Boy, you knock on the devil's door and he will head slam you through the wall.
-Sherrilyn Kenyon

"I-I haven't dressed like myself since I was sixteen." I squeak to Jessie, who is shift through my wardrobe.

It's nearly twelve, I woke up at 4:30 for literally no reason at all and by the time everyone else have woken up by ten I was almost done unpacking.

We leave for the carnival as soon as everyone's ready.

I promised myself and my best friend I would make my way towards being myself, accepting my own body.

And I will follow through.

But after two years it's hard to change back.

"Thank god you only moved up three cup sizes," She says absentmindedly, knowing I annoyed her with my complaining about constantly having to buy new bras and underwear until my body decided to stay one size. "Otherwise you'd need new shirts, and it helps you used to get a size up anyway."

I nod, biting my lip as I ache to wear the large sweatpants tucked on the top shelf and now pajama only shirts.

"What did you feel like wearing," She asks, following my gaze. "Besides those."

"I don't know, what's good for a carnival?" I ask, realizing its just the perfect warm fall like temperature outside I could pretty much wear anything. "Shorts and t-shirt?"

She giggles madly, instantly giving through all my old graphic Tees and bad shirts.

Now I may not have been hobo like in the past but I definitely wasn't a girly girl.

Going to the shelves I quickly pull out a pair of light washed jeans shorts and a red belt to go along, knowing the high waisted ones need that otherwise they'll fall down.

Small waist and a large ass are the worst combination when it comes to finding pants.

Jessamine pulls out a grey shirt I instantly go into a fit of laughter as I recognize what the deep red letters say without reading it.

I used to love this one, it made old ladies glare at me and moms with annoying kids stay away.

Having picked it up and read, 'Don't fuck with me, I fuck with the Devil and he doesn't like to share.' I instantly fell in love.

"With Xavier it's not a lie," She says, practically throwing it at me. "Go change." As a second thought she snoops until she pulls out a red lace set and throws it to me. "We may or may not be going somewhere you'll want to match."

I raise my eyebrow, interested, but don't ask so I don't ruin the surprise.

Flopping them down on my bed I quickly ditch my comfy pajamas and pull on the clothes as fast as possible. Jessie motions me over to her, grabbing the back of my shirt she bunches it up before tying it with a hair tie and twisting it up and into a small bun.

"That look like it was made to be there," I gawk at it in the mirror.

"Thanks." She says, standing next to me. She has a golden tank top on that makes her blonde hair pop and brown eyes look deep and white leggings that set it off. She's wearing wedges, which I always have and always will refuse to do.

Converses and sneakers are my go to, that never changed.

I decide to grab my old grey converse and slip them on, much to her amusement as I glower towards the united laces. "What?" I snap.

"Sorry," She replies sheepishly. "You just seem so much like the old you...you've changed this past week. I don't know how, but you did."

I frown, thinking of what she could mean. "Well Xavier..." I trail off with a goody grin, biting my lip. "I like him man, a lot. He makes me feel safe and there are no boundaries between us. We showered together last night and nothing happened, he didn't expect anything. He doesn't touch me unless I tell him he can, sometimes he'll even double check. Hell he won't even look at me if I don't let him."

At this she squeals lightly, bouncing up and down.

"I feel so good around him, he's my safe place. We had sex and not once did I have a flash back, I've never had a flash back around him." I grin at this. "In his arms I don't have nightmares and I know he'd protect me. I really really like him Jessamine, he's so real. More tangible than other people somehow. And don't even get my started on looks."

She giggles lightly, giving me a warm smile. "I have eyes," She winks. "I swear he's your one."

"The one?" I ask.

"You know, your soul mate." Jessie says this so casually that I break out laughing. "I'm serious."

"Fine then Cal's yours." I protest.

"That's okay with me, why don't you want him to be yours?" She asks, tilting her head. "You just said how much you like him."

I sigh, "I know but we're not even dating...he doesn't like the idea of it in general. I don't know what's there but I'm not gonna force him. Much less into that concept."

"You don't have to force what's destined." She sings.

I roll my eyes and stand, twirling in a circle. "Well?"

"Hot." She says, giving me a teasing look. "You look so much better when you're yourself. I approve."

I flush at this, she knows it means a lot to hear this. "Thank you." I embrace her, and when a tears slips I realize something.

The heaviness that usually weighs me down, I'm not tired. I feel...light.

"Oh my god," I whisper, hands flying to my mouth. "Jessie." I breath.

My sudden crying must have startled her because she squeaks before pulling hugging me again. "What's wrong?"

"Happy tears, happy tears." I reassure her. "Update, I don't want to kill myself."

She pauses, her mind taking a second to recollecther thoughts before she squeals so loudly I can literally see her glass shake.

I clamp my hand over her mouth, but she continues. "Jessie calm yourself. I don't want you running around screaming that your best friend isn't suicidal anymore. That would make me feel like shit. You're literally the only one I need to tell."

Jessie grows sheepish and slowly scoots away from me. "Well," She gulps. "Xavier too. After you left school I threatened him not to be a dick bag to you about wanting to kill yourself because you actually might."

When she squeaks this out my whole body freezes.

"Why?" I shout, my lips parting. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I was worried about you!" She shouts back. "Just tell him! He won't judge you, you said it yourself. I can tell Jules, make sure he doesn't over react."

"Oh you mean like you?" I mumble, crossing my arms.

"You have four holes now." She randomly says. I frown, looking at her in utter confusion. "On each ear." Jessie explains. "Time to bling up."

In the next minutes my best friend manages to get six small rubies in my ears and one set of red dragon hoops.

She also managed to get my shirt exposing my belly piercing while being able to read the words. In it hangs a matching red dragon with a fiery head and swishing tail.

I used to go full out too, she used to call me a bad ass. Never wore make up though, I hate the way it feels.

"Wait!" Jessie yanks my back by my fish braid due to rash instinct, I yelled in pain and glare at her. "Your tongue piercing." I groan at this, knowing she found the red ruby stud. She gasps, while digging through more of my jewelry. "I forgot about your septum piercings, I used to love how cute you were with the small sunflower nose ring."

My eyes wide as she pulls out a red ruby nose ring, cursing myself for loving matching sets like this.

I love piercings, they're so fun and you can do so many things with them.

Thankfully a small hallow stud is in my nose and my tongue doesn't close, otherwise I'd be in deep shit trying to get them in again.

"No!" I shout, running away. "I already have so many in! Tomorrow."

"We have school tomorrow you can't show everything off like now!" She yells, following me as I dash into the living room.

Twisting around I realized I cornered myself. "Julian your sister is-" I yelp in pain, crashing to the floor as Jessie purposely trips me. "...trying to kill me." I wheeze.

"Oh great! Xavier," My best friend chirps like I'm not hidden behind her and the couch in pain on the floor. "I have a question."

"Where is she?" He asks, voice cold.

Sitting up I grab a discarded shoe and slam it straight into the back of her head. "Asshole," I mutter, rubbing my back as I stand. "Made me fall on-"

"Fuck." Xavier curses, loud enough for us all to hear. I meet his gaze, only for him to be scanning me head to toe a slight blush on his cheeks. "True." He mutters, reading my shirt.

There has got to be a stronger word then that.

Snapping his head up to meet my eyes, he winces as he realizes he forgot to ask. I wave it off and bite my lip. "So...this is me." I say quietly.

"Not quite." Jessamine protests. "You'd never go without the nose ring and you loved to stick your tongue out with one in."

I sigh, realizing she's right and I had grown accustomed to the taste od metal.

I hold my hand out, she squeals and drops the two pieces of jewelry in my hand. With a roll of my eyes I quickly put them both in, making a show of childishly sticking my tongue out to her.

"Emma," Xavier growls, making my head snap to his. "I thought you couldn't get better. You were already my type, already perfect but this is..."

"This is the real her." Jessie helps.

"So fucking turned on right now," He says without shame. "Come here."

I step forward, in doing so giving him permission to touch me. I squeal as he dunks down and slings me over his shoulder.

Giggling as he speeds down the hall my mind instantly flew to unholy places.

What else can I expect when I'm with the Devil?

In seconds I'm being pressed against the wall, being kissed roughly while his tongue explores the new decoration in my mouth.

Gripping my hips to stop all movement when he presses into me and my legs raises against him -something I've learned to love as it causes heat and so much more to explode in me the second he looses his grip and hate because sometimes it takes so, so long for him to loose his grip.

His hips rock into mine as my hands dig into his hair, making everything more intense.

"Fuck...Xavier." I breath, gripping onto him as his teeth sink into my lower neck, nearly where it meets my shoulder. I shiver as he pulls away, stilling his movements and breathing harshly against my ear. "Why biting?"
"Who knows." He smirks, raising his lips to scrape his sharp teeth against my jaw. "Don't act like you don't enjoy it."

"I couldn't if I tried." I say, my previous conversation hitting home as he pulls away for us to lock eyes.

"What is it?" He asks, hands holding onto my hips tighter. I tense slightly as warmth runs through me. Having him so close is not good for my mental health.

"Xavier I," I huff at myself, wondering why its so hard to say. "I don't want to die anymore. I don't know how or when but I-"

I'm cut off with his lips, crashing into mine as he grins deeply, pulling away with my bottom lip in his mouth.

"Thank fucking god." He says.

I giggle, kissing below his eyes. "Isn't that a bit odd coming from you?"

Xavier narrows his blue eyes at me. "I am not the one wearing that shirt."

I grin, glancing down. "Don't act like you don't like it. Wards off the unwanted."

He smirks, gently grabbing my chin as his teeth flash. "My goal is to mark you as mine so fucking hard that they won't even look at you."

My cheeks redden at his words, and I can't find any to respond with.

"Maybe this will help..." He trails off, I raise a eyebrow about to ask what when his head shoots past mine and buries itself and his teeth under my jaw.

I stiffen as the pain-pleasure mix runs through me, the amount overwhelming as he clamps down harder and holds my neck with one hand.

He finally pulls away after successfully giving anither hicky, and no doubt a mark where he just bit me.

It takes me a full minute to recover, his smirk is so wide I'm surprised there's more of his face left.

I grab his neck, yanking him down so we kiss once again.

The whole time that infuriating smirked on his face.

"I hate...you." I mumble, sliding back onto my feet as my hands find my neck. "Very much."

He grins, wrapping a arm around my shoulders as we slowly walk back into the hall. "You don't mean that. Come on, it says right on your shirt. You like me enough to fuck me and I'm not sharing so feel free to spread your hate onto other people."

I glare at the floor, mad at how my cheeks heat up and how Xavier notices and clamps his hands around them.

"Is that a bite mark?" Jessamine asks loudly, raising her hand towards my neck. I recoil, not wanting her to touch where Xavier's mouth just was.

"Yes," I glower at the Devil who has a carefree look and a small smirk. "He tried to eat me."

At this he glances down to me, a suggestive look in his eyes. "If you want me to eat you out Princess," Xavier winks. "All you have to do was ask."

With that he walks off, hands in his pockets.

"That. Was. So. Hot. And I don't even like, have a crush on him. You've already boned him, how are you not trembling on the floor. Or spreading your legs right now?" Jessie asks, hands clamped on my shoulders. "He did offer."

I scowl, shoving her off me as I stomp after the Devil.

Him of all people!

Sinners.

Bah.