The words caught in my throat, a painful lump I'd been swallowing for 7 years and finally I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to scream and my heart raced as the words came closer to my trembling lips.

"Sydney?" Tony's voice soft, curious even.

"He told you to call me." A clear accusation, but nonetheless my voice came out soft, my exhaustion swallowing my anger. I was tired of hiding from the past that haunted my dreams. 

"No." His voice tried for stern as it came through the line almost enough to make me believe him, but how could I.  "I'm sure he'd be pretty pissed if he knew I was talking to you. Hell from how he was acting earlier I'm sure he'd be pissed about anyone talking to you. I've never seen him quiet as pissed off as he was today." A dry laugh tried to escape me, coming out more like an annoyed huff.

"That motherfucker has no right to be pissed about anything." reaching down to the floor I retrieved the gold band that had fallen and watched the light reflect from the diamonds as I slowly turned the meaningless piece of once precious metal between my fingers. For a brief second I wondered if he'd replaced this ring with the exact same thing, or had he gotten something completely different when he finally went home. My forehead creasing, what did he go for the second time around? Did he need something as flashy as this for his second wife I wondered as I couldnt remeber seeing his ring today. 

"You're the first person I've ever seen call him that to his face." those words pulling me back to the conversation at had.

"More people should do it." My response eliciting a small, yet hearty laugh from his end. The sound of slow, patient breaths passed between us, my eyes still on the gold loop I'd left sitting in my spare change dish until the day I moved, as if I was waiting for its owner to return to claim it. My mind was spinning with questions. Too many questions and none of them appropriate for the person on the other line. "Why did he come to my shop Tony?".

"All he told me was that he wanted to meet the person who made the pies Sydney. I swear that's it. If he had any other reasons he didn't tell me." His voice was getting softer. Nodding silently at his words, trying to decide if it was really just dumb luck that he found me, or something more.

"He really didn't tell you anything about..." the words were lost in a cloud of thoughts. I couldn't even pinpoint how to describe what we'd been.

"No. I didn't know you'd ever met, until you saw him. The look in your eyes when he walked in Sydney. You looked terrified."  Tony was right, I had been terrified. A stray tear rolled down my face as I thought about how terrified I'd been that he'd come in and say all the right words and make me forgive him.

"I was," words trembling and soft, "but it appears I had no reason to be." My eyes trailed over the printed pages of online conversations as I began placing them back in their purple time capsule.  I couldn't bring myself to actually read the words we had exchanged so long ago, now those words only showed me misplaced trust and lies. "We shouldn't be talking Tony," my voice as tired as I felt, "we both know he's not above firing you and you don't deserve to be in the middle of this."

"Why don't you let me decide what I deserve Sydney," The first little laugh I'd had in hours passed my lips at the sound of the smile in his natually rough voice.

"Just gonna jump right on top of a hornets nest and be ok with it huh? You really have no idea what you're getting into."

"Sydney, he's broken so many hearts. He breaks people and I don't know if he knows that he does it, or how to stop doing it." Tony's words were cautious, verbally tiptoeing around what he really wanted to say. "He moves on. He doesn't talk about any of them, he leaves them all in the past and moves onto the next one." I listened carefully to his concerned tone as I gently moved the now full purple box to the floor beside my bed. "In fact I've only ever heard him talk about one woman from his past that he was involved with." My heart dropped further and further the more he spoke.

"Who?" I couldn't keep the word from flying out of my mouth, imagining it would be the wife he'd nearly had two children with and hoping that if it was that would stop all of this from haunting me. If I could know for sure that everything he said and did was a lie maybe then I could move on.

"I don't know for sure. I only overheard him talking to John about her once. Something about how he'd messed up so bad it couldn't be fixed."

"John?" My eyebrows furrowing at the sound of the familiar name. Surely he wouldn't still be around all these years later, especially after everything he knew. A part of me believed he would have purged everyone from his entourage who had any idea about what has played out over the course of that year. 

"Yeah, he's been around for years," quick to dismiss my question, " but my point is that you can't let whatever happened between you two color how you live the rest of your life. He certainly isn't." I swallowed his uncomfortable words and I tried to find a way to digest them, but it wasn't possible. If it had been that easy I would have done it years ago. The strength to mentally walk away from our past was something I'd tried to build, but try as I might I failed every time.

"I've gotta get to bed Tony. Thanks for checking on me, but you should keep your distance. There's nothing good for you in all this." I didn't even wait for him to respond before I hung up. I needed time, I needed space, I needed to process everything. I tossed myself back on my bed and closed my eyes, maybe some sleep would help clear my mind.

Hours later I was pacing around my house. Sleep had been an illusion I couldn't quite grasp, so instead I've been restlessly wandering my house, trying to find anything to keep my mind busy. Eventually I found myself sitting at my computer, not really doing much of anything and that's when the idea hit me. Shaking my head, it was a stupid idea, but my curiosity got the better of me. My fingers stuttered over the keyboard, taking time to recall all the information I needed. Information I hadn't used in years and never thought I would again.

"This isn't a good idea Sydney." Quietly chastising myself as I stared at the enter button on my keyboard. "This isn't healthy." I was at war with myself, a yelling inside my mind telling me to just do this and another voice telling me to go back to bed, that I'd be clear headed in the morning. The fingertip of my right ring finger gently landed on the black key, the screen began to change, and I could feel myself backsliding. Standing atop a hill of my own creation was slowly crumbling under my feet, the dirt all giving way, a loud rumble in my ears as I fell, tumbling downward, farther and farther away from the progress I'd made. The rumble in my ears replaced by the erratic thumping of my heart and I suddenly felt like a woman in my 20's , sitting in a half broken down computer chair behind a rickety desk. My eyes glued to the upper right hand side of my computer screen, hands frozen over the keys, not daring to make a move, afraid someone might see the mistake I'd made. The sharp trill that came from my computer made me jump, causing a hasty intake of breath.

SixStringGuy: I'm sorry Sydney. That wasn't how I wanted it to go when we finally saw each other again.

I barely finished reading the message before I turned off my computer and nearly ran out of my office. 

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A/N: I meant to get this posted a few nights ago, but life got in the way. I just wanted to give everyone a heads up it might be a while before my next update. On Monday July 6th I'm scheduled to have surgery on my dominant arm and I'm anticipating between the pain and the medication associated with recovery that's gonna slow me down for a month or so.  I'll still be around and making plans for the next chapters, but it might be a minute before an actual update. Thank for all of your support and sticking with me. I love you all and I hope you're all staying safe.