On the counter always avoiding an encounter.
There's an enormous space in the house but still I feel like I cannot escape the eyes of the Elahim Brothers.

I mailed Fathimah. Her reply was short. She thinks I am in a good place. I wonder about the life outside Dar-Al-Maqamah, it's almost as if I have forgotten there is a world outside. Like in the universe there's one Mansion, it is here and no where else.
These are the only men I have trust over. Marriage? I have been open to marriage partly to escape ,partly to fulfill half of the very little Deen I have.

If I go out and marry, who should I marry. Would I ever like the men of the city again? I saw Ar-Danish and felt remorse.

He spotted me and followed.

"Falaq, what's up Huh? "

He annoys me for no reason.

"Nothing I'm just.. "

"You look gorgeous "

I felt uncomfortable.

I walked out and he yet followed.

I do not understand men. It is never hard to sense disgust, is it?

"You're one fine lassie around the whole kingdom. If I talk like my cousins, sure you'd walk with me then" he said and I lost patience.

"it is not about language. I do not know you and I don't walk or talk with strangers "

"oh... Is it so" he shook his head and cross smiled. "but you're so fine I can't help myself. Don't be so rude. I'm not a bad guy okay...and they are not as good as you think they are"

My brow furrowed.

"Thank you. Good bye"

I speeded to the hallway.

"Come on Falaq. What do you want me to do. I just wanted to chat with you, what's wrong huh!"

Al-Wais pressed against me as I bumped into his enormous chest.

My head down and eyes almost dropping into failure.
Heart beating faster than his.

I held my head up and saw his eyes fixed, wide and raging fire upon Danish.

"You must never, I repeat; Never ever talk to Miss Falaq-Naaz. I assure you Danish that you would be expelled from this house for eternity but before I would give you a chance to amend your behavior " Al-Wais roared. The voice echoing throughout the hallway. The spine shuddering.

Danish spits at side and scratched his eyebrows "Amend your brother first"

Al-Shizad stood before us and stated "He isn't a dog like you who wags tail and barks at strangers, only to showcase the hidden insecurity. Danish stay a hundred metres away from Miss Falaq-Naaz "

Al-Shizad melted my heart.

Before Danish could add anything inappropriate the thunder roared "Dismiss"

*-*-*-*-*

The kitchen was clean. I asked Mrs Kasheefa "Seems like you started early today"

"Oh yes... "

I looked around and ate an apple.

"Al-Hassan helped me" Mrs Kasheefa admitted in a whisper.

I smiled. She loves credit to herself.

"He is around the kitchen always" I said smiling.

"your father had his breakfast? " she asked as my eyes searched for Al-Hassan.

"Oh yes.. I'll be back" I replied and was proceeding to the garden.

"How is your father Miss ? " she questioned.

In what way should I tell her that he does not talk to me. That I do not know how my father is.

I walked on.

Under the gazebo, under the cool shade, pressing over on the table and chair,the inconconvinced air of sadness and beneath the layers Al-Hasaan sat ever so sadly.

"You should take over the kitchen duties" I teased his falling face. This sheath of shame over him whenever his father is home.

He meekly smiled but I wasn't convinced.

"I think you should've have been a kitchen boy in your past life"

"there's no such thing Miss Falaq-Naaz "he said.

"Past life or kitchen boy? "

"Both"

I sat defeated, his eyes fighting with the water. His sigh trembled and I closed my eyes almost as if the pain he felt ran through me.

"Tell me" I pleaded him.

"Why.... Why Miss Falaq-Naaz, why do you want to share pain with people, doesn't it hurt? " he was near breaking down.

I wanted to take his hands in mine but I stopped myself.

"because sadness affectionates with sadness "

He smiled but tearful.

Now I absconded to rescue his tears, water dripping from his eyes one after the other without asking for his permission, I brought my hands near his face and cushioned his tears in my hands, cold. Raw. Brave tears.

He sniffed the coldness.

"I am sorry" I said.

"Why are you sorry Miss, it is not you fault" he replied not sure what he has made me feel.

"I know. But still I'm sorry "

He smiles. His head falls to the table in the softest fashion and his lashes heavy from the water closes.

The tears form a stream and soon a pool on the table.

My head falls near him. Close to his my raven hair cuddles with his shiny browns.

My lungs filled with utmost hurt bursts into question "who can do this to you? Had he no heart? "

He opened his eyes, blue, green, turquoise Marble. My eyes shy away.

"He is greater than anyone I know" he said. He was talking of his Father.

"then why does he hurt you? "

"He does not. I do"

"why do you? "

"Perhaps I do not know how-not to? "

"don't do this" my eyes fighting those salty water.

"I am trying " his voice breaks inside.

My heart breaks inside.

I pulled him straight, his shoulders still falling. I took my palms and wiped away his tears "Don't cry" I stated as my tears faintly lined my cheeks.

His frame revived, his back straightened. His raised his heads and I allowed myself to fall.

"Tell me" I then requested.

"It is really heavy today"he rubs his chest.

"Do not embarass me Al-Hassan. I would not ask again and I need to know" I spoke with my head down.

There was the silver silence and the he started

"I am tired Miss Falaq-Naaz. My mind runs wildly to the shore but I realise this later more so ever every single time that I am in a desert. Do you know what I mean? "

I nodded.

He continued "in a desert Miss, things are quite dead for a change. I only worry,like a habit like the worst habit of all. It covers me with shame simultaneously because where I am expected to leave things in the hand of the Almighty; I take them in mine ;small and unsure as I am, I see them and worry. I feel different. I feel less. I feel so away from my father that whenever he showers love on my brothers, I like an envious child fuss upon why isn't t the love they receive as less as mine? Or why isn't mine as much as their 's? I feel unwanted. I crave for love Miss Falaq-Naaz. I generally never have been acquainted with this desire until today that my father should not love anybody at all. For me to feel secure, I want everybody to be insecure and I cry because it is turning me so negative Miss. I cry because I Miss Love. Then I cry because I've lost it. Then I cry because my mother isn't here and then I cry because Al-Souffian cannot comprehend himself about her. Then I cry because Al-Wais is aging into loneliness and then I cry because my brothers are turning into unlikely beings without even realizing and then I cry because I cannot help it. Lastly I cry because I cannot keep quiet"

His eyes refilled with the clear line.

"My father hasn't talked to me in about eight years now" I told him.

"You can feel my pain then Miss Falaq-Naaz, you can see grave it is"

"I cannot feel your pain, I have borne the same pain" now my tears cannot hold back.

"Do not cry Miss Falaq-Naaz, I fell quite helpless to see you so" his hands trembled over mine.

Such subject are hard to sought.

"You must never cry" he added.

"can I ask you the same?" I requested

"I cannot promise but I realize that it is very true Miss Falaq-Naaz "

"what? "

"that sadness affectionates with sadness. My heart is sinking in affection for you"

I looked away.

"it is not pity Miss Falaq-Naaz " he defended .

"Don't tell me what is it! " I warned him.

"Pretending that you do not know doesn't help" he stated and the colours on his backs turned into a black shadow as he dissaperred from the back door into the hallway.

I closed my eyes. Perplexed. Hurt. Crushing under the weight of what is good but everything is wrong, will I open my eyes again to not feelings these feelings ever again?