Years ago

the compound was peaceful as always, well always... If we would ignore the inherited darkness inside of the borders of their town. You could ignore it easily, because everything you could see on the ourside was happiness and bliss. But there was a sixteen year old 'chosen one' that was absolutely miserable everyday, not to mention in terrible pain.

Leonid crassus

I trace my fingers along the words of the book. I sigh and wonder if books in the outside world are less dull, all of these books seem to be the same story with the same meaning. About fire and brimstone and the wrath of god etc etc etc. It pisses me off to be frank. "Leonid?" "Yes?" I say as I look up. Rut, The  only woman that has come remotely close warmth in my life. "They need you there."  I sigh, "I will be there in a minute." I sigh, I wonder if it has anything to do with the dreams I have had lately. The things I fear and call delusions they will call divine knowledge, the things I want to curse are the things they want to bless. The boy I want to become is the man that will be killed, like a lamb led to the slaughter.....I smile, how very fitting.

"You know you don't have to listen right?" A boy appearing in the corner of my room says. His pale lips smile and his long blonde hair is resting on his shoulders. "How did you?" "I am a figment of your imagination you could say. But the logical option would be through the open window." He says with a smile. "You are that boy from last year right?  Gavrel? The one in the tree?" "You make me sound like an elf or something...." He laughs and shakes his head, he walks up to me. His heavy green combat boots are disturbingly loud on the floorboards. He smiles, "You'll be fine in the outside world. There are shelters for children like you, there are ways to make sure you'll be fine." I smile and shake my head. "He owns me." The boy scoffs. "No one can own a human. And if they say they can there is something.....slightly wrong. Think about it." I sigh and before I can say anything else he is gone. Like a gust of wind disappearing after the cold has subsided.

I walk into the temple, there's an incredibly big cross lying on the floor of the barn that we are supposed to view as a temple. I look up at the sheperd, he smiles and steps onto the stage, a hand on my shoulder. "Every messiah and every phrophet has a time in their life that they must prove themselves worthy of the adoration of their following. I have had mine back in the day when the battle of our religion started, our little lamb, who will become even more powerful than I am, also needs this trial." He looks at me proudly as I stand next to him with a furious expression on my face. He tenderly touches my hair, "We must hurt to ascend." He says loudly. The crowd cheers, screams and yells in excitement. He looks at me lovingly before leaning in and whispering "This is what you get for denying me.....little lamb." It sends a chill down my spine worse than all the fires in hell would. The damnation to it would even be blessed if that means I no longer have to spend time with this torturer. This master of puppets.

I give up as they tie my arms to the cross, I close my eyes and pray to a god that no longer exists to me to please free me from this misery. I see Ronan looking at it horrified he steps forward but I shake my head, he is risking another life if he speaks up now. The shepard will not tolerate it, he needs to stay silent for one more day, one more minute, one more life.....

I feel a sharp pain as the nail pierces through the flesh of  my feet. I stare despondently into space as I am lifted up with the cross. They will exhaust me, they will beat me down but why won't they simply let me die?! The cruelty is not god given, it is panick stricken and power hungry, the humanity is seeping out of the shepards cracks while making me holier. He mustn't realise that......I smile.....Bastard do not let me die. Expose yourself.

It has been five hours, I have been given water by some people. I have been suffocating slowly and pushing myself back up with my legs to get new air, after a while they get tired and numb and I cannot do anything but suffocate myself again. I look at the heavens and beg for forgiveness, whatever I have done, what have I done to deserve this? I must be a murderer if this is how it end. I must be something filthy, something to be ashamed of, something not human. Rut climbs the ladder again to give me water and wipe off the sweat. I look her in the eye and whisper "Please kill me" "What did he say?" The shepard asks. "KILL ME YOU COWARD!" I scream. There's a short silence of fear from all the followers before the sheperd starts to laugh and clap. The followers follow him. "Get him down, prepare the fesitvities!"

I do not remember much about the festivities. I went to bed early, I was in terrible pain. My body had never felt so strange, that night Ronan came into my room with two sets of normal clothing. Only problem was, my feet were too swollen for the shoes, but I couldn't wait, that night we ran away, the wind in our hair and all those questions about reality still lingering. I was barefoot, he had was wearing green combat boots. "How long have you been planning?" "About a month." He replied. I nodded as I look back on the compound. "One day.......I am going to drown that bastard" "Why drown?"  Ronan asks. "The wrath of god comes with a flood......" I said while turning my back permanetly on the compound, my feet aching as we ran away and my shoulder free of burdens for the first time in my life.