Double upload, holy shit.

<2:16 am, Sunday>

What's better than insomnia? Not having it, obviously. What's the next best thing? Sleeping with someone who has it just as bad as you.

Tyler stared at the ceiling fan, listening to the maddening clicks of the bedside clock with Josh across from him, sleeping on the inflatable mattress while Tyler laid on the couch. He knew Josh was awake, and Josh knew that he was awake. Neither spoke for hours, both counting the number of cracks in the ceiling.

Tyler had spent every night during the last week at the Dun's apartment. Patrick and Pete hardly noticed him missing until his refills came into the clinic and he was nowhere to be found.

Pete wouldn't care if Tyler showed up to their door with a knife through his abdomen, but Patrick was wary of Tyler's sudden social life. This was Josh mother fucking Dun they were dealing after all, but he was happy that Tyler was actually leaving the apartment.

"Did you finish your fuck it list?" Josh finally asked.

"My what?" Was Tyler's response.

"It's like a bucket list, except it's a list of things we want to do before we die."

"So why don't you just call it a bucket list?"

Josh laughed, but it was short and cold. Like there was no humor behind it.

"I like the name 'fuck it list' better."

"Fair enough."

They sat in more silence.

"You didn't answer the question."

"I don't have anything... yet."

Tyler didn't have a clue what he wanted to do before they died. He'd been wracking his brain for he past week, and the only thing he could come up with was "make up with family." Tyler hadn't seen his family since Madison's funeral.

Josh, on the other hand, had a whole damn list.

1. Make sure his family doesn't completely hate his guts for disappearing for so long.

2. More tattoos. Obviously.

3. Save a person's life. Odd.

4. Visit every place they left uncharted from the old map, and then some.

5. Give their old friends old things. Tyler was nervous about this one seeing as giving away things was one of the biggest signs, but Josh assured him the items wouldn't be delivered until after they died. He did the math. It checked out.

6. Dye his hair one more time.

7. Lose his virginity. Turns out a one-night fling doesn't count as getting laid.

The list would have gone on and on if Tyler hadn't reminded him that they only have five weeks left before their "due date."

And besides, Tyler still had work.

"What about revisiting your family?" Josh suggested.

"I guess. I'm sure they hate me, though."

"And your sister?"

"Her grave... maybe."

Abigail shifted in bed. They hushed until they were certain she was still asleep.

"You seriously don't have anything you want to do before we kick the bucket? Like, anything?"

Tyler thought for a moment. "I've always wanted to fall in love, but after graduation I gave up on having a happy ending."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

He knew Josh felt responsible, though he wasn't particularly to blame. Tyler always had an idea of what his life would end up like, this being a twisted version of what he anticipated.

The twisted part being Josh.

"Hey, why did you disappear that day? On graduation?" Tyler asked.

Josh didn't speak for what felt like hours.

"I was scared."

"Scared of what?"

"You hating me again."

Oh shit.

"I could never hate you." That was the truth. Tyler tried to blame Josh for everything but it was futile. He knew that he couldn't control his sister being bullied for not being as smart as him, or his parents getting a divorce, or Tyler becoming worse and worse as he isolated himself from anything that could save his life.

Neither could control that they were both going to die. It was a fate they knew they had coming since the first accident. There was no other way they could end up. This was their only happy ending.

"Isn't it sad that we'll never grow old?" Josh asked, almost reading Tyler's mind.

"I mean, people say were young and have so much to live for. And I know we don't, so isn't that sad? That the only thing waiting for us at the end of the rainbow is a bullet or a ledge or bottle of pills?"

"I suppose, but it is what it is."

Josh sighed. "Yeah. It is what it is."

Silence again. Josh spoke up again.

"Can you sleep with me?"

"What?"

"I mean, like, physically. Not sex. Just... lay next to me?"

Tyler paused. "Y- yeah, sure." He really didn't want to- he hated physical contact, probably a result to all the fighting he endured- but he knew Josh wouldn't be able to sleep unless he did so.

So he climbed off the couch, sliding under the covers beside Josh. Tyler looked up at him, his eyes glowing in the moon light filtering from the window. He looked pale and ghostly.

"Is this okay?" Josh hesitantly titled his head so it rested on Tyler's shoulder. Tyler tensed but nodded.

"Yeah, that's- that's just fine."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything."

Tyler hushed him and slowly put his hand on Josh's head, smoothening out his hair. Josh sighed, his body relaxing.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Josh fell asleep minutes later, leaving Tyler staring at the ceiling for another hour or so.