ENTRY # 1:

Hey there? Dude.. Yeah. From now on, I'll be calling you dude, so get used to it. So, first things first, just to clear things up. I know you might think I'm gay, writing in a diary. Hah! Isn't that gayish?

But no! I'm not gay!

It's just that I don't have someone to talk to about what I'll be writing now. I have friends, but I wouldn't dare tell them because they'll think I'm a joke! And I'm not really someone who tells them what I truly feel.

Okay, so moving on to what I'm about to write. Well, it's about this particular girl.

My hyungs and I spend our vacant time in the cafeteria. Do you know that feeling where you suddenly turn your head in a certain direction because it seems like a magnet is pulling you? Well, yeah. That's what happened to me.

When I turned my head, I saw 2 girls sitting at a table. One of them has gold-brown hair falling on her shoulders. She was undeniably pretty and truly a head-turner, but it was not her that caught my attention.

The girl sitting opposite the pretty girl was already looking at me when my eyes reached her. But she automatically turned away when she caught my eye.

She has silky black hair waving at the bottom, joyful eyes, and lips that curve perfectly every time she smiles. She's simple yet extraordinary at the same time.

Something about her interests me.

ENTRY # 2:

The hyungs had already planned to spend our vacant time in a cafe. But luckily, I was able to persuade them to pass by the cafeteria, and there she was.

Sitting at their usual table is the girl who suddenly caught my interest because of yesterday's brief eye contact. You know what I mean? The sudden connection? In that fleeting contact, there was a connection?

Tsk! What am I talking about? Is that even possible??

Hmm. I stared at her once more while passing by. I can't help but adore her as my eyes stayed on her image.

She still looks pretty with her hair messed up and facial oil purely visible on her nose and forehead. Obviously, she doesn't have make-up on.

Really! How can a girl stay pretty like her even without make-up on?

ENTRY # 3:

Hahah! I can't help thinking how great I am. Really. I was able to persuade my hyungs..again, to just stay in the cafeteria.

They kept bugging me why, but I just answered, "I'm tired. I just want to sit." with a cold, flat voice. They decided to drop the subject then. But you know exactly the real reason why.

I desperately wanted to see her up close, so I decided to walk to the counter, passing her. I was initially planning to stare at her face. But the moment my eyes laid on her, she was already looking, so I turned my gaze automatically.

Geez. My heart skipped a beat at that brief contact. She almost caught me.

P.S.

I'll never risk looking at her again before I get myself caught. Oh! Finally, I knew her name. I heard her friend call her SooJin. What a pretty name fitted for a cute girl like her.

ENTRY # 10:

I know I swore to be careful when looking at her, but I can't help it.

As if my head had a life of its own, it would glance in her direction occasionally, and I'm pretty sure she already noticed me this time. What will she think of me? Did she already figure out that I like her? Oh no.

But really, there isn't any problem with her knowing. I just hope she feels the same way as I do.

ENTRY # 17:

Wahahahaha!!! XD

Finally!!

Won't you get pissed when you really wanna stay in the cafeteria, but it's full?? Yeah?

Then I'm not one of those.

Honestly, I've never felt happier when I saw it full. I forced Donghae hyung to ask them if we could share a table with them, and luckily, they agreed!

This time, I made sure not to be so obvious. I never looked at her.

Oooh! I am happy whenever she talks because I can find a reason to stare at her. I hope she won't stop talking so I can stare at her all I want.

ENTRY # 24:

^_^

Hahaha! Really! I can't help but laugh remembering what happened today.

She looks so cute laughing over Leeteuk's hyung's joke(??). Trust me, it wasn't funny. But she laughed so hard. Maybe she noticed she was the only one laughing, so she abruptly stopped.

She just looks so cute that I can't help but laugh. She turned at me sadly, so I stopped before she misunderstood why I was laughing.

But she's really so cute and innocent. Ahh. So that's it. It's her innocence that makes her so attractive.

ENTRY # 30:

I just can't pretend I don't like her any longer, but I'm too shy to tell her what I feel.

Then a thought came to me. Uh-huh! I better ask for help from Injung, Soojin's close friend.

I tried to be close to her first without her knowing my real motive, but that girl just can't be fooled. She knew I like Soojin. I asked her how she knew, and she said it was too obvious. Am I really that obvious??

I was so distraught by my obviousness that she tried to cheer me up by offering her help, but she had her condition: to know me more.

So, I told her everything that needed to be said. My favorite food, favorite color, etc.

Every day in the cafeteria, while the others talk, me and Injung plan on how to tell Soojin how I feel about her.

ENTRY # 34:

We were still planning scenarios on how to tell her until now coz our ideas just won't meet.

I suggest something, but she'll say it's too corny. She'll suggest something, but I'll say it's too cheesy. So, the result? Not even a single acceptable plan.

There was even a time when our suggestions were so exaggerated that they were far from realistic.

We suddenly arrive at a plan that the lights will suddenly be turned off while we're at the cafeteria. When it switches on, everyone will leave, and Soojin will be left behind. Then, out of nowhere, Injung suddenly said that Harry Potter would arrive with a tarpaulin on his broomstick, saying, "Soojin, jeongmal joahae"(Soojin, I really like you).

It was so absurd that we ended up laughing. After a few minutes, all I heard was the sound of my laugh. Injung suddenly nudged me by my ribs and tilted her head slightly to make me look.

There, I saw Soojin's darkened face. Injung then started talking to the other, leaving me with a thought that I found wonderful.

Was Soojin jealous?? ^^

ENTRY # 36:

Darn it! Darn it! Darn it!

Everything's ruined! I haven't even gotten to tell her I like her, and it's already ruined.

I was on the verge of getting prepared to tell her everything, but she saw us at the wrong place and time. Darn it!

With all the plans, we ended up on the simplest one. To just start a conversation with Soojin and tell her. Whatever the outcome will be, I'll be ready to accept it. What matters is I told her how I really feel.

But even before I could, she saw us there, my hand around Injung's shoulder! Gawd! Who knows what she'll be thinking! My hands were around Injung's because we were rehearsing. We decided to discuss it on the stairs so that no one could interrupt while I concentrated on the act... We were already rehearsing the part where I'll swing my arm over Soojin's shoulder casually, see if she blushes, and then I'll start telling her.

But damn, why did she have to see it like that?!

ENTRY # 37:

I know. Since we've been friends, I don't stare at her coz I'm afraid of getting caught by her. But now it is totally different.

She wasn't looking at me. She's not even glancing at me. She might really have misunderstood what she saw.

No! No! No! I need to explain! But how? My voice seems to leave every time I try talking to her.

Sigh. There's nothing else I'm capable of doing except stare at her. As if staring at her would help! Tsk! Haaay..

ENTRY # 50:

Everything gets worse every day. I thought she'd talk to me soon, but it's been a week, and she still isn't paying attention to me. So, I decided to make a move.

I tried saying "Hi" to her, but she'd just shrug.

What annoyed me the most was when I saw her texting. Does she already have a boyfriend, and that's why she doesn't care about me anymore? With my temper overflowing my body, I snatched her phone. But still tried to act cool and found out she was just playing.

Heh. I'm being overly jealous. I totally deserve that piercing look she gave me.

ENTRY # 55:

NO! THIS WON'T DO! I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! I'M THE GUY HERE, SO I HAVE TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!

Haay. Yeah right. Instead of doing something, I decided to give Soojin a break. Maybe if I stop bugging her, she'll realize she misses me. Yeah. Hope so.

But not wasting any time, I kept asking Injung to help me on what I should do. She was being hard on me but later agreed to help me.

Kibum fighting! Tomorrow, I should talk to her! It's now or never! Approach her no matter what, or lose her forever. Fighting!

ENTRY # 56:

Well...

I still haven't talked to her to clear things up. Though I'm still determining if I'm still gonna do it. :(

I..uhm...I overheard Soojin and Injung's conversation a while ago. And it's about me.

I should be happy coz I found out that she liked me. Yeah. Liked, with a D. Past tense. Meaning she doesn't like me anymore.

What if..if only I wasn't coward enough to tell her I like her, maybe we would be together now. God! Why am I such a coward?! I lost the girl I liked the most because of that cowardness. Pity. Just when I realized how intense my feeling for her was, she was already gone. Maybe it's better this way. Perhaps she doesn't want me around her any longer. If the distance between us will make her happy, I'll give it to her.

But still, I'll continue loving her in silence. I'm already content with that.

Uhm. I haven't got a chance to tell her this..So..

SOOJIN-AH... JOAHAE...NEOMU JOAHAE.. <3

( SOOJIN-AH. I LIKE YOU. I LIKE YOU SO MUCH)