"Hey where were you yesterday?You didn't text me."

I blankly stared at the phone,feeling completely numb from crying..

Devin kept texting me but I showed no response..

Val was texting me too,sometimes sending me 'I love you,remember that.' or he was sometimes forceful about my decision..

And with not that being enough,I had the boss and my parents over my head..

My parents sometimes forget that I am an adult now,but they keep judging every action i take..

The boss was demanding a report of progress on his suit but I kept telling him that I didn't find the right cloths yet..

He complained about me slacking off,but it wasn't true.

I am working so hard,trying to give out my best but no..

They demand more than I can give at the moment.

Everything is on me again.

Stress coming from everywhere,pressure.

I just can't.

I was still staring at the phone,being spammed with messages as I was sitting on my bed as an emotionless corpse.

Looking so dead,eyes red and puffy.

With one poke i could collapse and shatter.

Why I am so fragile?

The bad thoughts are back.

They are strong again.

I don't think I can handle it anymore.

Everything is getting back and I can't control it.

Taking deep breaths,I tried to calm myself,but the tears kept escaping,small sobs and a cry of help..

I should have ended it back when I had the chance..I am not going to lose it again.

With a buzz,I received another message from Devin..

He might as well be the last person..

No one will understand how that awful feeling of depression and dealing with your inner demons is like..

I just can't deal with it anymore.

Pressing the message from Devin,I scanned through his messages and typed a simple..

"I am sorry."

I threw the phone on the bed,standing up and looking down the bed,trying to find,it.

My phone kept buzzing,thinking it was Devin,but I kept searching..

"There you are."

My grip around the object tightened,pulling it towards myself as I looked at it..

"Now you will finally get in use."

A sad smile formed on my lips,the rope still looking good..

I tightened it,to make sure it will hold up,and opened the balcony door..

Making a tie around the gap on the door frame,the bright colors of fireworks popped on the sky..

Eyes big and tired,I looked up,hearing people cheering and saying Happy New Year..

Not knowing how long I got mesmerized by them,the sound of my phone ringing made me snap out of it..

With a long sigh I walked back in,grabbing the phone from my bed..

"For what you are apologizing Kitty Cat?You didn't do anything."

"Happy New Year Kitty Cat!I hope you are enjoying yourself with some family time,I am going out with the guys to spend the New Years,we miss you!"

I started typing,not minding the trembling fingers or the tears forming in my eyes..

"I am so sorry Devin,but I don't think I can pull myself more.Already 20 minutes in the new year and I don't think I can survive.I am sorry."

And with that,I left the phone again on the bed,going back outside and grabbing a chair..

With a step,I got on the chair,watching the fireworks as I got the noose around my neck..

I have been holding back my fate for way too long.

It's time,to finally go.

Knowing how useless i am in this world.

My foot pressed on the back of the chair,closing my eyes.

"Kathleen!"

I gasped from the sudden calling,or the lack of air in my lungs,feeling someone wrapping their arms around my bottom,clinging it tightly..

"You idiot!what do you think you are doing!"

It was Marilyn.

She shattered as she was breathing heavily,crying softly..

She managed to get me down,clinging me close as she was crying on my shoulder,feeling completely emotionless as I slightly rested my head on hers..

"I told you that you can talk to me about anything!Why you did this to yourself why!"

She sobbed,looking at me with teary eyes.

"Did I do something wrong?Did someone hurt you?"

"You..won't understand."

"I don't care,I want you alive!Safe and sound,happy!"

"Mari.."

"I am here for you,I am your big sister!You think I would want to see you go like that?"

I gazed away..

"Things would be better without me."

"You don't know that,please.You can change them."

She turned my head to look at her..

"From now on,no more sadness,I will get rid of everything that you can harm yourself with,I won't tell mom and dad because,I know you aren't ready to open up to them and tell them your situation,but remember."

She held me close,clinging me close hugging tightly..

"I would always be here.Talk to me anytime,okay?"

"I..will try."

She smiled a bit..

"That's good enough for me."

She helped me inside,getting everything back in place like nothing ever happened..

She did take all the sharp things i had and the rope..

She kept looking for more but I insisted that she have taken them all..

And yes,she didn't believe me and made my room a mess..

After some time,smiling to herself satisfied,she opened the door having all the stuff inside a bag..

"You could have done it without making a mess!"

"I know,but I want to see you suffer a bit,a little sister punishment,but in a good way."

She winked at me,giving me a small smile as she looked at me,hand on the door..

"Happy New Year by the way.Its going to be a happy one."

I watched her slowly closing the door,letting me sit in complete darkness..

Happy one.

A happy year.

I tried to smile a bit..

"Its going to be..a happy year."

And as I finally let out a sigh,a buzz on my phone made me pull out from my thoughts,checking the message..

"Kat,its important,Devin doesn't listen and drinks nonstop,he looks drunk and super shit,he said something about you,what happened?-Sam"

My fingers tightened around the phone..

Oh fuck.