As soon as my feet landed on the unwelcome familiarity of red earth, I was seized by a sudden and immense rush of pure loathing. I never usually came down here as my human half and I hadn't forgotten why.  

The screaming was the worst part: I couldn't deal with it. All of those people being tortured, experiencing so much pain...it was just so terrible. I wasn't completely heartless- sometimes the sheer evil of my homeland got to me. And it wasn't like their pain wasn't personal to me either: there was always the underlying fear that I would recognise one of those screams, that someone I knew was down there...in the pits. 

I knew the reality. I knew that multiple people who I used to know were probably down there. But I didn't want a reminder of that, and to hear a voice from the distant past would bring back old memories I couldn't really afford to think about. Especially not now. Especially not here. In Satan's world, emotion was the real enemy and those who were foolish enough to indulge in it didn't last long. 

Dev and I were going down the dirt path to Lucifer's temple in a half-walk- half-sprint, each of us with different purposes that drove our speed. Because he was petrified of Satan, and I couldn't exactly blame him, Dev was trying to make sure we got there as early as possible; whereas I was just trying to avoid any chance of emotion. 

This place really was Godless: even we demons couldn't escape its world of nightmare. But at least I could always see the finish line; the poor souls on either side of us would never see an end to their eternal torment. 

I was grateful for Dev's speed, because the looming monument of Mount Lucifer was becoming larger by the second. Unfortunately the sulphur in the air was becoming a problem, and I felt my throat become drier and drier until I began to cough and splutter.

I gritted my teeth through the discomfort: I had gotten far too used to the clean air of Earth and now I was facing the consequences for it. 

Dev didn't break the silence between us as we arrived at the entrance to Satan's lair, and I didn't try to speak either. The tunnel of Heavenly-Past looked dimmer than ever: the blue torch light was pathetically wavering as if to say that nostalgia itself had become a mere memory, and the incongruous beauty of the room was therefore fading.

It made me feel like I had no time left. And I didn't. 

The tunnel ended and we entered into the main chamber. Unlike the previous room of dying beauty this place looked more alive than ever. Red and black fire burned fiercely from magnified candle flame, illuminating Lucifer as he floated above the most evil of human souls whom would screamed forever. As we walked in he gave a measured glare to one of these spirits, and a piercing male shriek vibrated in the air around us so that my ear drums felt like they were being violently attacked. 

Dev flinched as I forced myself not to and instead I laid my full attention onto Satan. 

Lucifer still only had a black blur of a body and I was grateful that God was keeping him in his place. But I was disturbed to find the presence of tanned skin forming underneath his jaw, which looked to be the beginning of a long, human neck. This sudden formation of flesh was perhaps a dire warning that Earth's apocalypse was nearer than I had imagined, and thus another worry was added to the brain that was currently full of them. I didn't want Satan to bring the end but what could I do to stop him? 

"Hello Mr Axon, Dev," the raspy voice of the devil struck deep in my heart with a cold malice that made me shiver, and the heat of Hell was suddenly all but forgotten in a world of icy depths. 

We both murmured back a short reply to him and waited in a tense silence for his next words. But Lucifer didn't seem to be in any particular rush to talk to us, and, as if there was no one watching, proceeded to make someone else from the pool of lava shriek and writhe in intense pain. 

I raised my eyebrows, but he ignored my expression and continued to lazily torture his victims with a detached bemusement that justified him perfectly as the king of evil, lording over his spiteful subjects like the master of sin he really was. His power was so detestable and yet so impressive it was difficult not to admire him.  

And yet I grew impatient, bored and too nervous to stay silent. If death was my sentence, then pray I carry it out swiftly and not with prolonged suspense. In the end I couldn't stop myself from speaking out of turn. 

"So, if I may ask, what is your business with me?" 

Satan's response wasn't at all instantaneous, but at least he spoke eventually. "Surely you must know my purpose for bringing you here. Were you not informed?" 

"I was informed...but I don't understand why this is my fault." 

"Tut, tut, tut," he said gravely, with a voice of the sharpest steal. "I had hoped I'd trained you to be better than a fool."

I gritted my teeth and felt a hot flush overtake my flesh, but I managed to stay quiet and wait patiently. 

"But maybe this incident is exactly that: foolish incompetence. Well, for your sake, I hope it is," he continued, finally focusing his entire attention on us. "You see, it's not rare for demons to die- unfortunately evil is not always granted with invincibility- but for one, single human to help destroy five in one go...well we can't have that." 

"No, I suppose not," I muttered, rage slowly building inside as he continued to speak to me like I was a small child.   

"In this particular incident, five simpletons were sent to disrupt an elderly woman from her Christian outreach program- a job that should not have held too much difficulty- only to find that they met their bitter, fiery ends. And this woman, this supposedly ordinary, elderly woman, was in fact the same person you wanted help with before. So, my question to you, Mr Axon, is what have you been doing with your time? Or what haven't you been doing?" 

"I..." I started, trying to think of something on the spot. 

But I was interrupted. "That question was merely rhetorical. I don't care about your excuses and much less about your lies. The real thing I want to know is something that I have been pondering on for a while." 

"And what," my voice was slow and tense but the power in it could not match his. "Is that?"  

"Well, it can't be helped: I feel like I'm missing something. For I guided you to greatness and yet for some reason I cannot help but detect a certain...animosity for your master. And," he let out a harsh, cold cackle that caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up. "I know I am not particularly admired amongst my subjects. I do not rule to be liked. Yet your feelings towards me are closer to pure hatred than simple dislike. And I am worried that this silly grudge is effecting your judgement and therefore your work as one of my soldiers. So, to put it simply, why do you feel so strongly when I have given you so much?" 

Did he seriously just ask that? How on earth could he be so clueless?

"I didn't realise someone as intelligent as you could be so dense," I snorted at him, caution to the wind as I prepared to let out the anger I had been holding in for years. For the first time ever, I was actually glad to be in Hell as my human half. I knew my demonic half would've held me back. "You would be the fool to think I would feel anything less than hatred for you. You may have helped me to become rich and powerful, but in doing so you crushed my humanity and my soul and brought it to the bottom of the pit. You took my mother away from me and then in my vulnerability you turned me into a cold and calculating killer. When you sent those men in to collect me do you think I didn't see them kill her? Do you think it escaped my notice? No. I found out who they were. I found out where their orders came from. And in the end it all came back to you." 

And suddenly I had done exactly what I had told myself not to do. Anger had given way to memory and I was transported to that day, that fateful day, where it had all gone wrong and my world had collapsed in on itself: lush green fields...stately cottage house...strange men...a struggle...a scream...and then blackness. 

That darkness seemed to continue on as I felt myself stumble back into the present, and there was an empty silence afterwards following me from the grave of memory: sometimes the past was a doorway that could open up to reveal a magnitude of losses and regrets. 

After a long, weighted pause, Lucifer finally replied in his cool, patronising tone. "Well, that was quite a speech, Mr Axon. Very well done, very passionate, but unfortunately it does fall flat. After all, how can you be angry at me when I was just doing my job? It was your father who committed the crime in this case, because you never should've been born."

The flame of rage that had been burning inside of me suddenly died, and my blood ran cold. I didn't want to talk about my father but it looked like I didn't have a choice.

"The purpose of a demon," Satan continued, taking my silence as a reply. "is to destroy. They are not supposed to feel, they are not supposed to have morals and they are certainly not supposed to fall in love. Of course I don't mind when demons indulge in sexual sin- the human world is at their feet to take advantage of- but when they let weakness overcome them and allow feelings to get involved, the demon's beautiful strength can perish. Demonic beings cannot get human women pregnant, but when they allow God-given feelings to enter their lives...impossible, awful things can happen like your birth." 

I felt my face burn again and I was ready to explode with anger but, nonplussed, he continued on with his lecture.

"A demon falling in love with a human is one of the worst crimes possible in my realm, and it warrants a terrible punishment. I killed your parents to pay this debt, and there was nothing wrong with that: I was upholding the rules of Hell." 

"But why did you have to take me?" I fired back, swallowing down the pain of missing out on my parents. I'd never met my dad. As soon as I was born he had to go into hiding but obviously he had been discovered, which was another part of my childhood ruined. "You could've left me out of it. I wasn't part of the debt." 

Satan smirked evilly. "Oh, but you were. You're half demonic so therefore I own half of you." 

"But you've never owned all of me." 

"Half of you is enough," he said, effectively dismissing me. "I am bored of this conversation and I want this issue to end. Your personal grudges should not be affecting your work, and if your results don't start improving I am going to have to start implementing serious punishments. Now get out of my sight and get back to work." 

There was nothing else I could've said or done. Satan had finished with me in the most abrupt way possible, and even if I could've done something, I wouldn't have wanted to. I didn't want this conversation to continue on either. 

All that I knew as Dev and I turned to go was that things had suddenly become a lot more serious, and it had now been made clear to me that I wasn't the only one in danger. 

If Satan found out about Carmen, then her life would be on the line as much as mine already was. I wasn't in love with her, but demon-human relationships were strictly not allowed. And in my rush of reckless thrill-seeking I had completely forgotten how much power Satan really had over my life.