find out who I was, what I was, I'd have a hard time here. I mean you saw what happens to the weak around here. That girl isn't even crass, and you saw what they did to her. What they did to you-"

He paused, and then swallowed hard.
He did agree. He wanted me to forget too.

"What they did to me?" I asked him. "What did they do to me, Luke?" I had to ask again. "You were there. You saw what happened to me, and you just sat there." I pushed him with a little bit of force, as tears began to cloud my eyes again. "You just stood there and watched." I pushed him again. "You did nothing, and now, all you can say to me is to forget?" I stopped, so I could look him in the eye. Luke looked away.

"Look at me!" I yelled at him, just as the tears began to fall down now, without any hope of ever stopping. "Luke, look at me!" I demanded he looked at me. I wanted him to see me. To see just how hurt I was. I saw how he shut his eyes tightly, and then drew a deep breath right before he slowly turned to look at me. I could hear Racheal scoff behind me.

"How could you do this to me?"

"Seriously Kora, can you just not be dramatic today-"

"Shut up!" I and Luke turned to Racheal, and chorused at once. You should have seen the way she stopped talking quickly. She was so shocked. I bet she never saw that coming.

She scoffed, and then looked away.

I sobbed.

I knew at that point, I was supposed to be tough, but I was hurt. I was hurt to the bone. I couldn't even breathe. I knew I looked so horrible crying too.

"Kora-" Luke leaned closer to me.

"Apologize to me." I told him. "Tell me you're sorry right now, and tell me you love me. Tell me you're only doing this because of your future. I won't get mad at you, and I won't stop you from playing pretend boyfriend with Racheal. I could let you be her boyfriend when everyone's watching. I won't say a thing to anyone, I promise. Just tell me we can go back to the way things were, and I'm going to forget. I'm going to forget about the past few months, and just be with you again, because," I grabbed his hands. Yes, I was that desperate. "Because I want that more than anything and I'm sure you want that too-"

"Kora-"

"I know you love me." I cut him off. "It's always going to be me. You told me that remember? You said I was the one, and when all this was over, when you had finally achieved all your dreams, we were going to live in our own home. Just you, me and your mum, no matter how small it was, and-" I sniffed. I was trying so hard to remember the details. "And we were going to get married and have our own kids. Three children, and we were going to have them outside the country, so they had somewhere else to run to if, ever a war was going to start when Biafra divided-"

Biafra? War? Oh Holy Mary, mother of God, what on earth was I even talking about? Oh God, I was really making a fool out of myself. I knew I was, especially since Racheal couldn't stop sneering at me, but I was too busy trying to get my man back, to be embarrassed of my sudden exaggerated display of emotions.

"Kora," Luke pulled his hands away from mine

"Luke please!" Now I was literally begging him, literally begging him to take me back.

"Kora, you need to stop. You need to stop this right now."

"No."

"Look at me." He pushed my face to him. "Kora look at me." He finally got me to look at him. "Kora, that's enough. It's over. We are over. If you really love me," He shut his eyes for a short second, and then opened it. "If I still mean something to you, like the way you say I do, then you have to believe me when I say it's over, and you should let me go."

"I can't."

"You have to." He told me. "You have to, Kora because I don't love you, and I am never coming back to you. Maybe I did love you one time, but not anymore. You have to forget. You have to forget everything, because I have forgotten, and I have moved on, and you should to. You mean nothing to me now, no-th-ing. I only needed a chance to mix with the noble ones, a bridge to get mixed with the elite families, and you were that bridge. I took advantage of you because you were weak and gullible, and desperate for love. You wanted to make me a part of your life so badly, because you were scared of being abandoned and alone. You were scared of people hurting you, and you were scared no one was ever going to love you, so you forced this perfect illusion of us in your head, and forced me into a commitment I wasn't even ready for. I'm just nineteen. I'm still a kid. We both. I still have a lot to live for, marriage and kids? How can I even think of those things, when I can't even afford to see myself through the university? I only hung in there, and managed through this, because I needed you. I needed the connections and attention I got through you. You helped me get into your world, and put me towards the path of my dreams, and now I'm done with you, and I'm done with all of this. I've moved on, totally. I don't care what you do, or who you end up with, I really don't -"

Before Luke could even complete his words, I had no idea when I had swung my hand back, and pulled it back with force, till it landed on his face. I had slapped him. I had slapped him, and unlike him and Racheal, I wasn't surprised at all. How could he? How could he look me in the eyes and say all those things to me? Hurt me like that, and brag about taking advantage of me? How could he tell me I was a fool, right to my face?

I took deep breaths, thinking of what to do or say next. I couldn't even think. My legs were vibrating, and my heart too. I watched Racheal rush to Luke, to check if he was okay. She was so shocked, especially after she saw blood coming out of his nose. I had no idea I had hit him that hard. My nickname wasn't aka egbe for nothing after all. I just wished I felt half as good about it.

Racheal stood straight, and then glared at me.

"You!"

"Fine." I told him, cleaning the tears away from my face as fast as I could. I was broken, I was sad, and most of all, I was done. I was done letting him take advantage of me, and make fun of my vulnerability towards him in my face, I was done letting him treat me like a damn fool, and feeling like an even bigger fool myself. I was done hearing people tell me I couldn't be loved, or no one could ever love me. That moment, and at that point I had decided that it was over. Never again. Luke didn't love me. I was looking right into his eyes, and what I saw scared me. He wasn't the Luke I used to know. The Luke I fell for.

"I totally understand." I told him as I watched him raise his face slowly towards me. "I know the truth now. I know you don't love me, you never did, and that's okay. From now on, I'll live as you want me to. I don't know you anymore, Luke Otiko. I never did, and that's my story. From now on you're dead to me."

I cleaned the tears off my face again in a hurry. Why wouldn't it just stop? God I was trying so hard to act tough now, but my tears kept ruining everything. My cracked voice too. I had so many things to say. Lots of them, but I was getting overly emotional to even say anything else. I could see him staring at me, in disbelief mostly, but what I didn't want him to see ever again, was me shedding a single tear because of him. No, I wanted him to see it because-

"This is going to be the last time I'm ever going to put myself in this position with you ever again, and this is the last minute you'd ever get from me. I'm never going to forgive you. I want you to mark today's date, and remember this. You are dead to me."

And as those last words drew from my lips, I just knew they came straight from my heart, or what was left of it anyway. I turned around in a hurry, I was done. I was done talking, I was done crying and fighting. I opened the door quickly, and then walked out of the room as fast as I could, retracing my steps down the hall in a hurry, one step turned to two steps, two steps turned to three, and before I knew it I was running down the hall as fast as I could, one hand covering my mouth, so I didn't have to cry out so loudly, even though I knew half the people I ran past had noticed already. Not like I cared.

I got there. Grace's room, and I paused for a while, slowly reaching for the knob, contemplating if I should just open it and get inside or not. I really didn't want to disturb her, especially in that state. I slowly pulled my hand back, right before the door opened quickly. Grace stepped out of her room. With the way she was dressed, you'd think she had plans to sleep out that night.

"Kora?"

I sniffed, and then managed to clean my eyes quickly so she didn't have to see me cry.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I tried to act like it was okay, even though I could see the way she looked at me. Like she could sense something was wrong. "I had no idea you were stepping out."

"I'm just going to sleep home tonight." She told me. "Kora, is everything okay?"

And that was it. That was the only question she needed to ask, to bring back all the tears to my eyes again. And before I knew it, I was back to sobbing.

"No." I sniffed as a drop of tear fell from my eyes. "I know it's selfish, but can I ask you not to go home tonight? Can I spend the night here? I'm really scared of what I might do to myself if I'm left all by myself."

Grace exhaled. She didn't need to hear me say it, but I knew she understood perfectly where I was driving at. She slowly reached for my hand.

"Come inside."