I can't believe I actually kissed him. Not even once, but TWICE!

I rubbed my temples as the background droning of my Maths teacher talking started giving me a minor headache. Everything that was happening so far this morning was too much for me to handle.

First off, hearing about my best friend losing her virginity with some a douche bag, hit me hard as if there is no tomorrow. I can't even fully comprehend as to what happened at that stupid party. Although maybe some part of me was just envious to why I didn't get invited. I shake my head at that thought. No I'm glad I didn't go to that party. It would have been a complete waste of time with people I barely knew just getting wasted.

However if I was at that party maybe I could have stopped Jane from talking to Connor or having sex with him. Wait a minute, what if they had already planned it. Jane did say she had a crush on him for a few months. No that can't be right? Can it.

It fully hit me!

Jane has been dating Connor for two months. If the party was on the 16th of August and we had two months of summer holidays that must have been the time when Jane and Connor started dating and talking.

Before the summer holidays had started, I don't ever recall Jane ever mentioning him, in fact I don't think she even liked Connor during then. Then what the hell could have possibly changed her mind?? That must have been the reason as to why she was so excited to have had slept with Connor. It's because she wasn't drunk or thinking irrationally... she was in love and ready. Why didn't she tell me? I don't understand... I'm sure she had reasons, maybe she was planning on telling me and didn't know how to. But, she's such a rational person. Sure she is quirky, energetic and very odd. However she's very practical and may be the only person I know who makes logical decisions and good choices.

Something is off though, how could she have had the time to get to know Connor? Unless...
No...She didn't?

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. All the times I had called her to go clothes shopping with me, or just to hang out as normal friends. She kept turning me down. Feeding me another long excuse after the other. Saying how she was feeling sick, or was on her period, her mother needing her help with something or she was at her Nan's house. Whenever she did talk on the phone to me, she sounded uncomfortable or uncertain as if something was bothering her.

Flashback one month ago

"Avril?" Aunt Lila asked giving a knock on my door.

"Yes come in." I stopped reading my book and placed my bookmark inside.

My Aunt stepped into my room and took one glance at me. I was sprawled on my bed with my book in hand, legs bent and reading front down. I rubbed my aching arms in order to make up for the hours of laying in an uncomfortable position holding my book down.

I yawned "What is it?"

"You!" She took my book away. Thank God I had placed my bookmark or else I would have lost my page.

"I don't understand?" I said confused.

She sighed. "Look outside! What do you see?"

I stretched my arms and stood up walking towards the window. "I see Jack the five year old boy from next door playing on his bike."

My Aunt walked out from behind and playfully hit my head. "I didn't literally mean look outside!" She said shaking her head in amusement. "What I was trying to say was look beyond."

What is she going on about? I thought. I did as she asked and tried to look beyond, however it's hard to see since I have no idea what I'm exactly looking for! I kept on looking out my window for a few more moments and still didn't understand what she was implying.

"I'm lost. Just tell me what it is your talking about or let me finish off my book!" My hands outreached for my book tucked away in Aunt Lila's arms.

"It's a beautiful day today! Look at how sunny and dazzling it looks!" She said smiling.

"Ok what is?" I looked at her.

"What's what?"

"Don't play dumb Aunt I know you want something from me." I said crossing my arms.

"Pfft what, me? Nah no way!"

"Oh really?" I asked not believing a single word she said.

"It's just a perfectly good day and it would be a shame to do nothing."

"Well I wasn't doing nothing!" I said eyeing my book, wondering how I was going to get it off her grasp.

"Yes I know you were reading! However don't let a perfectly good day go to waste." She patted my head.

I took my chance, I grabbed the book off her hands and held it tight against my chest.

She sighed. "What am I going to do with you?" She dropped to her knees and put up her hands in a praying motion.

"I am begging you! Please please leave the house for the next 10 hours!"

"What? Why!" I answered angrily.

She looked down timidly as if she could not bear for me to see her shame "I have a date coming over..."

I started to laugh

"Stop laughing!" She said getting back up on her feet.

"Haha Sorry I'm not...Aunt L you could have just told me, you know?" I said teasing her.

"I know, I know. But I just couldn't bring myself to say it..." she said quietly.

I suddenly felt really bad for laughing at her. After both my parents had died in a car accident, Aunt Lila had become my guardian for 2 years. Since then she had put all her focus and attention onto me, making sure I'm always well looked after and safe. I am her only niece and she has made some huge sacrifices in order to look after me. Such as quitting her part time job as a hairdresser to make time for me at home, or reducing the amount of time she goes out with friends. To be honest with you, I have rarely seen Aunt Lila having a social interaction with someone other than myself. Instead she now works at the local TESCO and had to quit her apprenticeship job from the Salon she used to work at. Not that she complains or anything. I just wished I wasn't much of a nuisance, though she has told me not to worry too much about it as her first priority is me.

Maybe going out on the date will boost Aunt Lila's confidence and self-esteem. It's the least I can do for her after the two years of parental torture she has gone through. Seriously she is the best Aunt ever to have helped me through all of my depressing stages and mood swings puberty hit me. She should get a gold medal...even that's not enough!

I hug my Aunt my eyes brimming with tears.

"Thank you...for everything!" I cried on her shoulder.

"Now what's this? Child please stop crying or else I'm going to start crying and you know when I start to cry I don't know how to stop!" She said laughing whilst holding onto me and hugging me back.

Aunt Lila was the first to break the hug as she smiled at me with her watery eyes. A tear slid down my cheek and she brushed it away gently.

"Avril I know you still miss your parents. I do too, I loved your mother dearly. She was my older sister. I-I miss her all the time. Sometimes I feel as though she is still here and is here with us. As if she is guiding me to help raise you up..." she said nervously laughing.

"I must sound stupi"-  she was broken off by my sudden hug to stop herself from talking nonsense and downgrading herself.

"It's going to be okay Auntie Lila. I feel the same way as you do... Mum and Dad will forever be with us in our home and our hearts. I'm just crying at what a wonderful Aunt I have! I don't deserve you..."

She laughs "And why would you say that?" She looks at me quizzically.

"Uhh well... I drive you mad! I never do the dishes when you ask me too. I never place my shoes in the shoe rack! I yell at you at most occasions for the ridiculous of reasons... I-I'm just not a good niece..."

"How could you say such a thing about yourself!" She looks at me confused.

"But I-"

She breaks me off  "Sure you drive me mad with anger. Yes you never do as you are told! Of course we always get into petty fights with no reason or cause as to why it happens! However... I'm glad your my niece! I'm happy I get to look after you! I'm grateful for your company! Do you know how lonely it was living  in a rented out flat for 3 months! It drove me mad with loneliness."

I stared at my Aunt gobsmacked. How did I never knew about this...? Does she really love me this much? Of course she does... she is my Aunt who was there for me when I was alone and lost. I guess we both looked out for each other in a strange way without even knowing...

"Aunt Lila"

"Hmm?"

"Go and get yourself ready for your date! I will call Jane and ask her if she would like to go clothes shopping with me." I'm sure she would love that very much, I thought smiling to myself.

"OH THANK YOU THANK YOU!" She gave me a tight hug, nearly suffocating me.

"I will get the house ready and you will stay out of the way!" She said winking at me. I gave her a laugh. "I wouldn't dream of it."

I have never been so open to my Aunt before and felt this huge weight of emotions off my shoulders.

"Thank you Mum..." I said whispering to myself.

I took out my phone and dialled Janes number. Excitement bubbling inside of me, making me very jittery.

Ring....Ring...Ring...Ring
She picks up on the fourth ring.

Avril: "Hey Jane it's Avril!"

Jane: "Oh... hi Avril how are you?"

That's strange I thought she would be happy to talk to me. It's been 3 weeks since I had last seen her or heard from her.

Avril: "Hey I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping with me!" I said excited.

Jane: (silence) I can't come today ."  Jane said bluntly.

Avril: "what? Why not." I said confused

I heard some whispered murmurs in the background.

Jane: "I'm sick." She finally replied.

Avril: "oh... do you want me to come over?"

Jane: "no no no it's fine! I will be okay!" She answered quite hurriedly.

Avril: oh right...ok well I'd better leave you be then." Disappointment clearly heard in my voice.

Jane: "bye."

Avril: "bye."

She hanged up.
—————————————-
What was that all about? I thought.

Aunt Lila walked in.

"Did you call Jane?" She asked.

"Uhh yeah I did..." my mind working through the conversation again.

"Well what did she say?" She said picking up a few of my clothes that were laying on the floor.

"She said I can come over." I replied faking a smile and hiding my hurt.

"Well that's great! Come downstairs when your done, as lunch is ready." She briskly walked out of my room.

I picked up my phone and dialled Nathan's number.

Ring Ring

Nathan: "Hey Avril! Long time no heard."

Avril: "Hey..." I replied unenthusiastically.

Nathan: "Are you okay?" His voice became soft and quiet spoken.

Avril: "Is...is it alright if I can come over your house for a few hours?" I said nervously.

Nathan: "Yeah sure...Has something happened?" He replied concerned.

Avril: "I will explain later"

Nathan: "Sure. Anyways, I will tell mum to make you your favourite dish.

Avril: "Thanks Nathan." I smiled at myself.

Nathan: "Anytime...Avril you do know I'm always here for you if you need anything." He said.

Avril: "I know." My phone shaking in my hands.

Nathan: "bye"

Avril: "bye"

I hanged up.
————————-
I laid back on my bed, my phone held tightly in my hands. I stared at the ceiling and closed my eyes.

Little did I know that would be the beginning to many phone call rejections soon to come.

Flashback ended...
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A/N:
What do you think of this chapter? Do you think Avril's theory may be correct about Jane and Connor dating during the Summer?

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Zara xxx