{TheDoctors have logged on} 

{SherlockHolmes has logged on} 

{ClaraOswald has logged on} 

{Amy has logged on} 

SherlockHolmes: Unless your name is the Doctor, get out. 

ClaraOswald: Excuse me? 

SherlockHolmes: Bye! 

{Sherlock Holmes has kicked ClaraOswald and Amy from the chat} 

{ClaraOswald has joined the chat} 

{Amy has joined the chat} 

{Sherlock Holmes has kicked ClaraOswald and Amy from the chat again} 

{ClaraOswald and Amy have joined the chat again} 

Amy: Doctor! Help evicting the intruder? Unless you're suddenly taking fictional slueths along as your companions?

Eleven: As a matter of fact, I am. Sort of. 

Ten: Unfortunately. 

Five: Regrettably. 

One: Nonsense! The man needs our help. We're going to give it to him. 

Twelve: I am, at least; I don't trust you all. 

Ten: You don't trust anyone! 

Twelve: Exactly. 

SherlockHolmes: Do you make a habit of talking to yourself? 

Amy: Don't you? 

SherlockHolmes: I prefer a skull. Or a human filling in for a skull. 

Amy: ... ?? 

Twelve: You're back at your flat then? 

SherlockHolmes: Yes. Where the signal is coming from. Do I have to spell out everything for you?

Nine: Oi, you're messing with the kings of sass here- control your tongue! 

SherlockHolmes: Emperor of Sass, here. 

SherlockHolmes: Correction. I am the god of sass. The original. 

Nine: Oh, really? 

Nine: Could you do something for me? 

SherlockHolmes: Probably not. It depends on what it is. 

Nine: Shut it. 

Twelve: The TARDIS is on its way. 

Eleven: Yes it is! 

Ten: Same here! 

Twelve: I've created a temporary force field around Baker Street. No passage except for myself. 

Ten: What?? 

Eleven: Oi!! 

Four: Ridiculous! 

SherlockHolmes: You had better bring proof of-

Twelve: Being an alien? Being a time traveler? Easy enough. I bring myself. 

Ten: Not fair! We're allowed to come too!  

Ten: Twelve??? 

Ten: TWELVE ARE YOU THERE?? 

Ten: WRINKLY MAN WEARING HARRY SAXONS COAT WITH OVER EXPRESSIVE EYEBROWS? 

Eleven: Hahahaha!!!! 

Ten: What? 

Eleven: Over expressive eyebrows!!! XD 

Ten: WHAT?! 

Eleven: Nothing! 

Ten: Well, obviously you're laughing about something-- 

ClaraOswald: Yeah, really, over expressive eyebrows? Haha 

Amy: lol 

Ten: WHAT IS SO FUNNY!!! 

Amy: Don't worry, Ten, at least you have eyebrows ;) 

Eleven: Oi ! What's that supposed to mean? 

War: Can you act your age for more than five seconds and consider the fact that Twelve is not answering and therefore may have found this Sherlock Holmes? If you used your slightly oversized heads you might be able to track them at the very least. 

Nine: Question- what did he do with Harry Saxon? "Sherlock Holmes",  that is. 

Ten: Broom cupboard, I think. 

Nine: Ah. 

Two: I have a lock on the location of Twelve's TARDIS! 

One: Where is it? 

Two: Somewhere...somewhere called BBC studios. 

Seven: BBC? What does BBC stand for? 

Ten: Big biting crocodile! 

Eleven: Blue blinking crocuses! 

Ten: Beneficial Bureau of Cat-collecting! 

Eleven: That's BBCC. 

Ten: Is not! Cat-collecting is one word! 

Eleven: It's not even athing. 

Ten: IS TOO 

Eleven: IS NOT 

Ten: IS TOO 

Seven: Well, are we going to find BBC studios, or not? 

Amy: It's not really Sherlock Holmes, is it? 

ClaraOswald: He must be just using the name, or something. It's an alias. 

Five: He said that he wanted to figure out 'the mystery of himself' 

Amy: What, is he an orphan or something? 

Five: I assumed it meant he really believes himself to be Sherlock Holmes and is trying to figure out if that's true. 

Twelve: You might want to see something. 

Ten: TWELVE! GOOD! WHAT'S HAPPENING?? 

Eleven: What's BBC???? 

Twelve: I'm serious. Come to BBC studies. There's been an interesting... development. 

Ten: Brilliant! ALLONS-Y! 

Eleven: GERONIMO! 

Nine: Fantastic! 

ClassicDoctors: ... 

ClassicDoctors: Is there a particular reason you always shout those things? 

Nine, Ten, and Eleven: ... 

Nine, Ten, and Eleven: NOPE! :-D 

SEVERAL (EARTH) HOURS LATER 

One: Who is William Hartnell? 

Two: Who's Patrick Troughton? 

Three: Who's Jon Pertwee? 

Four: Who's Tom Baker? 

Five: Who's Peter Davison? 

Six: Who's Colin Baker? 

Four: Oo! We're related! 

Six: WE'RE THE SAME PERSON 

Seven: Who's Sylvester McCoy? 

Eight: Who's Paul McGann? 

War: Who is John Hurt? 

Nine: Who's Christopher Eccleston? 

Ten: Who is David Tennant??? 

Eleven: WHO IS MATT SMITH AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS HAIR? 

Twelve: And who is Peter Capaldi?  

ClaraOswald: Um, hello!! Aren't we forgetting someone? Jenna Coleman? Who's she? 

Amy: Who the heck is Karen Gillan and why does she have my face!!!! 

SherlockHolmes: Benedict Cumberbatch... I am not going to ask a rhetorical question--I will limit my remarks to, he wears the cheekbones well. 

Amy: ..Really.