Diana's POV

I study his face, trying to gauge a reaction out of him but when he just continues to stare at me, my anxiety just grows and I gulp, mentally begging him to say something, or even make a movement – but he just keep staring at me. His lips part and I immediately grow hopeful that he would say something before he closes his mouth shut.

This is the exact reason why I have been avoiding him for days now, because I knew the moment I tell him, he would run far away. I mean, it has happened to me before, and can definitely happen again. Sure, Aaron loves Emily and treats her like he's own, but she's really not. But if I am pregnant, which I am so fucking confused about, then Aaron having his own kid when he's just about to turn twenty two doesn't feel right to me.

He wants to excel in his career, and I can see it happening, because he's a smartass, he really is, and having a child with me will just put a strain on his plans.

While I am hyperventilating internally, I fail to notice that Aaron has actually moved from his place on bed and is standing right in front of me, his eyes roaming around my face as his own remains expressionless.

"Say something, please." I practically beg when I cannot hold back in anymore.

He gulps and his hand comes up to cup my cheek, his thumb grazing my skin, "Did you take a test?" He asks and I nod.

"I missed my period, which was supposed to come last week. Honestly, I didn't notice it until Christmas that something was wrong, and that's when I remembered that the mother nature didn't knock on my door this month. So, I started freaking out but I thought of waiting, telling myself that with facing my parents and shit, I have been under a lot of stress, so it might be due to that, but... I still haven't got it, the new cycle starts by this time. So, like yesterday, I got two tests, and I knew I should have gotten three because one showed positive and the other negative. I knew I had to tell you but I just couldn't bring myself to because I was so fucking afraid of your reaction, which was rightful, because you aren't even saying anything, and you probably just want to leave. I don't really blame y–"

He puts his hand on my mouth and I immediately shut up when, looking into his eyes that are filled with amusement, which is when I realise that I actually was rambling, which is a new for me. I have never fucking rambled.

Shit! Get it together, Diana.

"I –"

"Shush." He cuts me off and shake his head, "I am going to remove my hand from your mouth but you won't utter a word and hear me out, alright?" He says and I nod under the trance of his gaze.

He slowly removes his hand from my mouth but I keep it shut as I impatiently wait for him to speak the fuck up because I am still freaking out a lot!

Aaron is the closest thing I have come to normalcy in my life, and if he decides to leave me because of this, it wouldn't only shatter the views I hold of him, but he would take my entire world with him. I know people say that we shouldn't depend on the person we love too much, which is understandable because they hold the power to hurt you. But isn't that what love is about? Taking risks, and being vulnerable, giving a part of yourself to someone because you trust them enough to not break it. Sometimes people do break it though, but the other times, in case you're lucky and meet that one person who cares for your heart just as much as you do, it's worth every tear that you might shed when you fight. Because, no relationship is perfect.

And I have been lucky as hell so far, because the way Aaron cares for me, the way he never fails to show that he loves me, that is something I never thought I would have in my life yet, with him, every fucking thing seems possible.

Even right now, if I am pregnant and have a baby inside of me, it wouldn't upset me, it would make me so fucking happy to have a kid with the man I have come to love, and the same man who has actually me the meaning of it.

That thought is surprising, it really is, because I always tell Aaron that Emily is it for me, and that I love him, but the idea of marriage and a future family is vague to me, because how the hell would that work out? I wouldn't ever want my daughter to feel like she doesn't have a blood related Dad and her other half-siblings do just because I have a husband. I would rather die than ever make Emily feel like she's missing something so important in her life.

But, just looking at Aaron with Emily, I know that if the possibility of it is there in the future – we would make it through.

"Baby?" Aaron says, snapping me out of my thoughts and I look at him, biting on my lower lip as I anticipate his next words, "First of all, you should have told me the moment you figured out that something was wrong. How many times do I have to tell you Diana? We are together, and I love you, will continue to love you no matter the consequences." He says and I know he's trying to scold me but his words just bring a huge relief to me.

He's not running away. He just told me that he loves me.

"Diana, in case we're pregnant, we'll figure it out together, alright? You're not alone, anymore, I promise. I am here, always." He says and his words make tears brim my eyes because I have been fretting myself over for this for days now, and his words just overwhelm me.

Especially because those are the words I wanted to hear four years back when I found out that I was pregnant, but no one offered them to me. No one, but this man standing in front of me four years later like some fucking miracle happened in my life for him to fall in love with him even though I was nothing but an asshole to him.

"I am sorry I didn't tell you." I say as he wipes my tears away and wrap my arms around him, pulling him closer to myself.

He smiles down at me, and presses a kiss on my lips, "Would it be really that bad if we have a baby together?" He asks and I shake my head, his words sending flutters to my stomach.

I never thought that words alone could give you butterflies, but apparently, they can. I pull him down and kiss him because I haven't kissed him properly in days as I was busy avoiding him, which was so frustrating.

He responds to my kiss with just as much rush as I kiss him with, because I have missed him so fucking much. Our tongues move together, trying to savour each other's taste as his hand move to my hips and his fingers knead through my skin, making me groan as he rubs himself against me.

"We still have to figure out if I am pregnant or not." I remind him, but not breaking the kiss as I spill the words in between.

"Hmm." He responds and I smile against his lips.

"Aaron." I put my hand on his chest and he immediately pouts. "Babe, just go get me another pregnancy test, would you?" I say, just enough to distract him. I don't want him to go out right now.

"Shouldn't we consult a doctor instead?" He suggests.

"I want to confirm at home first, then obviously I'll have to consult a doctor because I missed my period, if I am not pregnant, then I need to know the reason." I tell him and he nods.

"I'll go get you five pregnancy tests, Dee." He says before moving towards the door and I give him a look.

"You planning to go right now?" I ask, because when I asked him, I didn't mean right now!

"Er.. yeah? A pharmacy is just around the block. I'll be back in fifteen." He kisses my forehead.

"Babe, it's new years, the roads will be swamped." I remind him.

"I am walking, and no, you can't come with me because Emily is sleeping." He says and I groan.

"Forget about it, we'll go to the doctor first thing in the morning." I tell him because that starts to make more sense in my head.

"You sure?" He asks and I nod, pulling him closer to myself.

He steps forward, wrapping his arms around me as his mouth claims mine, kissing me slowly and almost feverishly, making every part of my body to come alive as I moan into his mouth. Our tongues meet, and I push him towards the bed, his legs meeting the side of it before he plops down on it, with me right on top of him.

I chuckle, "Very graceful."

"Shut up." He mumbles before kissing me again.

I know he missed me, he's showing it by the way his hands are roaming by my sides, on my back and everywhere else as I settle my knees on each side of his body, straddling him. When I move myself on top of him, he groans loudly and I clamp his mouth shut with my lips.

The only thing we learned on Christmas night was that it's too hard for us to be quiet when we are having sex, because it drives both us equally insane. I remember by the time of my orgasm Aaron had to keep his hand on my mouth to stop me from screaming his name out loud. But there's something equally thrilling about the challenge of keeping our voices as low as possible.

"Shit, I am going to come in my pants if you keep moving your hips like that." Aaron hisses between the kiss, making me smirk as I part away, looking into his eyes.

But I don't stop myself, and his eyes roll to the back as he breathes through between his teeth, his hands coming to squeeze my hips tightly.

"Diana, stop." He groans, meeting my eyes as he flips me on the bed, moving his body to come hover over mine, "We are too far gone for the dry humping stage." He says, erupting a laughter out of me.

"God, I missed you." I kiss the corner of his mouth.

"I'm not making love to you tonight." He says, making me pout at him and a small smile takes over his features as his fingers come to trace my bottom lip.

"Why not?"

"Because.. I feel weird not knowing if there's a baby inside of you or not. And if there is, having sex is weird."

I gasp, my eyes widening, "Are you telling me that if and when I get pregnant, you're not having sex with me for nine months?" I ask, the realisation dawning upon me.

He shrugs, "I just feel weird about it. I mean.."

I push him off a little, sitting up on the bed as I meet his eyes, "No, no, no! You listen to me, Mister. You have no fucking idea how horny pregnancy makes you, so you either make up your damn mind about having sex while I'm pregnant or I am going to go somew—"

He doesn't let me finish the sentence as his hand clamps my mouth shut, "Don't you dare finish that sentence." He eyes me and I smirk under his skin.

I remove his hand, "Okay, then we are having sex." I tell him and he groans.

"Can we at least wait till the time we know for certain?"

"Nope. It's New Year's. Haven't you heard that saying that what you do on the first day of the new year is what you do for the rest of it? So, you wanna fuck me or not?" I raise an eyebrow.

He narrows his eyes at me, "Well, now that you put it like that."

I give him a victory grin, pulling him to myself again.

___

Well, we didn't have sex last night, because Aaron wasn't comfortable with the idea, so I didn't push him but we had plenty of other ways to keep ourselves occupied. I shift of my legs as the images of last night come back to me, with my parted.. and later my mouth trailing kisses down Aaron's body as he stared at me with so much desire in eyes..

"Diana?" Aaron's voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I look at him sitting by my side.

"You okay?" He asks.

I immediately nod, coming back to senses as I look around the waiting area of hospital. Aaron's hand is covering mine as my legs keeps shaking up and down due to the face that I have been tapping my foot ever since we have been here for the past fifteen minutes.

He got us an appointment over the phone first thing in the morning, and Emily was with Connor and Ella. Ella knew, I obviously told her before I even told Aaron because I needed her, I needed my best friend. She went with me to get the pregnancy tests, actually.

"I am fine." I tell Aaron, giving him a small smile.

"Diana Rose." A nurse calls out and I snap my eyes at her.

Aaron gives my hand a light squeeze as he stands up with me, giving me a reassuring smile. God, the scenes from four years back keep coming back to my mind as a huge knot forms in my throat but I try to ease it out.

You're not alone this time. He's with you. He's not going anywhere.

I keep repeating the words to myself and they do a little to calm me down. What really helps is Aaron's presence besides me. It's a female doctor when we get inside, which kind of helps me with the nerves a little.

"Hi, I am Doctor Melinda." She says, giving a comforting smile as we take a seat in her cabin. "Diana, I assume?" She says, reading on a sheet next to her.

I nod, "Yes, hi. This is my boyfriend, Aaron." I tell her and she nods at him with a smile.

"So, what brings you here, Diana?"

I take a deep breath and Aaron gives me a nod with an assuring smile, "Uh, I missed my period which was due a week back or so." I start.

She nods, "Well, the first question that comes to the mind is of course pregnancy, so did you take any tests at home?" She asks and I nod.

"Two. Both had different results." I tell her and she nods.

"Can I know the contraceptive you have been using?" She asks and I immediately pull out a prescription from my purse, giving it to her. She reads it, "Alright, do you mind if I take a sample of your blood?" She asks and I shake my head no. "I also need to run a few more tests, the nurse can assist you in them in the adjoining room." Doctor Melinda tells me, and I nod.

The nurse takes about ten minutes of my time, going for basic medical check up. After she's done, she puts on a small bandaid over the place she took my blood from.

After she's done, I step into the office and Aaron speaks up, "How long does it take to usually get back the results?" He asks.

"It usually takes a day, but we have a running laboratory in the hospital itself and since it's New Year's, I don't have many appointments. If you can, you'll have to wait for an hour." She informs us and Aaron nods, looking at me.

"We'll wait." He tells her.

She says that the nurse would give us a call whenever the results are ready and Aaron and I leave her office. I immediately let out a huge breath as I look at him.

"Come on, we'll go get coffee. We aren't staying in the hospital waiting room." He tells me and I give him a thankful look.

There's a cafe just across the hospital and he gets us coffee and muffins. He kisses my cheek as he takes a seat besides me.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks and I take a sip of my coffee, immediately frowning.

"It's decaf!" I shoot him a look but he shrugs.

"You might be pregnant."

I want to argue, but he's right so I shut up. "I am thinking about the last time I went through this. Alone." I say.

He frowns, "I am not leaving you, you know that right?" He asks and I nod.

"It's just my parents.. god!" I close my eyes and he runs a hand on my back.

"Diana, you haven't talked about them since the wedding, and I have been giving you space. But you need to talk baby." He says, his voice patient.

"Not today." I tell him and he nods.

He has been really patient with me, not pushing me to talk — that's one thing I appreciate so much about our relationship. We don't push each other, we know when to step back and let the other person go through their own battles but we also know when we need to step in. It just means that as much as we are dependent on each other, we are also our own person.

My parents have been a sore topic for me always, and I don't even like to think about them. But, it doesn't help with the constant pain in my heart. I loved them, I really did but they broke my heart — especially my father. The way he treated me, I would never wish that upon anyone, because no one deserves that.

For the past four years, I have kept all these emotions hidden. Because I thought that paying heed to them would only break me over and over again, but ever since the wedding, they both keep evading my thoughts.

I sigh and gulp down the horrible decaffeinated drink. It sure as hell can't he called coffee. Aaron and I stay in the cafe for an hour before he receives a call from the hospital that our reports are ready.

"You nervous?" He asks as we stand outside the doctor's office and I lout out a shaky breath.

I nod, "You?"

"We got this, alright?" He says, earning a smile from me.

The nurse calls for us and we step in, his hand still in mine. A folder lies across Doctor Melinda and I am honestly afraid and so conflicted about what I want that report to say.

She gives us a small smile and pushes the reports towards us as we take a seat across her. With shaky hands, I pull out the papers and Aaron reads through it as well. But my eyes focus on only one thing.

Negative.

I am not pregnant.

I immediately close my eyes as I let my emotions come together, trying to make sense of them. There should be a sense of relief, and there is, but it's so little over the disappointment that clouds my emotions.

I wanted to be pregnant.

I didn't realise it until I read the words on the report. Slowly, I open my eyes and look at Aaron. He's already staring at me, and though there's a small smile to assure me on his face, his blue eyes tell me a completely different story.

He's just as disappointed as I am.

"Well.." Doctor Melinda starts, catching our attention, "You're not pregnant." She says and I nod, pushing the papers back in the folder as I hold Aaron's hand tightly.

"Yeah.." I trail off.

"We still have to discuss why you have missed you period." She says and then looks at Aaron, "If you're uncomfortable, you can step out."

He shakes his head, "It's fine." He says, his voice composed.

"Alright then." She turns to me, "From your tests, I couldn't conclude anything — no infections. Has this happened to you before?" She asks and I shake my head.

"Uh, I have been pregnant before." I tell her when I realise that she should know about it.

She nods, "Alright, how long ago was this?"

"Four years ago."

"Did you go through with it?" I nod and she shoots her next question, "How old were you back then?" She asks and I know she's asking it for medical history.

"Seventeen."

"Were there any complications?" She asks and my throat tightens even more.

I close my eyes for a second before opening it, "Uh, yes. I was pregnant with twins, and one of them was still born."

Her face is etched with a little surprise but she immediately recovers, "I am sorry about your loss. Were the doctors able to tell a reason for it?" She asks and it feels like someone is stabbing in my heart.

Aaron is about to speak something but I immediately tighten my hold on his hand. She's just doing her job.

"I was under therapy back then, and had been prescribed anti-depressants. I overdozed on it under a panic attack, which led to.." I trail off and she gives me a look of sympathy.

I look away from her and Aaron's hand goes to my back, rubbing circles as he tries to calm me down. God, you would think that talking about killing your own baby would ease over the years, but it only gets worse — much worse.

"Do you mind if I do an ultrasound, Diana?" Doctor Melinda asks and I shake my head.

"Can you wait here?" I ask Aaron and he frowns.

"Are you sure?" He asks and I nod.

I am not sure what reason Dr. Melinda is asking me to get an ultrasound for, but I'd rather be alone while she runs a gel through my belly. God, it just takes me back to all those fucking years ago. I know he wants to be there, but it will hardly take ten minutes.

"I'll be waiting here." He kisses my forehead and I smile.

The nurse leads me to the adjoining room, she helps me up on the chair after I have removed extra layer of clothes and am only in my full sleeves t-shirt. It's New Year's in New York, it's freezing as hell outside to be honest.

Dr. Melinda gives me a small smile as she puts the gel on my bare stomach and starts moving the machine around, her eyes fixed on the little screen. She moves it on my lower abdomen, sending chills through my spine because of how cold the fucking gel is.

"Well?" I ask, growing nervous as she presses the thing hard on the side of my stomach.

"Nothing to worry about, I wanted to be sure that there aren't any future complications waiting in case you want to get pregnant, which I assume you do, from the looks of you and your partner." She gives me a small smile.

"Yeah.. now that I am not, I don't think that would be happening." I say out aloud and she frowns at me, but then focuses back on the screen.

"Why not? He seems just as disappointed as you are." She says and then scowls at the screen.

"What, is something wrong?" I immediately panic.

"I assume you had a normal delivery for both your kids?" She asks and I nod.

She removes the machine thingy from my stomach and the nurse immediately cleans up the mess of the gel, and then leaves me to do the rest of it.

Dr. Melinda is about to walk out when I stop her, "If there's something wrong, I'd rather you tell me alone." I tell her honestly, because I cannot disappointment Aaron anymore.

"Alright." She nods, turning around, "The chances of you having the same complications you did earlier are slim to none." She says, which immediately makes me leave out a breath of relief.

"But?" I ask, gulping.

"But, you'll have to be very careful in case you get pregnant again. I think it would be best if you avoid as much medicines as you can during that process, because your body might react to it, considering the past events.." she says and I nod, making a mental note in mind. "It's very important so that you don't have a miscarriage, because the inner walls of your uterus are very sensitive."

Miscarriage. Fucking hell. That immediately gets to me as I stare at her. I can't ever imagine going through what I went through again. I can't lose another baby like that, it hurt too damn much last time and I am sure if I ever have to go through that pain again — it would kill me.

"Anything else?" I ask and she shakes her head.

When after cleaning up, I walk out to a very anxious Aaron, I smile at him to cover up any look of dread on my face.

"Everything alright?" He asks and I nod.

We get over with the rest of the formalities as Dr. Melinda gives me a shot for my period problem. She said that it's probably due to stress, and that there's nothing to worry about. That's kind of ironic because she just gave me a reason to worry.

When we get out of the hospital, Aaron gets in the driver's seat but before he can start towards Ella's apartment, I stop him.

"I wanna take you somewhere." I tell him and he nods.

I give him the directions, and he drives through the streets of New York. It takes us half an hour, but when we reach there, Aaron turns to me, his face a little pale as he stares at me.

"What are we doing here?" He asks, and that's the most he has said to me during the whole car ride.

"Come on." I tell him, unbuckling my seat belt as he does the same.

I walk through the grass, thankful that the snow has been removed from everywhere this morning. Aaron takes my hand in his and when we reach where I need to, I kneel down.

Aaron doesn't say a word, he just stares down at me and then his eyes flicker in front of me as he whispers, "Evan David Rose."

I smile a little and pat the space next to him and he nods, taking a seat as well as we settle down on the grass which is a little wet but I don't really give a fuck about that as my hands graze my sons's gravestone.

"Hi baby.." I start, trying not to choke on my words, "Sorry for not visiting last week, your sister has been a pain in my ass." I start and Aaron's head snap to me.

"You come here every week?" He whispers and I shrug.

"That's Aaron, by the way. Emily calls him A, and he's my boyfriend." I say out aloud.

"Hey Evan." Aaron says and I give him a small smile, "I am pretty sure you can see it from up there buddy, but your Mom is one beautiful woman."

I laugh slightly as a few tears spill down my cheeks. Aaron immediately pulls me closer, he kisses my hair and I sigh.

"You never told me about this." Aaron says and I gulp.

"Felt good to have my own little secret."

"I thought there weren't anymore secrets between us." He locks a strand of my hair behind my ear.

I sigh, turning to the gravestone, my hands caressing through the grass, "We went to get a pregnancy test today, you could have had another brother or sister, Evan." I say, looking at his name before I turn to Aaron, "I am sorry, Aaron."

He scowls at me, "What are you apologising for?"

"I know you wanted it." I tell him, and he sighs.

"You did too." He says and I nod, "It's okay, Dee. We weren't really trying, but we could." He suggests and I meet his eyes.

"You want that?" I ask him, and he shrugs.

"A kid with you? Of course, I do."

I smile at him, "But maybe it was a sign, you know? We aren't ready. I already have Emily to take care of Aaron, and I love her, but the bills get too much at times."

He shushes me up, "What am I here for, Dee? I'll help, with everything."

I nod but then look at him seriously in the eyes, "I'd like that, I really would. But it's too soon." I tell him honestly.

As much as I wanted to be pregnant, it also made me realise that we're too young. Yes, I already have a kid but if I want another, I would really want to wait — especially because Aaron's just starting his career.

"Alright." He nods, understanding and I kiss him but pull away soon.

"He's probably as grossed out as Emily is every time we kiss in front of her." I whisper to him, causing him to chuckle.

"His middle name is your father's." He points out, and my fingers touch the name of my baby, of the son that I held in my arms for hours before he was taken away. I gave him the proper funeral, because he deserved it, and I didn't care that I wasn't supposed to leave the hospital, I just had to do right by him.

"Yeah." I sigh.

No matter how much I hate my parents for what they did to me, I still couldn't let go of them. Emily had my mother's name as her middle name — they were dead to me, but a part of me wanted to keep their memory alive in my kids.

"You're literally something else, Diana. Every time you manage to surprise me so much." He says.

I smirk, "You hear that Evan? That's how you know that someone loves you, when they say such cheesy things." I say and Aaron pinches my side, making me chuckle.

"What did Doctor Melinda tell you?" He asks and I sigh.

"That I have to be really careful with the medications I get pregnant next time or I could have a miscarriage."

He stiffens next to me but then squeezes my sides, "We'll be careful, don't worry."

____

Thoughts?

The end is near. Well, not that near but considering how far these two have come, I would say 10-15 chapters more. ;)

Vote and comment, guys!!