A few weeks after we returned to the church, Ann came to me.

"How would you like your old job at the paper back?" she asked.

"Writing feature stories and columns? I've been reading the paper. You don't seem to be lacking in either," I said.

"The feature stories are written by the reporters on a rotational basis. I write a recipe column for the lifestyle section, but we don't have a real lifestyle columnist."

"Do you have the authority to expand your staff?"

"Not really, but I talked to the editor. I told him that the reporters were having trouble finding the time to do features. Some of our recent ones have been pretty weak. I took him to the conference room to our Press Awards Wall. I showed him your LPA awards for best local column and best feature story. I gave him some of your recent Life's Bumpy Landing columns to read. I told him that you'd moved back into the area, and I thought I might be able to talk you into working for us part-time. You wouldn't get any benefits, but the wages would be okay. You could work out of your house and email your stuff to me, so you'd be home for Faith."

I returned to the Parish Pride the next week. I revived Taking Off with Lander. I continued to write Life's Bumpy Landings. I also started doing some freelance stuff for various magazines. I remembered the scriptures about God doing immeasurably more than you can imagine and Him giving His children their heart's desires. I certainly could see God's hand at work in our lives. David was in ministry. I was writing. Faith still had a stay at home Mom. At the end of the summer Josh had transferred to LSU, and Zach was admitted as a freshman. They shared an apartment near campus, but came to visit a lot. My cup was full and running over.

For four years we lived a seemingly charmed life. Oh there were plenty of ups and downs. Zach's orientation didn't change. We struggled to figure out how to hate the sin while continuing to show unconditional love to the sinner. He knew where we stood on living the homosexual lifestyle, but we welcomed his friends into our home and loved them, too. We tried to find a way to keep his homosexuality from defining our relationship.

Our relationship with Josh also suffered. He accepted homosexuality as an alternative lifestyle, adopting the secular worldview rather than the Christian one. He and Zach weren't going to church very much. Struggling with God's condemnation of homosexuality had led them to question their faith. We simply prayed for them and loved them.

Faith entered the teenage years and faced the hormonal vagaries of adolescence. Somehow, though, the trials of the teen years seemed less trying with her. Maybe it was because everything paled next to what we had gone through following Zach's revelation.

Four years after David reentered the ministry, he gave me a special Christmas gift. To start the last year of the millennium he took me on a couple's retreat. He gave me a card after we filled the stockings. Santa was a thing of the past, but the tradition of stockings continued for whoever was at home. The card's front had the familiar rose, but in the center was a tiny photo of David and I. On the inside it read:

I asked you to spend a lifetime darling.

You stood by me through good and bad.

You even offered forgiveness

When I'd been nothing but a cad.

I asked you to spend a lifetime darling.

Your love was faithful and true.

Even in the face of betrayal

You renewed your "I do."

I asked you to spend a lifetime darling.

It's something I don't deserve.

You're my merciful love

From the course you did not swerve.

Thank you Syd. You're my inspiration.   As a token of my love, I'm taking you for four days in Eden.

"We're going to the tree house?" I said. "It's still there?"

A grin split his face. "It's still there. Do you think 'Arthur' will let you go up that many steps?"

I laughed. "You may have to carry me."

"You've got to be kidding me. There's at least 40 pounds of you I'm not legally married to."

"Ditto," I said.

The boys stayed with Faith over the New Year, and we spent four glorious days in paradise. Things hadn't changed much in the hideaway. The owners said they had gotten too old for the stairs. It was now used exclusively for ministry. The old TV had been replace by a flat plasma screen. My book now sat next to Erma's on the shelf. The movie collection was more extensive. And the luggage lift was broken. It had snapped when family used it at Christmas. David had to carry our suitcases up the winding stairs.

When he sat them down inside, he was noticeably winded.

"What did you pack?" he asked. "Bricks?"

"You told me to bring that new Christian fantasy series," I reminded him. "And I had to have my laptop."

He massaged his back. "You're going to be the death of me girl."

"Strip down," I said with a wicked grin, tossing him a bathrobe. "The jets in the hot tub are just what the doctor ordered."

That's where we later welcomed the New Year, in a hot tub high above the primordial Mississippi forest.

When we got home, the nagging backache stayed with David. I gave him nightly massages. I suggested he go to the doctor. He demurred.

"It's just old age, Syd. It'll get better."

#

Faith closed the book. She knew what was coming. She was already depressed enough without reading about Daddy's bout with cancer. She looked at her watch. Teresa would be home soon. She got up and put the rest of the cookie dough on a sheet. When Teresa came through the door, the smell of chocolate chip cookies welcomed her.

She came into the kitchen. "Don't eat too many of those," she said. "Aaron texted me that he was taking you out to dinner." She slapped her hand over her mouth. "That wasn't supposed to be a surprise was it?"

"No," Faith said. It was news to her, but she knew Aaron wasn't keeping it as a surprise. He wanted to talk to her without the kids around. That much was easy to figure out. She was hurt, though, that he'd let her know by way of Teresa. "Is he too mad to even call me?" Faith thought.

When Aaron got there, it was after 6PM, an hour later than usual. He saw Faith's coat lying on the couch.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

"Yeah," Faith said, picking up the coat.

"You probably don't need that," he said. "It's pretty warm out."

"I'm my mother's daughter," Faith said. But it wasn't the clime that chilled her to the bones; it was fear.

When they got in the car, Faith turned to Aaron. "Are you sure you want to have this conversation in a public place like a restaurant."

"No," he said. "We're not going to a restaurant. I ordered Chinese takeout. We're going to my place."

"Oh." The syllable hung in the air. "Look, Aaron," Faith started. Aaron interrupted.

"Let's wait until we get to my apartment. We need to look each other in the eyes while we talk."

"Okay," Faith said. She wasn't sure that she could look him in the eye, though. That might be asking too much.

When they got there, Faith was surprised to find the table already set. Evidently he had been here before coming to pick her up. She smelled a faint whiff of something. "A woman's perfume?" she wondered.

Aaron was opening containers. She wrinkled her nose, trying to separate the faint smell from the Chinese food he was now dishing into serving bowls. "Why was he doing that," she wondered. They usually just ate out of the boxes.

"What are you doing?" she asked. "Delaying?"

"Just trying to create a little ambiance," he said. Their eyes had not met.

She decided to take the bull by the horns.

"Did you bring Kyra here to talk?" she asked.

He sat the food on the table and pulled out her chair, motioning for her to sit.

"Yes," he said. "She met me here after work."

"Why didn't you just talk to her over lunch after you left my place?"

Faith sat down and pulled her chair up to the table.

"I'd already taken most of my lunch hour to talk to her. I just brought her by the house to meet you. I had planned for the three of us to have dinner together. You sort of blew that."

He sat down and started spooning fried rice onto his plate.

"I'm sorry, Aaron," Faith said. "Can I explain?"

"You can try," he said. "But there's some stuff I need to tell you first."

His voice sounded hard. He handed her the dish of rice. She deliberately touched his hand as she took it. He almost dropped the dish.

"You said we were coming here so we could look each other in the eyes while we talked," Faith said. "You haven't met my eyes since we got here."

He looked at her. His expression was bleak. She remembered Mama's words about Daddy's eyes looking like a winter wasteland.

Faith put some rice on her plate and added some of the Black Pepper Chicken, but she didn't remember swallowing even one bite. Her appetite was already missing before Aaron started to talk.

"Kyra didn't abort our child," he said. "She said she intended to, but Leah convinced her otherwise. She was anti-abortion. She took Kyra to a clinic where they did sonograms of the baby. After she heard the heartbeat of the baby and saw our child, she couldn't go through with it. She didn't tell me because she thought I might try to talk her out of keeping it. When she left after graduation, she didn't go to college. She moved in with Leah. I have a daughter, Faith. Her name is Shandra." He looked down at the food in his plate, but he wasn't eating either. "But then you already know that don't you, Faith." She could hear the sense of betrayal in his voice. She'd heard it often enough in her own.

"I knew about Shandra," Faith said. "But I didn't know she was yours. Do you think I would have kept that from you?"

"I don't know what to think."

"She's only in kindergarten. I did the math. Your child should be in the first grade."

"Kyra started her a year late. Shandra was really sick when it was time to start school. She had a lot of infections. Kyra thought that exposure to other kids and all their germs wasn't the best thing for her." Aaron's voice was starting to sound hoarse. He picked up his glass and took a gulp. "But even if you didn't know she was mine, you deceived me," he said. "And you deceived Kyra. It was obviously premeditated. Why else would you use your middle name?"

"I found her MySpace on the Internet. I wasn't sure if it was the same Kyra. I emailed her as Faith and asked if she went to your high school. She didn't answer, but she restricted her space. When I asked to be made a friend, she refused."

"You should have just let it go," he said.

"Probably. I thought if I could just meet her and talk to her I could come to terms with your decision."

"You did, but a lot of good that did us."

"What do you mean?" Faith asked, her fear growing. "It did do a lot of good. I was able to accept your past. Our wedding is back on."

"I might have to rethink that." He ran his right hand through his hair. As he did, he tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling.

"What? Why? You're not thinking about marrying her, are you?" By the end of the question, Faith's voice had dwindled almost to nothing. "This is my worst nightmare," she thought.

"No, I'm not," Aaron said. "I told you that I don't love her. I love you." He looked at her again. His eyes were suspiciously moist.

"Then why are you thinking about canceling the wedding?" She found herself griping the edge of the table as though she was drowning and it was a life preserver.

"Kyra came looking for me because our daughter has started asking questions about her Daddy. A man came to their abortion group. He told them that he regretted the decision to abort his first child. She thought maybe I lived with the same regret."

"And you do, but why does that mean you can't get married?"

"I told her that I wanted to meet my daughter, be a part of her life. Kyra wanted to meet you first."

It was Faith's turn to take a gulp of iced tea.

"So she won't let you meet Shandra because of me?" Faith asked. Her voice sounded like it had when she'd been a bad little girl.

"Oh, she'll let me meet her. Her Mom is bringing Shandra to the city. Kyra and Shandra are staying an extra couple of days in the hotel – a sort of mini vacation. I'm going to meet her the day after tomorrow." He leaned towards Faith so that he was almost up in her face. "If I marry you, though, I don't get to be a part of her life. She can't come visit us during Spring Break or spend a week in the summer. All I'll be able to do is send her presents like an unconcerned absentee father."

"So Kyra's making you choose between Shandra and me?" Faith said. "Are you sure that she isn't still secretly in love with you?"

"I don't think so, but I don't trust my instincts anymore. I would have never thought you'd pretend to be a writer and worm your way into her confidence."

"That was a spur of the moment decision, the writer part. I didn't want to tell her who I was because I was afraid she'd spook like she did when I emailed her. I pretended I was writing a novel about a girl struggling with the abortion issue. I did that because there was an abortion debate on her blog. I had no idea it would get me an invitation to her apartment and her abortion group." Faith found herself twisting her napkin into knots. "I just sort of went with the flow. After I found out Shandra was in kindergarten, it seemed pointless to tell Kyra who I was. I just continued the charade. The abortion group really touched me. It helped me understand where you were coming from. I realized that forgiveness was possible. I didn't think we would ever see Kyra, and I really am writing a book. I'm almost halfway through." She reached a beseeching hand out towards Aaron. "Can you forgive me?"

Aaron took her hand. He brought it to his lips and kissed her fingers.

"Consider it done," he said. "After what I did, who am I to condemn. It hurts that you didn't trust me enough to tell me what you were doing. We'll have to work through that. But, it's not my forgiveness that matters. It's Kyra's. If she won't forgive you, then I still have to choose."

"What hotel is she staying in? I'll call and see if she'll talk to me."

"She's at the Hilton, Faith, but she's pretty mad. I don't know if she'll talk to you."

Faith looked up the Hilton in the phone book and dialed the hotel. Kyra's room number was busy. "I'll try again later," she said. "We probably should get back to the kids."

"Let me heat our plates," Aaron said. "We haven't either one eaten anything. I don't know about you, but I'm kinda hungry."

Faith let him heat her plate, but she didn't eat much. As she watched Aaron shovel down the food, she envied him. "How can you men shrug off your worries so easily?" she asked. "The knot in my stomach doesn't leave much room for Chinese."

"It takes energy to worry," he said. "I need to replenish it."

When Faith got home, she tried Kyra's room again. This time she answered.

"Kyra, this is Faith." That's all she got out. Kyra hung up the phone.

Faith dialed back. The phone was busy. She tried every 15 minutes for an hour with the same results, before resigning herself to the fact that Kyra had left her phone off of the hook.

"I guess I'll just have to camp out in the lobby tomorrow after I drop Teresa at school," she thought.

Knowing she would be unable to sleep, she decided to read the journal.