"'Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there." Principal Rodgers reads out to the student body. As he continues the poem, some people laugh and play, but Pete stares on with a hard gaze, not cracking a smile at all.

It's times like these that he wishes he was with his family the most. He hates that he's missing not only Andrew and Hillary's first birthday but also their first Christmas. They will be a year old the day after Christmas, and Pete can't even call to see how they're doing.

He bites his lip to keep himself from crying when the poem ends. Everyone shouts a loud, "Merry Christmas!", including Patrick. But Pete can't force himself to look happy that he's spending Christmas in this hell.

"Baby?" Patrick asks, grabbing his hand. The sudden heat from Patrick's body is what snaps Pete out of his thoughts. "You alright?"

"Fine." Pete fakes a small smile and kisses Patrick's cheek.

"You're sure?" Patrick grabs Pete's chin and makes him look into the fiery gaze. Pete licks his lips and nods sharply.

Patrick doesn't look convinced at all, but he clenches his jaw and nods back, letting go of his boyfriend. He rolls the sleeves of his button-up up and forces his gaze back to the stage where Rodgers is making an announcement about no one leaving for the holidays - that the holidays are no different than the rest of the year.

They are dismissed seconds later, and it's a mad dash to the cafeteria for Christmas Eve eve lunch. Pete and Patrick wait out the chaos, choosing to stay seated until most everyone is gone.

Pete's hold is tight on Patrick's hand, his other hand gripping Patrick's arm to get more warmth. "I'm cold." Pete murmurs. Patrick begins to unbutton his shirt, pulling it from his arms when he gets it unbuttoned.

He drapes it over Pete's shoulders, leaving himself in the white tee he wore under it. "Better?" Patrick asks as Pete pulls the shirt closer to him. It smells like Patrick, one of his favourite things ever.

"Yeah. A lot better." Pete snuggles up closer to Patrick as they walk, the latter snorting and putting his arm around his boyfriend. Pete doesn't even notice that Patrick is leading them to Pete's room until he looks up and sees the familiar number on the door. "What?"

"Key." Patrick holds his hand out, and Pete nods, handing him the card that unlocks his dorm room.

"What are we doing here?" Pete asks as they enter. He's not exactly complaining, considering how warm it is in his room compared to outside, but he is a bit hungry.

Patrick pulls his white tee over his head, going to Pete's closet to put on an Academy shirt with Pete's initials. His tattoos still, to this day, make Pete want to do the dirtiest of things to him.

"Sit down. We need to talk." Patrick says, grabbing Pete's hand and walking him to the bed. Pete belatedly nods, sitting down where Patrick wants him to. Patrick pulls Pete's desk chair up and sits in front of him. He holds his hands out, and Pete puts his hands in Patrick's larger ones. Pete's heart is racing so fast, all of the possibilities of what Patrick is going to say, racing through his mind. What if he breaks up with Pete? What if he never wants to see Pete again? Pete is pleasantly surprised when Patrick takes a deep breath and asks, "What's got you so down?"

"What?" Pete asks, blinking a few times. Patrick sighs and cups Pete's face with one of his hands, the other running through his own hair.

"You're upset. Tell me why." Patrick says, looking into his boyfriend's eyes. Pete tries to look anywhere but Patrick's eyes.

"I'm fine." Pete insists, but Patrick won't buy it. He shakes his head, standing up.

"I don't know why you don't want to tell me and I'm not going to force you to do so, but I wish you would open up to me. I trust you more than I trust most of the people I've known for years. I wish you felt the same." With that, Patrick presses a kiss to Pete's forehead and leaves the room, shutting the door softly.

It's not a breakup. Pete has to remind himself of that. It's just that Patrick doesn't think Pete trusts him. But Pete does. So much.

Pete sighs and lies back in his bed, thinking about what the rest of his family is probably doing right now. They're probably getting ready for the annual flight to Washington for Christmas Eve to see Grams, Gramps, Uncle John, Aunt Caroline, and Cousin James.

Usually, Pete hates that trip every Christmas, but now, he'd kill to be heading there with his family tomorrow. He gazes at the ceiling and thinks about how alone he feels. The one true friend he has at this school is mad because Pete sucks at feelings and can't tell him what's wrong. Patrick is probably with Joe and Andy, talking about Pete at the moment.

Pete loves Patrick a lot, and he knows Patrick's the only reason Pete even semi-enjoys this place. If it wasn't for Patrick, Pete would've skipped out of this place a while back.

But now, he's grown so attached to Patrick, he hates to be away from his boyfriend for longer than ten minutes. Pete misses the body heat, the smell of his cologne and deodorant, the soft hair, and the gorgeous smile more than anyone could imagine.

Pete closes his eyes and thinks of red - the colour that reminds him most of Patrick - as he drifts off to sleep, vowing to tell Patrick what has got him so upset the second he wakes up.

hi yes i am still alive

thank u for reading !!