one summer
two souls
is it possible?

how can this be wrong
if it feels so right?

July 4, 2014

How is it possible that so much of the summer has already slipped away?

Somehow, even with AJ in therapy, my grandfather dying of cancer, and Josh hundreds of miles away, this summer has been one of the best of my life. Emmalee, Collin and I have hung out almost every weekend, and I've been living in the moment, letting myself feel every surge of excitement.

Sam has sprung for all of the counselors to visit a local beach for the Fourth of July and we're happily lounging in the sand. I'm trying to tan, but my pale skin is reflecting sun rays rather than absorbing them. I'm sprawled out on a polka dotted beach blanket, a copy of The Help propped up in front of me. Collin has already made a teasing comment about how I never leave home without a book.

Emmalee is lying next to me, but rather than a book, she has lesson plans sprawled out before her and meticulously detailed to-do lists are being filled at breakneck speed.

"Em, just relax," I groan from next to her, adjusting my swimming suit to keep the sand from wedging itself in undesirable locations.

"I can't," she answers, her voice at higher pitch than normal, "student teaching starts in 42 days. What kind of student teacher would I be if I didn't everything planned ahead of time? I should have had these lesson plans completed before the summer even started!"

I recognize the familiar panic in her voice and roll onto my side to look at her. She's biting her tongue in concentration, her gel pen poised tautly over the page. Every page is color coordinated and written in perfect handwriting. I'm actually kind of jealous; her perfectionism makes me look like a lazy derelict in comparison.

"So you're going to spend our one day off of the entire summer lesson planning? At the beach?" My voice is incredulous. "Even I'm not that bad."

"I'm one semester away from all of my plans and dreams and hard work finally coming to fruition," she says, glancing at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"I know," I touch her arm reassuringly and feel her sprinting heartbeat. "I'm just saying that maybe you should live in the moment for once."

Josh would be so proud. He has always encouraged me to live in the moment, but would he still approve if he knew that living in the moment meant letting myself fall for someone other than him? Would he even care?

"Don't tell me you haven't thought about the future at all this summer," Emmalee says with a knowing smirk.

This is why Emmalee and I have become fast friends--we both have exact plans for our futures and nothing will get in our way. She is a terrifyingly accurate picture of who I may become by the end of my college career--driven, perfectionistic, and successful.

"Of course I've thought about it," I answer, but her comment makes me uncomfortable.

The truth is, I've been putting off thinking about the future. In the future, Grandpa might be dead. I'll be back at school with Josh. AJ will be done with therapy. I'll have to figure out when I'm going to graduate and what I'm going to do after that. Frankly, the future terrifies me.

"But you've been ignoring it?" she prods, and I cast her a glare that's supposed to be withering.

"The future is pretty petrifying." I sigh in exasperation. "I'd rather think about the present."

My eyes wander towards Collin where he sits chatting with a few of the other guys. I still can't say that I've figured him out, but I'm learning to accept the enigma. I don't really know much about his past, and I don't care too. For now, I'm interested but not invested, and I'd like to keep it that way; I don't have room for feelings for anyone but Josh. I know Collin leads a bit of a wild life--he's mentioned drinking, drugs, one night stands, and all sorts of things with which I have little experience, but what do I care what he does when I'm not around? He is a distraction, a diversion, an adventure, a risk. 

Now he sits with the other guys, shirt discarded and muscular upper body displayed for all to see and appreciate. His eyes wander to me and linger for a moment. When he sees me checking him out, a knowing, mesmeric smile grows across his face. My face reddens, and I jerk my head forward again. Subtle.

"No wonder you're thinking about the present," Emmalee says, watching the whole exchange, "when the present means Collin."

"Oh, shut up. He hasn't even said that he likes me." I complain, planting my face in my towel so she can't see me reddening.

"Are we in junior high?" She snorts. "Just go up and plant one on him. It'd get the message across, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind."

My face turns bright red at even the thought. I've never been able to handle anything casual; I get too emotionally invested in people. But I'm not invested in Collin. He's a friend--a friend who I happen to think is erudite, enthralling, and devastatingly attractive. He is excitement and mystery, not commitment or romance.

I'm so caught up in not looking at Collin that I don't realize he's standing above me, shadow enveloping me.

"Hey, Rachel Evans." His voice is low and charged with heat.

He always calls me by my full name, slowly as if he is savoring every letter, and it sends shivers down my back.

"Care for a swim?" he asks, one brash eyebrow cocked provocatively. 

I look up at the sharp lines of his all-too-handsome face. Not for the first time, I wonder, why me?  What about me has attracted his interest? As much as I relish his interest, it bewilders me.

"Uh, sure. I was going to finish this chapter, but..."

"Oh, put the book away," Emmalee cuts in, slamming my book shut and spraying sand around me. "Go swim with your boyfriend."

My face turns firecracker red, and I stubbornly leap to my feet. I nearly trip in the beach towel that has managed to tangle itself in my legs but I kick it to the side and sprint towards the water.  I hear Collin running behind me, and I pray that my behind isn't a mass of jiggling cellulite. When I reach the water, my plan is to run straight into it, but the freezing temperature of the waves makes me jump back with a shriek.

I fall backwards against Collin's chest, and his arms are instantly around my waist, righting me.  At his touch, exhilaration replaces the blood in my veins. The touch at my waist expands through my entire body in a spiderweb of sensation.

"Thanks," I whisper weakly as his hands linger on my waist.

"Anytime," he whispers against my neck from behind me.

All of my resolve to "put myself out there" and "live in the moment" vanishes when I look up at him and see the hunger in his gaze. It's not the sort of hunger that makes me want to put on a HAZMAT suit and curl up in my closet; it's the sort of hunger that demands to consume me.

His chest is against my back and his hands on my waist; everywhere he touches me, fire erupts. Before I can react, he bends down and lifts my feet from the ground. and I am swung into the air and hanging from his shoulder. He runs into the water with me as if I am as light as a feather and I'm squealing in protest. As he runs farther and farther into the waves, I wrap my arms around his neck for dear life and let lose a laugh that echoes across the lake.

When the water finally becomes too deep for him to run, we crash into the waves in a tangle of arms and legs. I laugh as Collin keeps his possessive grip around my waist and pulls me so we're standing again with little space between us. One of my hands has found its way to Collin's bicep as if it belongs there and I find myself mesmerized in the sparking pale green of his eyes.

I reach up to brush a wet strand of hair from my eyes, and he catches my hand, turning it palm up and tracing its lines deliberately.

"You're cute when you're uncomfortable," Collin comments, his eyes fastened on my face and his fingers etching patterns across my palm.

I am struck speechless by his touch, his gaze, his voice. His hands move to my waist, pulling me against him. I am powerless to resist him.

"I like you, Rachel Evans," he says, savoring every syllable.

In a moment that passes excruciatingly slowly, he lowers his head and kisses me. My arms latch around his neck, and I am instantly lost in the rapture of this feeling, of feeling wanted.

~~~~~

So...Collin or Josh? Collin just keeps moving up in my book. He's so different from Josh; he knows what he wants, and as this chapter evidences, he's not afraid to do what he needs to get it, not that Rachel's complaining.

Let me know what you think! Is there any chance this will last beyond the summer? Do you think they really like each other or is it just a passing attraction? 

Don't worry, there's more of Collin to come in future chapters! Thanks for reading, as always! Please, please vote and comment to let me know if you enjoyed it (or if you want to punch me in the face)! :)

~ Hannah