We entered the airplane.
I secured his safety belt.

"I do not like this " he states, the irritation of things coming back.

"I shall hold you if you want" I brought my arms around the obscure belt.

"This is better" he speaks nervously.

After some moments Al-Souffian was asleep. I relaxed and sighed.

Looking around a little boy caught my attention, a little boy barely filling the seat, nose sharp and the delicacy of his manners made me smile. His mother was warning the boy to sit straight.

"I am pregnant Al-Souffian" I shouted from the living room "if you would not open the door..... I will hurt myself"

He opens the door, the sound of the Rude Grey door opening.

The nor happy neither sad, the silence constantly beating up, I sighed and sat on the threshold.

"I am pregnant..... " I cried.

Al-Souffian placed the hair that he has pulled from his head on my palms. The stench of urine from the bed makes me nauseous.

I cried helplessly looking ahead, for something.... Something but the Neutral colors of Al-Souffian are disappointing.

"Why don't you understand.... I need you" I screamed,now I was raging.

I grabbed his collar, my hands shaking, his eyes widened.

"I need you Al-Souffian, I need you to be sane. I want this child!"

The pause in the air silently cried.
In the dynasty of Al-Souffian everyone has the vanity to lose. The loss is preached like the ryhme of nursery.

"Do you not want this child? " I left his shirt and sat beside.

"no" he simply uttered.

My tears streamed like the rain from the unhappy clouds.

"Why not? " I said but no voice was left of me.

"Is it Falaq-Naaz or Al-Souffian? "

My breath halted hearing his words.

"What do you mean? "

"Will this child be like you or me? "

Another strip of silence laid it's back between us.

"Mothers are bad Ladyship. You shan't be a mother. I demean the relation. The unholy, cruel bond. You mustn't be a Mother " he speaks of the expectations unkindly.

"Al-Souffian.... Being a mother is the greatest blessing "

"My mother was the worst punishment that was thrown at me. Mother?  Shall you be one if I would tell you how brutal my mother is? " his clench contracts, his side of his face swells and the teeth set in a hard line.

He shook his head.

"My mother Ladyship was a great Woman but the most heartless of her kind" he looks straight at the wfloral wallpers and Paisley arrangements.

"When I was born, I was a weak child. She was affectionate towards me like she was with none of her children. My childhood was shielded by her arms. I was her beloved. I had a few shortcomings which my father claimed as my fault. My father despised weaknesses and I was weak.
I had lisp and I stuttered when I talked. I could not run any faster than Al-Hassan and I was never able to do any task as such with much concentration. Brother Al-Wais was fond of traveling and he was on his adventurous voyages, travelling accounts, nonetheless I encountered him rarely on holidays, Al-Hassan was melancholy, always. He was an avid reader, his almost handsome talents at work won him a place at Scholar institutte. Apart from that he was seemingly involved with Scarlett and most occupied by her at times for his young age. Mine hands were shaking, my lips weren't helping. Father rejected my foreign education and I was home schooled. The reason; I saw everything happen with mine eyes.
I saw my father and mother fight. I saw them separating. Now I say separating Ladyship,it is like seeing one human being cut and sliced in half by a raw knife. Separating, they were separating. I thought myself as a major reason for their fights. My father negligence and my mother's earnest tries. I worked hard on myself. I told her, I would win her my father. She knew I could not survive without her. She was my everything. My days would start and end with her. My sky and ground she was. She knew I was hers"he sighed.

There was the fierce agonizing pain growling
"She left........ The most crucial part was not her leaving. It was betrayal, the void of warning. Her rudeness. Her quietness. Her silent separation. She left my father, she cheated him but she betrayed me. I was her loyalty, she was my unfaithfulness.
Can you imagine the mother who feeds you,who keeps you in her body and shares her fuilds with you to desert you of the same life she has given you. To know that she was the most important aspect of someone's survival yet to leave without a notice. Beforehand if she had cautioned me,perhaps I would not be this mad. I am this, because she made me this. I am Mad because she was my sanity and she chose the bloody servant over us!  She was a pathetic woman! "

I breathed the fumes of anger in the air.

"I am not your Mother" I held his fingers.

"But this is Al-Souffian " he gazed my abdomen.

We departed from the airport in a car.
There was symphony of sorrow.

Al-Souffian in the front seat.
I, in the back seat.
The meaning of life somewhere lost in the universe.

"We would take about five hours" the driver informed.

I sighed.
I should tell him.

"I am cold Al-Souffian, can you please come over" I carefully placed my words.

He threw his jacket to me.

"Cover Al-Souffian the second " he cross smiles.

I shook my head.

I do not have the courage to ruin this.

I know love is hard but what is harder is accepting it.
Easily recognizable hardly acceptable.
Healing is greater part in life.
It starts with forgiveness.

"Which sonography? " the nurse asks.

"Third" I answered looking around for Al-Souffian.

"Have you seen my husband, he is tall-"

"The dashing young man impatiently waited until past five minutes, he headed to the west" answered the mid age sweet lady instead.

I smiled and rambled to the west.

There, the first Man.

"Hello, Mr Elahim" I caught his arm.

He smiled.

"How is it? "

"it? " I scrunched my nose.

"he or she? " he raised his brows.

"I don't know yet"

My eyes were down on the floor,blushing as I was. I moved the happiness in me and lifted my head.
I halted, my breath folded in half and hid inside me. My lungs resigned. My heartbeat stood still. I choked on my emotions.

Athar......

I breathed then heavily.

But I tightened my grip on his arm. He felt the tension.

"What? " he asks.

"A.... Athar" I consumed myself.

"Go..... Go ahead... " he said to my surprise. I looked at him bewildered at his response.

"do you want to forgive him? " he asked me.

"Forgive" a voiceless tragic breath broke through.

"Should I kill him?" he was ready for any command.

I shook my head.

"We would not walk past. We will not avoid. We will face. We shall kill Or forgive or Not forgive but we must let him know; Because you cannot forget " his voice held hands with my courage, now the falling strength was tied to his words and we were recovering from the mountain of hopes.

I walked to him and I saw his face go pale, a thief caught after ages. Why now? The crime has been forgotten.

I slightly laughed.

"how are you? " I said half of the words filled up, half lost inside.

"I..... I came with my wife... She just had a miscarriage " the same coarse voice but now sad.

I walked to him, to inform him that I would never forgive him but I saw his wife in the room suffering the crime she did not do.

"I forgive you" I said to him looking straight into his heinous eyes.

He was startled by my words but he knew well.

"I forgive you for everything " I announced loudly enough for my soul to hear the sweet sound and then I returned to Al-Souffian, the smiling proud husband.

"And that is how you heal" he stated, his eyes glistening with pure admiration.

I breathed out and this sigh washed away everything single dirt from me. My heart was free from the toxins of hate. I was free. I was purified.

"what if I would not have forgiven him" I asked Al-Souffian.

"You'd still be my bride. You do not understand, the healing comes from letting people know. From releasing yourself. If you would not forgive him,it would be right. You have forgiven him, it is better"

"Bride, Huh? "

"I always refer to you as my bride in my head"

"Aww, that's so sweet... You should call me that often"

"How often is often? "

"As much as you can make it? "

The strong brake at the edge of the bridge snapped me out.

"are you alright Ladyship?" Al-Souffian attends me instantly.

"yes" I wish I was.

"Are we Home?" I asked spotting the forest and green moss at the floor.

"Another hour, your Ladyship " the driver replied concentrating on the way from the fog.

There was nothing but hopelessness when I first drove through these roads.

Now, there is anything but memories that hold me.

I peek at him.
I caress his head.
Silk Skin,
Silk Skin.