Judgement
see, this one was the hardest of the
trials to face.
Always being both the accused,
and the prosecutor.

How did I manage to convince myself
and everybody else that
I had no room in my heart for judgement?When that was secretly
all it was capable of,
all I was capable of.

Why begin at the end?
Well, these Trials
they were only set in motion
by forces of dread
and sensibility.
Forces that I will inevitably
live in peaceful harmony with.
But for now chaos intervenes
every now and again...

Accusing others of their mistreatment of me,
accusing myself.
Accusing someone's intentions towards me,
accusing myself.
Accusing someone's devotion to me,
accusing myself.

Sensibility reveals that my egocentric
fixation on self image
distorted my ability to judge
someone else's perception of me.
I quickly assumed their disapproval
was nearly as critical
as the detestation
I showed myself.
I continued to pass judgement
onto others without a second thought.
Assuming they were doing the same,
because everyone always told you
don't trust a soul.
I won't!
Not even my own.

Sensibility, showed me the world
for what it really is.
It's beautiful
and so dearly devastated.
But, now it's time to appoint your next
judgement.
Where do you stand on this?
Where do you stand on that?
(There's no right answer.)
Deciphering my opinions creates
so much conflict
between sensibility
and morality.

Dread makes me believe
that I need to question
people's intentions,
Sensibility reveals that I need to be more concerned with my own intentions,
since they have not always been as genuine
as I lead, even myself, to believe.

Dread makes me believe
there's no point in trying to change
this is who I am,
and it's not worth
the avoidable effort.
Sensibility reveals that the only person
who will naturally
doubt me
is me.

Sensibility reveals that I am capable
and had I understood that a long time ago,
had I really understood my ability,
had I stopped
passing judgement on myself,
I could have been that much closer,
Closer to the end of this story.

Be kind,
Evangeline.