Today I found relics of a time gone by
Pictures of you and I
In one picture,
I'm looking at you like you put the sun in the sky
In the other, you're touching my waist and laughingly grinning at me
Perhaps that's the metaphor I've been searching for
No one has ever looked at me like you did
And I never looked at anyone like I looked at you
But we were never looking at each other at the same time.  

October 12, 2014

I don't know which is more exhilarating, falling through the air or falling for Josh.

Josh and I are chimes being played by the wind; as we collide, we are tinkling laughter and lighthearted joy. When we finally slow on the zipline and approach the exit platform, my chest is aching from laughing so hard. I never would have thought that flying through the air at body-crushing speeds would bring me joy. I was with Josh, however, and that always makes me happy.

As an instructor removes my harness and I step out of it, I stumble into Josh, still dizzy from the hair-rising descent. I collide with him, and he catches me, still laughing. I fall against his chest, feeling his heartbeat for a moment before I right myself with the help of Josh's steadying hands.

When I finally manage to stand upright without assistance, I'm beaming from ear to ear. I grin at Josh, unable to contain just how happy I am, just how happy he makes me.

"See, that wasn't so bad," he murmurs, his hand still on my arm steadying me.

My face flushes. "That was...terrifying. But also totally incredible."

"You just had to stop thinking and let go," Josh says, his eyes glowing with intensity.

His words hit me with gravity, and a chill echoes down my spine. Unbeknownst to him, I let go a long time ago. I let go of my commitment to controlling my emotions, to cautiously choosing who I love, to falling slowly instead of all at once. I let go when I met Josh; I started to fall, and I still haven't stopped.

"Rachel! You actually did it?" Jordan's voice is shocked, and I break Josh's gaze to turn to her.

I turn to Jordan, drawing in a breath. "And I survived, believe it or not."

She laughs and playfully punches me in the arm. "Judging by how red your face is right now, I'm guessing you must have even enjoyed it."

I grin, face still flushed.

"Anyone else starving?" Luis walks up and asks, and I notice how he casually stands close enough to Jordan that their arms touch.

A few of the others join the conversation, echoing their agreement. Unfortunately, the exhilaration of the fall is wearing off leaving me with a rolling stomach so I have no appetite, but I follow the rest of the pack as we head to the main lodge to grab lunch at the cafe. As we walk, Josh falls in beside me and glances at me, worry tinging his gaze. 

He squints at me and asks, "You really had fun, right? I mean, you didn't have to do it for me."

I muster a smile. "No, that was actually a blast. I wouldn't have tried it if you hadn't convinced me I wasn't going to fall to my death."

His shoulders sag in relief. "Good. I didn't think you could fake a smile like that," he adds, and I feel my face flush. 

When I smile at him, really smile from ear to ear, does he know? Does he know that I'm smiling because of him?

"It was fun, I swear. I'm not sure I want to go again any time soon, but you were right. I would have regretted it if I hadn't tried." My eyes fall to the ground, but I slowly raise my gaze back to him.

I want to ask him, beg him. Give us a chance. Take a risk with me. See if we are an adventure worth exploring. But the words lodge in my throat; this is not the time or the place to ask him or to tell him how I feel. 

"Well then," Josh finally answers me, his voice gravelly, "I'm glad we tried."

Inside the lodge, we grab trays at the cafe and pick out our lunches. With my stomach threatening regurgitation, I avoid most of the food and head for the breads. As tempting as the croissants and muffins look, I instead choose plain bread. I do not want to puke in the car on the way home. As I walk past the options, without realizing it I bump into someone who's doing the same thing.

"Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry!" I say, stepping away quickly.

I look beside me to see one of the girls from Josh's party. I don't know her, but I recognize her as a friend of Josh's. She's petite with a stylish asymmetrical bob of smooth black hair, crescent dusk-colored eyes, and delicate features.

"It's fine," she answers, her voice low and melodious. "You're Rachel, right?"

I nod, a little embarrassed. "Uh, yeah, that's me. I'm sorry, I don't know your name."

"I'm Sierra Toy," she answers with a gentle smile. 

"Nice to meet you. How do you know Josh? Are you an outdoor rec major too?" I ask, trying to remember where I've seen her before.

"No," she answers with a laugh. "I'm not very outdoorsy. I'm actually an art major."

"Oh, that's awesome! Have you ever shown anything in the Reinhold Exhibit?" I ask, referring to the school's most prestigious art gallery for its best students.

"Not yet, I'm hoping to exhibit my senior piece this spring."

I nod and smile, unsure of what to say next. Sierra is looking at me carefully, her eyes assessing me, and I feel vulnerable under her gaze. Her dark, inscrutable eyes sweep across my face and then stare into my eyes.

"Well," I say awkwardly, my voice cracking like a kid going through puberty, "I'm going to grab some lunch."

"It was nice to finally meet you," she says with a soft smile.

"Yeah, you too," I answer automatically.

Finally? 

~~~~~

"Since you and Luis picked all the music on the way here, it's only fair that Josh and I get to pick the music for the way back," I say as we get into the car before Jordan can protest.

Luis, Jordan, Josh, and I load back into the car after Drew ditches us for the other carful of partygoers. I don't blame him for wanting to avoid sitting next to Jordan for the whole ride home. I love her, but the girl is loud, and she had pizza and garlic bread, so I can only imagine how bad her breath must smell.

"Have it your way," Jordan responds with atypical indifference. "Luis, weren't you gonna show me that indie pop band you like?" 

Luis nods. "Yeah, have you heard the Pyschedelic Furs?"

"Nope," she answers.

Luis pulls out his phone and offers her an earbud. Jordan leans against his shoulder to see the screen of his phone, and Josh and I trade surprised glances. I almost can't believe my eyes; Jordan hates indie music. However, she's gazing at Luis, her eyes expressive and yearning, and she's leaning against his shoulder as if there's no one else in the world. Luis is grinning down at her like a schoolboy, and I feel like an outsider looking in. Of all the people in the world, Jordan is the last person I expected to fall for an almost-stranger, but I recognize that look in her eyes. 

Maybe Luis is the answer to her cynicism just as Josh is the answer to my fear and perfectionism.

~~~~~

"So it's not going to start again?" I ask, gazing helplessly at the smoke billowing from my hood.

"Rach, there's smoke coming from your engine. You're going to have to call a tow truck," Josh says, as we stand and stare at my poor little Camry. We had been driving peacefully when all of a sudden, the car had let out a horrible screech and smoke had exploded from the engine.

Now the four of us stand staring at my dead little car, at a loss. The other car pulls up with the rest of our gang and the crowd of dismayed observers grow. 

"Josh, you should go with the rest of them," I finally say. "You need to go enjoy your birthday. I'll wait for a tow truck."

"I'll wait with her. We'll be fine," Jordan adds at Josh's worried look.

"Want me to stay with you?" Luis asks Jordan softly under his breath, and I watch as her face pinkens. 

"We'll be fine," she answers back, and he nods before cramming into the other car. 

Josh turns to me, touching my arm. "You sure you guys are okay? I don't mind waiting, I swear."

I muster my bravest smile. "I'm sure we'll be fine. Jordan's been learning tae kwon doe. Happy birthday, Josh."

~~~~~

Another cute chapter :) Any thoughts on the girl at the birthday party, Sierra? Does anyone else love Jordan as much as I do?

Thanks for reading! I appreciate all of you!

~ Hannah