'tis the season of giving
so double update <3
happy holidays!

—

It was the girl from Walmart.

The pretty one, with all the freckles. She told me about how her boyfriend brought her flowers for the first date. Like how her boyfriend did to me. I wonder if he told her about me. If she knew how I made him feel.

I wonder if he painted me like the bad guy.

Her name was Shelby. It suited her. I finished off the shots tray and I felt my eyes struggling to stay open we we all lazed around the living room. Aubrey had long gone to bed and everyone else with kids retired for the night, leaving me, Erick, Phoebe, Carlos, the lesbian girl, Joey, and Dallas and Shelby.

Joey kept trying to talk to me and make moves, but I was 1. way too drunk and 2. way too preoccupied to entertain his advances. I stole long glances at Dallas from across the room, how close he sat to her and how he let her play with his fingers while they engaged in conversation.

How he looked unbothered.

Was I supposed to be unbothered?

"You wanna get out of here?" Joey asked.

I scowled, too drunk not to hide my distaste, and put my hands on my cheeks. "No," I said bitterly, ignoring the disappointed look on his face. I made eye contact with Dallas, the hairs on my arms sticking straight up. He looked at Joey, then back at me, before turning his attention back to Phoebe.

Air. I needed air. I stood up and almost face-planted into the TV stand. I was so sloppy, but I didn't really care.

"You okay, Meek?" Erick asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, uh," I slurred, glancing around at everyone who was watching me carefully. "I'll be right back."

I stumbled out of the room and towards the front door, barely grabbing one of my jackets on the way out. I pulled it on over my sweatshirt as soon as the cold hit my burning cheeks. I definitely overdid it and drank too much. Fuckin' pumpkin pudding shots.

There was a wooden bench on their front porch so I sat there while my head spun and tried to think about the situation. Nothing was making sense, everything was confusing.

At the point of my ass probably stuck frozen to the bench, the door opened. I hoped it was Erick or Carlos, but I knew better. The only person that would and shouldn't come check on me stepped out onto the porch, looking left first before seeing me huddled on the bench, my legs to my chest.

"Thomas," Dallas breathed.

"Hello," I said absently.

He stepped towards me. My eyes followed his every move, tried to calculate what he'd do next. It was hard to distinguish which was fantasy and which was reality. What I wished he'd do next versus what he'd realistically do.

"I didn't think you'd be here," he said after a beat.

I narrowed my eyes. "Why the hell not?"

He sat beside me, not nearly as close as he used to, and definitely not as close as he sat to Shelby. I scooted away pointedly, unsure of why I wanted to be petty, but doing so regardless.

"Well, Phoebe said you didn't show last year, so I just thought maybe you wouldn't," Dallas said, sitting calmly with his hands clasped together in his front pocket.

My heart was throbbing as I looked away. So he only came because he thought I wouldn't be here? He was avoiding me after all this time? I felt sick and willed myself not to throw up. Dallas sighed and said my name, so I looked up.

Blue. A chill ran down my spine.

"I'm sorry."

I shrugged, not backing down from the eye contact but neither putting up much of a fight. My vision was fifty percent blurred and I couldn't even think of a response to that. He touched my right hand that was holding my leg in place and I felt a fire ignite in place.

"You're freezing," he said, his voice a bit strained, and I looked away finally. Dallas stood, lingering near me. "Come on, let's go inside."

Though I wasn't sure I wanted to follow him anywhere, I was positive I would catch frostbite if I stayed out here any longer. As we walked in and crossed the threshold of the front entryway, nausea peaked in my stomach and I bolted to the bathroom, holding my mouth. Footsteps followed me and thankfully, it wasn't Dallas this time.

"Are you good, bro?" Carlos asked as I puked my stomach contents into the toilet bowl.

"No," I managed to say between wretches. I gripped the side of the ceramic toilet bowl, a sweat immediately forming on my forehead from the intensity of the heated household and sudden vomit. "Gotta go home."

He left the bathroom to relay the message and I could hear them figuring out who was going to take me home. I silently prayed that the Nice Guy™ in Dallas wouldn't volunteer to take me. I just couldn't handle it tonight. Once I was sure I was done throwing up, I flushed it down and leaned back against the bathtub. Someone entered the bathroom again.

"Meek?" Erick said. I looked up through bleary eyes. "Dallas wants to take you home." I cringed and dropped my head into my hands. I couldn't see, but I heard Erick sigh and open a drawer. The sink ran for a moment before he shut it off. "Here, lush, take this."

I held out a blind hand and he placed something wet and warm in my hand. My head shot up at the feeling, but relaxed when I saw it was just a wetted wash rag. I ran it over my face and mouth, trying to clean myself up after that disgusting export.

"Is that okay?" Erick asked. I glanced up. "If Dallas takes you."

No. "Okay."

He helped me up and I checked my appearance in the mirror, hardly able to see myself through the flickering behind my eyes. I looked a mess, so sloppy and miserable. That must be why he didn't want to come if I was here. Fuck. It's been two years. I was over it.

I was dressed in all of my jackets and given a very generous helping of leftovers. Eventually, I was gently shoved into the passenger's seat of my car and I felt the world spin around me.

"I'll text you when I'm done," I heard Dallas say and I opened my eyes. He was standing at the driver's side with the door open and I saw through the windshield that he was talking to Shelby. She was speaking, but I couldn't hear what she said. "I'm sure you can just hang around here and then come pick me up. Or you can just go home and I'll text you."

My throat went impossibly dryer when he leaned over and kissed her. I had to look away.

He got in the car and started it, cranking up the heat that I knew wouldn't even begin to work until he started driving. "Do you need to throw up again before we go?" he asked.

"No?"

"Oh. You're making a face," he said. I became aware of the disgusted expression I was holding without even realizing it. I dropped it and just stared forward. "We're going to your mom's house, right?"

I nodded and said, "Yes."

He tried to turn on the radio, which also didn't work until you started driving. That only happened in the winter when it was cold enough. I crossed my arms over my chest, tucking myself against the door. My eyes were closed and I could have fallen asleep if he didn't speak.

"Just like old times, huh?"

I mumbled an incoherent reply, unsure myself of what I even said. We both jumped when the radio kicked on, in some sick twist of fate, Rich Girl was on. Dallas chuckled to himself, turning the volume down a notch. The butterflies in my stomach were more like moths, disgustingly scraping their wings against my innards and curling me around their legs.

I wasn't sure how he knew the address. Probably Erick. But we pulled into my driveway not ten minutes later. I didn't doze off, just stared at the floorboards in disdain.

"I'm gonna help you inside," he said and unbuckled the both of us before he climbed out of the car. He circled around to my side. The nippy wind hit me as soon as he opened my door.

He tried to help me out of the car, but I slapped his hands away in my drunken stupor. I didn't look up to see his face, just stumbled out onto the pavement. I didn't wait for him and immediately walked up to the porch. He wasn't far behind, holding my leftovers in his hands, and handed me my keys.

I unlocked the door shakily. It was so warm inside, enough to violently shove off my jackets as fast as I could. They piled on the floor in a freezing heap, right next to my discarded shoes.

Dallas followed behind wordlessly, stopping in the kitchen to put my food in the fridge. I lingered at the start of the hallway until he was within eye shot, then started walking down to my room.

"Tommy?" I heard to my left. I glanced back at Dallas, squeezing my eyes shut and took a deep breath.

Damn it, Mom.