Note :  This chapter is mostly huge dialogues. The topics discussed might be a bit sensitive to some people but also relatable to others. I understand everyone doesn't have the same mindset and opinions. This is just my characters' thoughts and it's a humble request for you to read it with an open mind. 
Also, it's a pretty long chapter so finish up your prayers and important works before diving in.
The initial dialogues are rants about stuff which aren't that important to the later plot so feel free to skim and skip over those huge dialogues if you don't feel like reading.

Sorry for the wordy dialogues in the beginning, I didn't know what to scrap off as these were just rants which hit too close to home .

I'll add an ⭐ emoji from the point where the conversation gets juicy in case people wanna skip the initial scenes. ( I honestly won't mind 😭 )

Maha

The music changes and the familiar sweet melody of a song I used to listen to back in childhood took over the atmosphere,' Rupkothar Jogote'.

Isahaq's pupils swam with intense emotions which I couldn't find a name for as he held my gaze not looking away even for once. He seemed to be waiting with bated breath, curious to hear more.

"At first I shrugged it off as just another rumor among the million faux news circulating around gossip thirsty teenagers. But after a certain unusual event, I started suspecting it may be true. We were at an annual school party and I had worn a long, navy blue dress for a performance hosted by our class. The boys in Ahaan's class had all worn tuxedos for a play they were participating in.

Usually I wore my hair in a ponytail in school due to the dress code rules, but for the first time in a while I had left my hair open for the function. That day I noticed Ahaan looking over at me more than he usually did. After our performances were over he sneaked away from his group to come sit beside me and that's when he complimented me for the first time, saying that I was looking very beautiful. I just thanked him and said he looked pretty decent himself. But after a few minutes I turned to see him still staring at me and he once again repeated the words, ' You're looking very beautiful.' "

I could feel Isahaq's unwavering gaze observing my expression but I couldn't help the heat creeping up my cheeks thinking about the past,
"I was startled because that's the first time a guy ever complimented me. And that too twice in the span of a few minutes. From then on I was more aware of his actions and noticed how he would absentmindedly twirl my hair around his fingers as we talked during lunch break or sit closer than normal. Sometimes he would ask for a handshake as a greeting and not let go for seconds, just holding my hand as long as he could. I remember once he told me to watch an anime saying that the protagonist reminded him of me. Some of my other friends said it was an indirect confession and would repeatedly tease me, shipping us together and what not. But I refused to believe that he actually liked me. That someone could have a crush on me. It sounded absolutely absurd. I mean there were so many pretty girls in our school -"

"They might have been beautiful , but they weren't you." Isahaq interrupted me, his gaze fixated at the ground as he spoke the words softly.

My heartbeat quickened and the song in the background seemed to fade away as I digested his words.

"So- did he confess to you?" He looked back up at me.

I blinked and gathered my nerves before continuing, "No. Nothing ever happened between us. Maybe there was a time when he liked me for a short while but soon he changed drastically.

When I was 16, halfway through 9th grade, I decided to start wearing  Hijab starting from that Ramadan. Ammu and Nanu were actually not that supportive of the idea at first, saying I should wait till I was a bit older. But I knew I had already wasted enough time not doing something I should have.

I mean it's different for everyone. Some people's families force them to observe the hijab while others find the urge to obey Allah's order from within their own choice. Everyone has a different journey and time when it comes to connecting with their religion and that was the year I decided to take my step forward towards strengthening my Deen."

My lips lifted into a reminiscing smile as I remember that fateful day, "When I first walked through the doors of my classroom, nervously wearing a mask and a black hijab, my classmates stood frozen for a minute thinking I was a new student. When I removed the mask and they saw my face everyone started talking all at once. It was a positive reaction overall, with some saying I looked pretty while others just smiled in surprise. After five minutes everything was back to normal and no one bothered about it anymore.

At that time only me, Tahira and one other girl wore hijab in our class. When Ahaan saw me, he was pleasantly surprised at first and our friendship continued as normal for the next few months. Only now, I was more aware and conscious about boundaries set by our religion.

I still talked to the boys the same way but tried to prevent any unnecessary physical contact like handshakes or firstbumps. Some didn't get the hint and forcefully continued to randomly shake hands for fun. Not just a brief one though, like they would go on for seconds. I couldn't just push them away either because they were my friends and even a few months ago I didn't have any problem with shaking hands. I know they didn't have any bad intentions behind this, they just considered me a friend like everyone else and for them it was completely normal."

I paused to catch my breath, "During his last year at school, Ahaan suddenly changed out of nowhere. He started mixing with the wrong crowd and I initially didn't even realize when he had suddenly gotten so close to the typical popular kids. They would go for impromptu drives and hangouts far away without letting the parents know and obviously I wouldn't be allowed nor did I have any wish to join those activities.

A distance started growing between Ahaan and I. When we did talk, he would ask me 'Doesn't it feel so lonely and boring? You should try dating, life will become very interesting and fun!'. I found the texts very uncomfortable but ignored it thinking he was just kidding again as he always did. After all, I had never felt awkward talking to him about anything. He was my close friend or maybe that's just what I thought.

One day I realized that our texts had gotten scarcer and faded to being nonexistent. I had heard of a rumor about him and another girl but apparently he broke up with her leaving her heartbroken or something. We didn't see each other much and when I finally saw him again after a long time and confronted him about not keeping in touch, he started speaking nonsense. Something about how he was the one who always made the effort to text first , which wasn't true at all! And how he thought a certain girl could 'fix him' but left him alone etcetera. By his words it was clear as day he was indirectly blaming me for our broken bond. At that time I had heard more rumors about what he had been up to recently which I found difficult to believe.

He used to be a kind, gentle, respectful guy who always had my back and suddenly he was behaving all aloof and arrogant , not giving a damn about my feelings. He wasn't directly rude to me, still greeted me politely once in a while but the distance between us was clear as day. Initially I cried a lot over the loss of my close friend , but then realized I didn't owe him anything or have any duty of 'fixing' him. So from then on there came a time when we would blatantly walk past each other without even waving in acknowledgement let alone smiling. Things felt so complicated that I was hesitant to even type a casual 'hi' to the person whom I freely talked to in the past.

Many of my other friends also drifted away with time. Unlike most of my female classmates, I wasn't in favor of casual dating and didn't hug the guys or shake hands so naturally they thought of me as a 'too halal goodie' and isolated me from the friend group" A bitter laugh escaped my lips at the faded wound of losing friends.

I turned to Isahaq, the words falling freely without filter or hesitation,
"You know the ironic thing is they would talk or debate about how shirk or zinna is the biggest sin while I knew that the guy saying this had just kissed a girl a few days back.
I didn't agree with their actions at all but I couldn't even speak up against it in fear of being secluded and losing friends which eventually happened on its own anyway.

But for the time when we were in the same friend group they still knew I would never do any of these and they respected my boundaries. They did  include me in their hangouts and talked more or less the same because I knew what they had done and didn't outwardly judge their actions out loud."

Isahaq listened to me rant unblinkingly, as if time had paused and my words were the only things that mattered in the world right now. Then he finally spoke up,
"The right path has less people as it's a difficult path to walk through full of trials and temptations. But if we strive towards it, it leads to the best rewards which are gonna be more than worth it in the future. So I'd say you didn't lose anything, they are the ones who lost the company of such a gem of a person."

I sniffed and felt my cheeks getting wet. Wiping away the sudden tears, I shot him a grateful smile.
"Anyway I used to care about those a lot back in highschool and felt sad for not belonging to any particular group - but now I'm at peace with the few close but valuable friends I have. Honestly you just need a few good ones in life.They used to form cliques and act so high and mighty back at school." I chuckle and scoff a bit,
" Like they behaved as if they couldn't live without each other and called their friends their real family ?! And now - they ignore each other like the plague when they cross paths anywhere. The besties now roll their eyes and talk behind each other's back. They did so much drama over unnecessary fake friends and in a few months their groups fell apart.
I honestly don't even know or care about what exactly happened because I was fortunately saved from being anywhere near those. Looking back I realize Allah saved me from the wrong group of friends who after a few months of relation, broke up and cried.
Alhamdulillah, I have Tahira, Raiyyan and a few other close friends. We are a uniquely weird bunch with different interests and qualities but we truly care for each other. These people are just so damn nice you know."

"Exactly, and you have me too." Isahaq immediately leans back when the words slip past his mouth, "I mean, Zamar and I. We are your friends too."

I laugh at his flustered state, nodding at his sentence.

"They really missed out on having you as a friend you know? Such an amazing person isn't easy to come across-"

I suddenly feel my heart sinking in despair even though Isahaq's words are meant with the opposite intention. A flash of concern flashes through his pupils and he rakes his hand through his hair, "You okay? Did I say something wrong-"

I shake my head, patting a tissue over my eyelids, "No it's not you. Just my own overthinking as usual."

"Come on Maha, you can trust me. Just let everything out. You'll feel lighter." I look down to see his hands unconsciously hover above mine for a second before he immediately retracts his arm, muttering a quick sorry under his breath.

I've already embarrassed myself enough by ranting away as if this was a free therapy session, what  harm would a few more minutes do? Besides, Isahaq had turned out to be a better listener than I could ever imagine.

" I feel guilty when people praise me for being so perfect and nice. I'm not an innocent person devoid of any sins. I have my fair share of wrongdoings whether knowingly or unknowingly which I regret and which have tainted my soul. Though it may not be anything major like what other people may casually do nowadays. I regret so many of my actions.
I miss my prayers sometimes and even if it's accidental I feel so guilty.
If I don't feel guilty after a while I feel guilty about why I didn't feel guilty.
In the past during my teenage years when I had attended free mix parties with my previous friend group they talked about things I was uncomfortable about .
They casually hung around and touched each other as it was completely normal but I knew it was wrong . My soul felt uncomfortable and troubled knowing this wasn't an environment I belonged in.
One guy randomly kissed a girl on the cheek as a dare and my 'friends' hooted and hollered in approval as if it was nothing . What they did in private wasn't something I need to mention either.
They went around hugging each other as greetings and goodbyes
But they knew I was wary of this stuff so the boys never tried to hug me you know ? And I truly appreciate their gesture.

It hurt when we drifted apart because I missed who they were as people when we were innocent little kids. We've spent 14 years of our lives growing up together after all. But now I realize our ideas and choices  didn't match so it probably is for the best that we go different ways while we grow up in life.
Still some memories randomly haunt me when they call me such a perfect halal girl- it wasn't anything major for people but I feel like it was for me -"

I've shaken hands for too long, or sat beside a na mehram with our shoulders pressed together during our school times . Ahaan had randomly twirled my hair around during recess or touched me for a few seconds , his hands hovering for far too long for it to be accidental, even if it was unknowingly and he maybe didn't mean to. I've stayed up late chatting with him and although from my side it was completely as a friend I had allowed him opportunities to know my deepest secrets and know me further which probably played significant roles in him liking me even for a while. So wasn't I complicit in sins too ?

A certain memory from a mutual friend's birthday party flashed through my mind, haunting my guilt further. Ahaan sat beside me in the dark, the bed too small for there to be much space for distance. The other girls were all dancing to party songs as if this was no less than a club, although it was one of their homes with her parents a few rooms away. My other guy friends were sitting nearby too but I was aware of how they maintained a few centimeters of distance while they casually talked and teased me. Ahaan on the other hand was an exception. For a second, his hand pressed down over my leg as he talked to the other guys about something random. I immediately stiffened but made no moves to push him away, shocked and afraid of turning this into something awkward. He definitely did it by mistake right? Maybe he didn't realize. But how can someone not know where they have kept their hand ? Thankfully he moved his hand away after a minute and I let out a sigh of relief, burying the incident in some corner of my mind.

⭐

But I couldn't bring these plaguing words out of my mind and onto my tongue. I wasn't ready to tell Isahaq all this thinking what if he judged me?

But he proved me wrong the very next moment.
"You don't have to say anything or explain yourself. We're all sinners who have done our fair share of sins whether it be minor or major. We can't know everything a person has done in their life and it's okay. What matters is moving forward; they are a better version of themselves. Maybe I also have parts and experiences in life which I'm not proud of and haven't told anyone. Don't worry I've never dated or anything in case that's what you're wondering. But Allah knows us and if we seek his forgiveness that's all that matters. We may slip up again and again and give in to our nafs but remember he is the most forgiving and most merciful so no matter what just keep repenting and you'll be fine.
Maha , you may feel like you're not perfect and your guilt may make you think you're not worth being called good. But trust me, you're a really good person. Ignoring all the things we couldn't help, deep down I know your soul is one of the purest and best I've ever come across. You may think your sins have tainted you but trust me, your kindness and empathy overshadow everything and make you shine the brightness. Besides that, the fact that you even realized and acknowledged what you feel was wrong is a huge step in itself. Many people don't even realize that all these are things they shouldn't be doing. So kudos to you for even reflecting over these events. Please don't make any of these make you feel any less. You're a good person. You give it your all towards things and people you love. Your eyes light up when you are doing something you love, like reading a book or talking about your favorite character. You offer your kindness to everyone wherever you go and to me your soul is as pure as it can be."

His words send another stream of tears gushing out of my eyes and he immediately leans closer, "Shoot- I seem to keep upsetting you- Sorry."

"No!" I choke out the words between sobs, my voice a mixture of laughter and relief, "These are happy tears. No one has ever listened to me ranting for such a long time like you patiently did and neither has anyone's words ever comforted me as much as yours did right now. I can't thank you enough."

I blink away the tears and wipe the corner of my eyes, my lips stretching into a happy grin.

Isahaq's expression mirrors my own and he turns to lean back on the bench as Atif Aslam's voice takes over the atmosphere, "Kaise batayein Kyun tujhko chayen"

Third Person POV

"If Ahaan had ever asked you out, what would you have replied?" Isahaq's abrupt question catches Maha off guard, making her heart skip a beat.

But she doesn't hesitate in answering,
"I would have straight up said no. Not because it's him or anything, I would have said no to anyone else too even if it was my crush because first, it's haram and secondly I don't want to be with someone temporarily because those relationships only end in heartache. I'd rather save all my love for one person."

Maha's words confirm Isahaq's reeling doubts, making his decision firmer. Whatever he is about to do is right. They shouldn't continue anything risky without being sure of what the future has in store for them. And right now, the future was hazier than ever.

"Did you ever like him like that- do  you miss him?" He asks at last, curious as well as anxious about her answer and current thoughts regarding that boy. Throughout the conversation he had felt like strangling Ahaan so many times, especially for hurting Maha in any way. But he was also glad that Maha trusted him so much to share everything with him without restraint.

"I never really had a crush on him - sometimes I just miss his friendly presence and the attention he used to give me. I felt like he was someone I could share everything with but in the end,  he turned out to be a typical friend who drifted away after a while.

The most annoying thing is that there used to be another friend I had when I was in middle school. That close friend of mine suddenly got distant and started mixing with another group without any warning, completely ignoring my presence. Then I realized that guy was just friendly in order to copy all the assignments from me. He just wanted to copy my notes, he didn't think of me as a close friend while I foolishly thought he was mine. I had told Ahaan about this in detail. He knew how hurt I was over that incident from years ago but he ended up doing the exact same thing! Leaving me without any warning or explanation." Maha lets out a frustrated breath and leans back on the bench, " At first I used to hate him for it. But now I regret shedding tears over that silly matter. He wasn't worth crying over. No one was. Isn't it weird how people can drift away so easily ? One day you're talking about everything and nothing and next day you hesitate to send a single hi." She laughs bitterly, wiping away the moistness around her eyes.

Maha sniffles and then turns to look at Isahaq with a peaceful smile, as if her burdened heart had been relieved of a lot of weight, "What about you? Did you ever get asked out or confess to someone?"

Isahaq chuckles out loud at her question,
"Once. A junior from school confessed to me. But I was so awkward and anti-love I straight up brutally rejected her and the girl probably cried as far as I've heard. My friends gave me a hard time for this because apparently she was one of the prettiest girls in school. But I didn't feel any interest nor was I in favor of casual dating. " He winces at the memory and runs a hand through his hair, messing up the locks, "Looking back, I would have always said no. The only thing I regret is maybe I shouldn't have made her cry and let her down more easily. Zamar never ceases teasing me about this incident. He got asked out quite a few times but he always handled the matter so well. He would gently turn them away while still maintaining a friendly attitude so they don't get embarrassed or hurt."

His face is illuminated by the lantern hanging from the branch above his head, casting soft hues of golden light over his face, accentuating his features in a sharp glow while the background is cast in shadows.

"That's surprising." Maha accidentally lets the words slip past her lips, too lost in admiring him to realize what she's saying.

Isahaq's head whips towards hers and he raises a teasing brow, "Why? You think I'm not worthy of being liked?"

Heat creeps up Maha's cheeks and she scrambles to reply, "Of course not! I didn't mean that - just because you're smart, kind and attractive-"

Isahaq's eyebrows shot up higher  and his jaw hung open in surprise, an excited grin playing over his mouth, "Hold on - you think I'm attractive?"

Maha realizes her mistake too late, her nerves spiraling like crazy as she completely freezes at her spot,"No! I mean - yes, ugh." She groans out in frustration and hides her face behind her palms before trying to salvage her slip up, "So what? Zamar and Raiyyan are good looking too and so are Enhypen members and so many other celebrities! You're blessed with good genes indeed, so what? I'm just stating basic observations, doesn't mean there's any underlying meaning." she rambles out.

Isahaq looks amused at her situation, "I never said anything about there being some other meaning though."

"Whatever, what I mean is that looks don't matter. We had this senior in school who was super attractive but he was so arrogant and rude-"

"So you think I'm arrogant and rude?"

Maha gasps, " I never said that omg, stop twisting my words ugh-" she lets out a sound which was a mix of bewildered laughter laced with a hint of surprise and disbelief.

"I never knew you could be so", She pauses and he raises an eyebrow,  "So infuriating!" She completes her sentence. 

All the while her cheeks are glowing pinker. Now more bright than the light hues of makeup blush she had applied today. Isahaq noticed how her lips were painted a mauve shaded pink which was more glossy than dark. Lip gloss maybe ?

Today's the first time he was seeing her with makeup, and even then only a minimal amount, just enough to accentuate her features while still  letting her natural features dominate.

"I'm just joking", he says, leaning closer to whisper, "Wanna know my general observation ? I think you've got some pretty good genes yourself."

Maha's face turns a deeper shade as she looks down, trying to suppress a grin and an eye roll as she shakes her head at his antics.

When she looks up, their eyes meet and then they both burst out laughing at the absurd turn their conversation had taken.

Isahaq captures the moment with the lens of his eyes, storing it away in his brain to remember. He wanted to freeze this moment forever.

His phone buzzed and he knew exactly what notification he had received. A certain email flashes through his mind and the smile slowly dims from his face.

He would have to tell her soon, but he was afraid of her reaction. Afraid of seeing her sad. Especially after whatever she had shared about losing friends, now he was even more skeptical of breaking the news to her.

The confirmation email should have made him ecstatic out of his mind. All his life he had been working towards this and he was happy for the opportunity!

But at the same time he was skeptical about the huge changes that were about to come along with this decision.
When he first told his parents the news, they were super proud of him but naturally they also felt sad about the adjustments they would have to make in their life without him 

This will probably be the last time in a long while that they would chat so freely and laugh without worries.
The moment was too perfect to ruin.

I'll tell her later.

He ignores the phone buzzing in his pocket, pretending that the decisions awaiting in the future don't exist yet.

✨

A few meters away, Nayel stood behind a tree, watching the scene from afar.

A certain pair are sitting on a bench under the dazzling tree. Fairy lights flicker from every corner and the lanterns cast a heavenly glow over their faces, bathing the moment in some kind of magic as they talk and laugh out loud about some mysterious topic.

"I will come running when you call my name. Even a broken heart can beat again, forget about the ones who caused you pain. I swear I'll love you in a different way." The music plays in the background as Nayel squints his eyes at his senior.

Isahaq seemed to be completely lost in another world, his gaze unwavering from Maha as he unblinkingly observed her as she went on talking about something.

She had his full attention and this was the face of a guy long lost to the depths of love. Completely and utterly enchanted by the girl in front of him, like the scenes we see in books and movies.

"So cliche" Nayel clicks his tongue and mutters to himself as his lips curl up in a smile.

He takes out his phone and positions it towards them, zooming in for a better angle and pressing the round button.

He remembers Maha is Amna's cousin and a plan starts cooking in his head.

He clicks on his frenemies contact and sends her the picture, using it as an excuse to start a conversation.

Two blue ticks appear underneath the photo and bubbles pop up, indicating she's typing.

Amna replies, "Are you spying on them? Okay, for this once let's put aside our differences and you do your work. This is the first time you've done something right."

Nayel rolled his eyes at her words, unaware of the smile gracing his lips at reading her text as he prepared to type back something sure to rile her up, thus forming another long session of banter.

Maha

As soon as my eyes flutter open, soft rays of sunshine peek in from between the curtains, bathing the room in a peaceful glow. I can't believe we have to leave this beautiful room in a few hours.

As I get up, memories from yesterday night pass through my mind and I remember Isahaq's words.

Was he flirting? It couldn't be.
I shake my head. Earth to myself! I'm not dreaming anymore.

✨

One thing I found super annoying about trips was having to wake up early in the morning for the buffet breakfast.

The food was mouthwatering but my complaint was regarding the very early and narrow margin of time that the buffet was open for.

Arriving late meant the best delicacies were already out of stock and hence I reluctantly dragged my feet to the resort's restaurant, clad in my hoodie and leggings, too drowsy to put on something which required effort.

I stared in disappointment at the now empty pitcher of mango smoothie. Come on, I wasn't even that late.

"Do you want to exchange this with me? I wanted the strawberry smoothie anyway." Isahaq's familiar voice speaks from the side, his hand outstretched towards me offering that delicious orange drink in hand.

A grateful smile dances across my lips as I take the cup from him, watching as he moves to fill a new cup with the pink smoothie for himself.
Isahaq excuses himself for a moment to attend an important work call.

Someone grabs my arm from out of nowhere and I turn to see ammu staring at something towards the right, her eyes flickering with surprise.

"Isn't that Ahaan? What's he doing here?" She asks in bewilderment.

I followed her gaze and right at that moment, my old friend's pupils met mine.

His eyebrows go up as he sees ammu beside me and he immediately walks over, "Assalamualaikum aunty! How have you been?"

Ammu hesitates with her reply, drinking in his appearance after so many years.

Her lips break into a faint smile and I notice the tears welling up in my mother's eyes, no doubt thinking about him after seeing Ahaan.

My heart drops to my stomach when I see Isahaq is walking back towards us.

I can't let him hear this conversation.
Yesterday, there was something I hadn't told him during our chat.

Ahaan wasn't just my old friend. He was also linked to my life through another person. A bond which had been buried deep in secrets, not brought up as the weight was too heavy to handle.

Even after years, the wound was still fresh. That box of memories was something I wasn't ready to talk about yet, as it would only bring about a painful past to the surface and dig up old wounds which my family was still healing from.

I excused myself and sprinted towards Isahaq whose eyebrows drew together in confusion at seeing my sudden change of demeanor.

Before he could see the scene playing out behind me or notice the water prickling at the corner of my eyes, I steered him far away, "I think Nayel was looking for you-"

Author's Note

They both seem to be hiding something. Maha's secret will take a little while to be uncovered, but Isahaq's one shall be revealed in the next chapter itself.

Next chapter is a bit emotional and will be a huge turning point for the story.

But I promise the ending of this book will be worth it.
( Bollywood worthy dramatic)

Please press that star ✨

Glossary

mehram-
In Islam, a mahram (Arabic: محرم) is a family member with whom marriage would be considered permanently unlawful (haram)

HALAL: This is an Arabic term which means permissible or lawful in Islam.

HARAM: This is another Arabic term which means impermissible or unlawful in Islam.

shirk- (Arabic: "making a partner [of someone]"), in Islam, idolatry, polytheism, and the association of God with other deities

Zina- is defined as sexual intercourse between a man and women outside a valid marriage (nikah)