It was early in the morning when I woke up. I tried falling back asleep but tiredness didn't seem to want to greet me. I stared at the ceiling before remembering the reason I had woken up, my phone had buzzed. I saw it was a notification saying my ex had posted a photo. It was a photo of him clinging to some man's arm.

A wave of emotions washed over me and I didn't quite know exactly how to feel. I got out of bed, Years streaking my face. I grabbed a beer and went upstairs to the roof. I sat on one of the lawn chairs and watched the sunrise over the city. I used to think it was so beautiful, now it was nothing more than orange paste.

I'm not sure how long I was there but soon the roof door opened and Gerard stepped out. He was wearing a pair of pajamas with some bunny slippers. And of course he had that damn bright smile on his face.

"Gerard, What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Me? What are you doing here?" He questioned.

I shrugged, looking away.

"Hey, were you crying?" He asked gently. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I stated.

"Come on, something's wrong," he said, sitting in the seat next to me.

"Have you ever thought about us?" I asked.

"Like, as a couple?" Gerard asked in confusion.

"No, not us as in you and me, us as in the human race," I said. "Why are we here? What's the point of any of this?"

"To find happiness," he said.

I sighed, shaking my head.

"I guess I shouldn't be asking you this, you're all sunshine and rainbows," I said. "Nice slippers, by the way."

"Thanks," he said, smiling at his bunny slippers.

"I was being sarcastic," I said.

"I wasn't," he said. "I take all compliments, even if they're sarcastic."

"How does that work out for you?" I asked.

"Pretty good, actually, thanks for asking," he said.

I looked at it and a small smile began to form on my face. I burst out laughing, tears practically running down my cheeks as I practically cried.

"What's so funny?" He asked.

"I don't know," I laughed. "It's just...it's all just so fucked up. He's now rich and happy and here I am barely making it."

"Who is he?" Gerard asked.

I stopped laughing, handing him my beer.

"I have to get to work," I said.

"Please don't go," he said.

"I can't not go, it's my job," I stated.

"Okay, fine," he said. "But come by my place after. I'll make you some dinner."

"No offense but I don't want you cooking for me after the whole corndog fiasco," I said.

"Okay, fine, I'll have Mikey cook before he goes in for his shift," Gerard said. "Just promise me you'll come by? No roof and no beer."

"Yeah, fine I guess," I said.

"Good, now give me a hug before you leave," he said.

I shook my head and walked through the roof door down to my apartment. I changed into my work shirt before going down to the dollar store where I worked. It absolutely sucked at this job, watching all these people coming and going on with their daily lives without a single impact from me.

A whole shitty day went by and I walked back home. I went up to Gerard's apartment and he smiled, giving me a hug.

"Wow, you look so nice in your little work uniform," he cooed.

"Little?" I asked, looking down at myself.

"What is that, a size small?" Gerard asked. "You're just short and scrawny."

"I'm, like, five foot six," I stated.

"How cute," he said.

"I-I'm not cute," I denied. "What the fuck drugs are you even on? Can I go home now?"

"No, we have not even eaten yet," he denied.

He pulled me in and we sat down at the table. Everything was unpacked and nicely decorated now.

"Mikey made us some vegetarian stew," he said. "I haven't tried it yet but it smells good. It's weird, I haven't eaten so many vegetarian things since I met you. It's actually pretty good. You always hear about vegan and vegetarian foods being so limited and bland but it really isn't! Mikey and I were actually thinking of making a tofurkey for Thanksgiving this year.

My mouth watered at the idea of a Thanksgiving meal consisting of food other than takeout from a cheap restaurant.

"Of course you can come over too," he said.

"Oh, no, I can't intrude, you've got family and stuff," I denied.

"We aren't close with our parents or the rest of our family," Gerard explained. "We usually just have a friendsgiving. Some friends are coming up from New Jersey."

"Oh, well, I guess that sounds like fun then," I said as I took a bite. It was good, definitely. It could maybe use a bit more salt, though. "Why aren't you close with your family?"

"Oh, they're just busy bodies," he said with a shrug. "Always working. We were mostly raised by nannies."

"What do your parents do?" I asked.

"My dad is a CEO of some internet business and my mom has a fashion line," he said.

"Wow, that sounds like there would be a lot of pressure on you guys having such successful parents," I said.

Gerard shrugged. "I'm actually not too bad under pressure. Mikey has a harder time with pressure. The stress is a big reason for his cause of depression. He has always wanted to impress our parents and be successful but he has a hard time with stress, like I said before, and he puts too much pressure on himself.I feel bad for him. I wish I could just take the stress away from him."

I nodded, eating quietly.

"So, tell me more about your family," he said.

I snorted. "It's not the best story. Dad left when I was young because he decided he wanted to be with his secretary instead. Mom was poor and did everything to support me. She killed herself when I was fifteen and then I lived with an aunt until I ran away when I was seventeen and haven't talked to my family since."

Gerard stared at me, his eyes watering.

"I-I'm so sorry," he apologized. "I never should have asked. I'm sorry. That was really personally and you probably didn't want to share."

"No, it's okay," I said. "I...I never actually told anyone that."

"What about your friends?" He asked.

"I've only got one and we aren't even that close," I said.

"Well, it's a good thing that I'm your friend now and that you have me," he said. "And I'll always be here if you ever need anything."

It was an odd thing to hear coming out of someone's mouth but I actually really like it. It was weird and unusual but actually nice. I never thought that anything like this would be nice. I used to hate all the sympathetic glances and empty words people gave me after my mom passed away. I hated it. I was angry and alone and that only made me more hateful of the whole world.

"Frank, a-are you gonna be okay?" Gerard asked. "I'm really worried about you and I just want to make sure that you're okay."

"I'm trying my best to be okay but I'm really not," I said. "You know what, I'm such a downer. I should just get going before I make you sad."

"No, don't, I like being with you," he said.

"Don't you have to get to some bar to get laid?" I asked.

"Or you could lay me?" He suggested. "I'm sorry, that was a stupid joke."

"God, maybe I need to take a lesson from you and just get laid, I haven't had sex in so long," I said. "Not since..."

"You know you can talk about him to me if you want," he said.

"I-I can't," I denied. "I—don't make me."

"Hey, it's okay," he said softly.

"I'm sorry, I need to leave," I said.

I stood up abruptly, making my chair fall backwards. Gerard jumped and ended up knocking his bowl over and spilling it onto his lap. He jumped and hissed in pain.

"I-I'm so sorry," I said.

I grabbed the napkins and started dabbing at the mess, realizing I was practically groping his crotch.

"Oh my god, i am so, so sorry," I said. "I didn't realize what I was doing. Oh fuck I'm so sorry."

"Hey, it's okay," he said. "I'm okay."

I nodded nervously, fidgeting my fingers. I just started getting flashbacks every time I closed my eyes.

"Stop it. I don't want to."

I ran a hand through my hair as I took a deep breath.

"Please, Baby, i'm not into this."

Gerard was looking at me and saying something but he sounded distant.

"Stop. Stop it. No, stop."

"We can't stop."

"Yes, yes we can."

"We've already started. We can't go back now."

"Please."

"Frank?" Someone asked.

I looked up and saw Mikey. I frowned in confusion and looked around me. I was huddled up in the corner wrapped in a blanket.

"Hey, you were having a panic attack," Mikey said in a gentle tone. "Gerard called me."

I whimpered, hugging my knees to my chest.

"I-I didn't mean to touch you like that," I whispered. "Didn't mean to like...like what happened before. I don't wanna invade you too."

"What are you talking about?" Gerard asked.

"Hey, Blondie, I've got it from here, let me just get him back to his apartment," Mikey said.

He helped me up and downstairs, the blanket still wrapped around me. We went to my room and my hands were still shaking as I laid on the bed and he helped me take off my shoes, going to help me change into my pajamas but stopped quickly when I started crying as his hands went near my belt.

"I'm gonna sleep on the couch tonight," Mikey said. "You come get me if you need anything."

He left and turned off the lights, leaving me to cry myself to sleep alone.