"I told him I'm in no hurry
But if I broke her heart
Then won't you tell her I'm sorry
And for once in my life I'm alone
And I've got to let her know just in time before I go"

~"I've Gotta Get a Message to You" by the Bee Gees

Kathy hadn't spoken a word since the news.

The walk from The Big Man's office back to Wolgemoth was a miserable blur. All Kathy could see was Bash walking away.

As Smiley raged against both his former employer and his brother and Syl tried desperately to be the voice of reason, Kathy only shrunk. She felt her body become a shell and everything else inside shrivel like a dried sponge.

It was as if she were slowly devolving into the little girl she used to be. All the old fears, all the bad memories, all the timidity flooded back as Kathy faced what she feared most.

Losing the radio was bad enough. But what if that meant losing the Crumbs as well?

It was so unlike Bash to abandon anyone, much less the Crumbs, that none of them knew what to do. They were lost without their leader. And of all times, this was when they needed him most.

Kathy lowered herself onto her bed, her heart pounding.

She heard Smiley let out a furious yell in the room next to her, then something crashed and shattered against the far wall.

Kathy flinched at the sound with a sharp inhale.

Then she couldn't breathe.

It felt as if a boulder had been placed on her chest, suffocating her until it was all she could do to gasp for breath.

We've lost the station, we've lost the station...

It was almost a euphemism for what they'd truly lost: everything.

Nightmare after nightmare replayed in Kathy's mind of the day her family left her.

That day, she hadn't known what was happening until she'd tried to follow her mother back through the door of her uncle's pub.

Her mother had gripped her shoulder–not in a gentle, maternal way, but in the way a prison guard would halt an inmate from going forward–and looked, unwavering, in Kathy's eyes.

"I'm sorry, Katherine. There are too many mouths to feed."

Kathy hadn't gone quietly into her new life. She had run after the cab, screaming at the top of her lungs for them to come back as if it was simply because her parents couldn't hear her that they didn't turn around.

Kathy felt it again, now. That desperation. That feeling of being trapped with nowhere to go. She'd always been the least of all the Crumbs, hadn't she? The last one added. The one who had decided to date the enemy.

If any Crumb were to be abandoned, logically, it would have to be her.

Kathy gasped for breath, her hands clammy and cold. Her heart pounded so fast she was almost sure it would leap out of her chest altogether.

Syl slid the curtain back, her eyes wide. "Kath, what's wrong? Are you alright?"

Syl rushed to Kathy's side, trying to envelop her in a hug, but Kathy batted her arms away.

"I can't..." Kathy gasped, "I can't be left alone. Not again...not again..."

"Kathy, we would never–"

"Shut up!" Kathy's own voice surprised her and she bit her lip.

She drew in ragged breaths, couldn't stand the way Syl was looking at her with such pity.

"We'll be alright, Kathy," Syl tried to assure her.
"And how would you know?" Kathy snapped.

Syl opened her mouth, then closed it.

Kathy buried her face in her hands, allowing a single sob to escape her lips.

The curtain to Kathy's room slid open again.

"Bash," Syl murmured. Her eyes were aflame as she stood, looking like she was about to teach Bash a lesson, but he held out his hands.

"Syl, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." His eyes found Kathy for a moment and he said, "Just give us a moment. Please."

Syl clenched her jaw but didn't argue, closing the curtain behind her as she left.

Kathy looked up to see Bash wearing a serious, reproachful sort of expression.

At first, she was relieved to see him. Then something happened inside of her.

All those nights hating her parents. All those days wishing that she could be someone they stayed for. She couldn't be angry then. But she was angry now.

She leaped to her feet and grabbed the things nearest to her; a lamp that they'd found on the side of the road.

She hurled it at Bash's head, shouting words she'd never used in her entire life, but he dodged out of the way.

The lamp shattered against the tin wall behind him and Kathy yelled, "You left us! You bloody left us!"

"Kathy, please–"

"When times get hard, you just abandon us? But I suppose I should have expected that."

"What?"

"You're in love with Syl and Smiley is your brother." Kathy's voice was haggard like she was clinging to anything that would keep her from drowning. "Of all the Crumbs, it would have to be me who was left behind."

She clenched her eyes shut, chest heaving with emotion.

Bash stepped toward her carefully. To think Kathy would even think such things brought tears to his own eyes.

Once he was sure there were no more lamps to be thrown, he put an arm around Kathy and she didn't push him away like she had Syl. Instead, she sagged against him, allowing herself to be held.

"Don't leave me," Kathy wept, hating the way she sounded so small. So frail. "I'm sorry we lost the station, but please...please don't."

Bash didn't say anything, only rested his cheek against her hair.

"I'm not leaving you," he said at length. "Not ever."

He gently pushed her upright, placing both hands on her shoulders so he could look into her eyes.

Kathy sniffled.

She'd never seen Bash look so serious before. His brown eyes were intense like embers, his dark brows set.

"I love you, Kathy," he said. "I love you, you understand?"

Kathy stared at Bash, speechless. Nobody, not even her family, had said they'd loved her before. She could only blink in response.

"We're just as much of a family as anybody and we don't leave anyone behind, no matter what. Whether or not we run a bloody radio station doesn't change that."

Kathy finally, finally drew in a breath. It seemed to her like the first true breath she'd ever taken in her life.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see that Syl and Smiley had come into the room without her knowing. She was as relieved as she was embarrassed and gave a sheepish grin.

Nobody had ever been committed to Kathy before. And wasn't that the very essence of the word love? She'd never believed anyone had loved her because nobody ever stayed. The Crumbs would. She knew that now.

In spite of herself, Kathy smiled. "Thank you."

Bash addressed the rest of the group, saying, "I'm sorry I left, everyone. I was a coward because..." his throat caught and he looked down, "...because I was scared. I didn't know what to do. Still don't."

"We could sell matches on the street corner," Smiley suggested glumly.

For some reason, his words struck everyone as entirely too funny. Perhaps they were exhausted. Perhaps their sanity was balancing on a more precarious precipice than they realized. Either way, they all broke into peels of laughter until their sides hurt.

Sometimes irony is a humorous thing, for better or worse. And after fighting until their dying breath to keep this radio station alive, only to have it taken away by the powers that be, there was nothing, absolutely nothing, for them to do but spite the BBC one last time by laughing in their faces.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello everyone! Can you believe we only have two chapters left?!

~What did you think of Kathy's breakdown?

~What about Bash's response?

~General thoughts on the chapter?

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