I won't make do
with run of the mill
Two kids
Picket fence
And a dog
I want
the kind of thing
love stories are written about
I will go down in flames
and cry for eternity
rather than live with mediocrity.
I will not marry the first boy
with a nice smile, a salary and a ring.

December 19, 2013

"Did you grab your sleeping bag?" I holler to Jordan as I shove my oversized duffel bag into the trunk of my black, beat up Camry.

"Got it!" She calls back, rolling a suitcase behind her with a pillow and bag of snacks in her other hand.

I rush to help her, kindly relieving her of the snack bag and peering inside, "Ooh, whatcha got there?"

Jordan lugs her plaid suitcase into the trunk with a huff as I dig through the snacks.

"Reese's peanut butter cups...goldfish...and are those...double-stuffed Oreos? You spoil me," I wink, passing the snacks back to Jordan.

She laughs, "I have five hours in the car with you playing Bing Crosby's Christmas songs on repeat. You can't expect me to come unprepared."

"They're carols, Jordan. Show some respect."

I cast one backwards glance at the snow-covered campus that I'm learning to call home. A two week reprieve from this school is exactly what I need right now.

I slide into the driver's seat and find the all-year-round Christmas radio station, turning it up as loud as I possibly can without Jordan smothering me with her pillow. I back out of my parking spot, wheels churning in the snow, and drive towards the exit. I glance back at the campus in my rear view mirror, a wave of nostalgia hitting me as I remember arriving here for the first time just a few months ago. How much can change in a few months.

I'm so distracted with remembrances that I don't see the guy running towards my car until his face is almost plastered against my window. I scream and slam on the brakes, the car skidding sideways in the snow. Jordan swears and I'm frozen in my seat, completely paralyzed. "I'll Be Home for Christmas" plays as the creepy soundtrack to our near fatality. Jordan turns the radio off with another bout of cussing.

Someone bangs on the window and I turn. Josh. That idiot. He is laughing hysterically, his face glowing pink from the cold.

"Roll your window down," he calls and I refuse for a moment, catching my breath.

When I finally roll the window down, I immediately hear his chuckling laughter.

"You idiot!" I scream, my hands still shaking on the wheel in a mixture of rage and abject terror.

He's still laughing, "What were you doing? All I did was bang on your door!"

"I thought I hit someone," I screech back, finding very little humor in the situation, "You could be dead right now. Roadkill."

"I'm pretty sure you were going so slow that a squirrel would have survived," he answers, smirking.

I frown. So I'm a slow driver; that just means I'm safe.

He detects my inability to see the humor in the situation and finally apologizes, reaching through the open window to touch my hand that's still squeezing the steering wheel in a vice grip, "Sorry, Rach. I wasn't trying to turn you into a murderer."

I can still detect the smirk at the corner of his mouth and that stupid sparkle in his eyes.

"So why did you chase my car down and nearly throw yourself into oncoming traffic?" I try to stay angry at him, but it's really hard when he's so dang cute.

"I was just coming to say goodbye," he flashes his infuriating grin, "I haven't seen you in a while."

"No, you haven't," my tone is sharper than I intended it, and the words come out as an accusation rather than an agreement.

I mentally want to add something spiteful about how he spends every waking moment with Haley. He looks away and scratches his beanie-covered head--he's even cute when he's awkward.

"Yeah...sorry about that," he sighs, "I've been a little preoccupied."

"Right," I say, clearing my throat, "so are you and Haley heading to your house for the holidays?"

"Um, no," he refuses to meet my gaze. "I'm going home tomorrow."

I stare at him, trying to get him to look me in the eye as awkward silence reigns. That nagging voice in my head tells me that this might be a good sign--if they're not spending Christmas together, they can't be that serious, right? I berate myself for being so selfish. I want him to be happy. 

"Well, have fun at home with your family and Ellie," I finally earn a soft smile at the mention of his sister, "Merry Christmas, Josh."

His eyes are now locked on mine and all thoughts of Haley vanish, "Merry Christmas, Rach."

Josh's hand is still touching mine on the steering wheel and I'm comforted that we are still the same, we are still us, even though he has Haley.

Jordan coughs not-so-discreetly beside me, and I pull away from his touch, "Uh, well, Jordan and I had better head out."

Josh sticks his head in the window and waves at Jordan, "Oh, hey, Jordan. Didn't see you there."

Jordan smirks, "Hey, Josh."

"Well, I won't keep you guys," he says but lingers outside the car.

My eyes are still connected with his and I wonder at the unsaid things swarming between us. I know what I haven't said--that I don't want him to go, I never want him to go--but I wonder if he has his own unsaid words trying to break from his lips. 

I close my eyes finally, breaking his gaze. I don't want him to go, but if I'm going to survive this, I need him to.

"Bye, Josh. Merry Christmas."

"See ya, Rach." I glance at him once and feel my heart rise in my throat at the warmth in his winter sky eyes.

I roll up the window and hit the gas quickly. I refuse to look in the rear view mirror. I refuse to do anything but leave him behind me.

~~~~~

It's some time after dark when we finally arrive at my house, a traditional middle-class-America two story with white siding and green shutters. Jordan fell asleep a while ago and has been mumbling something along the lines of "don't steal my cheese" for the last 45 minutes or so while I've been singing Christmas carols. She didn't even budge when I squealed the highest note in "O Holy Night" with gusto.

I pull my car into the driveway and park it next to my brother's hot red riceburner.

"Jordan. Jordan, we're here." I shove her shoulder none too gently.

"If you touch my Muenster, I'll kill you," she growls.

I laugh at her as she awaknes, but her frown and the sleep marks plastered across the side of her face show she is less than amused. While she rouses herself, I start pulling all of our luggage out of the trunk for Dad and Tommy to carry inside.

"Rachy!" I hear my brother's yell only seconds before I am whisked off my feet and spun in a circle like a very ungraceful dancer, legs flailing.

"Put me down," I growl, squirming.

Unfortunately, Tommy's upwards of 6'5" and significantly stronger than I am, so I'm pretty much at his mercy. He spins me a few more times until I threaten to hurl on him and then sets me down. 

Once back in touch with gravity, I punch Tommy in the arm, "Good to see yah, kid. Wanna carry our stuff in?"

He rolls his eyes at me, "AJ and I would love to."

AJ? A shock of panic hits me and I stagger backwards a step, my eyes flying wide open. Many of my regrets originate in my four horrific years of high school, including a lot of memories I would rather have flushed down the toilet; AJ is one of the main characters of those memories and regrets. It's not that I hate him. No, too much has happened for me to ever hate him; however, he's a part of the past that I wanted to leave behind when I left for school.

I barely have a moment to register my surprise before I'm enveloped in a bear hug. Arms wrap me up enthusiastically and I squeak a little in surprise.

"Rach," AJ's voice is kind, "I've missed you so much."

I pry myself loose and push him away, taking in the gangly black kid with the afro that rivals Prince's. I haven't thought about AJ much in the last few months which is a good thing, but seeing him again takes me back to high school, to answering his phone calls at 3 A.M.

"Rach, I'm drunk and I just I...I need to talk to somebody."

"I hate myself. I'm done with this. I'm ending everything. Tonight."

I was his lifeline. His best friend. The person he could never scare away, no matter how many drunk phone calls he left or hearts he broke. 

"AJ...hey. What are you doing here?"

He smiles at me and it feels like high school again - his blue framed glasses, oversized Vans, and curly hair. He is so familiar.

"Things are kinda rough at home, so your mom invited me to spend the holidays here."

I nod knowingly. His parents have been pushing him to start a degree in pre-law, but he took a year off to work as a car salesman and save some money. He wants to pay his own way instead of letting his very wealthy, very demanding parents pay for him.

"Hi," he reaches past me to shake Jordan's hand, "You must be Jordan."

Jordan shakes his hand, glancing at me in confusion as I try to explain, "Um, Jord, this is AJ. He's a...family friend."

Jordan nods, "Hey."

Tommy recruits AJ to help him carry the luggage, and I grab Jordan's arm and insistently pull her towards the front door.

She's fully awake now and whispers in my ear, "What the heck? Who is he?"

"A family friend," I answer with a grimace, "Who I did not expect to be here."

~~~~~

Introducing another key character in the story! But first, let's go back to Josh. What's the deal with he and Haley spending the holidays apart? Is Rachel right to be suspicious? Do you really think she's going to be able to leave him behind? (Hint: the answer is no, otherwise this story would really suck).

And AJ...what's your first impression of him? He's a seminal character and probably one of the most controversial. Do you like him? Dislike him? Aren't really sure? 

Anyways, it's cool that I'm able to write about Christmas just in time for the actual holiday! :) The next chapter will include Christmas with Rachel's family and we'll learn a little more about her and AJ's past...any suspicions on what that could be?

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Please vote and comment if you enjoyed it. 

~ Hannah