Polly didn't want to start classes, not just yet. And, surprisingly, her aunt and uncle didn't want her starting classes either. They found it hard to believe that, after months of being tortured, she could be so fine. That she could be so normal.

Truth was, Polly wasn't normal. There were battles she fought daily, but they were her battles, not anyone else's. So, it made sense to her that she not let anyone in on them. Why would she? There was no need to tell her aunt and uncle about how depressed she really was. There was no point to tell anyone that she hated herself.

How could she not? She'd spent the past nine months suffering because of who she was. Because of who she liked. Not only did she hate herself for liking girls, she hated herself for even living. For even breathing. Her own parents hated her - how could she not be depressed? Her own parents shipped her off to camp so she could be fixed. Her own parents didn't even want her when she got out of camp.

Polly hated herself because she would never be the daughter her parents wanted. She hated herself for being the way she was.

Why couldn't I have been born straight? She asked this every single night. Every single time she had a thought about a girl. About how pretty they were. About how soft their skin looked, and how beautiful their hair looked. She couldn't help it.

She couldn't help how self-conscious she was in front of them. Or how she desperately wanted them to look at her, and notice her. Girls she didn't even know, but wanted to know. There was something messed up with her.

This was how she thought of herself. How her parents thought of her. How Doctor Higgins thought of her. And she accepted it - accepted how much people didn't agree with how she thought.

But on the outside, she was calm. She was fine, she was normal, she was average. She wasn't as messed up as people assumed she would be. She wasn't moody, dramatic, or a bad case of anger issues.

Her aunt and uncle couldn't understand why. They immediately thought she would be a basketcase, which was understandable. She was a basketcase, on the inside. But, that wasn't something she was going to proclaim to the world. Not in any situation would she yell out to the rooftops that she was going insane on the inside.

And she was. She tore herself up. Everytime she felt good about something, she reminded herself how ridiculous she was being. Of course her hair didn't look good today. Of course she wasn't happy today.

Something she planned on moving forward from, but for now, everyday was a goal to get through. And so far, she had done alright.

Her cousin was afraid of her. Jenny was a young girl, and when she looked at Polly, she looked frightened. The first day they met was fine. Jenny was curious, but nothing more, and Polly had gotten the impression that Jenny knew nothing about her.

But it was one night that Polly had woken up from a nightmare, screaming, that Jenny became skittish around her. Jenny had heard everything. Every screech, every wail, every sob. Jenny heard Polly screaming, I am a devil child! I am a devil child! over and over again until her lungs were raw and painful.

Polly couldn't help it; she was in the middle of a nightmare. She couldn't control her actions or her words.

She wanted to make it up to Jenny, but there was no way she was getting close to her younger cousin. The girl looked at Polly like she actually was a devil child.

Sometimes, Polly believed it. Sometimes, Polly actually wondered if she was a devil child, put on this planet to ruin everything.

This didn't mean she stopped trying to create a relationship with her cousin.

"Hey, Jenny," she offered as she sat down on the couch. Her cousin, in the middle of stuffing her mouth with popcorn, just stared at her. A crazed look got in her eyes as she looked at Polly, and then she did the unimaginable.

"My classmates say you're possessed."

She wasn't, Polly knew this, but that hit her hard in the gut. The thought that people literally thought she was evil.

"Do I looked possessed to you?" Polly tried to joke, and failed.

"You did the other night." Jenny's voice was somber. She looked at Polly with wide eyes and a guarded expression.

"Why would your classmates say that? How do they know me?"

Jenny looked down at her own hands, her body stiff and hunched. "I may have told them what you said in your room that night."

Polly felt her mouth go dry. She felt her body quiver, and her eyes begin to sting. She'd been betrayed many times before - this wasn't the first. But, for some reason, it hurt to know her little cousin told everyone about the demons that tried to kill her at night.

Things like screaming from nightmares was private. It was personal. It was not something you told everyone you knew.

She stood up on wobbly legs. "Why would you tell people that?" Her voice quivered, as did her body. She was shaking so hard, she was sure she would fall over. She tried to grip the back of the couch to still her body, but it didn't work so well.

"I don't know. It just happened." Jenny looked at her hands in shame. "Mary was talking about how her older sister is weird, but she was bragging. Like it was cool to have a weird sibling. And I wanted to join in, so I did."

"You told your friends about your weird cousin." Polly finished Jenny's thought. "Well, good for you. I hope you felt included and welcomed. I know I definitely will when I join school."

She was laying the sarcasm on thick, unintentionally. And she didn't even mean to feel mad at Jenny, but she did. She felt hurt and stabbed in the back.

"It wasn't like that, Polly. Really." Jenny stood up too, but Polly was already backing out of the room.

"It's fine, Jenny. Tell your friends all about your weird cousin, and how she can't help the nightmares she gets. Tell them all about what I went through before I came here."

Polly knew that Jenny most likely didn't know what happened to her. She knew Jenny had no idea that she was tortured, or that she was even gay. Jenny had no clue, and Polly knew saying that hadn't been fair.

But nothing in her life had been fair. She just felt that for once, she wanted the upperhand. She wanted someone else to feel like life wasn't fair, even if it was for a second. A single moment.

"Who wants ice cream?" Her aunt interrupted, just as Polly was backing out of the room. Her aunt could immediately feel the tension in the air, but made no comment as she turned the television off. "Come on, we'll all go." She faced Jenny then. "Dad's home, too. We'll go as a family."

Polly felt excluded from that statement, but when her aunt turned towards her with a smile and a beckoning hand, Polly realized that family now included her. That, even if her cousin didn't fully accept her, at least her aunt and uncle had. And Polly knew it was hard for Jenny - which didn't make it easier on her.

They walked to the ice cream place. Everything in town seemed really close, all in walking distance. And Polly didn't mind; she needed something to do, and walking seemed like a good exercise. In this case, she would usually draw, but the walk was refreshing.

Once at the ice cream shop, she was in the middle of reading the menu when a commotion came from beside her.

Her eyes met those of a wild woman - that's the only way Polly could describe the girl. Her hair was all over the place, and it was a mix of pink and purple dye. She was beautiful, in the way that Polly never would be. And she was confident, too, wearing a bright colored dress.

Her outfit didn't match her personality.

A boy was talking to her, offering her ice cream, but the girl wasn't having it.

"I can buy my own ice cream, thank you very much. And I never said I wanted to eat ice cream with you. The thing about you guys is that you always think every single girl wants to get in your pants, which isn't fucking true. So, stop forcing me to feel bad about denying your ice cream offer, put your big boy pants on, and leave me the fuck alone."

Polly had never met a stronger personality before. The girl was her hero - the kind of person Polly had always dreamed of being. She was strong, opinionated, and not afraid to voice what she wanted to say.

The boy nearly tripped over his own two feet trying to get away from the girl with purple hair, and Polly found it funny. She found it endearing, and most of all, she felt something in her chest. She felt her heart clench, and her mind hoping the girl would glance her way.

And, she did. And when she did, she offered a smile and a wink.

It nearly ruined Polly. It was that moment that Polly knew she wanted to meet that girl, and she knew the moment she got home, she would have to sketch out the girl from memory, so she could remember the look on her face when she told that guy off.

It was magical. It was amazing.

And yet, totally not Polly's scene.

That didn't stop Polly from imagining how it would feel to be friends with her. To talk and laugh with her. And it didn't stop Polly from feeling ashamed at her own feelings for a girl she just met.  

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