They say I'm not supposed to like a boy like you
that you're a kiss and forget kind of guy
but I can't escape the way you look at me
the way I feel when your eyes rest on me
if I'm not supposed to like a boy like you,
then why do you seep into my thoughts
and erode my determination
drawing me closer and closer to danger?

June 17, 2014

I was right to be concerned about Collin.

I am usually completely oblivious to guys showing interest in me. A guy liking me is about as common as a solar eclipse or Jordan wearing anything but yoga pants, and even if a guy does like me, I'm usually completely oblivious.  One time it took a proposal with a ring pop in third grade for me to finally realize my elementary school best friend liked me. However, I can't escape Collin's attention. He hasn't said anything, but I feel him watching me all the time--when I swing the jump rope or give a piggy back ride or take a five year old to the bathroom for the hundredth time.

His observation is disarming. I'm not used to being watched; I usually try to stay on the outskirts so I remain unseen, but Collin sees me. We talk a little every day, and he's texted me a few times to ask questions about camp. He's friendly with me and Emmalee but doesn't mix with the other counselors even though Sonia, my least favorite counselor, has pretty much thrown herself at him ever since the summer started. I can't blame her--Collin's hot, and I'm hot and bothered.

I don't know what to do about him. I could just walk up and yell at him to screw off, but I'm non-confrontational and I hate yelling. Plus, I'm not convinced that I want him to leave me alone. He's cute--blonde hair, hazel eyes, killer abs. He looks like someone I would ridicule on the front of a magazine. On top of that, he's smart, and that's always been my weakness. He's a Mathematics major with a 4.0 GPA and is already being contacted by PhD programs as a junior. As much as I hate to admit it, he intrigues me.

"Rachel!" Mom's voice shrieks up the stairs, and I jump, dropping the basket of laundry in my hands and cringing as a bra slides down the banister to the middle of the living room where Tommy is playing Playstation. Great.

"Yeah!"

"I'm headed to Dad's doctor's appointment. Warm up the lasagna in the fridge before you leave."

Yes, that's right. Tonight I'm going to the drive-ins with Emmalee, Collin, and all the other counselors. I wasn't going to go, but Emmalee has enough extroversion for the both of us and convinced me. I don't know why Collin's going, but anxiety fills me at the thought.

He scares me. Perhaps that's why I'm so thrown off. Most people fit into certain categories, but I can't quite figure him out, and I'd really like to.

I contemplated trying to dress cute, but I've ended up in jean shorts and a flannel. I've let my hair down from the tight bun it stays in for most of the summer; that's about as wild as I'm going to get. I texted Jordan about Collin and her only response was to tell me that he sounds hot and it's better than pining over Josh from afar.

She might have a point. Josh. I push him out of my thoughts as quickly as I can. He doesn't have any cell service at the ranch, so I won't hear from him until next semester. I need to keep him out of my thoughts as much as possible.

~~~~~

"Finding Nemo?" Collin scoffs.

Emmalee, Collin, and I are standing in front of the drive-in screen in shock.

"As if we don't watch enough children's movies as it is," I groan.

I can't believe I let my hair down for this. Emmalee, always the optimist, just smiles and throws a plaid blanket on the ground.

"Don't worry," she pipes, "I made cookies for the occasion."

"I'm in!" I respond and curl up on the blanket.

I pull out a crispy golden cookie and pop it in my mouth. "Ooo, snickerdoodles. You spoil me."

My voice is muffled by the cookie, and Emmalee and Collin laugh at me. Ten minutes into the movie, Emmalee falls asleep on the blanket, and I'm left relatively alone with Collin. Crap.

I say nothing but keep my eyes fastened on the screen as if I haven't already seen Finding Nemo at least 20 times. I am hyper aware of him sitting only a few feet away, and I can feel my body tensing at the proximity.

"So you like Finding Nemo that much?" Collin finally asks with a knowing smirk.

"Yep. I'm enjoying the, uh, sociological stratification of the marine world." Just when I thought I was overcoming my social awkwardness.

"Yeah, right," he answers with a low laugh, "I didn't know you were into sociology. Durkheim? Martineau?"

Crap. I took an intro to sociology class in high school, but I remember practically nothing, and Collin is intelligent enough to recognize my lie.

"Fine, you got me. I don't care about the movie, I'm just bored. How do you know about sociological theorists?"

I cock my head and look at him, still trying to figure out exactly who he is. He's smart--definitely my match when it comes to intelligence--and his observation is uncanny. He seems to recognize my quizzical stare, and he offers a brash, knowing grin.

"I thought about getting a minor in the humanities for a while but ended up in Mathematics. I still read as much as I can, however. When I'm not playing soccer," he adds.

Who is this guy?

"I read quite a bit too," I admit and then reach for the bag I brought with me. "In fact, I never leave home without a book. See?"

I pull out a copy of The Handmaid's Tale and display it with a giggle.

He laughs at me. "You're a nerd."

"Says the guy who just spouted sociological theory," I retort.

He laughs again lowly and his eyes train on me. I hope the fading twilight hides the heat in my features. His gaze makes me feel...fascinating.

"Rachel Evans." He says my name as if he is tasting every syllable, and I fight to keep my gaze away from his.

I can feel Collin's eyes on me, igniting heat wherever they rest, and finally I murmur, "what?"

"You're so..."I hold my breath, "wholesome."

Wholesome? I turn abruptly to glare at him. I shouldn't be surprised--I've always been seen as the goody two shoes, the one who doesn't get into trouble, is always home by curfew, and volunteers at the local library. I mean, they're not wrong, but I'm so much more than that. I shouldn't have expected someone like him to see anything else in me.

"Wholesome? Great. Thanks a lot." My sarcasm tastes bitter on my tongue.

"It wasn't insult," Collin responds, his gaze unperturbed, "just an observation."

"You seem to do a lot of observation," I mumble under my breath.

"I can't help it; you're interesting," he comments, and I turn abruptly to look at him.

Interesting. I've always wanted to be interesting, but I've been virtually ignored for so long that I've grown comfortable in my seeming mediocrity.

"Interesting?" I finally repeat.

"Interesting," Collin answers, smiling at me, "very much so."

I stutter for a moment, "uh...thanks. I guess I'll take that as a compliment."

I try to lace my statement with sarcasm but I regard him carefully as he answers, "you should."

My face reddens and I look away from him quickly. He laughs at my embarrassment, and I'm about to attempt some form of witty retort when Emmalee grumbles from beside me. I jump at her voice; I had honestly forgotten that she was here--or anyone else.

Collin. My fear is quickly dissipating as interest and delight replace it. His admiration disarms me, and I don't know how to defend myself against it. What is his aim? His lifestyle is so different from mine--he lives in a city, goes clubbing every night, is a soccer superstar. I am so dull in comparison, and yet he finds me interesting. Perhaps he sees in me something I cannot see in myself.

~~~~~

Well, dang, things are heating up quickly. What do you think of Collin? Anyone ready to ditch Josh and jump on Team Collin?

Any suspicions on what will happen next?