*Author's note!*

Hey, everybody! Thank you all so so much for the continued support on this work, I can't believe people are still reading my silly little works lol. But anyway, my friend asked me yesterday after getting back from Mardi Gras in Louisiana, if we could watch the musical I was always talking about. And BAM, inspo! So here we are 😂. (I still crack up every time I see an italicized emoji, which is sad, but at this point TikTok and the internet in general have made it clear that I will laugh at random pieces of bread floating in a bathtub with a random song thrown behind it and no caption, so I'm honestly not surprised). Anyway, you're not here to read me ramble lol.

Main point I want to make is that this story is about to take a turn in this chapter. For the better or for the worse is up to your interpretation, but yeah. I liked the previous storyline that I had going, but I'm not vibing with it currently, so instead of scrapping the whole thing, I figured a twist was in order. So yeah. Happy reading everyone, and be sure to let me know what your thoughts are in the comments! Thanks again for sticking around! I appreciate it immensely!!

Ciao, bellas!

~Smol Emo

I was jolted from a restless night of not much sleep by my blaring alarm clock, once again. I groaned, cursing under my breath and slapping the little digital clock until it stopped squawking at me. I sat up in my bed, looking around at my room and rubbing my eyes tiredly. At 6:45 in the morning, it wasn't easy to jump out of bed and do anything. Especially when you go to bed at around three o'clock every night.

I heaved myself out of my bed, throwing on some jeans and (Your fave shirt), running a brush through my hair. I stared at myself in the mirror, noting how far I had come since the beginning of my first semester and now. The difference in appearance alone was striking.

I had decided to make a change, and had dyed my hair (Y/F/C), further pushing the stereotypes that art majors have colored hair. I put in my favorite earrings, (if you don't wear earrings, ignore this) and went to the bathroom across the hall to brush my teeth. After rinsing and gargling, I splashed some cold water up into my face. I winced, being reminded of my sunburnt face as I brushed across it with my hands. A friend and I had gone down to Louisiana for Mardi Gras, and even though it was early March, the sun had baked us good.

I rubbed some lidocaine and aloe vera cream my mom had given me on my nose and forehead, sighing as the burning and stinging immediately stopped. Screwing the lid back on, I tiptoed back across the hallway, careful not to make any loud noises, since I was the only one up at this point.

I shoved my laptop, literature textbooks, and sketchbook into my backpack, zipping it up and swinging the giant thing onto my back.

Being an art major, plus having the heaviest backpack in existence meant that there was no way I wasn't going to have back pain. Ah well, c'est la vie.

As I slipped on my sandals, I grabbed my sunglasses and perched them on top of my head. I made sure to grab my car keys and lanyard that had my debit card, driver's license, and school id inside of it. Taking one look around my room, I turned off the lights and quickly and quietly made my way downstairs, cringing at the squeaky wood in some of the steps. I hastily snatched a pop tart from the designated pop tart drawer in the kitchen island and a water bottle from the fridge. I slipped out the side door, shivering a bit as the morning chill hit my bare arms. I locked the door and bade goodbye to my great pyrenees puppy and his two white golden retriever brothers. (Would y'all wanna see them? They're based on my real dogs 👀)

The interior of my car was muggy and hot. I cranked it up, turning the ac on full blast and connecting my phone to the bluetooth. "Don't Ask Me Why" by Billy Joel started to play over my speakers and I sighed, pulling my sunglasses down over my eyes as I backed out of my spot and turned around. I drove out of the long, gravel driveway and out of the gate, turning the volume up. I hummed along with the song, trying to wake up a bit.

A big yawn escaped me, and I shook my head to clear it.

College life was harder than I thought it was going to be. For a lot of different reasons. But going through it semi-alone was a major one. None of my friends from back home came with me, and that in and of itself was intimidating and daunting to little freshman me.

A full semester and a half later, and I had honestly become a dead, hollow husk of the person that I once was.

Sure, I had made a couple good friends since moving to Southern Mississippi, but I still felt alone a lot of the time. Not to mention, my love life was more bleak than the weather before a hurricane. I was basically a ticking time bomb, waiting for the next mental breakdown that would inevitably come. I was in a vicious cycle of bottling up my feelings and emotions until they all came bursting out in the form of a mental breakdown. It was becoming exhausting, but I wasn't about to burden anyone with that information.

Pulling into one of the many empty parking places in the lot in front of the art building, I turned down my radio and pushed my seat back. I sighed and opened my pop tarts, looking around me and at the quickly rising sun. The clock on my car read 7:02, so I knew that the parking spaces would be filling up slowly until about thirty minutes later. My first class didn't start until 8:00 am, but if I waited til closer to time to get to school, I would be scrambling and trying to find parking. Because if there was one thing that the University of Southern Mississippi was known for to commuters, it was the severe lack of parking.

My phone buzzed with a notification as I was about to open Instagram, and I pulled down the top of the screen to see it was a pop up from the photos app. It was a memories slideshow from a year ago today, apparently. My brow furrowed as I tried to remember what in the world I did a year ago to constitute me taking enough photos for a slideshow. As soon as I clicked on it, Spotify decided to team up with the universe to make me have an even worse morning than I was already having, because the song "Dance With Somebody" by Conor Maynard started to play. (Side note: I'm literally in love with this song, and I've linked it up top. It's so pretty and makes me wanna bust out sobbing like dlksjglkdjghkj)

The first picture was of me and Maddison at a concert. Before I could really react and before I realized what concert it was, the next picture was a selfie with me and.....

Beetlejuice.

I fought back tears as memories that I had been suppressing for so long all at once came flooding back. My hands were slightly shaking as the photos continued and the pang in my chest grew. It was like a train wreck, you can't look away.

At this point, it was as if my heart wanted me to see this, just so it could feel something again; so it could break into a thousand pieces all over again. But I couldn't take that. Not with my current mental state, or with all these people in the parking lot who could definitely see me, or with the way it broke me last time.

Finally snapping out of whatever trance it was that I was in, I threw my phone to the floorboard, the tears now freely flowing down my face. My breathing was heavy, my vision was blurry, but I could barely make out the time on the clock in my car display: 7:37 am.

Deciding I had time for a quick crying session, I hugged my knees to my chest in my seat, buried my face down, and let it out more emotion, hurt, and heartache than I had in a long time.

*Author's Note!*

Thank you guys for reading! Sorry if this was not what you were expecting, or a little depressing, or boring, or a little long, but I really wanted to change things up, while also being able to express the difficulties of dealing with burnout and mental illness, a bit.

I appreciate you all, and can't wait to update again soon!

Ciao, bellas!

~Smol Emo