I think I was always destined to be born as an outcast. Even places I should belong, I feel invisible. And no matter how hard I try, the result is always the same - they are better off without me.

That's why I only have three best friends who I know will make feel included and not ignored.

Thankfully I have sense of belonging in my family. Sure, some relationships are complicated, but you know they'll protect you when needed. However they will say words they think are helpful, but in reality can damage you more.

Right now I have been away from my family for two weeks because I'm in rehab. And I never felt this much strong....strong homesickness. I want to go home, but I need to be here.

What fuels my frustration is that I realised that no matter what I do, I'll always be the third wheel. I'll always be different. That one puzzle piece that doesn't fit in with the rest. I kinda do, but I have to be forced to fit in. And I don't want that. I hate it.

Right now I feel so, so lonely. I thought I was used to it by now, but here I am...complaining about it.🙄

I'm not gonna force myself to fit in. I guess it's getting easier to distance my feelings and become completely numb to hurt. At first it hurts a lot, but you get use to it.

I feel out of place. I get along with my roommates just fine. They are in my age group, but they get along with each other better. They can communicate better than me. I never was much of a talker anyway.

I never know what to say or what's right to say. My humor is freaking weird and I can finish a conversation faster than the fastest sprinter can finish the whatever long yard dash. (Or whatever it's called)

I just feel lonely. And there's a difference between being alone and lonely. I don't mind being alone, but loneliness hurts.