CHAPTER TWELVE: CLEAR

Love is without a doubt the laziest theory for the meaning of life. Any devil can love, whom he himself sees as, a good person who has treated him well, but to love also the polar opposite is what separates love from fickle emotions.
-Criss Jami

Now on the other side of the cliff, shoes off and standing ankle deep in the translucent water, she was looking at it in fear. First things first, Emma noticed just how high the cliff really way. Not awe, not how did this beautiful thing and up here—in fear.

Other than her mother, the biggest thing Emma Carter was scared of is heights. She just couldn't process how people genuinely enjoyed being up that high. She wasn't even on the fucking thing and she was still frozen with anxiety, eyes wide.

"It's not gonna fall over and hit ya' Princess," The Devil's voice came from behind her, laced with humor, completely oblivious to her dread. "Just so you're aware."

"I'm aware, thanks." Emma notes sarcastically, head pointed up. "There's no way I'm climbing that thing." She says, turning to face Xavier who she swears gives her a fanged pout.

"But I need a good side shot of someone jumping off of it."

At this Emma's eyes narrow at him. "I'm sorry, but you want me to not only climb up it but also fall off? Why don't you fall then! I'll take the shot."

Xavier' grins. "I fell long ago Carter, keep up."

A devil joke, Emma thinks, letting out a heavy breath. Nice.

"I think I'll just stay here, comfortable, feet in the water." She decides to not have a panic attack and instead enjoy her day. "What's wrong with you anyway, who in their right mind would jump off that?"

"Lets get one thing straight, Princess." Xavier snarks out full force, sharp blue eyes meeting hers. "I never claimed to be in my right mind. Especially around you."

The Devil then pulled out his camera and started focusing on nature, the light coming through the trees and even a few times focused the camera on a few nicely colored leaves. Simple pictures, really, but beautiful nonetheless.

"I'll have you know you look absolutely adorable taking pictures when you're in the zone like that." Emma tells him, knowing he doesn't quite like compliments, as if he didn't deserve them. True to this, his only reply was to flip her off. Pearl grey eyes meet smug ultramarine ones and Emma scoffs. "You're not making me like the idea of going up there any more, Wolf."

Xavier sighs, dropping the camera to hold by his waist instead of eyeline. "You're missing the point."

She stubbornly crosses her arms, so he continues on with a slight glare in his eye as if she was the one being unreasonable at the moment.

"The point, Carter, is that you don't like it. The pictures show that there is beauty in pushing your limits. Even when you're scared you can smile, ya' know?"

Emma had to admit, it does make her want to do it just a little—but then there's that familiar fear clenching her fist, anxiety pumping her heart and panic controlling her where the only thing she can say is variant of insults, "Don't touch me" or nothing at all.

It's like learning to say no all over again.

The second thing that happened in her brain was how Xavier said smile and so Emma noticed his mouth, which led her to notice his sharp teeth and curved grin.

"You bite me a lot," Emma noted, ignoring the nagging part of her mind begging her to jump—maybe just for the satisfaction of it. "Why?"

Xavier shrugs, not glancing up at her as he continued to look through the camera lens. "Does it matter why—you like it."

She huffs. "I've just never heard anything about you biting other people, even the ones you've slept with. Do I taste good or something?"

The Wolf boy snorts and doesn't even answer, just keeps taking pictures.

Honestly, Emma didn't know what else she expected. Her Wolf boy was consistently a snarky little shit, especially things that he deemed as personal. Even if it was something simple, like when she asked him what his favorite color is and why.

Later, through Cal, she found out it was grey.

Emma's always learning things about the Devil by other people, all while knowing things only one other person does. It's a paradox, really. So yeah, Emma didn't know why she expected a better answer.

"Why'd you bring me here?"

He doesn't really answer the question, but instead of growling, glaring or just sending Emma a look before promptly ignoring her, Xavier says, "It's a safe place. Or, at least, mine."

Okay... well that explains why Xavier's comfortable there and knows precisely where he wanted to take pictures but not why Emma was there with him. If this was his safe space, Emma didn't deserve to be there. She wasn't even his safe person—that was Calum.

"What does that mean?" She eventually asks. The only other safe place she knows is the tombstone of Stephen Carter—so clearly a safe place might have different meanings for them both.

"It means when I feel bad, mentally, I come here. I can swim, jump off something high, take pictures." He pauses and gives her a steady look. "It helps. So why not show you?"

He's sharing his safe place with me, Emma realizes. Even in doing so he's simultaneously giving her a dangerous amount of anxiety.

Her first thought was that she should show him her safe spot, her second was that that was a horrible idea. And her last was that maybe, him trying to involve her in taking pictures was him trying to share more than just his safe place.

Emma wasn't wrong in that thinking either, Xavier was trying to show her that here, here's how I cope when I'm depressed, this is how I manage anxiety without hurting myself. Here's a piece of my safety you can have, because I don't need it that much anymore.

"When I was seven I ran away from home." Xavier announces bluntly, but this time his ultramarine eyes were looking back through his camera lens, catching the light as it pulled through an birch tree. "Dad was hitting Mom again, and I couldn't stand it."

Xavier Wolf's dad hit his mom. He was abusive. That's new. 

And there's nothing about that which Emma liked, she was familiar with abuse and it's negative side affects. She found her heart aching for the Wolf boy.

"At the time I lived in a tiny little apartment about five miles away. I ran all night and eventually a cop saw me and asked me what I was doing." 

He scoffs and Emma could see a sad, half-smile tug at the corner of his lips. His dimples popped out and in that moment, she thought he was hauntingly beautiful. 

"Me being me, even at seven, I lied and said I was visiting my grandparents and their horse hand run off without me when we went on a ride. That I didn't even know their names, just grandma and grandpa." He shrugs with faux innocents. "Then this cop goes, 'oh yeah, I only know one old couple 'round here with horses. I'll take ya' home, kid'. And drove me out of the suburbs and dropped me off on someone's porch without even checking if they were actually my grandparents in any way."

And that's how kidnappings go right.

The standards to become a cop around here weren't very high.

Now the Devil's grin seems almost real. "To his credit though, the old couple who lived there played along perfectly. Man, for a good few seconds they even had my dumb seven year old brain fooled."

"Either they're good people or serial killers." Emma interjects, pearl grey eyes lighting up. He shoots her a scolding look. "What? I'm just saying."

"They were good people."

Emma shrugs as him, "Could be both."

Xavier ignores her, they both have acknowledged that humor is just how she copes with difficult topics. She has anxiety right now and he could see that.

"Like I said they played along and once the cop was gone they invited me inside. I was cold and already thought they were better to be around than my dad so I went inside. Honestly, I didn't care what else happened that night so I told them everything. That Dad was hitting Mom again and I started to run before he could hit me."

This upset Emma in a way she didn't know if she'd even be able to properly explain.

She was furious but she also felt just about really to cry. However there Xavier was, steadily looking through the camera, voice smooth as if he was telling a joke that was missing a punch line, finger clicking the shutter button every time he spots a new glinting beam of light.

Of course, Emma had no way of knowing that his hands were shaking, or about the bubble in his throat.

"The lady's name was Marilyn and the man's was Billy, they were married for sixty years and had nine children. You know Mister Bodner?" The only english teacher that makes the class bearable. "He's their grandson. I went to their funerals last year, where I found out they left me this square mile of land."

Emma had to admit, they were starting to sound like simply just good people. She wished she got to meet them.

"Marilyn showed me this spot, she called it the Morning Star's impact. Fitting, right?" She nods in reply, there was no use in denying it anyway. Morning Star, Lucifer, Devil. "My dad used to call me Devil boy, used to punish me and Mom for 'living in sin' or disrespecting the lord. And here she was, making a joke out of the most terrifying part of the bible for me back then."

At this point, Emma Carter was already angry.

This was just another reason to stay that way.

Taking a deep breath, she's able to collect herself. "Why is it called that though? Especially by an old lady." Questioning him, Emma realizing a second too late that he was taking pictures of her instead of the cliff to her right, and was previously too lost in frustration to notice.

It makes her glower, but she doesn't complain. If he can tolerate her annoying way of coping then she could handle a few pictures. 

Not like Xavier was big on sharing anyway.

"Because when you stand at the top you can look straight down, and see the deepest part of the water. It looks like someone with wings hit the ground, and hidden in the cliff is a cave you can swim too," He looked happy about this. "And being the lovely lady that Marilyn was, she called it Hell."

She could see why they got along so well. Xavier was a little kid who was used to be called the Devil, used to be told he was sinning, and here Marilyn was, telling him that it wasn't a bad thing and it was something he could joke about.

Emma hoped he felt safe around her.

Xavier shrugs, still hiding behind his camera. "She was funny, I liked her. This was her sad place and now it's mine, and I'm sharing it with you. I don't care what time of night it is, if you think I'm asleep or even at practice. Show up or call me, and I'll always take you here."

"Even in winter?" She blinks at him.

He hums a yes in reply, running a hand through his classical black hair before steadying his camera. "Even during winter."

A few minutes pass and nothing is said, just Emma going over the information and the shuddering flick of the camera lens and the click of forming pictures. 

The silence lasts until Xavier looks at her with a wicked grin, "So, how about that cliff, huh?"

Sighing, Emma wished she had a normal life.