Chapter 15: "Good"

I avoided any form of conversation with Axel for the rest of the weekend. In fact, I stared at his message on and off for a half hour on Saturday, struggling to respond. After my message of, "I finally did it," he responded with a simple: Did what? Obviously, in the moment, I meant that I let Sam down easy, but now that I think about it, I could also say that I finally kissed him, but then we'd have to talk about it. At first, I was excited to talk about it to see what the kiss meant for him but the more I think, the more I start to doubt any meaning behind the kiss. I mean, Axel is known for doing stupid things. In his eyes, it could just be seen as him doing me a favor and teaching me how to kiss someone. That's probably how he sees it. And the more I think, the sadder I get.

That kiss changed my entire attitude towards him. I got down to thinking a lot this weekend. I never really imagined me and Axel together in a relationship, but now I can't help it. Ever since he kissed me, I'm starting to get all hopeful and it's awkward. It's literally embarrassing me even though I'm doing it strictly in my head. What if, when I see him, I do something stupid, like accidentally grab his hand? Or worse, make a flirtatious comment in front of the guys? There's no way they'll let that slip and he'd probably tell me that I'm making things awkward. And normally, I'd be so excited to see Axel at school but now I'm just dreading it.

"Holden's going to be here in a few minutes," Dylan told me as I stared into my now lukewarm bowl of mushy cereal.

"I'll wait outside," I muttered. Because Dylan's going on a college tour with our dad today, he's not going to school. I, on the other hand, have to, so Holden has agreed to take me. Now that I think about it, I should've claimed car rights but it's too late now.

As I was grabbing my coat, the honking of a horn sounded from outside and I shoved my arms in the sleeves, yanking open the door. I left the house, waving at my brother as I went. I hopped down the steps, pulling open the passenger's side door. The heat greeted me, along with Holden's welcoming smile.

"Let's get going," Holden told me as he tapped on the steering wheel before driving off down the wet road.

As we drove towards the highway, I rummaged through my book bag in search of my Chemistry stuff. I swore when I realized that my items were in a pile beside my bed. No. "What's wrong?" Holden asked, glancing over with a concerned look on his face.

"I have Chemistry with Axel," I complained as I dropped my bag down onto the floor. Now I'll get in trouble for not having my notebook, textbook, and homework, and I'll have to share Axel's textbook.

"Yeah, I know, I saw," Holden nodded. "The twins thought you looked like a good kisser. Dylan was beating them with his shoes for saying it."

"No!" I retorted, shaking my head. "I have the class with him and I left all of my stuff at home."

"So? Just share with him," Holden rejoined before he slowly realized. "Oh...you're not talking to him, are you?"

"No, I'm not," I responded

"Because of the kiss?" he asked me.

"No, because of the weather," I retorted. "Yes because of the kiss."

"But I thought you liked him..." he responded.

"I do," I answered. "That's the thing."

"Okay, you lost me," Holden announced. "Start from the beginning."

"I like him, yes, but I've managed to keep my feelings to myself. And not even a month after telling him about my crush on him, he kisses me. He knew I was trying to get over him," I explained as slowly as I could.

"Oh," Holden drawled. "Why don't you just talk to him about it? You share everything with him. Even kisses, apparently."

"Holden!" I snapped. "I'm serious."

"What are you scared of?" he asked.

"What if he just flat out tells me that it meant nothing and that he sees me as nothing more than a friend? I mean, I've considered it and yeah, I've come to terms with it but telling yourself that and having the guy you like tell you that are two totally different things," I expressed.

"Look, Axel has a sweet spot for you. He doesn't like hurting you, so I doubt he'll say anything flat out like that. He's not going to purposefully hurt your feelings to get his point across," Holden told me.

I groaned into my hands as I sat there, dreading my first period class.

+++

Axel was late, or maybe he just wasn't coming to class. I sat there nothing but a pencil on the table. While everyone else was handing in their homework to the box in the front, I was just sitting there like an idiot. Thankfully, Mr. Porter handed out a quick quiz (never thought I'd be thankful for one of those) to test that we read the designated reading for homework. I got through most of the reading last night so I eased through the quiz. Halfway through it, though, the door practically flew open and Axel stood there, breathing heavily.

"Why are you late, Mr. Bruno?" Mr. Porter asked from his place behind the desk, where he was stapling papers.

"I woke up late," Axel announced and it was obvious. Normally, he takes all of his time in the morning doing his hair. Everything else takes him ten minutes, but his hair takes at least an hour. He even had his glasses on, so I knew that he must've woken up really late. There's no way he'd actually come to school with them on if he didn't have to.

"Do you have your homework?" Mr. Porter asked. I felt guilt drip through me as I stared at the table. He sent me a text yesterday morning asking if we had any Chemistry homework but I outright ignored him despite the fact that there was a reading and a packet to do. My mindset yesterday was that he should be responsible enough to do it. But now that I think about it, I kept him from writing it down because I took a picture of the assignment on the board.

"No..." Axel trailed awkwardly in a tone that insinuated he had no idea there was even homework.

"Your textbook?" Mr. Porter asked. Meanwhile, Axel was standing there with nothing in his hands.

"No..." Axel repeated.

"Your notebook?" he continued to interrogate Axel, who was standing in front of the class with a pink face.

"No..." Axel mumbled, turning his eyes to the floor in embarrassment.

"Hopefully your tablemate has come prepared today," Mr. Porter blurted, turning his attention to me. I was sitting at the empty table with the finished quiz and a pencil. "Are you prepared, Ms. McAllister?"

"No..." I answered, feeling my face heat up immediately.

"This is the fifth time you've been unprepared for my class, Alexis. And Axel, you've missed more than three homework assignments," he began to scold. "You've both earned yourselves a detention for Tuesday afternoon."

"Sir..." I started, preparing to say that it's not fair before I realized that it was pretty fair. Also, if I start saying anything, I'll probably get another days' worth of detention. I glanced at Axel to see him glaring at Mr. Porter with an annoyed look on his face.

"I really hope you have another friend in this class willing to share their textbook with you," Mr. Porter spoke as he filled out the two detention slips.

I looked over at Oliver to see him slowly getting up with his textbook, notebook, and pencil pouch in his arms. He dropped them at our table before returning for his book bag. I sighed in relief. Thank you, Oli.

+++

"You have detention for not having your textbook?" Sidney asked, holding back a laugh.

"That's not the best part," Oliver laughed, having to hold the back of his hand to his mouth to prevent the half chewed rice from spilling out. "She has to serve it with Axel."

This sent Sidney into a fit of laughter. Camilla joined in, too, while Sam simply offered a slightly humorous smile. "Guys..." I started.

Oliver slowly stopped laughing seeing as he was the only one to catch on to social cues. He glanced at Sam for a second before cringing awkwardly. I told them everything this weekend and they sympathized with me but here they are, laughing right in my face at the irony of all this.

"You know, maybe you got detention for ignoring Axel," Sidney snorted and I placed my head down on my fists to avoid any awkward eye contact with Sam.

"I'm not ignoring him," I told them. "I'm...I'm just not talking to him at the moment." If he speaks to me, I'm not going to outright ignore him. I'm just avoiding his presence by rerouting my walks from class to class, arriving to our shared classes late to avoid conversation and leaving them early, as well as surrounding myself with people so I'd have enough time to get away in case he attempts to approach me. That's not ignoring him, right?

Deciding to excuse myself from the table, I grabbed my garbage and started towards the trashcan. I saw Axel getting up to leave the cafeteria. When his eyes met mine, he shifted so he was walking towards the trash bin that I was approaching. I knew that if I turned around, he'd know for a fact that I'm dodging him if he doesn't know already. I reached the garbage can just as he did and I realized I'd rather be at the table being made fun of.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked me as he held one strap of his book bag over his shoulder. The other was hanging loose behind his back. I looked up at his face, which was a mistake, because before I could even make eye contact, my eyes fell on his lips and I averted my gaze completely, stuttering like an idiot.

"I-uh-I-," the bell rang suddenly, saving me, "there's the bell. I have to get to class."

"I'll walk you," he suggested quickly and I shook my head immediately. That's something boyfriends do. I mentally slapped myself for thinking that.

"I wouldn't want you to be late for class," I blurted before turning on my heel and hightailing it out of the cafeteria.

Every class I had with one of my brother's friends, I was subject to prodding and questioning. "What's wrong with you?" "Are you alright?" I had a feeling that Axel was asking them why I was so upset, trying to see if I was mad at them, too. Seeing as I was ignoring his text messages, I guess the guys were his last resort.

I was too busy trying to dodge Axel, have a positive demeanor towards the guys, and bash myself about earning a detention that I didn't even think to stress about Spanish class. Upon entering the room, I found Sam sitting at our usual table, tapping away with pencils. If it wasn't for the fact that I made eye contact with him, I would've just skipped the class altogether. Actually, I wouldn't because I saw Mr. Gonzales already today so he knows I'm here; he said Hola to me in the hallways. Besides, I can't afford another detention for skipping.

I entered the classroom and sat in the back at my seat with Sam. The twins and Colton kept glancing back at me, texting me every few minutes, only ceasing when I noisily shoved my phone into my bag. As far as conversation with Sam went, there wasn't much joking that happened. In fact, he was mostly quiet, aside from a few remarks that I felt forced to laugh at. Once the bell rang, I said bye to him and headed in the direction of my locker, trying my best to avoid my daily routine.

"Where are you going?" Isaiah asked me curiously as the guys stood a few feet away from me.

"Why?" I asked.

"Is it a crime to wonder?" Isaac asked.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I lied.

"You just told Sam you have to stop at your locker," Colton blurted and I wanted to throw my Spanish textbook at him.

"I do," I told them, "but after I use the bathroom." Deciding not to stick around for any more conversation, I began heading towards my locker. Turning around quickly, I pointed at them. "Tell Holden to wait for me...please."

They nodded and I rushed in the direction of my locker, trying not to waste any time. The halls were emptying slowly as I walked up the steps, counting them as I went. 31...32...33...34...35. I yanked open the door and standing alone right beside my locker was Axel. I sighed aloud and the slamming of the door behind me caused him to look over. I could tell he was considering approaching me seeing as I hadn't moved towards him. I was contemplating making a run for it. Figuring that I couldn't outrun him, I forced myself to approach my locker with a grudging stride.

"Hey," he greeted as if testing the waters. I avoided eye contact with him as I stared straight ahead at the metal cubicle.

"How'd you know I was going to be here?" I asked him as I fiddled with the lock between my fingers, unlocking it a few seconds later. I began unloading my books into my bag and shoving my used textbooks that I didn't need into the locker.

"The twins," he told me honestly. I wanted to strangle them.

"Oh," I replied, closing my locker. I turned and began approaching the exit and he followed alongside me, shoving open the door.

"Are you avoiding me?" he asked bluntly.

"Why do you ask?" I replied.

"You're not replying to my texts; you're completely ignoring me in the hallways; and you're literally changing your routine to avoid me, or so it seems," he explained, counting them off on his fingers. "Not to mention, you're extremely tense."

"Am I?" I asked, knowing that everything he said was true. I don't know what he expects. He kissed me. Yeah, I kissed back but I like him. What's his excuse? He's acting like it never happened. I can't bring myself to do that.

"Yeah, you are," he answered.

I shrugged and hopped down the steps. "I haven't noticed."

"Alexis," he stated, using the tone he usually uses to gain my attention.

"What?" I asked as I continued staring ahead.

"Alexis, look at me," he spoke, grabbing my shoulder. I practically cringed away from his touch, turning around to look at him slowly.

"What?" I asked, hoping he hadn't noticed the little spasm I had when his hand touched my shoulder.

"What's up with you?" he asked and I shrugged.

"Nothing, what's up with you?" I replied as I looked at the wall behind him. I knew he was growing frustrated by the way he ran his hands through his hair, tugging lightly when he reached the ends of his dark brown strands. I was getting frustrated, too. He has no idea what's wrong with me. What kind of friend is that? He's the one that did it, too! How's he just going to pretend like it didn't happen?

"Alexis," he stated firmly.

"Axel," I replied, just as firm as my eyes remained on the brick wall behind him. I attempted to count the bricks to calm my mind. 1...2...3...4...

"You're not even looking at me," he responded.

"I don't have to be looking at you to hear you," I retorted. 11...12...13...14

"It makes me feel like you're listening when you look at me," he answered.

Glancing at my phone briefly, I nearly sighed in relief when I saw Holden's message asking where I was. "Look, Holden's waiting for me." I turned to walk away but he grabbed my wrist. I spun back around, taking my wrist from his grip.

"Make him wait a bit longer. He won't mind," Axel replied.

"That's rude," I told him.

"Ignoring my texts is rude. Avoiding me in the hallway is rude. Not even acknowledging my existence is rude," he listed.

I forced myself to look him in the eye, feeling my face go red from embarrassment but I hoped he interpreted it as anger. "Kissing me when you know how I feel is rude," I snapped. "But that didn't stop you from doing it, right? Now, if you'll excuse me, Axel, I'm going to go, unless you think that's rude, too."

Not giving him a chance to respond or react, I stormed out of the staircase, shoving open the door and making my way to the parking lot. Holden's car was one of the few still remaining. I jogged over to it and as I was getting in, I saw Axel leaving the school, looking around. Holden quirked an eyebrow as I got into his car, red faced and breathing heavily, partially from running across the parking lot but also arguing with Axel.

"What happened?" Holden asked.

I watched as Axel's eyes landed on the car. He began approaching it and I wanted to ask Holden to hit him but then I realized that that wasn't very nice, so instead, I went with a more realistic request. "Can we just drive?" I asked.

"Axel's walking over here..." he trailed.

"Holden..." I started and he looked at me and sighed, slowly backing out of his parking space.

"You know, I'm going to lose all of my friends because of you," he muttered. I stared at Axel as he stopped in the middle of the parking lot, watching as we drove away. I had to resist the urge to yell a cruel word to him.

"So why'd you have me drive past him?" Holden asked and I shook my head.

"He's being an idiot," I told Holden. I wanted to ask him if Axel had said anything at all about our kiss. Would Holden tell me? I decided to test my luck. "He hasn't said anything at all about it?"

"About what?" Holden asked. Are all guys this stupid? Do they just kiss girls and pretend it never happened? Is that just a thing?

"What happened...in the car...at homecoming," I spoke, incapable of saying 'kissed' and 'Axel' aloud.

"Oh..." Holden nodded. Squinting slightly, he slowly shook his head. "Nothing that will benefit you."

My eyes widened and I felt my heart sink as I stared at him. "He said bad things?" I asked in a crushed voice.

Holden looked at me as if he'd killed a kitten. "No! I-I meant that he didn't say anything that you'd be interested in hearing, I mean, nothing beneficial to you."

"Well, what'd he say?" I asked as I clutched my book bag to my chest and Holden shrugged.

"Well...Isaac asked Dylan why Axel was allowed to kiss you but he wasn't. Then Dylan hit Isaac then threw his shoe at Axel but Axel caught it and threw it back and then—," I cut him off.

"Holden, what did he say?" I blurted.

"Not much, honestly. He just said he wasn't sure what even happened. He said that one second, you two were talking and the next you were kissing," he explained and I wanted to sigh. This is providing me with no useful information whatsoever. "Then Isaac asked if you were a good kisser."

I waited for him to continue and when he didn't, I nodded my head expectantly. "Well, what did he say?"

"Why don't you ask him?" Holden retorted with a smirk. "If you want to know so badly, why don't you just talk to him? Stop running away from him and ask him what you want to know."

"Holden! Even if I did confront him, I wouldn't be able to just ask that!" I retorted. Holden just shrugged and I began to groan. "Holden," I whined. "What did he say?"

"I'm not going to tell you," Holden responded and I glared at him.

"You're no help at all," I snapped, turning away.

"How'd Sammy take the rejection?" Holden asked but I simply stared out the window with crossed arms. He'll have to answer my question sooner or later. "You're really ignoring me?" No response from me. "Okay, suit yourself. I'll just pretend you aren't here at all." Nothing major happened until I saw him preparing to pull off onto the exit leading to his house.

"What are you doing?" I asked him and I didn't get a response. "Holden! Holden!" I felt stupid as he zoomed past the exit and continued on his way. I glared at him and huffed loudly. "You're such an idiot. You had me worried I'd have to walk from your house."

"Maybe you shouldn't ignore me," he replied.

"Maybe you should answer my questions!" I retorted, earning a shrug.

"What was the question again?" he asked me.

"What did Axel say about my kissing skills?" I asked, growing embarrassed. If I had any dignity left, it's gone now.

"I don't know, why don't you ask him?" Holden wore the same stupid grin on his face and I wanted to kick him in the neck.

I glared at him before turning towards the window. Holden laughed loudly, chuckling long after the joke ended. About ten minutes later, we were slowly pulling up to my house and I turned to thank Holden.

"Good," he spoke before I could say anything.

"What?" I asked.

"He said you were a good kisser," Holden explained and I repressed the urge to grin and wiggle my brows.

"Thanks for the ride, Holden," I spoke as I got out of the car, closing the door. Though it helps to boost my confidence, it doesn't bring me any closer to anything...at all.