✧ Chapter 73 ✧
[ The Death of All I Love ]
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[ Kokichi's PoV ]

(A/N: yEy, another long chapter, go crazy)

'This was the end of a school year. And I was ready for it. After Shuichi had given me the necklace, we went on a thousand dates, all within the campus grounds of course.'

'However, he did promise to explore the world with me, visit exotic places and help Amami-chan with his own adventures with his family on his boat. Can't wait for that.'

'Speaking of Amami-chan, he and space boy got together and now they're a couple. Surprise surprise. But when they started competing with Saihara-chan and I to see who was the cutest couple, I had threatened to blackmail them (a total lie) and make them say that Saiouma is the cutest couple in the whole school.'

'Akamatsu-chan and Scary Maki are still together. In fact, they're about to celebrate their one year anniversary soon. Which is way too cheesy. I'm totally not counting how long I've been with my darling Saihara-chan.'

'There's a ton of other people who are together, and if I write about each and every couple in here, it's going to take forever, and I'm lazy.'

'My song somehow became popular in school.. which is weird because I wrote it just for my darling Saihara-chan. I blame Smoogi-Woogie-chan for spying on my boyfriend and I at night.'

'Speaking about that.. Mister Detective and I spend our time in the roof garden.. sometimes, he's cute and falls asleep while talking about random things.. I found out that he likes dogs, and I told him that when we get married someday— he blushed so much when I said that —we should get a dog.'

'I told him that I wasn't fond of dogs. He didn't seem to catch that lie, because he suggested we keep a tabby cat instead. I somehow ended up confusing him when I told him I wanted to keep a turtle. Which he agreed to rather reluctantly. We had a good laugh over that.'

'Anyway, the thing is.. we have one more obstacle ahead of us. My parents' consent to let me live with my boyfriend. I didn't want to do it, but Saihara-chan insisted. I kinda admired his respect, but jeez..'

'Other than that.. my life has been perfect. I have a caring, adorable and ridiculously charming boyfriend, friends who I can kinda rely on and a new year ahead. What more can I ask for?'

I paused, signing my name off with a smile. I analysed the page, before placing down my pen. The book I was writing in was a simple notebook, with a dotted patterned covering and a ribbon for a bookmark. I had discovered it while clearing out Keeboy's closet. Taped on the front, was a small piece of scrapped paper with the words: 'For: Future-Ouma. Good luck.'

I didn't know who left it behind, but what was strange about it were the torn edges at the front, clean, blank pages at the back. Perhaps, it had been left behind by Past-Ouma; since that was what Keeboy states me when he tells me about his story of Saihara-chan and I's past life.

"Ready to go?"

We speak of the devil. I raised my head to see him leaning against the doorframe, a slight tilt of his head and a box in his arms. I found myself smiling, sweeping my book into my bag and quickly following Saihara-chan out the door.

He was walking pretty fast, despite the extra load of books in his arms. But he thankfully slowed down, waiting for me. "I totally didn't need you to wait for me, darling-chan." I huffed, pouting while playing with the necklace around my neck.

We stood by the front doors of the boy's dormitory building, me just playing with my necklace and him holding his box of things. There was an unspoken question in his eyes. I could almost hear him thinking if my parents would allow me to stay with him..

"Let's just go confront them." Shuichi finally broke the silence, obviously picking up on my nervousness about the incoming conversation I could foresee between my parents and I. "I'm sure they will let you go."

"Don't be so sure about that, Mister Detective." I reminded him, sticking my tongue out and pushing the double doors open to walk out to the sunshine. One more obstacle to face.. then I can finally be free to be with my Saihara-chan. After everything we've been through..

I just wanted to be with him.

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[ Shuichi's PoV // Outside Ouma's House ]

I could tell he was reluctant to do this. I felt really terrible for forcing him, but I was worried about how his parents would react to find that their son wasn't home after a whole school year..

He was biting his thumbnail, eyes fixated on the polished white door. Ouma's house was a simple one, two stories high and a small yard.. but what I was surprised to see were a set of broken toys strewn on the ground. I glanced at the purple haired boy, whose eyes were still on the door; as if it were an animal ready to attack.

I had half the mind to abandon this idea and bring him home with me but my parents would kill me if I brought a boy home without his parent's consent..

"Let's just go.." I started to say but stopped when he held my hand; stepping forward.

"I don't want your parents to scold you.." he began to say, but he didn't look up at me, even when he reached up to press his thumb against the doorbell.

A chime played, deep within the house, a tone of staggering notes which played over and over till it faded away. Ouma was about to press it again but stopped when the door was pulled open forcibly, a burst of wind rushing past.

(Just saying, Ouma and Saihara's parents are characters I made up, (I should've put this in the front and- wow) uh, so, *narrows eyes and reads terms and conditions*)

(This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.)

(Anyway, I think that covers everything, now continue) >:)

Before us, stood a woman with a thin frown and blood red lipstick. Her cold purple eyes were fixed on mine for a moment, long enough for me to realise that those eyes held none of Ouma's endearing traits. She had on a simple black dress, too formal to be placed in a setting such as this.

"You." She turned her attention to the boy beside me, which he surprisingly didn't shrink away from despite the obvious hatred. Instead, he just said casually, "Hi mum."

"What brings you back here you rotten good for nothing?" she spat, and with each passing second, I hated her more and more but Ouma seemed to be in control not even batting an eyelid at her rudeness.

"I've come to tell you that I'm moving out. I decided to maybe let you feel like you're responsible for something for once." he replied calmly as the woman scoffed.

"You? Move out? With who? You don't have friends."

I raised both eyebrows at her sentence, but I didn't feel offended. She was obviously trying to ignore me, but I, like Ouma, didn't care about her.

"Right." my boyfriend nodded, "So let me get my things, and I'll leave you two alone forever. Does that sound like a good deal?" he asked with a tilt of his head. There was a sudden glint in his eyes, challenging the adult to make her move. There was a pause as the woman scowled, staring down at the unconcerned boy.

"Whatever." the woman finally waved a absentminded hand, turning away from the door and leaving it open for us to walk in. As soon as she turned away, Ouma's shoulders fell, all the tension rushing out of him. He then took my hand, his thumb pressed against my knuckles. I turned to him, surprised but his eyes were focused ahead as he made his way towards a staircase. He was scared..

I just squeezed his hand back, trying to give him the confidence he needed as we walked upstairs. The house wasn't furnished very well, with peeling paint and bare walls. The only thing worth looking at was a dying potted plant in the corner of the living room, but besides all that, nothing else seemed to give off any homely vibes.

How did Ouma live like this? In a place so dark, and bleak. How could someone like him, cheerful and playful grow up in a place such as this?

We finally made it to the second floor, where we passed by a door which I assumed was his parent's bedroom. He walked along the hallway, purposely ignoring it and pushing a light blue door open.

I stepped into his room, and stopped. My eyes roamed across everything now.. a colourful rack of books stood in the corner, dusty and neglected but still provided the room with some colour. The light above us was the tint of warm yellow, comforting after I've seen the rest of the grey walls of the other rooms.

"Just wait for a bit, Shuichi.." his voice was quiet as he packed his things, and I paused for a second. He never usually called me by my first name before. It sounded strange coming out from his mouth; he must be distracted by something.

I moved over to stand beside him, gently tilting his chin up so I could see into his distant eyes. "What's wrong?" I whispered, getting the feeling that something bad could happen if  I made any loud noises.

He sighed, looking away from me; purple eyes narrowed slightly. "Things are fine, Saihara-chan.." the nickname seemed to shake him out of his thoughts, because he moved his chin, smiled and went over to a chest of drawers to pull some clothes out.

While he was packing his things, I noticed how dusty everything was, how untidy the room is now that I was seeing it for the second time. It was as though his parents never touched it at all or even cleaned it. I felt guilty, remembering that my own mother was always there to fuss over me and ensure I was alright.

I then noticed a photo frame, lying on its face. The picture was lying flat on the table.. I wondered about that. Just as I reached for it however, something light was pressed against my neck and I yelped, before covering my mouth and spinning around to see Kokichi's grinning face.

"Gotcha!" he giggled, as I blushed furiously, my hand now on my neck where he had kissed it.

"I told you to stop doing that, Ouma!" I scolded, rubbing the spot.

"You didn't answer me when I called you for a bajillion times, Saihara-meanie." He pouted, puffing up one side of his cheek which I rolled my eyes to. He was so childish sometimes.

"Are you done packing?" I asked as he nodded enthusiastically.

"Mmhm! I've grabbed everything I can.. oh, and here!" he reached up to tie a bandanna around my neck. It was really soft, and instead of Ouma's checkered black and white one, the one around my neck was purple, which faded away to a shade of blue.

"You better keep that safe," he warned, giving me a sly grin, "I spent most of my organisation's funds for that piece of cloth. And speaking of, you're now part of my real family! I have to let you meet the others someday."

I admired how soft the material was, touching the cloth with my fingertips and rubbing it. "Thanks Ouma-kun.. really. This is-."

"Oh, just kiss me again," he grinned even wider, his eyes glinting with humour, "Entertain me and I'll accept that as your 'thank you'."

I didn't even hesitate to lock my lips against his. After so many dates where we kissed, I was familiar with the gesture. While each new moment wasn't as striking as our first kiss, they were still full of genuine love.

"Should we leave now? It's a bit risky.." I whispered again, looking over at the door which was ajar. My hand was on his back, and his were linked behind my neck.

Kokichi, however, looked disappointed, his face flushed from the kiss. "Hmmm, fine. Since you're worried, but I was thinking we could do soooo much more together- Nihehehe! Oh my god, Saihara-chan you're blushing!"

I really was, since my mind was now thinking about a bunch of other things I really shouldn't be thinking. However, he saved me from my humiliation by continuing to talk. "Lets get going then.. there's no need to say goodbye anyway." he hit his hand against the light switch, making the room go dark because he had drawn the curtains to block the afternoon light.

His closed the door behind us and winked. I followed him back downstairs, but stopped when he did. I ran right into the boy, about to ask him what's wrong. Then I noticed that there was someone standing in front of us, a few feet away.

"What are you doing in here?" a voice I could describe as harsh barked loudly, and for a moment, Ouma's eyes were full of instant fear. Before he lowered them to the carpeted floor and avoided the man's fierce glare.

"Come back again, you useless good for nothing?" the adult stepped forward, as I took my boyfriend's hand, meeting the man's bloodshot eyes. There was a smell of liquor from him, making me hold my breath slightly.

"Ouma's back because he's getting his things to move in with me." I said coolly, as the man scoffed rudely, a loud annoying sound I wish I could ever hear again.

"Him? You want to live with scum like him? Who the hell are you, kid? Some stupid punk who can't keep his mouth shut, huh?" he took one step towards us but I continued glaring at him. My heartbeat was surprisingly steady; unlike the other times when I looked at people in the eyes.

This was for Ouma. I needed to keep reminding myself.

"I'm Shuichi Saihara.. and I'm a detective in training. Do you know that you can get jailed for treating your son like this?" I asked them, as Ouma continued looking away from the taller man, but at least he stopped trying to pull his hand away from mine.

Ouma's useless father just turned a shade of red from anger, "Yeah right. Call your little police friends and see what they say-."

"I'm leaving with Ouma," I interrupted him, not wanting to stay with this man any longer. "And if you protest, I don't think you can. I have evidence of your abuse towards him." I took my phone out of my pocket and showed it to the man; his face turned a light shade of red by now.

However, I was lying, since I never recorded anything, but he didn't need to know that.

"You youngsters think you can actually.." he growled, now looking at Ouma, whose hand was now squeezing mine. "Your friend can say whatever you want, but you're still not leaving my house."

"Who are you to stop him?" I challenged, "You've treated him like rubbish. It's about time someone stepped in to help. And I will. I'll take care of him so that you won't. Besides, Ouma deserves so much more than just abuse from the two of you."

With that, I pulled my boyfriend outside with me, leaving a speechless man behind and a weight off my chest. Finally. We hurried away from the house, and thankfully, the man didn't give chase. I took that as a victory.

"Wow, Saihara-chan." a small voice spoke up from beside me as we stopped by the side of the pavement, a few people making way for us. "You've got guts." Kokichi looked up at me, his eyes shining.

I smiled, "Thanks to you. Now come on. I want you to meet my family. You'll be alright there."

He grinned, his hand behind his head and a shy smile forming, "Thank you."

"For everything."

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We walked for awhile, the wind making the bandanna around my neck ripple and making Ouma's necklace clink together like wind chimes. Along the way, we decided to listen to music on his phone. He gave me one side of his earpiece, and took the other for himself.

I hoped he knew that if he shared his playlist of songs with me, it was like handing me his soul. I believed that if people shared their music with one another, that was a pretty big show of trust. So, I was honoured.

After a few minutes of a strange collection of dubstep music and a guiltily sneaked in Panic! at the Disco song, we finally ended up at my house. It was just as I remembered, blue walls and small garden, surrounded by a row of white fences. "Home sweet home." I said with a smile.

"Ha!" he tugged the wire of his earpiece. I winced when the music stopped abruptly. Seriously, that moment when someone pulls your earpieces out? Yeah, it hurts.

I shoved his shoulder and brought him in, pushing the gate open and letting it close behind us. "Just saying," I started to say when I pulled my set of keys out from my bag, "My mother can be really energetic, and my dad? Not so much. But don't engage in any sort of conversation with him unless you want hours of political talk."

Kokichi gave that small giggle again, but he stopped when a loud crash sounded from upstairs. "Who is it?! A burglar? Show yourself!" a woman called in a panic as I sighed.

"Mom. It's just me.. now calm down, I have someone I'd like you to meet.."

"I'm nervous." Kokichi whispered, and it was obvious he was, since he was really pale but he had a goofy smile on his face; as if he didn't know if he should be panicking or giving his best impression.

"Oh, who's this?" my mother finally appeared, her warm yellow eyes focused on the boy standing next to me. She walked down the rest of the stairs and over to us, looking at Kokichi from head to toe.

"Wow. You don't greet me first." I said monotonously as Kokichi giggled again, which my mother seemed to smile at. She had her blue hair in a braid and was dressed in a casual way for a change. Ever since she was taking that break from work, she was her usual cheerful self once more.

"Who is this?" she asked, reaching over and patting Ouma's cheek. "He's adorable by the way, is he your friend? I didn't know you had friends, Shuichi. Unless you count Kaito. But where is he by the way? Oh never mind, we can save that conversation for later."

"Mom." I felt myself turn red with embarrassment, "What else do you think he is? A stranger? Anyway, this is-."

"I'm Kokichi Ouma." he introduced himself in a small voice, gazing up at my mother like she was an angel. "Hello."

"Aww you're so sweet." she laughed, before patting his cheek again. The house was exactly as it was ten months ago and there was something cooking; it's smell reminding me of rosemary.

"Where's dad?" I asked, as my mother continued fussing over Ouma, who seemed to be enjoying the attention; perfectly relaxed by the way my mother's hands were holding his face.

"Business trip. There's a new movie coming up.. and I heard about your school's friendship program thing. I thought it would be a great way for you to make some friends-."

"I'm his boyfriend." Kokichi said, as my mother raised both eyebrows. There was a pause as she seemed to be processing what he said, before her expression softened. Eyebrows lowered over her eyes and a dimple appearing on her cheek.

"Really? I should be surprised about this, right?" she turned to me, and I relaxed. I realised that I had been holding my breath; anxious to see what she would say. "My dear boy has always been so shy. And you seem to be a great person, darling Ouma."

"I am a good person.." he pouted, but my mother simply laughed, ruffling Ouma's hair. He had told me that he never likes it when people do that— he did tell me he loves it when I play with his hair, though now I wonder if he were lying when he said that —he had already melted in my mother's embrace.

"Can I have Ouma back now?" I asked her, who gave the shorter boy one last hug and let him move over to stand by me.

"Oh and will you be staying for dinner?" she directed the question to the leader, who immediately turned to me with a small, anxious smile. I just bit my lip, thinking about how to phrase what I was going to say in my head.

"Erm.. mom, he'll be staying for a long time," I began to say, as her yellow eyes widened slightly, but allowed me to continue, "His parents are really.. abusive towards him, and I invited Ouma to stay with us, not because he's my boyfriend," he shot me a look, making me backtrack, "I mean, he's staying because he's my boyfriend, and also because he deserves a better place. And I love him."

I felt strange to say that out loud but Ouma just squeezed my hand; his thumb brushing against my palm in the shape of a heart.

My mother hummed, tilting her head as she looked at Kokichi skeptically. "Well," she said, "Why didn't you say so? Of course he can stay with us as long as he needs. I support you two." she reached over and patted his cheek, earning a barely audible giggle from him.

"Alright then boys. Dinner's at six, don't forget." she reminded us before retreating to the kitchen, clanking pots and pans. So that gave us, forty-five more minutes.

Ouma turned to me, his face flushed. "Your mom is really nice." he trailed off, rubbing the place where my mother's hand was. "Wow."

I just smiled, leaning forward and kissing his forehead. "Like I said, you deserve better. Now let's get you settled in."

I led him upstairs, realising that my house was in a similar layout as his, but our windows were wide open and the evening sunlight was streaming in through the spaces. "Nishishi.. your mom's like Tojo-chan. Really clean." he complimented, running his fingers across the banister.

"I think she'll be happy to hear that. We don't have an extra room, so I've planned to let you sleep in my room."

"In your bed like always?"

I willed myself not to blush, "Very funny. We don't sleep together because of Usami's nonsensical rules- wait, that sounds wrong." I felt my face heat up as Kokichi let out a loud laugh.

"Oh my god Saihara-chan, you sounded like a real pervert. Neeheehee! I don't think you want your mother to hear you say that."

"S-Shut up.. just go unpack your things and I'll help you once you're done showering. Bathroom's down the hall, turn left." I sighed heavily as the boy giggled once more before dumping the entire contents of his bag onto the carpeted floor; sending his items all over the place.

It seemed like ages ago since I've been in my room. Because of my absence, my mother must've cleaned the room everyday. The lack of dust proved so and the way she folded my clothes. I hastily refolded them back the way I was used to, not wanting to appear spoilt. No matter how many times I told my mother that I could clean up after myself, the more she insisted.

I looked up when Kokichi called me. Since I was facing my chest of drawers, I could only see his reflection in the mirror. He was standing by the door, "Helloo? Saihara-chan? Wow, you spaced out again didn't 'cha?"

"Huh? Oh.." I turned, rubbing the back of my neck, "Sorry Ouma-kun. What were you saying?"

He opened his mouth slightly, as if he were thinking about saying something but he smiled instead, "Never mind~! I can always talk to you later! See you!" with that, he skipped out of the room. I sighed again, looking back at my drawer again and folding more clothes.

What did he want to tell me? Now that I think about it, I felt like I rushed into this. I didn't ask if he were comfortable staying with me. The conversation we had at the roof garden felt like a million years ago. We had our whole lives ahead of us now.

He had his organisation to look after, and my uncle had invited me to work with him at his detective agency. Would that come between our relationship? Perhaps not, since he did tell me that his job as a 'evil leader' was rather relaxed. I tapped my fingers against the side of the drawer, staring down at my newly folded shirts and pants.

My mother doesn't mind that we're together, so that's a good thing. Kaito was rather reluctant when he heard the news, but Maki managed to convince him. Kaede was as helpful as ever, always setting up dates and giving me tips on how to treat Ouma better. Since I sucked at relationships.

I pushed the drawer closed, letting it slide with a small thud as soon as it shut. I then went to sit on my bed, staring at the mess of items on the floor. There were leather bound books all over the place, Ouma's tangled earpieces and what appeared to be the outline of a Panta can underneath an unfolded shirt.

I pressed my bare feet on the carpet, feeling the softness of the rug and sighing. Despite him being gone for ten minutes, I already missed him. I didn't want to admit it, but I wanted to stay with Ouma forever. Marry him. Get a house with him. Get that turtle he says he wanted. Grow old together. A life.. I thought I never knew was possible till I met him.

I dragged my foot on the carpet, leaving a pale line on it. "I love you Ouma.." I whispered to myself, trying to test out the way I said it. Even though I've said that so many times, I've never heard him say that to me in return. Perhaps that was what that uneasy feeling deep in my guts was. I've never heard him say 'I love you' to me.

"Saihara! Ouma! Dinner!" my mother called, and with a jolt, I realised that I've been sitting at my bed for a long time. I stood up and stretched, feeling tired, just as the door opened again to reveal Kokichi. His hair was wet, and he looked sleepy. There was a damp white towel pressed against his flushed cheek, and he wore a oversized light blue shirt with grey shorts.

"Are you staring?" his voice shook me out of my daze, "My my Saihara-chan, you perv. I think I'm gonna be really scared when we sleep tonight. Maybe I should sleep in the living room instead."

I was about to retaliate but he just giggled once more, "Just kidding! As if I'd miss a chance to sleep in the same room as you dumby." (ThatOneFujoshi-UWU , sora_ouma I hope you don't mind me using that word)

"Let's just go downstairs for dinner." I said before I could make a fool out of myself even more. He shrugged, as if he were expecting it.

"Okie dokie, Saihara-chan.." Was it just me or did he sound tired? He was doing that habit again, the staring out the window thing; his fingers tugging on the crystals around his neck.

I was about to ask him what's wrong, but I dismissed the thought as soon as we stepped into the dining room for dinner. Oh well, when night falls, I'd find out what's wrong.. right? And maybe.. I could try to ease the feeling of guilt in my heart.

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[ 11:38pm // Shuichi's Room ]

Kokichi stood by the edge of the bed, eyeing the place where I had carefully laid out several pillows just for him. I had just finished brushing my teeth after playing rounds of intense Mario Kart. (He forced me to play as Princess Peach but I wrecked him).

After that, we played Spin the Bottle, but it wasn't very exciting, since it was just the both of us. He tried to get me to join him with the Ouija Board but I drew the line at that. So here we were, getting ready to sleep, the windows closed and the air conditioner chilling us to the bone.

My mom thought we were sleeping separately, him on the floor and me on the bed. Though I insisted that it was the other way round, Ouma announced during dinner that I was a 'bottom' or whatever that meant.. and from the way my mother had looked at him with astonishment, indicated that it must've been a bad joke.

"It's getting late Ouma.. if you're not comfortable, I can always sleep on the floor and you-."

He wordlessly climbed into bed with me, his face red but he was obviously trying to suppress his giggling. "This is so weird.." he whispered just as I reached over and flipped the lamp switch off, shrouding us in darkness.

At the other side of the bed, on my left, was Ouma. He was so close, I wanted to reach out and touch his arm, to feel him close. But I held myself back, remembering his reluctance to share the bed with me. How would he react if I held him in my arms while we slept?

I turned, pressing my ear against the pillow and watching the rise and fall of his chest under the blanket, a small ray of light streaming in from my window. "Is this weird?" I whispered, hoping he could hear me.

"Nishishi.. no way.." his laughter sounded loud, thanks to the eerie silence of the room. "A little quiet though." It was like we had just met for the first time, all nervousness and awkwardness.

"What do you want to talk about then?" I asked him, as I felt his bare foot touch mine for a moment as he shifted around. I held my breath, but he moved away. I could almost feel the embarrassment radiating from him, despite being a half a pillow away.

"You. Let's talk about you." he replied. I could almost hear the amusement in his voice. "This is your perfect life huh? Your doting, cheerful mother and your dad working hard to provide for you.." he sounded sad, so I moved my hand to hold his, accidentally taking his wrist instead.

"Yeah.. I'm sorry you had to go through all that." I whispered, but he didn't pull away. We stayed that way for a moment, his wrist in my hand.

"It's not your fault, Saihara-chan.. you don't have to pity me," he gave a small laugh, "Besides, it's over.. why should we bother with that? Just like how we shouldn't bother with our past lives."

Another silence befell upon the room, but this was just.. a thoughtful silence. A silence which spoke a thousand words. "Ouma.." I heard myself say, "Do you.. regret being with me?" I didn't even know why I said that. How could I doubt him?

"Excuse me?" The boy sounded insulted, but also amused. "Wow darling-chan. How could you? I'm so sad!" in the darkness, I couldn't see his expression but he had pulled his arm away. There was a tensed silence, before I continued talking even though I didn't want to.

"You.." I began to say before taking a deep breath and just voicing out what I kept worrying about. "I just feel like you don't really seem to-."

"Are those times we spent together not worth anything, Saihara-chan?" there was no mistaking it now, he really was upset, thanks to how his voice wavered at my name. Almost like he was on the verge of tears.

"Of course they mean something to me, Ouma.. I know my words may just seem empty but after everything I've done for you-."

He sat up, his silhouette outlined by the moon. His hair was just like how it was; ends curled up slightly and seemingly glowing because of the moonlight.

"I get it, Shuichi, you think I don't love you? I love you so much, it hurts. There's a ache in myself when I'm away from you. I hold your hand because you make me feel grounded. Like I have a purpose. I want to prove myself to you, to show you how much I love you but I've.. never known how to love. I'm sorry."

He didn't sound like he was lying.

I sat up as well and grabbed his wrist, somehow managing to find it in the dark. I then leaned forward to press my lips against his. Feeling angry and frustrated with myself, him and how unfair the world was. I hated myself for making him feel this way.

I touched his cheek, feeling it sticky with salty tears as I pulled away. "Are you.. are you angry with me?" he whispered, his face held the saddest expression I had ever seen on him. His eyes still teary and him biting his lip. His cheeks flushed.

Shaking my head as a 'no', I gently pulled him back down onto the bed and we lay there. He was holding his breath, my hand on his stomach and our legs tangled together. "Sorry." he whispered. I could hear the hastened thumping of his heart when my lips brushed against his neck.

"Don't apologise. Okay?" I reassured him as his head rested against mine. After about fifteen minutes or so, his breathing slowed down and a few seconds later, I knew he was finally asleep. I smiled sadly; closing my eyes as well and wrapping my arms around him.

I love you so much, it hurts.

♥ End of Chapter Seventy-Three ♥