Kora

I let out a shaky breath, grabbing the paper I was drawing into and pulling it off my notepad. I folded it into a ball and threw it behind me just like I did everyone else.

I was a mess.

It was really hard concentrating on anything anymore. My mind was in shambles and it felt like my soul was too. Drawing my designs were the only thing that kept my mind focused but the past days had felt like I was really bad at it. I wasn't getting anything right. I was frustrated and sick to my mind. I wanted to forget. I wanted to forget about everything. I promised to forget about everything that had happened. About my past, about him, Jeremiah but each time I closed my eyes, each time I did as much as breathe, I saw his face, drawn in my memory. I could remember everything that happened over and over and over again. The really harsh words I had said to him and the really harsh words his father had said to me and my mum. I could remember just how much I loved him and missed him and it drove me insane. The thought that I couldn't be with him, that I was fighting every fiber of my being to restrain myself from picking up my phone and calling him, from running to him hurt me a lot more than anything else. I needed a distraction and drawing a few cloth designs in my really big drawing book wasn't helping as much as I thought it would. I was holding on tightly to my pencil without even realizing it and before I knew it, my pencil broke again and that was the height of it.

That was all I needed to bring all my emotions and frustrations back into my head. That was all I needed to lose my mind. I pushed everything on my table with one swipe of the hand and they all came crashing down. My phone, my laptop, my books, my crayons and my pens. Everything! I started to cry again. It was like the hundredth time in three days. I had promised myself that I was done crying but I wasn't. I couldn't help myself anymore, I couldn't hold it in anymore. All that bottled up hurt and anger, slowly crawling up and out of me. I buried my head into my hands, and started to cry as hard as I could in them. I was tired, tired of being strong, tired of resisting and acting like I was okay. I was not okay, I was far from being okay and it didn't matter how many outfits I drew or how many books I read, nothing changed. The pain and hurt wouldn't go away. I was hurt.

My door opened immediately and my mother rushed in. I didn't need to turn to know it was her. With the way she gasped and with the way I heard how she was taking her time, one step at a time to get to me, I could tell she was really surprised. She should have seen it coming. I had tried to act like I was okay for so long, I just couldn't anymore.

"Kora," she hurried to me and reached for my shoulder, whirling me around to face her.

"Mum," I had tears all over my face.

"Baby," she squatted right in front of me, holding both my arms.

"Mum, make it stop." My voice was breaking and I wouldn't stop crying. My heart was heavy and broken. It was like I couldn't breathe. I placed a hand on my chest, hitting it hard so I could let air through. "Mum make it stop please."

"Kora," my mum's eyes became wet too. I could see she was just as heartbroken as I was "Oh my baby." She was crying too. I could see the teardrops that fell from her eyes.

"I can't take it, I can't take it anymore Mum. I want it to end, Mum please, make it stop."

She pulled me into her embrace quickly and started to rub my back gently.

"Oh my sweet baby."

"Mummy," I cried louder. I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't getting better. I wasn't getting better. None of what was happening to me was okay. Why did any of it have to happen? Why did I always have to be the one to lose everything? Why was it okay that I never got what I wanted? That I had to be the one to suffer all the time? Why did I have to always get my heart broken all the time? None of it felt right. It didn't feel right at all. I was tired. I was tired of it. I just wanted it all to end. I just wanted to live and be happy again, why couldn't I do that? Why did it have to be so hard?

"You've been through so much." My Mum's voice was trembling. "I know, I know."

"I can't do it anymore, I want it to stop. Make it stop please."

"What can I do? What can I do to make you feel better? If I could take all your pain away I would. I'm sorry I'm so useless to you. I'm sorry this is all I can do for you my poor baby. I'm sorry. Forgive a useless mother like me, forgive me."

I kept crying harder.
I knew I wasn't making things easier for my Mum but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't even stop even if I wanted to. I kept crying over and over again into my mother's embrace as she tried to comfort me. She was giving me all the comfort she could and it wasn't working. Not up until after ten minutes. We were that way for exactly ten minutes.

Jeremiah

"Pull over, right here." I let out a shaky breath after Oma brought the car to a stop exactly where I had told her to. I felt a lot better now, sitting in that car and doing nothing helped me regain a bit of my energy. I still had pains here and there and my throat was still dry but I was better. I could see better too. I pushed myself closer so I could see from outside her window. I had to make sure we were at the right house.

Yup, it was Kora's house alright. I had just been there a few times since they moved from the other house but I could locate it like as if it was drawn on my palms. Oma narrowed her gaze to the white duplex beside the car with a tiny fence. I was always worried about how small the fence to the little house was but Kora had assured me that the security in the estate was really tight. I had to believe her though. The only reason I was allowed in easily was because I had been there a few times and the security guards recognized me.

"Are you sure this is where they live?" Oma still had her eyes outside like she was examining the house. I nodded.

"Affirmative."

"Woah." I turned to her as I watched her slouch into her car seat, grabbing on firmly to her steering. I was being too comfortable around her. She brought me here anyway, there was no way she could possibly set me up. I still wanted to know why though. I wanted to know why she was helping me. She drew a deep breath.

"I never knew I was going to live to see the day I'd drive my fiancé to go be with the love of his life with my own two hands."
I let out a weak breath.

"Oma,"

She turned to me.

"I know, I know." She let out a breath and then let a smile curve her lips, drumming on the steering. I gave her a second because it looked like she needed one. "Fine." She stopped drumming and then turned back to me. "Let's do it."

I furrowed my brows. I wasn't sure I understood what she was talking about.

"I'm breaking up with you. This is me ending our engagement."

I scoffed.

"What?" I let myself chuckle a little bit. I wasn't sure if I heard correctly. Did Oma just say she had cancelled our engagement? I couldn't believe my ears.

"I'm only saying this in case anyone asks, you have to tell them I was the one that broke up with you. No one can find out you dumped me to be with the love of your life. It's super embarrassing."

"Oma-"

"Uh, you don't have to worry about your family either. My mum is going to talk to your father about it. She'd tell him we're no longer interested in getting married into your family."

Wow,
I just couldn't shake off all the surprising things that had happened to me in one day. Had everyone lost their minds? Had they forgotten who they were?
I shook my head. I mean, hearing Oma say those words to me, hearing her say she had given up on me and our engagement was a relief but it just felt...weird. For some reason, I wanted to know why, why was she helping me?

"Why?" I narrowed my gaze on her.

"Why I'm breaking up with you?" She pouted. "I thought that was what you wanted?"

"It is-" I said "I mean, don't take it the wrong way-"

"It's okay. You can tell me it's because you like Kora." I turned to her. "I won't get upset about it. We're over remember?" She drew a deep breath and then turned to her steering, tightening her grip on it. "Let's just say I developed new priorities and had some sense talked into me. I realized that I didn't want to get married just as much as you didn't. I still have so much I want to do, I don't want to be tied down by something my father wanted. I realized that I didn't owe my father anything besides my happiness. If I'm ever going to get married, I want it to be at the right time and with the right person, someone that would love me, and fight for me, that person is not you." She turned to me. I scoffed out a little chuckle.

"What?" Oma laughed a little bit. "Does it hurt your ego to know that not everyone wants to get married to you?"

"Ouch." I pretended to be hurt. Oma chuckled. It was the first time. The first time I had ever seen her laugh like that. Really laugh like that, she looked happier than I had ever seen her. I was starting to see a side of her that I never knew existed. A light that used to be so dim because it was overshadowed by a lot of burdens and responsibilities, guilt and hate caused by our parents. I was seeing the true Oma, the Oma I used to know when we were much younger. I let myself frown a little bit when I noticed a tear drop hanging on her eyes. She sniffed and rose her finger to stop it from falling.

"Are you okay?"
She sniffed again.

"Don't mind me, I'm just being overly emotional right now." She rose her head up, fanning herself with her hands. "There's nothing wrong with me, I'm not taking my words back, I promise. I just need some time to breathe."

"Do you want a hug?" I asked her. That was all I could do for her. The only thing I could do for her at that point. The only comfort it looked like she needed. She dropped her head to look at me.

"Eww, no."

"What?" I chuckled. "You used to want one of my hugs so badly. How did your feelings change overnight?"

"It's because I like you." She pursed her lips. I frowned just a little bit. "Come on," she rolled her eyes. "Don't act surprised. We've been engaged since like forever, known each other and been around each other for years, of course it's normal that I developed feelings for you but not just enough to make myself miserable for. If I hug you, I might end up regretting all of my choices and I might just take my words back and insist on getting married to you again."

"But we can-"

"And no, we can not be friends." She cut me off, pointing at me. She was being extra cheesy. It was adorable. She took a deep breath. "It's going to take a while to get used to not being engaged to you and burying my feelings for you. I don't want to ever see or talk to you until I do."

For some reason, I felt really sad about it. Oma might have not been the partner I wanted, but she easily made a good friend. Before all of this, before our parents had suggested our engagement, we used to be really close, close friends, too bad we were victims of our parents' mistakes and bad choices.

"I'm really happy I got to know you Chioma." I told her, staring into her eyes. I could see how they became gloomy all of a sudden. I was being honest. As honest as I could be. Believe it or not, knowing Oma changed me. I got to realize a lot of things, learn a lot of things. I developed a few habits I didn't know I had. I made good memories too. She smiled widely and then turned back to her windshield. Her smile grew wider as she grabbed on to her steering again.

I was proud of the woman she had become and I really hoped she found the happiness and peace she was looking for. I wanted her to be happy just like she was now, to be truly happy.

Kora

I smiled.
I was slowly starting to feel just a bit better. My mother's hug made everything better. I still had a lot of tears left but I tried to hold it all in. I had cried enough and was only hurting my mum by making her cry a lot too. I just needed a minute. A minute to pull myself together. I sniffed. My mum gently pulled me away so she could have a good look at me. I watched how she reached for my face to clean my tears. I sniffed, I reached for hers too. I helped her clean them. I hated to see my mum cry for any reason.

"This is too much for you isn't it?" She asked me. "It's too hard for you, all of this?"

I sniffed. I knew she didn't want me to answer that.

"Do you want me to take you to him? You want to see him again? Talk things out?"

I shook my head.
Seeing Jeremiah was the last thing I needed to do. If I ever got to see him again, it was just going to hurt all over again. I was going to be forced to forget everything and just be with him and that couldn't happen. Being with Jeremiah wasn't good for me or him. It wasn't good for anyone. It could mean my Mum and my baby brother could be in danger. Jeremiah too. This was better. It was better I just stayed away from him. It was going to be hard but I knew time was all I needed. It was going to be over someday.

"Are you sure you don't to see him?"

I let out a tiny sob. I didn't know. I didn't know anything anymore. I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

"Mum," my voice broke as I finally found the courage to look her in her eye. I didn't know how I was supposed to say the next words in my heart to her but I knew I had to. I wanted to.

"What is it?" She reached for my hands and squeezed them.

I sniffed.

"Mum, lets leave." I told her. "Let's go somewhere else. To another country or another continent. It doesn't have to be somewhere famous or great, just somewhere far from here. Let's start over again, away from all of this. Just me you and Micheal. No one else. I could change schools, I'd get a job and do what I have to so you won't have to do it alone. You said uncle Fredrick could help didn't you? Dad was a citizen of a few countries, we could go to one of those countries and I could file for citizenship later on. We don't have to go right away, we could just change states for now. I just want to be far from here. Really far from here."

"Is that what you really want?"

I nodded. I did. I really wanted it. My mum nodded too.

"Fine. Let's do that." She told me. At that point, I knew my mum had my back. She was ready to do whatever it was I wanted. She was ready to help me get better. "Let's do whatever you want."

I sniffed as she pulled me into her embrace.

"Let's do whatever you want my baby." She rubbed my back again. "Let's leave and forget everything. Just me, you and Micheal. Somewhere far where no one knows us, somewhere we can be together and happy. You can go to a good school and meet good people, nice people, make good friends and meet a good man from a good family that would appreciate you and one day we'd look back at the things that happened today and just smile at them. Let's do that Mnn?"

I held on tight to my mum and buried my face on her left shoulder, crying silently on it.

I froze after a second when I heard a faint noise from outside. It sounded like someone had called my name. I wasn't sure at first but then I heard it again.

My mother let go of me slowly.
Did she hear it too?
I watched her slowly stand to her feet. I stood up too and headed to the window.

We had just moved into the estate and I was yet to make any friends. I had no idea who was yelling my name outside at that time of the night and what they wanted but I could have sworn the voice was so familiar.

"Kora!"

I peeped outside my window and held my breath. It was him. Jeremiah. I cringed immediately. Why on earth was he there? My mum turned to me slowly.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" She asked me.

I hesitated.
What did I want? I slowly turned back to the window. What did I want?

I wanted to talk to him.
For some reason it was what the voice in my head told me to do. It was what my heart wanted me to do. To just hear him out. I didn't know why I felt like I should but I knew how persistent Jeremiah was. If he had come all the way to do something, he wasn't going to leave until he did and not even my mother could stop him. I was the only one that could. Besides, he was yelling my name so loudly, he was disturbing a lot of neighbors and the least thing I wanted was that. Deep down, I wanted to see him. I was worried about him. I wanted to know how he was doing. If he was okay. If he was okay without me. I had only realized how harsh I was to him the last time after I got home and cried about it. I couldn't help but wonder how hurt I must have made him feel.

I hesitated when I got to the front door and took a deep breath. I tried to convince myself that it had to be done. That I knew what I was doing.

All you have to do is ask him to leave nicely Kora, how hard could it be?

Besides, that might be the only chance I was ever going to see him again. I didn't want to leave without getting to see him just once. Summoning all the courage I could find, I walked out of the house and then the gate.

I froze when I saw him standing right outside, in front of the white sedan. The state he was in, I had never seen him like that before.

Sad was the first word that came to my mind. Sick too. He had lost a lot of color on his face and it looked like he had lost a few pounds too. When I broke up with Jeremiah, I had no idea it was going to have so much effect on him as it did me.

Are you trying to get yourself killed? Did you starve yourself? Have you been to a hospital?

I wanted to ask him those questions so badly but I just couldn't bring myself to. I dismissed the idea immediately, letting a frown overshadow the concern on my face as I stared at him. I didn't have to make it so obvious that I cared.

You already started Kora, you already pushed him away, see to the end of it.

"What do you want?" I asked him when I noticed he started to walk slowly to me. The frown on his face getting worse as he took a step and then another towards me. He wasn't saying anything, he just kept waking to me. Why wasn't he saying anything? It scared me.

I took a step back and then two.

"Stay back." I warned him, stretching my hand to stop him from taking a step closer. He stopped. I could see him even clearer now. I narrowed my eyes to his hands. I could see the bruises on his fingers and it broke my heart. I held my breath for a second.

Why was he injured? Who hurt him and why?

"Kora,"

I rose my face to his and blinked hard, swallowing hard too.

"Why are you here?" I had to act tough. I knew I had to keep the conversation as short as possible. It was the only way I could protect myself. It was the only way I could stop myself from falling apart in front of him. He exhaled. I just needed to know what he wanted from me. If he wasn't going to say anything, then I was going to say it for him.

"If you're here to talk about what happened the other day, you don't have to." I told him. "My stance was clear, we have nothing else to talk about."

"How have you been?" He cut me off. I froze, staring into his eyes. They didn't look as bright as they used to, but they still looked so sincere, so beautiful. "Have you been eating well? Have you been sleeping well? Did you cry a lot?" I could sense the deep concern in his voice and it made my hands tremble even more. It made my heart break even more. As always, he was worried about me. He was worried about how I was doing. I sniffed and rose a brow.

"Is that why you came here? Is that all you wanted to ask me?"

"Mnn."

I drew a deep breath and then nodded. Fine then, I was going to give him an answer.

"I have." I lied. "I eat well and I sleep well, as for the tears, they stopped the moment I left your house."

Don't believe me, please Don't believe me.

That was what my heart prayed for. Some part of me wished he didn't believe a word I said. My head told me to push him away but my heart wanted to embrace him. To hug him again and tell him how miserable I've been. To tell him how hard it had been to live without him. How I couldn't eat or sleep. I was not okay. I was far from being okay. I missed him. I wanted him to hug me again, to tell me everything was going to be okay just like he used to.

"Really?"

"Why are you here Jeremih?" I asked him. "Didn't you hear what I told you back at your house? We have nothing to talk about? I thought I was clear. I don't want anything to do with you or your family anymore. I just want you to go and stop bothering me. I want my old life back."

"I know what my Dad did Kora. I know how he threatened you and tried to make you leave. You don't have to lie to me anymore."

I held my breath.

"I know you've had the worst three days just like I have. I know you cried a lot and you didn't get any sleep or food. I know how lonely and miserable you must have felt. It was like that for me too. I hate being away from you. I hate not being able to see you and touch you, you have no idea how hard it had been for me. I thought I was going to die of a heart attack because I couldn't breathe. You make everything better. You make everything about my life better and okay, I don't want you out of my life. I don't want to ever imagine a second without you so say what you want, push me away as much as you want and tell me all those lies you can think of, I won't go anywhere. It's because I love you." He took a step to me. "I love you Kora."

My heart was racing. I was dying to say those words back but I held back. I needed a breather. I could feel the tears that were clouding my vision again.

"Your father Kidnapped my brother Jeremih," I told him. "I said I wasn't going to give up on you and he took Micheal to scare and shake me. What he did is unforgivable and really scary. I felt so helpless."

"I'm sorry."

"He said I wasn't worthy to be in your life." I sniffed. "He said you didn't deserve me."

"He was wrong."

"He threatened to come after my family if I didn't do what he wanted Jeremiah. There are lines people shouldn't cross and that was one of them. Threatening my family was one of them. We can't just pretend like it never happened. I can't lose anyone I care about anymore Jeremiah. It's obvious, me and you, we can never work. We are two sides of a pole. Being together is only going to hurt the people we care about. It means turning our backs on both our families. Can you really do that? Turn your back on your family for me?"

"Kora, I can't make up for all the things my father said and did to you and I can't give excuses for him or his actions because I wouldn't even know where to start. I'm not the man my father is, all I want, all I really want is to be happy with you."

"And how about what I want?" I asked him. "Jer, I'm only eighteen and you're only nineteen, life shouldn't have to be so hard, love shouldn't be so hard like this, loving each other doesn't have to come with so much hurt and pain. I don't enjoy pushing you away just as much as you don't but can't you see? I'm not doing this for just me or my family, it's for you too. I'm doing this to protect you dummy. I'm doing this because in as much as this is crazy, in as much as loving you comes with a lot of heartaches, angry family members and a black card, it feels right and that's what scares me the most. It's scary because I can't love you and not be selfish. It's because I know how many  people are going to get hurt by loving you and still want to do it anyway. We've built everything we are on the detriment of the happiness of those around us. How can something that feels right feel so wrong? Loving you means I can't protect myself and those around me and not loving you means I can't be happy. I don't know what to do or what options to choose and it makes me really upset and confused. It makes me angry and unable to breathe."

I was talking so much that I had not even realized that he had started to walk to me.

"It's just been three days, three days without you and it felt like my whole world has stopped. Like I have gone completely insane-"

He wrapped his hands around me, one around my waist and the other around my neck and pushed himself closer to me and before I knew it, he kissed me. I was weakened by his touch. I could feel it, electric waves passing through our bodies, my heart had stopped beating so fast. It was like time had stopped again. I had to be out of my mind. I had a lot to say a few seconds ago but it suddenly felt like I was paralyzed all over. It was just I had wished it was. His touch, his lips on mine. I was having butterflies in my belly again. I was supposed to stop him, I knew I had to but I couldn't. How could I bring myself to when I had been longing for him for so long? By the time he slowly let me go, we both found ourselves drawing deep breaths. Wow.

I was shocked the most and absolutely for no reason. I blinked twice, wondering what had just happened and before I knew it, he grabbed my hand and started to pull me to the car. I didn't know how or why, but at that moment, it felt like nothing else mattered, like we were the only two people existing in the world. I had totally forgotten everything and just wanted to go with him, to be with him wherever it was he wanted to take me to. I had totally forgotten everything else. I wanted to. I wanted to leave with him. To forget everything else. It was like I was under a spell. We both were.

He opened the door to the passenger's seat and I got in. He got into the driver's seat too and then turned to help me with my seatbelt. He froze halfway and looked me in my eyes. I looked at him right back.

"Do you trust me?"
I nodded slowly like I was being hypnotized. He nodded too. It was obvious we had no idea what we were doing or where we were going. We just wanted to be with each other. We just wanted to be together.  Nothing else mattered at that point. Nothing. He turned to the steering and started the car.

He sped off.