I have always been so easily
discouraged.
What's the saying?
Winners never quit?
Oh.

One wrong look or back handed compliment,
from a girl so blatantly unaware of her own pain,
is enough for me
to hang up my cleats.

One more day where I cannot keep up,
with the stronger swimmers,
is enough for me
to throw in the towel.

Another audition?
Another rejection.
Another try out?
Another rejection.
Another infatuation?
Another rejection.

Sensibility reveals that I was chasing a dream,
an attempt at approval,
an idea.
Dread reminds me
I would never been enough
to gain the validation
I was seeking.

Sensibility reveals that
seeking constant
validation
by chasing passions
that belong to someone else,
you will never gain that
sense of fulfillment,
regardless of how hard you try.

Facing the origin and trial
of my rooted instinct,
to be easily
discouraged,
Sensibility reveals that had I been chasing
passions of my own devotion,
I would recognize my ability
lies in my mind
and emotion.

Dread makes me believe
the ability to write about a land far far away,
or to paint a true expression
of my inner frustration,
holds no value.
Therefore,
How do I judge my value?

Sensibility reminds me
that self inflicted
discouragement,
like judgement,
comes from a place of insecurity
and self-doubt,
had I believed in myself
had I understood my strengths
and my weakness
had I stopped aiming to be the best
at everything,
I could have been that much closer,
Closer to an unhesitating self-belief.

Be kind,
Evangeline.