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Jaemin wakes up in the morning, his face grim. He checked his calendar, and for a second his world went gray. That was until there was a knock on the door, and Jaemin's dad sticking his head in only a moment after.

December 18th was the only day where his dad would actually act like a dad. It was the one day where they would spend the day together, both trying to reassure the other that it would be ok. That there was still hope.

"Jaemin-ah, there's breakfast downstairs. And I hung your suit up in the closet..." His dad pauses. "But take your time...We can go whenever you feel like it. I already bought a bouquet." And just like that, Jaemin was once again left alone in his room. He sighs and tries to hold back his tears. He always dreaded the 18th, it was a painful reminder of what happened. But him and his father both knew that forgetting the past was impossible. It happened and they can't change it.

Jaemin stands and turns on his lights, letting the room be illuminated, chasing the darkness to the corners of his room. He wipes some of the stray tears that fell and went into the bathroom to wash himself up. Normally, a nice warm shower is able to calm him down, but today it wasn't working. The water hitting his back didn't relieve him of stress, it just made Jaemin cry harder. Which, he supposes, was accurate. Nothing ever made him happy on the 18th, it just wasn't possible.

He steps out of the shower and dries his hair before getting dressed into the suit that his dad set out. He checked the clock, sighing when it read 11:30 am. Even though the sun was up, the world seemed so dark to Jaemin. As if it was covered in a blanket of a black abyss. Not even the stars were allowed to shine.

Jaemin heads downstairs, the corner of his lips lifting into a 'not-really-but-at-least-I-tried' smile when he sees the peonies on the table. They were their favorite flowers. And the blossoms always meant something special to Jaemin and his dad.

Mr. Na comes out from the kitchen, handing Jaemin a piece of toast with egg on it. Jaemin thanks him and quickly eats the egg before grabbing the flowers and heading to the door.

"Let's go...I don't want to be in the house right now." Jaemin looks at his feet, the tears coming back. He raises his head as his dad puts a hand on his shoulder, a silent message of 'It'll be ok.' Jaemin just sniffles and nods his head, following his father out to the car.

They drove in silence, the only noise was the sound of 'I Feel Good' by James Brown playing on the radio. How ironic, on any other day, Jaemin would be singing along to the lyrics happily. But now it just hurt, as if the world was mocking him in a sorts. He eventually just turned the radio off as soon as 'Great Spirits' by Tina Turner came onto the station. His dad just stays silent, parking the car next to the cemetery.

They get out of the car and walk up the hill, towards the top where a large, old Oak Tree stood. It's majestic branches stretching out, reaching up to touch heaven. When Jaemin was younger, he thought that if he climbed high enough, he would reach heaven too. He would be able to see them again. Be able to be with them again.

"Come on Jaemin-ah, just a bit further." Jaemin didn't even know he had stopped walking until his dad took his hand and led him up to the top of the hill. They stop in front of two marble gravestones, kept clean thanks to the workers. The peonies from last year fully eroded away into the ground, joining the two people beneath it.

Jaemin was always emotional, even if he was good at hiding it. But today, he was too weak to try and hide what he was feeling. He chokes up and begins to bawl silently, his tears falling down his face in a rapid rain of pain, sadness, and love. He squats in front of the graves, putting the flowers between them gently and rakes his hand through his hair in frustration. 

His dad stood above him, silently wiping his own tears. He had to be strong for his son, for he knew that Jaemin would be struggling much worse than himself. He knew Jaemin would lock himself in his room. He knew the boy would cry hard at night. He knew he would fake a smile. He knew Jaemin would break, because it happened every year. It was always the same. For a week, Jaemin would break down. He would lose all happiness. He would crumble, his heart pleading for someone to save him. Rescue him from the darkness. Mr. Na knew his son all too well, and he knew he would have to be there for the boy in the coming days. He had to be strong, for the both of them.

Jaemin wipes his nose, sniffling softly. Finally, for the first time that day, with a voice dry and empty as a desert, Jaemin spoke. "Mom, noona, we're here."

∆∆

Mark and Chenle wait outside Jaemin's dance studio patiently. They knew Jaemin was not in a good space right now which meant they would be with him every step of the way. The week always dragged on longer than normal when their anniversary rolled around, the 7~ish days seeming like 7 months.

They look up and sigh when they see their friend exit the studio, face blank and hair sticking to his forehead.

"Jaemin, we said not to go so hard. You look exhausted." Chenle gently grabs his friend's hand. "Let's just go to my house, I have my driver parked around the corner." He says, barely a whisper.

As loud and obnoxious as Chenle was, he was extremely good at reading a room. He was a genius when it came to body language, facial expressions, and personal habits. And right now, he knew he had to be the hyung to Jaemin. At least for a few days. Along with Chenle, Mark was already good at taking care of Jaemin. He had been doing it all his life. As the eldest, he knew it was important for Jaemin to be babied on occasions. He knew the boy needed to feel loved every once in a while, and right now, he really needed it.

It was the least the two boys could do to repay their friend for always taking care of them. Feeding them, helping them, protecting them. To Mark and Chenle, Jaemin was a guardian angel. Sent down to earth with a mission to help them. To always be there.

"Come on Nana, let's go." The boy nods and just follows his friends to Chenle's car, silently climbing into the backseat.

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Ten and Jisung watch the 3 boys walk away, both sighing quite loudly.

"Hyung will be ok, right?" Jisung worriedly turns to the shorter male who just nodded.

"Jaemin is a strong guy, he'll be ok. He's pushed through before, and he can do it again." Ten wraps his arm around Jisung's shoulder. "Come on kid, I'll treat you to korean barbeque."

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∆Here's another chapter. Sorry it's so depressing, I couldn't help it lol. Anyways, I promise to bring some Jaeno back because that's literally the whole point of the book lmao. Ok, I'll see you soon. I'm trying to power write and so far it's going pretty good. See you∆