The darkness of her room engulfed her, and for the first time in her life, she didn't search the shadows for potential attackers. She didn't even care if there were any. Dylan... Ethan could attack her if he wanted to, and she would let him.

I could have been there. I should have been there. If I was then maybe... Maybe she would be alive right now. Tears dripped down her face, hot and salty, and she let them. Some small part of her wanted to hold back the flood of emotions, but she couldn't. Wouldn't.

When she finally went to sleep, her dreams were plagued by nightmares.

It started out normally. She watched herself, her teenage self, sitting in a car by a Vision Works. A black van parked next to her, and in the haze of her dream, she wasn't really sure what happened next. The next thing she knew, she was in a box.

Wood dug into her back, and her hands were pressed against the rough sides of the box. Someone was talking above her, but she couldn't understand the words at first. Then the sounds became more distinct, as if she'd slipped through the thin fabric of the dream and into reality.

"We'll just bury her alive. Help me move the box," an annoyed voice said.

The box tilted up, and she slid backwards. Her head hit the wall behind her, and she gasped. It was a dream. She knew it was a dream, but she felt the pain. Someone picked up the other side of the box and it moved several feet. Then they dropped her.

She screamed as the box hit the bottom, as much in surprise as fear. Slivers of wood cut into her skin like tiny spears, but she ignored it. If she hadn't feared small spaces before, she was terrified of them now. She kicked against the top of the box, heart racing. She could have sworn she heard laughing above her as the first shovel full hit.

The wood was too strong, and she was too scared to put any real force behind her kicks. "Let me out!" she yelled. There was too much dirt over her for anyone to hear. She wasn't sure how she knew it, but she knew the men who buried her had left.

No oxygen remained in the air anymore. Her lungs struggled to breathe air, but there wasn't any. She wasn't sure it was a dream anymore. Everything felt so real. Too real to just be a nightmare. "Please..." she whispered.

And suddenly she was in a forest, running from Akram's men. Zephyr ran beside her, gun in hand. Amanda's gun was out of bullets, so she tossed it and reached for her second one. "There are too many of them," Zephyr yelled.

Bullets sprayed the dirt around them, and they ducked behind a tree and kept running. Amanda looked next to them, and barely saw the soldier who threw himself at her. She landed in the dirt just as a grenade went off. Her body flew across the clearing, slamming into a tree. All of the breath left her, and she gasped for air.

There was a ringing in her ears, and someone was shouting, but things shifted again before she could find Zephyr. She was in a small town this time, with paved roads and rows of houses all built the same. In the middle was a fountain. It was a simple tiered fountain, but that wasn't what caught her attention.

On top of the fountain was Zephyr's body. She hung limply, a rope wrapped under her arms and tied to one of the four hooks decorating the fountain. Blood dripped from her body, dyeing the water below red. Cuts covered her face, and above her was a sign, written in blood. "This is what waits for the rebels."

Amanda turned away from the sight before she noticed any more of the damage done to her friend. It hurt enough knowing that Zoe was gone, but seeing her like this...

Bile rose in her throat and she threw up on the side of the road. Tears mixed with the vomit and when she had nothing left to give, she stumbled down the road until she couldn't see Zephyr anymore and collapsed. As soon as she sat down again, she was in front of the fountain again.

"Stop it!" she screamed, curling into a ball. "Stop showing me this!"

A hand touched her arm and she shot upright, breathing hard. Tears stained her face, and she reached up to wipe them away. "What?" she asked, her voice hoarse.

"You were screaming." Ajax knelt next to her bed, his face creased with worry.

"It was just a nightmare. Don't worry about it," she said, throwing back the covers and getting out of bed.

"I know about the time travel, Wren," her brother said. "You don't have to deal with this alone."

"Look, I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine. Nightmares don't faze me. I'll get over it." It was a lie. Everything she'd seen was burned in her mind forever.

Part of her wished she really was in a box, buried underground. It was far easier to just let Akram kill her than to fight back. She was the one he wanted in the first place, and Bear knew it. She'd told him she was leading the rebellion, but he'd given Akram Zephyr instead.

"I'm not talking about just the nightmares." Ajax crossed his arms and leaned against the small desk by the wall. "Losing Zephyr is a huge blow. Akram hit us all hard, and you shouldn't deal with that alone. I understand if you don't want everyone to try and help you, but you need someone. Whoever that is, go to them. They'll be there for you."

She nodded, and pulled the door open. "I'll keep that in mind," she answered.

People stared at her as she passed in the hall, almost as if they knew she was the one who was most affected by Zephyr's death. Maybe they did, or maybe they were just curious to know why she looked so awful. Either way, she didn't care.

She ghosted through the halls without any particular destination in mind, and ended up in an abandoned pool room. The water rippled gently, and the room was clearly maintained. The smell of chlorine had long since left the room, but the water was kept clean. Everything looked pristine. The room was a mix of different hues of blue. A skylight let the sun shine through, and it danced along the bottom of the pool.

For several minutes, she stared at the water. Then, on a whim, she dove into the deep end, letting the water embrace her. It was cold and refreshing. Her feet touched the bottom and she looked up at the surface. The world below the water was so much more peaceful. She closed her eyes, and just stood there, listening to the water move.

A splash came from above her and an arm wrapped around her waist, dragging her up to the surface. Forcing her to breath. Her aching lungs drew in air greedily, and she coughed. She opened her eyes and saw Alex.

"What was that?" he demanded, climbing out of the pool and squeezing out his shirt.

"I was swimming," Amanda answered, her eyes fixing on the bottom of the pool.

"You were going to drown! Were you trying to kill yourself?"

There was genuine anger on Alex's face. Something she'd never seen before. That expression drove home his point better than any words could have. She looked at the scars, and her mind went back to her time with the Interrogator. Suddenly, she was back in the tank again. Fighting for her life. Not trying to end it.

She yanked her feet out of the water like it burned her and backed away. Her throat tightened, but she held back the tears. Too many had already been shed. Or maybe not enough. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

But the apology was too late. It wouldn't bring Zephyr back. Nothing would. The tears escaped, and she lost control of her emotions again. Alex's arms wrapped around her shivering body and she curled up against him. "I'm sorry!" she sobbed.

"Shh. You're fine, Amanda. Everything is going to be okay."

"I want to go home. I want to go back."

"I know, honey. I know." He hugged her tighter and she buried her face in his shirt.

She stayed in his arms until she calmed down again. "You're soaked," she said. "We should probably change."

He looked down at their dripping clothes and frowned. His hand caught on her left sleeve, and he pulled it up. "Who did this to you?" he demanded, his gaze locked on the scars.

The white shirt didn't do much to hide them anymore- not now that it was soaked, and he quickly found the slave brand. "Mersor branded you," he realized.

"Yeah." She didn't elaborate. She didn't have to. The look on his face told her that he'd already figured out how she got scars.

He pulled away from her and stood, and pulled of his shirt, revealing his own scars. They covered his back, some of them still red. Most of them looked like they'd been burned. Amanda stared at them, her mouth open in shock.

"You... he..." she trailed off. He was tortured too.

Alex faced her, his face grim. "You aren't the only one who suffered because of Mersor and Akram. Don't throw away your life, Amanda. As long as we're still alive, we have the chance to stop them from hurting others like they hurt us."

She nodded, and stood. Amanda looked back at the pool and then at Alex. "Why do you keep coming back for me?" she asked. "You always find me when I need someone."

"Because I care about you, and I want you to know that you'll always have someone to hold onto when things get really bad."

She smiled. "Thank you. I would probably be dead if it wasn't for you."

"Are you okay now? For real?" he asked.

She tugged her sleeve back down again nodded. "Not yet, but I will be. I just... I have to accept it and focus on fighting Akram," she answered.

He nodded, accepting her answer. "When you're ready to ask, I promise I'll answer all of your questions, but right now you should change and get some rest."

They left the pool room, drawing curious glances from the people they passed. Water dripped off of their clothes, creating little puddles along the floor. Amanda grabbed towels from the shower room, and the two of them attempted to dry off.

Panther spotted them walking by and wove through the crowd of people heading to the mess hall to see them. "What happened?" she asked, taking in their disheveled appearance.

"We... had a bit of a swim," Alex said.

"In your clothes?" Panther frowned at Amanda, as if the whole story was written on her face.

Amanda shrugged. "It wasn't exactly planned," she said. "And now I'm creating a puddle, so I should go dry off and change. We can talk later."

"Okay..." Panther said, but Amanda was already weaving through the crowds. "Is she alright?" The question was directed at Alex, who frowned.

"She's going through some stuff. More than usual, anyway. I'm sure you heard about..." he trailed off, not sure how to end the sentence.

"Yeah. Hawk also filled me in on the other stuff. We've all been kind of worried. I know she was especially close to Zephyr," Panther answered. "I assume your swim wasn't all fun and games."

"Not exactly."

"You should go watch her... make sure she doesn't do anything rash. Hawk and I can handle her duties for a while if she needs us to."

"Thanks."

He made his way through the crowd, jogging to catch up with Amanda. She was already at her room when he caught up, so he hung back and watched her go inside. She wouldn't try to commit suicide again, at least. He wasn't even sure she had been fully aware of the fact that she was on the brink of drowning.

That it been the scariest thing about the incident. The look on her face... it was like she wasn't even there. Her features were so relaxed and calm, like she wasn't this close to death. He could tell she snapped out of it when she saw him. She'd pulled out of the water so quickly when reality hit her.

You apologized, but it wasn't your fault. It's mine. All of this is my fault. If you died I would never forgive myself.

***

She closed the door and sat down on the bed, soaking the sheets beneath her. I almost killed myself. I could have died. She came back from her time with the Interrogator changed, and when she needed someone to help her through it, Zephyr had been there for her. But this was different. Her best friend had been ripped away from her and it was her fault. Out of everyone, Bear had spent the most time with her, and she still hadn't realized he was double crossing them. And then she told him things she never should have told him.

Now more than ever, she regretted that decision, because if she didn't tell him that she was leading the rebellion, he might not have had Zephyr killed in her place. She still didn't understand everything that had happened with Bear and Alex, but she'd figured out that Bear stole Alex's identity. After that, she was a little lost.

"I'll have to talk to Alex tomorrow," she muttered.

The hair on the back of her neck stood up, and she turned, but no one was there. A shiver ran down her body and she got the distinct feeling someone was watching her, so she changed in the small closet. Then she checked the bedroom, and once she was satisfied that no one was there, she decided to take a walk.

Alex had told her to rest, but she didn't know if she would sleep for a while. Not after the nightmares she'd had. They never fazed me before, she realized. Because I never lost control of the dreams like that before.

After walking around the outside of HQ several times, she didn't care about the nightmares anymore. She was mentally and physically exhausted, and fell into bed without even checking the room. Sleep dragged her down into her subconscious almost immediately, and she let it have her.

~~~

A/N: Hey guys! Got another chapter for ya'll! Hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to press that star if you did, and don't be shy in the comments. I love hearing from you. :D