Chapter 9: Rekindling

"So you two are friends again?" Camilla asked me as my friends and I sat around the lunch table. I nodded in response. "How do you feel?"

"Happy," I told her honestly.

"Are you upset at all?" she inquired and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Why would I be upset?" I retorted as I shoved a grape into my mouth.

"Because that's it, you're just friends," she responded with a cackle as she high-fived Sidney. The curious look on my face fell and it was replaced with an annoyed expression.

"Guys....she says she doesn't like him," Oliver reminded them.

"Come on, Oli, we're her friends. We can see that she likes him. She just won't admit it yet," Camilla responded as I sat there, staring at my fruit salad.

"Well, right now, she says she doesn't like him, so we can at least act like she doesn't," Oliver replied.

"You know guys, I'm right here," I responded.

"Would you tell us? You know, if you do like him?" Cam inquired and before I could answer, Oliver scoffed.

"What do you think? You two practically harass her about it and she hasn't even admitted to anything yet. What do you think is going to happen when—if...she does confess?"

I let out a frustrated grunt, shoving my food away from me. "You know, I think I'm going to go to class. I'll see you guys later, or whatever."

"Don't be mad! We were just playing around!" Sid called from the table as I exited the cafeteria, not bothering to look back or respond to them.

I sighed in irritation as I walked down the hall. Every time Axel's brought up in conversation, whether I start or they do, I never hear the end of it from Cam, and occasionally Sid. It makes me just not want to talk to them about him at all. And if I can't go to my friends about my problems, who am I expected to go to?

I've always been teased about liking Axel, whether it was by my friends or my brother, and even the guys joke about it sometimes. Do I act like I like him? I don't think I do. I think I treat him like he's my best friend. I mean, of course I've thought about my feelings for him, but I never really came to a conclusion. I always found myself making excuses for my actions, which scares me a bit. If I cancel plans with my friends to hang out with him, I peg it up to me just wanting to spend time with Axel. Or if I'm having a casual conversation with him and I have the urge to kiss him, I just blame it on hormones. But sometimes I find myself scouring my brain for excuses, specifically when he does something insignificant like rest his hand on my shoulder or maintain eye contact with me for extended periods of time. These small things cause my heart to beat rapidly. Most of the time, I can't find a single thing to pin my drum like heartbeat on, so I simply dismiss it from my mind, shrugging it off as nothing. I always know that it's simply not 'nothing'; it's definitely something, but I'd rather not admit that that 'something' just might be a crush on Axel.

I don't think anyone wants to like their best friend, especially if they're in a relationship. Plus, I doubt he'll ever like me. I'm not Axel's type, and I know Axel's type. Victoria is Axel's type. Blonde girls with pretty eyes are Axel's type. I have brown hair, not blonde, and my eyes are plain; the only way they look remotely nice is if I've put on mascara and eyeliner. I sighed loudly, staring at the empty hallway ahead of me.

"English is this way, Alexis," Axel's voice called from the opposite end of the hall. I turned around, staring at him. He was standing with his hands in the pockets of his black jeans while his plain, dark blue sweater hung nicely on his broad shoulders. My eyes fell on his navy high-tops before I began to slowly walk towards him. "Where were you going?"

"Nowhere in particular," I admitted as we walked in the direction of English, leading the way. "I was just thinking."

"About?" he asked and I shrugged. You. I was trying to figure out if this feeling in the pit of my stomach is an attraction towards you. I think it is but I really don't want it to be. And I mean I really don't want it to be.

"Nothing," I told him with a quiet sigh. "The test next Chemistry class."

"Well that test must really have you torn if you were walking around aimlessly looking hopelessly confused," he responded and I shrugged again.

"Tests tend to do that to me," I informed him.

"You're smart; I'm sure you'll do fine," he responded as we trudged up the steps. "Even if it wasn't a test you were stressing about. I'm sure whatever it is will work out in the end."

I stared at him as he held open the door to the hallway for me. I glanced at the ground, internally cringing. Am I really that bad at lying? Or can he just see through my lies easier than others? "I hope so." We approached the English classroom slowly and I listened as our feet slapped against the floor.

"You walked out of the cafeteria. Why?" he inquired and I shrugged once more. "Stop shrugging." I went to shrug again before he turned and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Now why did you walk out of the lunch room? And don't tell me that you wanted to get to class early because we both know that excuse is a bunch of bull."

I tried to focus on anything but the fact that his hands were resting on my shoulders. Think, think, think. Why did you leave the cafe, Alexis? My friends were making fun of me about liking you. Does that excuse work? "My friends are idiots sometimes." Or maybe they're not idiots. Maybe they know what they're talking about; they just can't deliver the information in a way that I'd grasp and take in. Instead, they tease me about it until I want to rip my hair out.

"How so?" he inquired. Now what do I say?

They were teasing me, I'd explain.

About what? he'd ask.

They think I like you...and they might be right. Yeah, no, that's not happening.

"Did you do the English homework?" I blurted in a horrible attempt to change the subject.

"You're avoiding the topic at hand, Alexis," he drawled and I looked the other way.

"Am I?" I asked as I looked towards the English classroom. The door was closed so we had to wait outside. "What time does the bell ring?"

"11:40," he responded and I glanced at my phone. 11:36. "Now why are your friends idiots?"

"Because..." I trailed. "They just are."

"I have a few classes with them and they're pretty smart," he explained. "So I know that something must classify them as idiots. What is that something?"

I stared at him and repressed the urge to shrug. "They tease me," I expressed.

"What about?" he asked and I glanced up at him for a second before looking away.

"Anything and everything," I replied monotonously.

"Friends tease each other. Have you asked them to stop?" he responded.

"What are you, a counselor?" I retorted. "If I ask them to stop, they're just going to do it more because it proves what they're saying to be true."

"Well, what are they saying?" he asked me.

"I'm not going to tell you," I replied a bit too obscenely.

"Why not?" He furrowed his eyebrows as if he was slightly insulted. "You don't think I'm going to tease you about it, right?"

"It's embarrassing," I responded quietly.

"I know a lot of embarrassing things about you. What's one more?" he asked as soon as the bell rang. I stepped back, allowing his hands to fall from my shoulders before slipping into the classroom.

+++

When I got home, I decided that I should probably talk to someone about my potential feelings for Axel. Maybe conversing with someone who doesn't know a single thing about my friendship with him could help me. Who better to talk to than my mom? Obviously she knows that he's my best friend and she knows about our small falling out because he stopped coming over to hang out with me, but regarding the reasoning and almost every other aspect of our friendship, she's in the dark.

When I heard the front door open and the familiar clacking of her heels from my spot on the couch, I practically ran to the door, helping her with her bags. "What do you want?" she asked me with narrowed eyes.

"Can't I help my dear old mother?" I asked her as I carried her bag to the kitchen table, knowing she was going to sit down and have a cup of coffee.

"Old? I'm 42," she retorted, shooting me a glare.

"Whatever you say, mom," I replied, sitting down across from where she usually sits. I watched as she went to the cabinet, grabbing a mug.

"So what do you need?" she asked me. She turned on the coffee maker, grabbing everything she needed to make a cup. I watched as coffee dripped into the carafe, waiting for her to sit down with her drink.

"How do you know if you like someone?" I asked her as she slowly poured milk into her mug.

"Why? Do you have a crush on somebody?" she asked me curiously.

"No, I'm asking for a friend," I lied. She glanced at me before her eyebrows rose.

"Well, whenever you're around them, you get nervous. And they make your heart beat so fast that it feels like it's a drum. Knowing you, you probably overthink everything when it comes to them. Everything," she trailed and I found myself trying to connect the behaviors my mother listed to the ones I portrayed around Axel. I'm not nervous around him because I'm comfortable with him; I've known him too long to be nervous during casual conversation. And the heart thing, I've experienced it a few times recently, like when he hugged me. But other than that, it was never a problem before. But I do overthink things around him; I overthink everything. Right now, I'm overthinking things...

"Okay, how do you know if you have a crush on a friend?" I asked her specifically. Maybe the answers will be different.

"Well, questioning your feelings for that friend is evidence enough," she told me and I stared at the table, drawing circles on the top. "Do I know this friend?"

"I was just asking for, you know, Camilla. She might like Oliver," I lied through my teeth. "Uh, you know, I should probably go relay this information to her before I forget seeing as it's of absolutely no value to me whatsoever."

"Okay, honey," my mom nodded with a smirk on her face.

I practically raced upstairs to my room, diving onto my bed. I stared at the ceiling, thinking. Would it be so bad to like him?

If it means having to tell my obnoxious friends, then yes.

You wouldn't have to tell them because they already know.

What if he knows? I physically cringed at the idea of Axel saying something like, 'I know you like me. You're horrible at hiding your feelings, Alexis.'

Well, he hasn't said anything about it yet.

I kept my gaze settled on the ceiling. If I can just bury my feelings again, then it wouldn't be such a big deal. I was doing fine before Victoria got caught in the mix. I was perfectly content with the idea of not having Axel like me back. In fact, I was comfortable knowing that I didn't have a chance with him because then I didn't have to worry about messing anything up. We'd remain friends and I'd eventually find a guy who I decide I like more than Axel. But now things are horrible, the worst they've been. The feelings are making themselves more prominent and I haven't found a guy better than Axel.

"Hey, can I use your charger?" my brother announced his presence as he practically kicked down my door. I looked at him, noticing that he'd looked a lot better than he did on Sunday, and even yesterday.

"Yeah, it's by the closet," I muttered and he walked over, pulling it from the wall.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked curiously as his eyes settled on me.

"Just thinking," I told him.

"You do too much of that," he responded. "Call Olivander or one of those other nerds."

"Don't want to," I responded, followed by a sigh.

"Call Axel," he replied. "I know you're always down to talk to him."

I suddenly sat up, looking at my brother. "What do you mean by that?" I asked as I tilted my head.

He stared at me, as if surprised by my sudden mood swing. "It was a joke, Lex," he replied.

"No, I know that, but why'd you say it? What's the joke?" I asked.

"I don't know, I mean, I guess you like Axel a lot, so much that it seems like you have a crush on him," he trailed and I let out a frustrated sigh. "I know that you don't but one might think you do."

"Tell me," I started, "does he see it that way too?"

"Who? Axel?" he questioned.

"No, George Clooney. Yes, Axel," I retorted.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask him?" he rejoined before approaching my door.

"What if he thinks I like him?" I questioned.

"You don't though, right?" my brother retorted, as if to make a point. I could tell he expected me to throw something at him or tell him to leave, but I simply stared at him and shrugged sheepishly. "You do?"

"I think I do," I told him.

"How do you think you do?" my brother asked with narrowed eyes.

"Because I feel the same way about him as I did when I first saw him in the sixth grade. And apparently, the feelings that I have for him are oddly similar to those of people who like someone," I told my brother.

"That means you've liked him since you first saw him, you idiot," my brother responded. "He was a nerd right? He had glasses and wore sweater vests. Yeah...it makes sense."

I stared at him before pointing a finger at him. "Don't tell anyone. Don't tell the guys, and definitely don't tell Axel."

"You have my word," my brother droned, as if this conversation meant nothing to him.

"I'm serious, Dylan!" I responded.

"Alright, alright," my brother retorted. "I promise."

He left my room and I stared at the door. This is me coming to terms with my feelings for Axel.

I like Axel Bruno.

+++

It didn't take long for me to gather all of my friends for an emergency video chat session. I figured that it'd be a lot easier to tell them over camera rather than in person. I could just close out of the app once I finished saying it whereas in person I wouldn't hear the end of it until the school day was over. When they all got on camera, Sidney with a facemask on, Camilla with a straightener in her hands, and Oliver with a headset on his face, I smiled at them. "Hi guys."

"Not that I don't like you or anything, Lex, but I'm trying to play a game and it's greatly appreciated if you'd cut to the chase," Oliver announced.

"Wow, I'm feeling the love right now," I muttered. "But I just wanted to say that I forgive you guys for the harassment you put me through earlier."

"You were mad at us?" Camilla asked and I glared at her as she ran the straightener through her hair.

"Okay cool, I didn't do anything though. Can I go now? You guys are distracting me," Oliver requested. He pressed buttons on his controller as he faced away from the camera.

"That's not all I'd like to say though," I told him. "And you should listen, because I'm only going to say this once. And after this, you're never going to hear it from me again."

"Enough of the dramatics, Lex, spit it out," Camilla urged.

"Oliver, pause the stupid game!" I snapped, growing annoyed as I heard the sounds of automatic guns shooting. He huffed loudly and paused the game, turning to look at the camera.

"Ew, what's on your face, Sid?" he asked.

"It's a face mask. It's supposed to minimize the appearance of my pores," Sidney explained happily as she patted the coating on her face.

"Wow, it seems like I'm the only one interested in what you have to say, Lex," Cam grunted.

I stared at the camera, waiting for my friends to give me their undivided attention. "Okay, so you know how you guys tease me all the time, to the point where I'm on the verge of reporting you all for bullying?"

"Yeah," they said in unison.

"And you know how one of the main things you tease me about is Axel?" I trailed.

"Yeah," they responded again.

"Well, you guys are right," I said awkwardly, unsure of how to say it.

"Right about what?" Oliver asked, lost.

"Wait, are you saying that you like Axel?" Cam inquired and I felt my face redden as I nodded. "I told you Sidney! You owe me twenty dollars!"

"You guys were betting on me?" I asked, with a small frown on my face.

"Well, it wasn't much of a bet. I was the obvious winner from the start," Cam explained. "Sid said that we'd get a confession out of you in October, but I said that it'd be a lot sooner. You see, I knew that the transition from not talking to Axel to becoming friends with him again would get it out of you. It was just a matter of time."

"You cheated!" Sid announced.

"What? How could I have possibly cheated?" Cam retorted. "Lex, tell her I didn't cheat!"

"You two are so stupid," Oliver complained.

"I'm hanging up now," I informed them. "And if you say a single thing tomorrow, I will hurt you. All of you."

I quickly hung up on my computer, staring at the blank screen for a moment before putting my laptop aside. I ran my hands down my face, shaking my head.

+++

"So are you going to tell him?" Dylan asked as we drove to school the following morning.

"Tell who what?" I inquired in my tired state. I was fixing my makeup in the mirror, touching up my mascara. I didn't get a chance to apply it seeing as I woke up a little late. I only had enough time to do my face routine before my brother barged in, rushing me to leave.

"Are you going to tell Axel that you like him?" my brother inquired and I immediately whipped around to look at him, smearing my mascara down the side of my face until it reached the hollows of my cheek.

I gasped as I looked at myself in the mirror. "Dylan!" I screeched.

"You got a little something right there," Dylan noted as he glanced at my face. I reached over and hit him in the arm. I stared at myself, examining the thick black streak of mascara staining my face.

"Now I look like an idiot!" I told him.

"You always look like an idiot," my brother explained and I let out a huff of air.

"I don't even have makeup remover!" I hissed. "Now I'm going to have to wipe off all of my foundation or else my skin tone will look uneven!" I knew I should've brought the rest of my makeup with me. But again, I was running late, and I didn't have time to pack it all up and take it to go.

"Maybe you should watch where you swing that thing," he responded.

"Where are the napkins?" I began rifling through the glove box and the other departments where napkins might be stuffed.

"I threw them out when I cleaned the car last weekend," my brother answered halfway through my search.

"What? Why?" I snapped.

"We never used them," he responded and I sat back in my seat, crossing my arms. "You never answered my question."

"What question?" I bit.

"Are you going to tell Axel that you like him?" he questioned.

"What do you think?" I countered in annoyance.

"I don't know, that's why I asked," my brother responded.

"No, you idiot, I'm not going to talk about it. And neither are you," I snapped.

The rest of the drive to the school was slow and I felt the mascara drying on my cheek, reminding me of how hard it'd be to remove it. When we arrived, I grabbed my bag and made a move to cover my face. I'll run in and go straight to the bathroom. I got out of the car and put a hand on my face where the mascara streak lay. I slipped into the school, walking towards the bathroom. Isaiah and Isaac's lockers were right beside the restroom, and it seemed as if the guys were all waiting with the twins for the bell to ring.

I tried to slip by, only to be called over by Isaac, who had an important question for me. "Come over here, I have a really important question!" he announced and I sighed, approaching them as I cupped my cheek. "Okay, who's hotter- Mila Kunis or Megan Fox?"

"Mila Kunis," I answered before going to turn away.

"What? How do you figure?" Isaac asked in annoyance. "Megan Fox is way hotter!"

"What happened to your face?" Axel asked from the opposite side of where I was standing.

My brother just joined the conversation, standing alongside Axel and Holden. "Nothing," I responded as I tried to back away. Axel reached out and pulled my hand away from my cheek, revealing the dark streak. Isaac's finger poked my skin, pulling away with a black smudge on the tip of his finger.

"Mascara?" Isaac asked.

"Is that the pokey, eyelash stick thing?" Axel asked me, making the motion I do when applying it. I nodded at him.

"How do you know that?" Isaiah directed the question towards his brother.

"I've explored the beauty side of YouTube once or twice," Isaac shrugged.

"What happened?" Axel inquired and I shrugged.

"Dylan braked too hard—," I started to lie.

"Lying on me is one thing, but lying on my driving skills is another," my brother cut me off. "Here's what actually happened. I asked her a question and as she turned to look at me; she smeared the makeup stick thingy across her face. And then she was crying and complaining that she didn't have any makeup remover and that her foundation was all messed up. Then she was yelling at me for throwing out the napkins."

"If you wouldn't go around asking stupid questions, maybe I wouldn't have messed up and everything would be fine," I responded. "Now if you'll excuse me. I'm going to fix what you ruined."

"I'm going to fix what you ruined," my brother mocked me in a nasally voice. "Go away." I held up my middle finger and he held up both of his. "I hope your makeup smears everywhere."

I scoffed as I entered the bathroom, grabbing tissues from one of the cubicles. I began scrubbing at the mascara, immediately noticing the absence of my foundation once I managed to get the black stain off. I decided to just remove all of my foundation and leave only my eye makeup, which wasn't too bad. I continued scrubbing my face, grateful for the fact that it wasn't too sensitive or it'd be red now from the rigorous rubbing.

I managed to get it all off and I sighed, noticing my blemishes and acne scars in the bright light of the bathroom. Now I look and feel horrible. I decided to just tie my hair up and out of my face, giving up on looking nice altogether. The bell rang and I sighed and I realized I hadn't gotten my chemistry textbook and my locker was on the other side of the school. I decided to just forget about the stupid book, making my way to my class instead.

I barely made it in before the late bell rang and I slipped into my seat beside Axel. "I left my book in my locker," I told him, puckering out my lower lip and widening my eyes. "Can we share?"

"Yeah," he replied as he shoved the textbook so it was resting between us. I felt him staring at me and I looked at him, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"What?" I asked him and he shook his head.

"Nothing," he answered.

"Do I really look that bad?" I asked, growing nervous.

"You look fine," he told me and I ran my hands down my face. "Really, you do."

"Thanks," I muttered and I felt my bare face turn red. That was one good thing about my makeup. It usually made my blush less noticeable. Now I sit here with red all across my skin with nothing to mute it out a bit, all because of a stupid compliment. Luckily for me, Axel didn't say anything.

+++

My friends didn't make any comments at all that day. They kept their mouths shut about Axel and anything regarding him. The only time they spoke of him was when I mentioned him, which I rarely did. When I entered the parking lot to head home, I was stopped by Axel, who jogged towards me from the school.

"Hey," he greeted me. "I just thought that since we're friends now, I should invite you to my house this Friday. The guys are going to be there. We're just going to hang out. It'll be fun."

"Who else will be there?" I asked him with narrowed eyes.

"Just me, and the guys, Vic and some of her friends, and you could invite your friends, if you'd like," he explained and I gave him a flat look.

"Haven't you learned your lesson? Victoria and I don't get along," I told him.

"I know, but this is the first time I have the house to myself. My parents are both working the night shift and Evan is going to be at our cousin's house," he explained. "It's going to be fun. Come on."

I looked at him and sighed. "You know what? Fine. What's the worst that can happen? Aside from, you know physical altercations."

"Trust me, it won't get to that. Vic and I are trying to fix things; we've talked about boundaries between time with friends and time together. We've agreed that she's not going to bother you anymore," Axel responded. "So, you'll be there?"

"Yeah," I said as I felt my stomach clench. I felt annoyed that he was trying to fix things with Victoria. Doesn't he see that he could do so much better than her? And I don't mean me because I know he doesn't like me but the guy could at least get with a girl who respects him enough to let him hang out with his friends.

"So you're definitely going?" he asked with a grin. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Yes, Axel, I've said it already. I'll be there," I told him with a fake smile on my lips.

"Good," he smiled. "I want you there. I've got to go invite the rest of the guys. I'll text you later."

I watched as he approached Holden's car. I felt my heart deflating in my chest as I thought of Axel and his stupid girlfriend.

+++

I got home and called Camilla, seeing as she's the only one I can get an honest, nonbiased opinion out of. "Hey, Lex, what's up?"

"Can I talk to you about something?" I questioned.

"Yeah, sure," she answered.

"So I was talking to Axel today, and he was telling me that things are getting better between him and Victoria..." I trailed.

"And you want to know if you should just move on?" she asked.

"Yeah," I muttered quietly. "I thought I'd find a guy and I'd like him more than I like Axel, but no guys seem to come my way. So maybe I should just speed up the process and get over him so I won't have to depend on some guy to come and sweep me off my feet."

"Look, Lex, I know you like him, and I know you've liked him deep-down for, like, four years, but maybe you should consider dating," she told me. "I'm not saying that you'll get over him in ten minutes, but who knows? Maybe you'll find someone you like. And you won't have to depend on a guy to sweep you off your feet, but making yourself available just might help you find a guy you do like more than Axel."

I snorted. "Sure, I'm down to date, but the only problem is no one finds me attractive."

"That is not true," my friend responded. "In fact, I know a boy who thinks you're divine."

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "And who is this boy?" I asked her, expecting an answer like 'I don't know yet, but I'll find him just for you.'

"His name is Sam," she responded and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Are you serious right now? Or are you kidding around?" I asked her. A real boy? Who thinks I'm remotely attractive?

"I'm serious, Lex. His name is Sam and he's in my Pre-Calculus class. He's really funny and he's extremely smart," she explained.

"How do you know he thinks I'm cute?" I asked her with narrowed eyes as I stared at the wall.

"Because he told me," she explained. "He asked about you, too. He saw me in the hallway with you and asked who you were."

"Are you sure he wasn't talking about Sidney?" I responded.

"No, he meant you," she replied. "He's a sweet guy. I can introduce you to him if you want."

"I don't know..." I trailed awkwardly. I assumed I'd have more time to prepare. You know maybe a month or two; I assumed that my friend had to actually find a guy who thought I was cute first. I didn't know she had one hiding up her sleeve.

"You could always just be his friend if you decide you don't like him that way," my friend explained.

"Yeah, but if he's interested in me and you introduce us, what if he thinks I'm interested in him?" I responded.

"I'll make sure he doesn't think that," Camilla spoke. "Trust me; it'll just be something fun to get your mind off of Axel. I'll let him know that you're not looking for anything serious." I don't think anything can take my mind off of Axel right now. "Besides, maybe Axel will get jealous and Victoria will notice and dump him." I know she added that last part for comedic effect but it was the thing that changed my mind.

"You know what? I think I'd like to meet this Sam kid," I told Camilla.

"Sleep on it so you're positive and then remind me at school," Cam responded. "I'll do it casually so you won't stress it."

"Alright, thanks Cam," I spoke.

"No problem."