I didn't know what picture to use for this category, so take a Jimin meme to hopefully make you smile 😭

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3rd Place

Rain by adornedbysky

Review:

Characters: 8/10. Jimin was very lovable, and Yoongi has some charm to him too. I took off points for the dialogue. It feels very over-the-top at times, especially in chapter 3 where they're being very lovey dovey. Jimin's character arc is incredible. My eyes started sweating during the epilogue because of "He sketched a house he'd like to live in with Yoongi and Cloud and her little kitten, Rain." Like, author, please stop playing with my heart like that.

Plot: 8/10. Love love love the ending. The pacing is what takes off points from the plot. Normally I try to keep categories separate, but the pacing impacts the plot in this case. The plot is overall solid, but because of the pacing, I couldn't actually figure out what the plot was until later in the story. I had educated guesses, but not a solid idea. There are many flashbacks and exposition dumps that make me forget about what the plot is and what's going on in the story's timeline, which is why I took off two points. But, like I said, the plot is solid otherwise, so I will not take off too much.

Worldbuilding: 10/10. No criticisms. It was solid and I had a clear idea of the world they were living in and their roles in it.

Themes: 10/10. I already busted a metaphorical nut over Jimin's arc, which ties into the themes of the story. Must I say more?

Pacing: 6/10. First chapter wasn't paced very well. It started off strong with Jimin's POV, then it switched to Yoongi's and it went downhill. The flashback was super unnecessary and it also killed intrigue. I'm strongly against flashbacks in the first chapter for this very reason: it more likely than not is going to kill pacing and remove intrigue. Because of the pacing in the first chap, it ends without any hook or intrigue, which means readers are less likely to continue. There are also some unnecessary exposition dumps, like the entire beginning of chapter 2 is a giant exposition dump that bogs the pacing. It's one thing if it's a paragraph or two, but it takes up an entire quarter of the chapter. The pacing gets better as it goes, but I have to take off a lot of points since the beginning is the hook. If it isn't paced well, readers are going to leave.

Consistency: 9/10. Tense issues. Otherwise, the story is consistent creatively (plot, world, characters, etc.).

Creativity: 8/10. The author has a creative mind and interesting ideas. The idea of putting Jimin and Yoongi's journals into the book was intriguing and made for a more engaging read. Author does unnecessary telling over showing. In chapter 2, author blatantly writes: "I laughed because I felt happy." It's super redundant; we can already tell he's happy, we don't need an explanation. Or, also in chapter 2, "We were in love and he knew it." That's practicing telling over showing, and it's redundant; their actions already tell us this. With that being said, the descriptions are incredible. The beginning of chapter 1 has beautiful writing with thought-provoking ideas. If the author focuses more on those thought-provoking ideas and style of writing, the story would be much tighter and less redundant.

Grammar/spelling: 6/10. Dialogue tags are almost correct, but author needs to remember that when using dialogue tags, the dialogue shouldn't end with a period. There are some comma errors (lack of commas where there should be commas). Tense issues. Some misspells like "in" is spelled as "n" and "sight" spelled as "site" in chapter 2. I'm not a fan of how broken up the sentences are. There are only one or two sentences per line, which is strange. Author would benefit from making longer paragraphs instead of making it jumbled with one or two sentences for each line.

Cover/Blurb: 7/10. Blurb is okay, no criticisms. Cover is a bit messy, mostly because Yoongi on the top right looks very photoshopped in. You can see his cheek looks like it got cut off and there's a rim around his hair that's unnatural.

Total: 72

Letter grade: B+

2nd Place

Smile If Off by shriparna0

Review:

Characters: 10/10. I enjoy the dynamic between Jungkook and Jimin very much. The most recent chapters, chaps 11 and 12, were massive standouts to me. They gave much-needed attention to the sides of Jikook outside of their trauma. I can't wait to see them get developed more.

Plot: 9/10. Pretty solid plot with pretty solid ideas. I only took off a point because there were times where it got a bit messy. Will explain more in the pacing section.

Worldbuilding: 10/10. The world is fleshed out. The author doesn't do my big pet peeve where they blur out the names of places (like: "Let's get lunch at xxx restaurant" instead of just saying a restaurant). In chapter 5, the author actually names where the characters are going (Nakdong), which is a small detail that helps build the world.

Theme: 10/10. No complaints so far. Story is ongoing so there will be more to come.

Pacing: 5/10. Pacing fluctuates between really good and really slow. For the first five chapters, the pacing is all over the place. I don't need to see Jikook being tortured over and over again. It's not the intensity that's the issue, but rather the repetitiveness. There's only so many times I can watch the torture before I ask myself "Can we move on yet?" With the exception of Jimin fighting back against his dad, the other times where Jikook are getting tortured feel the same, and they bog down the pacing. It feels like we're watching the same thing over and over. There's also an issue with chapter 7. Author can start right from the convo between JK and JM's mom instead of starting with the argument we already saw in chap 6. It slows the pacing down too much and it doesn't add anything.

When the pacing was good, it was very good, such as in chaps 8-12. The first chap was pretty well-paced as well.

Consistency: 7.5/10. Tense issues drag this score down because everything else is consistent. The tense issues are very noticeable, which is why I'm taking off a lot. It's one thing if it's small, I normally don't take off much for tense issues, but since it was changing so rapidly, I have to take off a bit more. The tense flip flops between past and present almost every sentence.

Creativity: 9/10. Story is very creative but there is some repetitive wording and strange word choice. For example, in Jungkook's POV there's the word "yeeted." That feels very out of place considering we just witnessed him getting tortured. It feels like tonal whiplash.

Grammar and spelling: 7/10. As mentioned earlier, there are tense issues. There are consistent misspells throughout. Dialogue tags are done incorrectly, and it's distracting since oftentimes the dialogue is being spoken by the same person, but it's split up. For example:

"Are you okay?"

Jimin asks.

"You seem off."

That's not from the story, that's just an example written in the author's style. The "You seem off" should be for another character, but it's actually still for Jimin. It should be:

"Are you okay?" Jimin asks. "You seem off."

Try to keep dialogue written by the same character on the same line, and make sure the dialogue tag is done correctly. AKA: it should be next to the dialogue, not under it. It's confusing to read.

Cover and blurb: 7/10. Cover is great, I love the tear and the aesthetic of it. Blurb is just an excerpt from the story. The small little blurb we get is vague and tells me nothing about the story.

Total: 74.5/90

Letter Grade: B+

1st Place

Noctivagant by Juliander2

My review:

Characters: 9/10. Will explain the deduction in the plot section. Jimin as a protagonist is engaging and lovable. I related to his life problems and wanted to see him succeed. Jimin is an incredible protagonist that has subtle details put into his character. The other characters are likable as well, and I enjoyed the conflict between Namjoon and Jimin. I also enjoyed the way Taehyung treated Jimin. Hoseok is a precious baby I adore, same with Yoongi. Jin is Jin, 'nuff said. Jungkook is the only one I don't have much to say about, but that's not a bad thing.

Plot: 7/10. It ends abruptly. It feels like there's 20 or so chapters left of the story that we don't get to see. It feels like there's so much left, but not in a good way where it's open to interpretation. It feels so sudden, and beyond that, short. It feels jarring and like the author accidentally cut out 20 pages from the story (will explain more in pacing). I'm not quite sure I understand the decision to end the story here and what the point of it was when there's such an interesting world the author is yet to explore. There's so much plot left, yet it's all left unanswered, and not in a good way. Even if an ending has unanswered questions, it still needs to be satisfying. The ending is, by itself, interesting and thought-provoking, but in the sense of the story, it feels like there is so much more to discover.

With that being said, the plot is otherwise very good and engaging.

Worldbuilding: 10/10. Not much to say other than the worldbuilding was pretty good. There were reasons behind everything and the location was clearly established.

Themes: 8/10. Explained the deductions in the plot section.

Pacing: 7/10. Pacing was extremely slow and chapters are extremely long. It also feels like whiplash to have the chapters be so long, then the final chapter is 6 pages. The other chapters are like 26 pages; that's another reason why the ending feels so rushed. When things are happening, the pacing is great. Like in chapter one, the second half of the chapter is paced well. Even the franticness of future chapters with Jimin turning into a vampire is great despite being chaotic. We still get a chance to see inside Jimin's mind and process what's going on while plot events are happening. It's great pacing. My issue is with the ending being so rushed and the chapters being so long. In the future, I would suggest breaking up the chapters, finding ways to shorten them, tightening sentences, etc. Try to do as much in one sentence as you can. There are many times I felt you could have combined sentences and it would've had the same effect.

Consistency: 9.5/10. World, plot, characters, etc. are consistent. I always feel like a jerk when I take off 0.5, but I have to for minor tense issues. It doesn't happen enough to earn a higher deduction, but I need to take off a lil bit for the few times it did happen. It was very minor.

Creativity: 8.5/10. The story idea was very creative. The characters were creative. I liked the central theme. Points deducted for some cliché phrases (heart skipped a beat and blood ran cold appeared a few times, among others) and some overuse of basic words like walked, looked, and moaned. The writer has an extremely engaging and descriptive style I loved, so I don't quite understand the need for cliché phrases and an overuse of words like those.

Grammar/spelling: 8.5/10. Grammar is very good, as is spelling. I only took points off for occasional tense issues (emphasis on occasional, it was like once or twice per chapter) and the usage of all caps. Spelling is solid, I didn't notice a single typo.

Cover and blurb: 10/10. Cover is elegant and fits the story. Blurb tells me enough without dragging on or spoiling too much.

Total: 77.5/90

Letter grade: B+

Additional Raven comments: Those were my comments while reading, but I want to say now that your cover is beautiful and stunning. The world is super interesting and rich with detail. You hooked me right from the first sentence due to your descriptive writing style. Keep up the great work, this was a good read!

HONORABLE MENTIONS (Third-Place Runner-Ups):

Love Don't Die Easy by rarapov1

A Desolate Heart by luvmin_kook13

You two narrowly missed the mark. Both of you had the same score: you were three points off third place. You guys deserve a shoutout since you were so so close to third and somehow scored the same. I've never had that happen before and I've judged almost 60 stories by now-

Congratulations to all the winners! I appreciate everyone who submitted. This was another hard decision since all the stories were fun reads with interesting characters. you guys really brought your A-game when it came to characters, which is my weakness. I love good characters more than anything else.

Please message me if you have any questions!

Thank you for participating!